Without Sin

Disclaimer: Don't own 'em, just love 'em. Wish ta 'ell I worked for Kripke.

#

They tortured him for revenge, for all their kind he'd trapped and sent back. When they were tired of that, they tortured him because the life he'd led had stained his soul with sin. For that they had a right to. It's what they do. So, for the lives of the innocent that had died by his hands while under their possession they tortured him. For the scams and the lies that he used to get information that helped hunt them down. They plied their trade. For the women he'd lain with and left with no explanation, because he needed to, because it was all the comfort he could expect. They seared his soul. Even for the extra fries and the one too many greasy burgers-because it made them laugh that such a thing as hunger could be a sin. And then when there was no stain left to justify their torment they tortured him just to hear his screams.

Their greed to cause him agony and revel in his pain would be the road to their undoing.

#

For what seemed to be the millionth time Dean thought, "How long have I been here?"

He'd lost track if the days.

He knew once, when he first arrived.

When he still hoped for rescue, he'd counted the days then.

But now?

When did he stop hoping? He couldn't even remember that.

He forgave Sam.

Forgave him a long time ago.

Sam, he knew, would be hurting inside; tortured by his own demons of guilt.

He knew Sammy tried, he knew he did his best. And he was so proud of how his little brother had stood up to every evil sonofabitch and fought, scared shitless some of the time but never, never gave anything less than his all. And always tried to do what's right.

He felt his face tighten-what is that? Oh, I remember…-a smile.

Then sadness set in, his lip trembled. ' god I miss him!'

The worry soon followed; it always did when he thought of Sam.

How long could his little brother grieve for him before time mended his heart?

Before Sam gave up too… and moved on with his life. Dean hoped he would….

-Sooner rather than later. He forgave Sam.

He forgave Bobby too.

He'd put so much faith in the older man's knowledge of all things arcane that he'd counted on him as much if not more than his brother to find a way to get him outta here.

And he was angry when he hadn't.

Blamed him even.

But that wasn't right. He knew that now.

Bobby had been there for as long as Dean could remember. Always been gruff and crusty on the outside but Dean hadn't missed the glints of amusement that flickered in the man's eyes when even his own Dad couldn't see the humor in a situation.

"Always playing good cop to his Dad's bad cop and they'd both rode hard on us to keep us on the straight and narrow-to keep us safe."

He remembered countless times Bobby would drop everything and just show up whenever he or Sam placed a call to him, day or night, 24/7. His Dad hadn't been there for them like that; not like Bobby.

No, he'd always felt comfort in the older mans growl even when he was yelling and Dean could almost hear the gravely tones now as he thought once more of Bobby's voice.

Bobby's voice blending with Sam's as they chanted an exorcism, Dean could almost say the Latin along with them. What were the words again? They were almost on the tip of his memory: Domimae sanctum …..exhultatum…? Reusurectum? No, that's not right…what are they saying…I can hear their voices so clearly…just can't make… out the…words……

Suddenly his mind reeled and went blank. The light woke him, so bright that even with closed eyes he knew it was brighter than he'd seen in a long time and with a sudden gasp he fluttered his eyes open and he was awake.

His lungs hurt to breathe. His body felt heavy and cold. He coughed, mouth so dry. Every thing was blurry and he could feel hands under his head gently propping it up and the edge of a glass or cup pressed against his lips. Confused he thought,was this a trick? These weren't the scaly hands he'd come to know, the demons had never been gentle, never offered him drink. Even so he clamped his lips tight against the pressure of the rim, might be poison, might burn horribly down his throat.

Then a voice was right next to him, just above him, he could feel the puff of breath against his face as it spoke, "Dean, Dean you gotta drink man, just take a sip it's just water." And it keened, " God, Dean!" He felt the hand holding his head begin to shake, "Goooodddd your back! I gotcha, it's gonna be ok, just sip for me bro, just let it moisten your lips ok?" And then he felt the first teardrop splash on his cheek, and another on his nose, who would sob for me?

"Oh, maaaannn!"…The voice quavered in his ear. And then he felt the soft caress of hair across his cheek and the pressure of lips on his forehead, lips moistened with tears and he knew. He knew that scent it smelled like home and he knew that voice, "Sammy?" He didn't even recognize his own voice as it came out a dry croak, just above a whisper.

He tried to reach up to touch the blurry face hovering so close but his arms didn't work right and he nearly knocked the glass away.

"Lets git him propped up so he can drink proper" Said another voice nearby and he felt pairs of hands gently move his stiff, awkward body up to rest his back against a something soft and solid. "There that's better, his air passage will be open more, less choking" Said the older one. "Dean…. son…" The man's voice hitched and he suddenly had the sensation of large calloused hands holding each side of his face, "You made it this far, now I need cha to take a sip for your brother…can ya do that for me boy?" Dean blinked his eyes and squinted at the familiar grizzled face of Bobby.

