CatB: Again, it has been wayyyy too long since I've updated, and again, I apologize. Enjoy this juicy, er, I mean, random thing!

Note: 'Paper Dork' is that guy is hits on Susan in the Prince Caspian film. In case you were wondering. XD I'm not sure he's present in the books, but I could be completely wrong. Also, character's POV is in italics, everyone else gets normal text. Just a reminder.

WARNING: I haven't put these before, but just in case: This is a crackfic. So it is random and weird. This chapter contains hints of incest. I am not responsible for any scarring (mental OR physical) that may occur as a result of reading this fic. You have been warned.

DISCLAIMER: Chronicles of Narnia is not mine. I've gotten over it and so should you.

Edmund's POV

Well. Today's been an…interesting day, to say the least: Caspian flung himself off a cliff (I'm still unsure as to the exact reason why), Lucy learned where babies come from, and Peter totally busted Susan for her "secret" relationship with Paper Dork.

As far as the whole Caspian thing goes, I'm not too worried. He's a strong fellow, and I'm sure my brother is taking good care of him. (That may or may not be a euphemism for something else…)

Poor Luce, though. She seems really upset about something. I'm guessing it has something to do with Peter's description of sex, it was rather upsetting. But I don't know why she would cry about it.

Susan's holding up pretty well, considering she has just about zero dignity left now. I mean, Paper Dork, really? Of all the people to be in a secret relationship with…

"Hey, Susan!"

"Go away, Edmund."

"Soooooo, how are you and Paper Dork doing these days?" Ha, she's blushing like crazy. She could be mistaken for a lobster at this point.

"Shut up."

Like hell I will. "Make me."

"Edmund, I am your older sister! FEAR ME."

"No, I won't!" I stick my tongue out at her for good measure.

"Edmund, keep your tongue in your mouth unless you want it chopped off!"

"You won't, you won't!" I do love making her mad.

"Don't test me."

Oooh, I'm SO scared. "Come at me, bro!"

"EDMUND!"

Crap. She's running at me with a sword! "Susan, put Caspian's sword down, now!"

"Make me!"

Using my own words against me, how cruel. "Okay…"

"Edmund?"

"Yes?"

"For the love of all that is holy, please stop kissing me!"

"What? I wasn't kissing you, I was just making sure your mouth stayed closed…with my mouth."

Oh, look, it's Lucy!...and she's crying again.

"Lucy, what's wrong? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Susan. What are you and Edmund doing?"

"Oh, you know, having a nice talk about, um, swords."

"Lucy, are you sure you're alright? You look terrible."

"I'm just…argh, I'm having girl problems."

Uh-oh. "LALALALA I CAN'T HEAR WHAT YOU'RE SAYING."

"Edmund! It's nothing like that, it's just…you see, there's a boy…"

"A boy?"

"It's me, isn't it? It's okay, Lucy, I understand. I am a fine, strapping young lad, I know."

"Edmund, be quiet! I want to hear allllll about Lucy's boy."

"Well, that's just the thing, isn't it? He's not mine. He never will be mine. He's found someone else to be happy with!"

"Oh, Lucy, you poor thing!"

"Well, Lucy, that sucks and all, but if you ever need someone, I am riiiiiiiiiiiight here."

"….creep."

"Oh, right, call me the creep. I'm not the on carrying on a secret relationship with an awkward, paper-reading dork!"

"Susan, what's he talking about?"

"Nothing, dear. Nothing at all."

"You're blushing! OUT WITH IT."

Haha, Lucy's now threatening Susan with that little dagger of hers. Now Susan has to tell her. Wonderful.

"W-well, Luce, uh, you know Ash? Well, he's kind of-we've kind of been…together."

"Who, Paper Dork? AHAHAHAHAHA."

"Why does everyone think this is so funny?"

"Uh, because it is?"

"Shut up, Edmund."

"Make me."

"Edmund, I am your older sister! FEAR ME. Wait, didn't we already do this?"

"What? Oh, yeah…"

CatB: Let me know how that was! I hope I did an okay job picking up with this after so many months!