"Tibby?" Bailey said it quietly, savouring the feel of it. She was sitting on Tibby's bed, watching her frown over her computer, working on her movie.
"Yeah?" Tibby was impatient, distracted. She wasn't getting anywhere with the movie, and added to that she was fighting with Carmen. She wasn't in the mood to talk. Bailey decided not to say anything. After a minute, Tibby turned around. "What?"

She was annoyed, now, it was obvious and Bailey didn't want to say what she'd been going to. She looked down at the floor instead, wishing as she had before that she had Pants like Tibby's that would give her courage and strength.
"Fine," Tibby said dismissively, turning back to the computer. "Don't talk to me."

The silence stretched out as Bailey stayed sitting on Tibby's bed. Tibby was making noises of frustration as she moved scenes around and around. Bailey could see what Tibby was doing wrong, but she didn't want to point it out. After all, it was not her project, as she'd been told so many times.

At last Tibby made one last angry noise and turned away from the computer, standing up.
"This is stupid," she said, half to Bailey and half to herself. "This whole thing is stupid." Bailey said nothing. The whole thing?

"Tibby," she said, a minute later, after Tibby had stomped over to her closet to find something more comfortable to wear.
"Yeah?" Tibby actually turned around this time. Bailey hesitated. She had too many things to say. She felt like she could say anything to Tibby, all the things she couldn't say around her mother or her doctors because she had to look like she was strong. There were too many things Bailey wasn't strong about, so she seized the nearest thought and threw the words out of her mouth so they couldn't escape.
"I'm never going to have a boyfriend," was what came out of her mouth.

Tibby blinked, surprised, all annoyance melting away as she came over and sat on the bed next to Bailey.
"Probably not," she said honestly and Bailey felt like hugging her for not pretending that everything was going to be ok. They were quiet.
"I'm never going to have my first kiss," Bailey said, after a minute. She knew she sounded ridiculous. She was dying for God's sake and here she was, thinking about kissing boys. What was wrong with her?

"It isn't that great, you know," Tibby said and Bailey had to remind herself what they were talking about. She twisted around to look up at Tibby in surprise.
"It isn't? You mean…"
"Last summer." Tibby's voice was quiet. "I went out with this boy from school because he was the only one who noticed me. Turned out he was just interested in getting into my pants." It was obvious Tibby was trying not to sound bitter about this. "But anyway. The kissing part? It wasn't that great. He stuck his tongue so far down my throat I almost choked on it." Bailey couldn't help but laugh at this.
"Seriously?"
"Seriously. It was disgusting."

Giving Bailey's shoulder a comforting, if somewhat awkward squeeze, Tibby went back over to her closet, taking out the polo shirt she'd been aiming for before. Apparently without regard for the girl on her bed, she pulled off the tighter fitting top she'd been wearing and Bailey's breath caught in her throat as she stared at the new skin exposed. She turned her eyes away, her cheeks flushing.
"Sorry," Tibby said quickly, turning away and tugging the shirt over her head. "I forgot you're not Carmen or Lena or Bee. We've known each other so long we don't even care anymore."

Amid the glow that rose up inside of her when she was compared to Tibby's three perfect friends, Bailey suddenly wondered what it would be like to kiss Tibby. She shoved the thought away immediately but it forced its way back in as Tibby went over to Mimi's cage to feed her.

Kissing Tibby would be different to kissing a boy, Bailey knew. If she kissed a boy it would be awkward, sloppy. His tongue would invade her and his hands would travel over places she didn't want them to go. With Tibby, it would be different; it would be soft, gentle. Bailey would press her lips to Tibby's, their arms entwined, hands holding each other close and somehow that would be enough; satisfaction without the need to go further. Kissing a boy would be just for the experience and Bailey would be glad when she stepped away. With Tibby, it would mean something.

Mimi fed and happy, Tibby returned to the computer, sitting on the chair and opening one of the scenes of the movie.
"Can I help?" Bailey asked, pushing thoughts of kissing Tibby out of her mind. "I think I know what to do."
"Sure," Tibby shrugged. "It's not like I'm getting anywhere anyway."

Bailey went to the computer and leant over it, awkwardly reaching for the mouse and keyboard.
"Here, you can sit on me if you want," Tibby said. "You're light anyway." Bailey looked at her, surprised, and then sat down and reached for the mouse.
"See, you've gotta…" She turned around and stopped short, her previous thoughts flooding back in as she realised how close she was to Tibby's face. Her eyes flicked from Tibby's lips to her eyes and for a second she thought maybe she could screw up her courage and kiss her.

The doorbell rang, and the moment passed.

Bailey got up to let Tibby go to the door, but Tibby didn't move.
"Are you ok?" she asked.
"Yeah," Bailey said shortly. "I just – my head hurts, that's all." Sometimes being a dying kid was a good thing. People believed you when you invented pains to get out of things. Tibby was no different. She nodded.
"Ok. That'll be Carmen down there. Can you set up the camera while I bring her up?"
"Sure," Bailey nodded, looking everywhere but at Tibby. "Sure."

She composed herself while Tibby was downstairs. By the time she came back with a grumpy Carmen, Bailey was herself again, sitting behind the camera ready to ask Cameron about her dad.

When the interview was over she left without saying a word, letting Tibby comfort her friend.

The next time she saw Tibby she was in hospital and Tibby was scared. Bailey was scared too. She didn't have much time, and there was no time left to kiss Tibby.