That's when his own face crumbled, " kay", he said in a horse whisper. And now his own tears began to fall.

He was back! They got him out and he was back!

Bobby sat on the opposite edge of the bed and grabbed up Dean's hand ever so gently. "S'good to have ya back son…mighty good to have ya back" Bobby reached over with his other hand and Dean felt it squeeze his shoulder gently too. No sharp pain jolted through him where the hook had had pierced his flesh. Just Bobby's warm calloused hand on his oh so cold bare shoulder.

"I'm back, they're ok….we're ok." It was hard to keep his eyes open, even though the two people he wanted to see most in the world were right before him Dean felt his eyes close and his head slump, his neck suddenly too weak to hold it up and his chin thumped onto his chest. Sam put the glass of water down and stuffed another pillow behind his brother's neck then carefully eased Dean head back. He took a warmed wet cloth Bobby offered him and patted his brother's face with it.

Dean roused at the comfort of the touch; the warmth igniting sensation in his face and his lashes slowly bobbed open. He had so many pressing questions. "How'd you….how… long?"

Sam bit his lower lip; he was suddenly overwhelmed with guilt, and stopped moving the cloth on Dean's face. Dean squinted up at him trying to read the expression and that's when Sam cast his eyes down. "Dean, I'm so…so sorry." His voice sounded horse with emotion. "I tried everything I could…. we just kept running into walls" and Sam looked to Bobby with eyes beginning to tear. Bobby reached across Dean and put his hand on Sam's shoulder and said, "Your brother nearly went crazy with lack of sleep, I just about joined him till we run across this old text and it took us months to prepare the ritual."

Dean looked shocked and said, "Months?"

Sam choked the words out through trembling lips, "It's been seven months, man." And that's when Sam lost the fight to hold back his tears. "I'm… so…. Sorry!" He dropped to the side of the bed clutching Dean's hand.

Dean couldn't stand it, his little brother contorted with body wracking guilt so he instinctively reached out to comfort him and that's when Sam got up and wrapped his arms around Dean and just held on. Dean felt the trembling of Sam's huge frame through the arms that encircled him and heard the choked back sobs pressed against his ear. He felt so helpless just lying there unable to move, his brain still foggy but this was Sam pressed against him and he was hurt and he needed him real bad right now so Dean did what he always did he reached deep into himself and found the strength to make his arms return the hug- just barely.

Instantly he felt Sam's breathing become calmer. "It's ok Sammy…you're allowed." He said as he gently patted his little brother's giant frame and felt the relief flood into Sam when he heard his huge sigh.

They were quiet for a while, content in just comforting each other. Finally Sam pulled back, wiped the back of his hand across his eyes, cleared his throat and continued to answer Dean's question. "Neither of us knew how long it would take." He said indicating the older hunter now standing on the other side of Dean's bed.

Bobby gently sat down again and explained, "I sorta knew this woman who worked in Cryogenics through a job I did for her brother. I called in a favor. And there's this surgeon who's a friend to the Hunting community, he's the one we turn to when a lot of surgery has to be done but where there'd be too many questions in a regular hospital. He prepped you, got you all patched up so she could, well…uh..keep you on ice until we were ready."

Dean blinked a few more times as he tried to process what Bobby meant by "on ice."

"You mean I was frozen?"

Bobby flicked a quick glance to Sam because neither of them wanted to give Dean more of the gruesome details than they had to especially not knowing what condition his mind might be in.

Sam especially wanted this to go slower, let his brother get some rest; then as he asked they'd give him bits and pieces of the events. But Dean wanted to know now. So Sam answered, "Yeah, it was the safest, tried and true method to…uh…buy us time and still keep your…keep uh… you safe."

"Huh," Dean tilted his head to one side considering the thought; "s'cool just like Walt Disney" Then he nodded his appreciation.

Sam laughed out loud then even with the traces of tears still on his face. Dean never ceased to amaze him by summing up the impossible with a Pop culture reference. "Yeah…. just like Disney."

Dean was blown away by how many people had been in on this, strangers willing to loose their licenses, their jobs on the wild chance that he might, MIGHT, be brought back.

"Thanks for not giving up on me" he said to Bobby. The older hunter's lips pressed tight and he turned away for a moment as he cleared his throat several times. When he looked back at Dean there was fierceness in his eyes that Dean had only seen once before, when he'd told the man about the Deal the first time. "Boy, doncha know you're like a son to me? I barely had all I could do to keep it together and to keep your brother together so we could git this done." As Bobby's face fought to maintain control over the emotion between smile and grief his face finally settled on mock anger, "And if you EVER do a fool headed thing like this again I swear I'll kick your ass all the way to purgatory myself, do I make my self clear… ya idjit?"

