Death Note: A Divine Comedy

Disclaimer: If I owned Death Note, this wouldn't be a fanfic, now would it?

AN: Leave reviews or I'll write your name in my DS-the next-generation Death Note! You can also use reviews to make suggestions. Maybe you'd even like to suggest they be forced to act out one of your own fics? It would be free advertising and a chance to really join in the fun! : P No one guessed the narrator, much to my surprise. Though, admittedly, few people actually bothered to guess. It's actually really easy, if you look at the context. Come on, folks-show that you have what it takes to be the next L! Thanks to all those who reviewed-20 reviews for the first chapter? Man, this must be a great fic! I hope everyone remembers to include their favorite parts, since I love reading them. I hadn't planned to start working on the next chapter so soon, as I'm busy working on my novels, but since it's so popular, I couldn't help it. And to those of you waiting for me to update my other fics, I'll try to get updates up soon! I've been busy offline…writing other fanfics…_

Chapter Two

The Beginning of the End, Sometimes Oneshot Can Kill You

In the last chapter, Light Yagami found himself in "Mu", land of the dead…

There, he was greeted by his enemy and rival, L, whose death he himself had overseen.

It was not long before Light realized that he had been killed, a fact he was not happy about.

But there was more.

For the sins he had committed in his life, Light would have to atone.

And the method of his atonement would be putting on plays for the gods,

Light was horrified.

The scripts for these plays-fanfics-were something he never could have foreseen.

Had he been able to, perhaps he never would have become Kira.

For these simple writings were far more deadly than the Death Notes he'd lightly used.

Now, let the show begin…

Light let out a cry of frustration. After learning of his fate, he'd spent the next few hours trying to find some way out of Mu. L had pointed out it was futile, but the fallen god just couldn't accept that. He was Kira, wasn't he? He'd wielded the power of a Shinigami and been worshipped by people all over the human world. And now, to be stuck in a place like this, with the man he hated more than anything in the world, and forced to humiliate himself…that, he just couldn't handle.

Slamming his fist into a wall his mind had conveniently conjured up, Light growled, "I'd rather die than be stuck in this hell!"

L looked up at him from where he was crouched over some cake on the floor. "Isn't dying how you wound up here in the first place?"

Light glared at him. He wondered what would happen if he attempted to strangle the irritating detective. L just went back to eating his cake, seemingly unbothered by the fearsome look he was being given.

Suddenly, behind him, a familiar face materialized. Letting out a surprised cry, Light backed away instinctively.

"Oh, just great…" he muttered, once he realized who it was.

Looking behind him, L raised his hand in greeting. "Ah, Watari-it's been a long time. What brings you here?"

"I've come to bring you the script for your first performance." the man said seriously, no different in death than he had been in life. He handed a white notebook to L, then started to fade away again.

"Hold on a minute!" Light said suddenly. "How come you don't have to do this? Raising a bunch of psycho orphans has got to be a sin, right?"

His expression not changing, Watari replied. "Oh, it very much is considered a sin, which is why I am able to appear before you here. But I work as a sort of butler to the gods now, since there would be no point in me receiving a punishment like yours."

"Why not?" It irritated Light that one of his enemies could get away with not having to go through this.

"Because nobody ever writes fanfiction about me." Watari stated plainly, before starting to fade once more. "If that is all…"

Light couldn't believe it. So now he was being punished for being popular?

"Wait a minute-that doesn't make any sense! How come you're here, then?" Light pointed accusingly at the crouched man. "You spent your whole life hidden away from the world! There's no way you're as popular as me!"

"Don't be so quick to jump to conclusions, Light." L replied, stabbing a strawberry with his fork. "I'm eccentric and mysterious, which statistics show is what fifty percent of this age's female population is into."

Though he was almost afraid to ask, Light had to know. "And the other fifty percent?"

"Self-absorbed mass-murderers, apparently."

Light glared at him. L delicately opened the notebook and studied it in silence, before passing it on to the other man. No more than five minutes into begrudgingly reading it, the protesting began anew.

"There's absolutely no way! I refuse to do this!"

As stoic as ever, L looked up at him. "What is it you don't want to do?"

"Are you kidding me?" Light shoved the open notebook in his face and pointed at the last part. "This!"

Swatting the notebook away, L stood up. "Aren't you overreacting, Light? Surely you've done this kind of thing with Miss Amane before?"

"That's not the point!" Light wasn't sure if the detective was screwing around with him or actually didn't get it. "You're a guy! And I despise you!"

"Didn't you also despise Miss Amane?" L asked, stirring more sugar into his tea.

Unable to say anything to this, Light just glared at him some more. Much to his further annoyance, L chuckled.

"If you keep glaring like that, your face might freeze that way."

"Just shut up."

Suddenly, another person started to shift into view. It was a young woman with long black hair and an empty expression. Light felt that she looked familiar, but he couldn't quite place where he'd seen her before.

L apparently remembered, as he greeted her after a brief glance in her direction. "Nice to see you again, Miss Naomi."

"Are you ready to begin?" the woman asked sullenly, not looking at either one of them. "If you keep the gods waiting, they will get angry and banish you to the…place."

"Don't tell me you're in this scene too?" Light didn't really care about her, but he'd just as soon not humiliate himself in front of any more people than necessary.

"I'm the director. Unlike you two, I never sinned." There was no emotion to her words-it was just as if she were stating a simple fact that didn't interest her at all.

L leaned a bit closer to Light, who flinched away instinctively. Before he could say anything, the man whispered: "They tried putting her in these plays in a supporting role, but she had trouble because everyone wrote her with a personality."

"Are you ready to begin?" Naomi asked again.

Light gritted his teeth. He didn't want to do this. The idea of doing that with the man he hated most… No, he shouldn't think of it like that. L was right-it was no different than what he had done with Misa. There was no love. It wasn't something he enjoyed. All it was…was doing what he had to do for the sake of his goals. Until he figured out how to get out of this place, he just had to play along.

"Fine" he said, forcing the irritation from his face. "Let's get started."

The story started out realistically enough. Light and L had just begun working together, and they weren't getting along. It was actually refreshing for Light to relive being Kira and secretly plotting to kill L, while pretending to help him with his investigation. And he greatly enjoyed getting into a shouting match with him when he was "falsely" accused of being Kira. What he didn't like, however, was the way the confrontation ended.

There he was, pinned against the wall by L, looking into those eyes he couldn't stand. According to the story, this was the part where he was supposed to be confusingly attracted to his nemesis. But as their lips crashed together in the "heat of passion", he felt only horror. It was as if someone had punched him in the stomach, and he kind of wished that were the case.

"Cut." Naomi said blankly, walking away from them as the set they were on disappeared.

"You mean my wrists?" Light said sarcastically, after pushing L away.

The older man playfully bit his thumb, smiling deviously. "According to the script, you secretly enjoyed it." Light scoffed. "Well, at least you didn't faint just before the kiss, like the last five times."

Feeling his cheeks redden slightly with embarrassment, Light glared at him. "I swear, the next time I get ahold of a Death Note, the people who write these deranged stories will be the first to go."

"Near? What are you doing?" Rester asked, walking over to where the white-haired teen was staring hypnotically at the screen of one of the SPK's smaller computers.

"Just doing some reading." he answered, not looking up.

"Oh, god, it's not those stories about you and Mello again, is it?"

"No." Near smirked. "Just checking to see if anyone reviewed the story I wrote."