Dean sat straighter under his old friends glare and replied, "Yessir"

"Now, drink some water for your brother!"

The first sip was sputtered back; Dean couldn't make his throat swallow. "Sorry, Sam I think I forgot how."

"S'ok, Dean" Sam said as he wiped his brothers chin. "Doc said it might take a while for your muscles to "remember" how to do so some of the small stuff. We'll just take it slow is all." Try again, just a sip"

And with concentrated effort Dean managed the smallest drop. The swallowing sensation felt alien but the cool moisture blessed his throat all the way down. He wondered about how many other 'simple' things his body was going to have to relearn…but pushed that thought aside.

"So Bobby, this ritual…you didn't have to kill anything for it did you?" Dean softly asked with a look of dread about the answer.

"Nah, but the ingredients were hard to come by, some of 'em I thought were extinct and the timing had to be just right, special phase of the moon and all. We started yesterday and…(eeeyawwn)" Bobby yawned mid sentence, "well, kept on through tonight."

Sam read the fatigue on the older hunter's face; he felt it too, but Bobby looked like he was wiped out.

Sam said, "Bobby I'd like to take the first watch, if you don't mind, why don't you get some rest and then spot me in five hours or so?"

Bobby, smirked at the youngest Winchester, he knew full well when he was being eased out but these boys needed time to reintroduce themselves with each other and now was as good a time as any. "Your right Sam, I'm beat," and he gave Dean's leg a gentle slap on top of the covers as he stood up from the bed saying to him, "don't let him keep you up too long you need your rest too ya know."

Bobby walked over to Sam and gave him a couple of pats on the shoulder and said, "Five hours, make sure you wake me you need your rest too."

"Kay Bobby," Sam smiled sleepily back and added, "Thanks man".

"I'll make sure he does." Dean smiled weakly.

And Bobby huffed his reply as he shook his head and turned toward his room.

Sam turned back to Dean and looked into his brother's eyes, eyes that now returned his gaze and sparkled with life once more. He couldn't help but reach out and cup his brother's cheek with his giant hand. "Man, it is so good to have you back!"

That sparkle turned to a smirk and Dean hoarsely whispered, "You're not fixin to give me a kiss again are you?"

Sam pulled his hand away, "Shut up…jerk."

"Hey, at least you could buy me dinner first" Dean teased.

Sam raised his eyebrows and said, "Do you think you could handle some beef bullion?"

Dean couldn't even tell right now if he was hungry but said, "'Spose it's the closest thing to a burger you've got huh?"

"Do you really think you can take on solid food right now?" Sam asked.

Dean thought a moment. "No, but the whole clear broth thing is weak Sam".

"You're weak, your whole body is just waking up Dean, the systems haven't been used in a while and we don't want to tax them until you're up to full speed."

Dean made a small face and said, "Can I at least have a piece of toast too?"

"How 'bout a few crackers?"

Dean's voice sounded a little defeated but he said, "Alright nurse Ratchet"

While Sam was in the kitchen Dean stared at the ceiling and thought I wonder how long it will take and decided to assess what he could do. I wonder if I can sit up, maybe try to walk.

That's when he realized he was naked under the layers of blankets.

OOO-Kay… well lets just try and move the legs and Dean's first attempt failed. It was like there was a disconnect from his head to his legs. Right, too much too soon, lets just see if I can wiggle M' toes. For a minute no response for either foot then the right and then the left big toe jerked. Dean let out a pent up sigh; it was loud enough for Sam to hear from the kitchen and he came running in to see what happened.

"Dean –you all right?" he asked in panic.

"M'fine Sam I was just trying to move my legs and they don't work so good yet, but I can wiggle my toes so that's gotta be good.

"Were you trying to get outta bed?"

"What! No, well, yes I just wanted to move. I haven't been able to move around for so long I just wanted to stand, feel what it was like again." Dean's voice ended in a whisper.

Sam saw the haunted look that appeared on his brother's face for a moment… and then it was gone. He didn't want to think about which memory of Hell had just caused it. But it pinched his heart.

"Well don't. You need to get up you call me over and we'll get you up but don't try anything yourself for a while." Sam softly scolded.

"OK, ok" Dean conceded. And to Sam's back Dean mumbled, " its not like I'd go far anyway…Bitch."

"I heard that…Jerk" Sam said from the kitchen. And Dean could hear the smile in his brother's voice even as he said it.

Ok, I can't move the legs yet but I can move m'arms… a little. Dean continued with his mobility inventory. He tried to open and close his hands. He could do that if he moved slow and concentrated. Can I make a fist? He tried but found the strength just wasn't there yet for a tight clench. OK, not yet, things seem to be coming online at different times. Then he had a frightened thought, how bad were the scars that the Doc left, when he did his 'patch job'. It took all Dean's effort to maneuver his unresponsive hands to grip the blankets and for his weak arms to lift them up for him to see.

Just then Sam walked in with the soup and wasn't prepared for the sight that met his eyes.

"Uh, Dean did you have an accident?" he nervously asked.

"NO Sam, I'm checkin for freezer burn," Dean snapped and then his voice softened, "No, I just wanted to see the damage left and I gotta tell you that Doc is a freaking artist! There's hardly any scar left at all!" He looked up at Sam with that radiant smile.

Sam stood holding the tray his mind reeling with the memory of that night.

Oh, there had been damage.

The Hound had shredded Dean's chest and broken through the rib cage. Just about every organ in his torso had been lacerated and his brother had died of massive blood loss in his arms. When they got the body to the Doc they had been told he could put everything back together and that Dean would look whole but the damage was so great the Doc couldn't guarantee anything would ever work right again. They'd said just do it, figuring first things first, make the body whole, keep it intact and let the magic sort out the rest once the soul was back in place. But the Doc warned them that with the extensive needlework that had been done Dean would be scared for life, if he ever had life again.

So Sam couldn't understand Dean's cheerfulness over what Sam knew to be ugly, scar marred flesh. Until Dean discretely pulled the blankets down and what Sam saw nearly made him drop the tray.

His brother's chest was pink and perfect; his abdomen had only the finest tracery of light scars upon it.

Sam felt the blood rush from his face and without taking his eyes off Dean's displayed stomach said shakily, "Ye-ah, the Doc does… Good. Work."

"You're right there!" Dean enthused, "I don't think the ladies will mind the new additions to the collection at all, Huh? Now are you gonna give me the soup. Or am I supposed to just smell it from here to get nourishment- I think I could eat."

"Sure Dean," Sam said setting the tray on the nightstand. "Why don't I hold it for you and let you sip?"

"Yeah, you're probably right, be a shame to spoil the Docs hard work with a third degree burn."

So they sat, Sam on the edge of the bed holding the mug up to Dean's lips and Dean taking the first tentative sips of food his body had had in months. After awhile the swallowing reflex became smoother and Dean was able to wash down a few crackers too.

As his throat became bathed in warm broth and the brothers talked of friends past and present Dean's voice began to come back to its familiar low velvet . He'd finished about ¾ of the mug when he said he was thirsty for water. And that was just the break Sam was waiting for.

Sam noted that the demon trap tattoo was still intact on his brother's chest but even so after the seven months Dean's soul spent in Hell he knew he had to test his brother for any lingering demonic influences. Especially in the light of Dean's recovery, which was happening way too fast to be normal.

The Doc had outlined a recovery rate much slower than this, some areas months, some areas years if ever and Dean's body movements, his eye focus, and the healing of his scars were way off the scale.

So Sam slipped a shot of holy water into the glass of water he brought to his brother. When he returned from the kitchen Sam sat back down on the bed beside Dean and raised the glass up to his brother's trusting, waiting lips. Could he go through this? If anything still clung to his brother from the Pit one sip would cause Dean's lips to burn. Could he hold the glass while his brother was harmed by the contents?

And then he realized that is just what Dean would want him to do.

"Sam?" Dean asked, "Could you bring the rim a little closer to m'lips?"

"Uh, Yeah, sorry man" Sam held the cup still and braced for Dean's screams.

Dean took a sip and made a face, "huh, tastes sweet" he looked up to Sam quizzically. "You feeding me some fancy assed designer water Sam 'cause we can't afford it, just plain tap water'd be fine".

Sam was taken by surprise by the reaction. 'Sweet?' Since when had any anything evil said Holy water tasted sweet? A human can't taste the difference from plain H2O. Whatever was wrong with his brother the clue was in the Holy water tasting sweet. His mind raced through the long, long list of supernatural creatures they'd encountered and he could not think of any that would think Holy water was sweet.

"Just fresh from the tap, maybe Bobby's got spring water or somthin." Sam stalled. And he made note to call Missouri to come over and do a reading on his brother first thing to see if she could pick up on anything.

"It's not bad just sweeter than I expected is all," Dean answered, "give me another sip wouldja?"

Sam pressed the rim against his brother's lips and watched as Dean sipped. Dean had his eyes closed as he swallowed and Sam noted that his brother's thick lashes looked even darker against the paleness of his skin. Skin so pale that even the fine smattering of light freckles stood out more than Sam remembered. And then it happened Dean's skin seemed to develop a shine almost a glow and Sam watched in mystified horror as light began to emanate from his brother.

Sam jumped pulling the glass away from his brother's lips and Dean's eyes flew open at the sudden movement. What he saw was a look of fear on Sam's face. He watched as Sam slowly stood up from the bed and took a step back. Dean noted the shadows in the room were all wrong, it was like there was this way too bright lamp on and everything was cast in stark detail especially the scared look on Sam's face. But where was the light coming from?

Dean looked to the left and then to the right then something bright on the bed caught his eye –it was his arms-they were glowing! He brought his hands up to his face and all around his flesh was this radiant light. His eyes flew open in fear and he looked up to Sam's frightened face and his brother slowly nodded 'it's you!' back at him.

"SAM?!" Yelled Dean holding his arms out in front of himself. "What's happening!?"

"I don't know," Sam yelled back. "It started after you drank the Holy water."

Dean scowled at his brother, "You spiked my drink with Holy water and you didn't tell me?"

"Dean, I had to be sure," Sam ran his hand nervously through his long locks, "you'd been gone for seven months and you're recovery rate is through the roof, I mean your healing right in front of my eyes!"

Dean looked back at his glowing arms and hands and up at his spooked brother and felt his shoulders slump. "You did the right thing Sam."

"Dean.."

"No, Sammy you did the right thing, I'da done the same. I mean look at me I look like a freakin' 'Light Brite' peg for God's sake. No you did good." And Dean lowered his hands back into his lap.

Sam moved closer to the bed, concern-replacing fear on his face. "How does it… feel?"

"Well, it doesn't burn, thank goodness, in fact there's really no sensation at all." Dean looked up to meet Sam's eyes knowing his own were full of questions. "D'ya suppose it was the Holy water that did this?"

Sam sat back down on the bed beside his brother and said helplessly, "Gee, I don't know, we're in totally uncharted territory here. I don't now what to expect."

"Hellava bedside manner Doc," Dean huffed and shook his head.

Sam asked, "So what do we do?"

Dean smirked bitterly and snarked, "Well, we could probably turn off some of the lights in this room while we wait…hey, do ya suppose this is where the saying. " He lit up the room with his smile got started?" and Dean grinned at his brother.

"Jerk" said Sam.

"Better wake Bobby and let him see this maybe he's read something about…some phenomena that causes people to become human glow sticks."

"Right." And Sam hurried to wake Bobby.

Bobby was still rubbing the sleep out of his eyes as Sam recounted the events that led up to Dean's…complication. But he stopped in his tracks when he saw the boy. "Good Lord!"

"You can just call me Dean," Said the bed-ridden Winchester.

Sam rolled his eyes.

Bobby just scowled. "Are you hurtin?"

"No, doesn't feel like anything different I'm… just…glowing!"

Bobby walked over to the bed and made to pull the covers down when Dean grabbed his hand. Bobby's growl was all business as he said, "Don't go all shy on me now boy, I need to see how extensive this thing is." It was tough for him to see the look of fear and defiance on the young man's face as Dean stayed his hand. But it was worse to see Dean drop his eyes in defeat as he let go.

"Don't worry princess I'll be gentle" Bobby teased.

"Bite me" Dean said softly back.

Bobby eased the covers back and inwardly gasped when he saw the virtually healed skin of Dean's chest and abdomen. He glanced up at Sam and Sam nodded once that he'd already seen. As Bobby continued uncovering the man it was apparent that every square inch of him was bathed in a soft light that seemed to come from within.

Bobby eased the blankets back up like a man with way too much on his mind and silently began to tuck Dean in again. When he was done he stood beside the bed holding his wrist, the one Dean had grabbed moments before. It felt warmer than normal and the arthritic pain that had plagued him for years as a hunter was gone.

Never breaking the eye contact he held with Dean he spoke to his bother, "Sam, get Missouri on the line I think we need to have her expertise on this."

And Sam glanced at his brother and to Bobby and left the room to make the call.

Dean pulled the blankets up higher as a slow blush began to put color in his cheeks. "You're not 'flashing' me at Missouri, man!"

Bobby eased himself back on to the edge of the bed and in a much softer voice said, "No, she's not comin' out here to see your out side son, she's gonna be too busy seein what's go'in on with your inside" And he gently tapped Dean on the forehead and on the chest.

Dean swallowed a couple of times and eased his grip on the covers. And Bobby continued.

"Now, from what I can tell there ain't a lot of bad omens showin' here. But you're healin' up real fast and…" Bobby gestured with a wave of his hands, "this ain't normal"

"Right not like: 'died', in Hell for seven months, and been raised from the dead normal." Dean groused.

Bobby sighed and put his hand on the top of the covers of Dean's leg. "We're just coverin' all our bases here."

Sam brought in a chair from the kitchen and sat beside Dean's bed as Bobby addressed both of them. "I don't think we're lookin' at anything evil here." He was absent-mindedly rubbing the wrist Dean had touched.

The gesture was no lost on Dean and who said, "I didn't hurt you when I grabbed you did I, 'cause I didn't mean to Bobby."

Bobby smiled at him and said, "Naw, You're too weak right now to put a dent in this ol'hide, fact is my wrist never felt better. Sam gimme three hours more shut eye ok then come git me so I can take the next watch. And try not to over excite your brother."

Sam looked at Bobby helplessly and said, "Sure, see you in three" And Bobby headed back to his room a little slower and more pensive than last time.

Sam looked at Dean and said, " Uh, be good to see Missouri again."

"I dunno, I don't think she took to me so much."

"What the coffee table thing?"

"Yeah, and the clean up this and fetch that thing. It was like she was always ridin hard on me on purpose. Like you were always her favorite."

"Well, she did call me her shining Star."

Yeah, well, at least now you won't be the only 'bright' Winchester in the family…Bitch."

"Jerk."

#

Missouri arrived fore noon the next day and per arrangement she'd brought back up.

His name was Father Michelson but everyone at the mission called him Father Mick. He had investigated miracles for the church but had since been re- assigned to work with the most troubled of the street community in Lawrence, Kansas. At the Mission he'd met Missouri who'd been a long time staff member and because of his 'discreet' nature Missouri had 'acquainted' him with other Hunters.

While he'd be the first to admit his Vatican training had never fully prepared him for the kind of troubles those Hunters sought answers for; the results of their team work had him firmly convinced that a higher power had made him available to them. And that the timing was preordaned so that they could work together during the plague of evil that had befallen the world of late.

On the plane Missouri had filled him in on background information about the boys, the events surrounding their Mother's death, her own knowledge of their late father and Dean's recent decent and return from Hell. The Father couldn't help but feel a little bit excited and a little bit scared at what he was about to walk into as they climbed the porch steps to Bobby's place.

Missouri pressed the buzzer and a few moments later a tired looking middle-aged man with a grizzled beard and sporting an old baseball cap swung the door open.

"Missouri?" The man took his cap off and extended his hand in greeting, "It's good to finally meet you face to face."

She smiled and held on to his hand a few minutes longer looking (he thought) right through him.

"You're a good, good man Bobby Singer," She said with confidence and a smile in her voice. She turned to the man beside her and introduced them "This here is the Father that I spoke of. Father Michelson meet Bobby Singer."

The priest held out his hand and said, "You can call me Father Mick Mr. Singer."

"Bobby'd be just fine Father Mick," the older hunter replied. "Come on in, Sam and Dean are in the back bedroom. Dean's just beginning move about with some help, hasn't taken solid food yet though, but he's been asking for it."

"That boy'd eat you out of house and home if you'd let him" Missouri added. "But he'd always wait until Sam had his fill before he'd tuck in. Been carin' for his little brother all his life like that." She informed the priest.

They came into the living room where Sam was helping his big brother get around. They were struck by the sight. A tall, strong looking man supporting a shorter, solid looking man with decidedly pale almost iridescent skin. Each step the shorter one took a lesson in concentration and each step the taller one took a testimony to the patience and love he had for the man that leaned on him.

Bobby cleared his throat and the two men stopped in their tracks and looked toward him. The shorter man tried to stand a little straighter and the taller man adjusted his hold to let him.

"Missouri!" they both said in unison.

"Now, now don't stand on my account" she fussed at them, "Dean you let your brother find a comfortable chair for you, that is if you are able to sit awhile."

"Yes, Ma'me." Dean said and shot Sam a look.

Sam was beginning to grin but the 'look' made him change it to a small smile and he helped Dean over to Bobby's sittin' chair. Bobby had gone into the kitchen and brought out chairs for he and Sam to sit on while directing Father Mick and Missouri to the couch.

You could tell Dean was on edge by the way he tried to sit up straighter and by the way his eyes kept darting between Missouri and the man with her.

"Dean this here is Father Mick he's here to back up my reading on you today."

Dean smiled and nodded at the clergyman, "Padre." But however civil they were going to play it Dean felt like some kind of freak being on display like this. He understood why they had to test him for 'soundness' as he put it but he'd always been a private person and this scrutiny he was going to endure was not making him happy in the least. Brave face time, put it on tight, and then he had a thought that shook him even more, maybe just this once if there was any potential that he was a danger to Sammy he should just…be himself. Ha! That would be a first.

Missouri approached him and he looked up warily. Then he sighed, he had to know and all the brave face strength drained out of him. "Missouri, tell me what you see, I need to know if there's anything…anything not right, anyway I could be a danger…"

Sam interrupted, "Dean No, stop it…just… you've been through..Uh, more than anyone one I know… for me man. You're ok…" his voice starting to crack.

Missouri put her hands on either side of Dean's upturned face and closed her eyes. She began to hum a tuneless drone to concentrate. And Dean didn't take his worried eyes off her face silently waiting for her verdict. As he listened to the tune she hummed he felt his lids become heavy and soon they closed; that was when the pallor in his skin began to fill with the faintest sheen of light.

Father Mick was standing slightly behind her and he blinked a few times to make sure he was seeing this. Then he slowly moved around the seated man and the medium.

Although Dean's light show was not as spectacular as it was the night before there was no mistaking that the phenomena was still present.

"Dean?" Missouri intoned. "I need you to be strong for me boy, 'cause what I'm about to ask is going to be very hard for you. I need you to show me where you were two nights ago; can you do that for me? It's real important. Now, feel my hands on your face, I got you and I'm not letting go. Let your minds eye see the place you were Dean, show me what you see."

Sam turned to Bobby in panic. "She's not!? You can't let her do that, we just got him back! Bobby, what if he can't handle it? It's too soon!"

Bobby looked from Sam to the tableau before him of Missouri regressing Dean and the circling Priest. But the Father held up a hand to ease them then nodded to Missouri and Dean.

The older hunter sighed deeply and said, "Sam you gotta trust that they won't let any harm come to him."

"But how do they KNOW Bobby? How many men have come back from Hell and been sent right back the next day and lived to tell about it?!" Sam's voice rose as he began to stand and stop this thing that, as far as he could tell, would permanently scar Dean for life.

But he froze as the first scream began.

It came from Missouri and not Dean. She stood there her body beginning to writhe and she screamed over and over again. "SAM!! SAMMMMMYYYYY!! NOOoooooooooo, gahhhhhhhhh!!

Her voice changed again and it was not human.

"Wellllll, no more sin to burn away, we had a bet going that it would have taken millenia not months to purge your soul of all our best work. What are you made of Teflon? Sin doesn't cling easy to your hide does it? But no matter we've got all the time left in eternity. So we'll just have to get…creative. What'dyah say Dean shall we take it from the top and just start over?

Her voice went back to her own as Dean's screams, "SAAAAMMMMYYY!! AAGGHHhhhggg!"

And then became inhuman again, " Thataboy, you're in good voice today!"

And with his eyes still closed Dean spoke for the first time since the trance was upon him, "I forgive you Sam, god I miss you! I forgive you Bobby; you've always been there for me. For me and Sam. Can almost hear your voice, Latin…can't make the words out…Dominea..Resurectum…." and suddenly Dean sucked in a huge breath, his eyes opened wide with fear and he glanced about the room wildly.

Missouri slumped away from him and Father Mick caught her before she slipped to the floor. It was over the reading was complete.

#

Father Mick was handing the cup of strong tea to Missouri who sat on the couch still shaky from the experience of walking around inside Dean's memories of the past two days.

She took a long sip, swallowed and looked over at the older Winchester who looked small sitting all wrapped up in a quilt his brother had provided. Sam stood protectively by his side his hand wresting on Dean's shoulder.

Father Mick asked her, "Missouri what were your impressions?"

"Father, that boy's been someplace. Someplace built of the stuff of nightmares."

And she leveled her gaze upon Dean. "Boy, what you went through; the pain, alllll the torment, it was not for nothin'. Because your soul's clean now. Shiny as a new penny. And I suspect the way you were brought back..." and she glared at Bobby (who Dean swore he saw flinch) To Father Mack she said "Well, 'Born again' doesn't even begin to cover it! They side stepped original sin to boot!" The Father raised his eyebrows and looked appraisingly at Dean.

She looked back at Dean and spoke softly now with unmistakable reverence in her voice, "Child, that soul of yours, there is not a mar nor patch of sin upon it!" And she fanned herself and took another big sip of that strong tea.

Dean looked confused, "So, I'm not tainted, not gonna turn evil?"

"Missouri laughed as if he's told a joke, "Evil? Son, I bet you could bless water if you had a mind to!"

Dean's face registered his perplexion and he looked up to Sam, "What does that mean?"

Sam and Bobby asked her at the same time, "He's without Sin?"

And Father Mick interjected, "From what Missouri perceived he may be in an elevated state of grace. Blank stares answered him back, "due to the removal of his past life's sin and his being' born' through, uh, a resurrection of sorts instead of the natural birth process. So yes theoretically he could probably bless water."

Three men silently exchanged glances.

"Dean I have one test I'd like you to perform for me and then we can be sure if you have any lingering side effects from your…unusual status."

The priest drew out a small silver tube with ornate designs and a screw off cap and tapped some yellow powder on to the coffee table. He asked Bobby to get two glasses of tap water.

"Dean I want you to stir your finger in one of the glasses."

Dean shrugged and dipped his finger into the glass Bobby put toward him and swirled it around.

Explaining that the powder was sulfur from a recent known demonic occurrence. Father Mick asked Bobby to sprinkle some of the water from the glass that Dean did not touch onto the powder.

Nothing happened.

"Now, Bobby could you sprinkle the sulfur with the water 'blessed' by Dean?"

As soon as the first drop hit the powder a Hiss and smoke began to rise. The water that Dean touched had turned to Holy Water.

All eyes focused on the smoke from the disappearing sulfur. And when Dean looked up he found four people staring at him like they'd never seen him before in their lives.

It was awful, if he could have jumped up and run away he would have. Even Bobby, even….SAM… looked at him different. And he felt hot tears sting his eyes. He hadn't asked for this! This alien reaction from the people he loved. He just wanted to be home, to get better. Not this, this was too big after…after what he'd been through. This was a spiritual torture of another kind, because the weight of responsibility was crushing him and he wasn't strong enough yet, he couldn't even on his best day be strong enough for this.

Sam moved to closer to the chair when he saw Dean's first tear well up and fall. He put his arm across Dean's shoulder and said softly to their guests, "It's been a long day and I think …you should go now."

Bobby took the hint, the Winchesters had closed ranks and the show was over.

And stood up as he began to usher their visitors out, "Uh, Father, Missouri I'm sure you want to get back to the motel and rest, uh, we'll talk tomorrow if it's all right."

With barely suppressed excitement in his voice Father Mick shook Bobby's hand, "Of course you all need your rest, Thank you so much for allowing us to enter your home during this trying time. We can go over any questions you might have tomorrow."

Then he stepped up to Dean and knelt down putting his hands gently on the tired mans knees. "Just know this, Dean, you've gained, in the hardest way imaginable, a very, very precious gift and you must be on constant guard to preserve it. One misstep, one fall- if you let sin into your life again in any form your state of grace will be over and the powerful weapon against evil you've been given for the war we are all fighting will be lost. As hard as it is to bear, it is a gift, a very precious gift." Then the priest stood up and nodded to Missouri.

The words the Father had said to him made his head swim he didn't feel any different; weak, tired but that was to be expected but he certainly didn't feel Holy! What is that supposed to feel like anyway?

When Missouri came over to say goodnight he looked up at herand she had the most heartbreaking sadness in her eyes- for him! It wasn't just pity it was the sorrow for what he went through, and damn it, for what he was going to have to face yet. She knew, he could see it in her eyes.

She reached out and gently caressed his cheek like his mom had when he was hurt or scared, "Now, child I know this is all hard for you to take in. You need time to let your body heal, to get used to be' in back in this world. But I know how strong you are, and I know the Good Lord wouldn't trust this to anyone He didn't already know could handle it. You keep your faith. You keep the love you have in your heart strong, it's what seen you this far an' I 'suspect it's gonna carry you through." She cupped his face in her hands and gave him a soft kiss on his forehead. Then she turned to go with Father Mick.

Sam and he watched them leave.

Then Dean shook his head. "That was Bullshit Sam," he growled.

Sam spun his head around at the anger he heard in his brother's voice. Dean was almost shaking with suppressed rage.

"I dunno Dean the water did turn blessed." He tried but failed to sound convincing.

"I dunno 'bout that either. But all that talk of sin. What exactly was that about, HUH?" Said Dean exasperatedly.

Bobby walked in then and added his two cents, "It means you stay away from temptation boy."

Sam and Dean looked at each other.

Dean rolled his eyes, "Yeah, like that's gonna work. I'm not a freakin' Monk prayin in some cloistered monastery. I live and work on the streets. I kill things, I work hard and I play hard. Ok, maybe I have a few indulgences but I earned 'em!

Sam hadn't even processed it that far. But Dean was three steps ahead of them and he was scared, scared that he couldn't live up to what was being asked of him. He could see the panic behind the anger, the fear behind the rage in Dean's voice. Hadn't his brother already paid enough from what he'd gone through, couldn't he just let this cup pass by, why was it always Dean that had to sacrifice?

Sam said, "No ones asking you to live in a monastery…."

"Oh yeah right, well next time we go into a bar and a cute waitress shows interest…oh right, we won't be going into any bars from now on." And Dean glared at the two of them.

Bobby threw up his hands, "Look at you, you can barely get to the bathroom without help and you're already worried about turning down some…"

"Whore, skank, loose woman!!" Dean supplied.

"Dude, some of them were probably nice girls before they met you." Sam said fighting to keep his face straight.

"Cha, this would be a piece of cake for you celibacy boy but I've never pretended to be anything but 100…"

"Horn dog- we know." Sam said crossing his arms.

Dean gave him the death look then his demeanor changed, like the wind had all gone out of his sails and he sat there looking so much younger and lost.

"S'not fair", he said softly, "I just got back from Hell."

Please review