Chapter Seven- Crossing the Fine Line

Rod set the phone down on his bedside table and lethargically slumped off his bed onto the floor.

He had just gotten off the phone with Ricky. He felt like such an asshole. Breaking up over the phone? What a pathetic, immature thing to do. But it was better than leading him on, living a lie. He shouldn't be dating anyone until he got over Nicky... But how could he ever do that? He'd been trying to for years, how much longer would it take? Maybe Christmas Eve was right...

No! He wouldn't burden Nicky with his unwanted affection. At least he had the privilege of being in Nicky's presence. And that should be enough... Right?

He heard a knock on the door. Shit. Nicky! Rod quickly hopped back onto bed in what he hoped was a casual position, and began fussing with his hair.

"Come in!" He called, poorly masking his nervousness.

'Why should I care so much, anyway? I swear, every time he enters a room I start acting like a horny schoolgirl!' Rod thought to himself, immediately regretting he had done so, as mental images of Nicky in mini skirt began popping up in his mind. As Rod attempted to purge his brain, Nicky came in and sat down on his own bed. He didn't have any idea what to say or do. He may have been fairly open about his feelings for a guy, but he was dreadfully inexperienced at dramatic, climactic confessions of love. Just looking over at Rod made his heart beat faster. Why hadn't he noticed how cute he was before? Well, he had, but it had never affected him like this.

They sat there, Nicky lost in his own thoughts, Rod trying to block his, in silence. Rod felt the need to leave the room; he couldn't stand being near Nicky in his present state. Rod was about to get up, when Nicky broke the silence.

"Rod, do you trust me?" Nicky asked, leaning back and staring at the ceiling. Rod was startled by the serious nature of Nicky's enquiry. He was usually so casual.

"Of course, Nicky." Rod replied, hesitantly.

"And you know that I trust you, right?"

Rod felt a painful pang of guilt.

'You shouldn't. All the sick, twisted things I've been thinking about you, and you're completely oblivious and loyal.' Rod thought, completely disgusted with himself.

"Yeah." Rod finally responded, feeling as though he was stabbing Nicky in the back simply by saying it.

"And you know the most important thing to me is your happiness?"

Rod was utterly shocked. Could he really mean that? Nicky was so good to him! He began to feel sick, wondering if Nicky would still say that if he knew his secret.

"Rod?" Nicky was deeply worried that he had not responded.

"Yes?"

"It is... Really." Nicky looked over at him, longingly.

Rod looked back, a pained expression on his face. He wanted to tell Nicky just how much he meant to him, how he'd gladly die for him, but the words died in his throat.

"Nicky... I-... I don't know what to say. I... want the same for you, really. That's so..." Why was it so damn hard? What could he say without going too far?

"And Rod, you know that no matter what, I'll always stay with you, unless you don't want me too?" Nicky asked. He was sort of stalling, now. He hoped he was doing this right.

Rod was on the verge of tears, now. He really wasn't worthy to be Nicky's friend at all.

"Do you want me to leave?" Nicky hadn't originally intended to mention it, but he needed to hear Rod tell him he wanted him to stay. If he could, then maybe...

"No! No, but.. I... Well, the most important thing to me is that you're happy, and... I think I could only ruin that, for you." Rod looked away, despairingly.

"How could you ever do that?! Rod, I'm more happy with you than with anyone else, I-" But Nicky couldn't say it. He was trying, but... Rod looked so hurt. Was he doing that to Rod? He couldn't bear it. Rod obviously didn't love him. Christmas Eve was wrong, she had misinterpreted-

No. Christmas Eve had told him Rod would push him away. She told him Rod would never make the first move. He had to be brave. He looked back at Rod, who had gotten up, and was starting towards the door. He quickly got up after him and stepped behind him. Nicky squeezed his eyes shut, terrified, and hugged Rod from behind. Rod gasped, loudly.

"Eh- Nicky, what?... What are you doing?!" Rod turned red, his previous melancholy forgotten due to the feeling of Nicky's arms around his waist. Nicky was in turn distracted by the view of Rod's delicately curved back.

'Rod's so much prettier than a girl...' Nicky thought dumbly, blushing. 'Alright, be romantic. Be romantic...' Nicky tried to get his thoughts together and resist the powerful urge to slide his hands down onto Rod's hips.

'Say it, say it!' his brain was yelling at him. Rod, on the other hand, was caught between wondering whether this was a normal thing for friends to do and trying to come up with an excuse to leave the room to calm himself down.

"Uh, I have to go start dinner!" Rod blurted lamely, breaking free from Nicky's grasp.

'Smooth, Nicky. Real effing smooth.' Nicky inwardly kicked himself.

"Um, wait, Rod-" Nicky reached out to Rod, who slipped on a stray issue of MAD Nicky had carelessly left lying on the floor as he turned to face him. Nicky clumsily lurched forward to catch him. Rod shut his eyes, bracing himself to hit the floor, when he felt something across his lower back. Rod cautiously opened his eyes to find his face inches from Nicky's own. Nicky was leaning over him, gently supporting him in his arms. They had stumbled into a perfect dip. Nicky was smiling his charmingly lopsided signature grin at him. Rod opened his mouth, searching desperately for words to get him out of this awkward situation, but finding none. Nicky was obscenely irresistible. He couldn't fight the thoughts that came, now. Nicky's smile disappeared. He was quietly observing Rod. He looked so defenseless and innocent. Perfect. Every pore in Nicky's body was screaming, now, 'Kiss him, kiss him!' But he didn't want to force himself on Rod.

"Um... Would like it if I...um... Kissed you?" Nicky couldn 't believe what he was saying.

Rod's eyes went wide. "I- I- Uh-" He couldn't form a coherent sentence.

"Then, you wouldn't?" Nicky asked, sounding almost desperate.

"No! No! I-" Rod tried to pick the right words, completely bewildered. Was Nicky...?

"You mean you would?"

"Are you?!... You would like to?"

"...Yes. Unless you don't want me too." Nicky replied, obviously embarrassed.

"If I wanted to, you'd want to? You mean to say you want to, but you won't unless I tell you I want-"

"You're really cute, when you get all flustered like that, y'know? Now just close your eyes so I can do this right, okay?"

"... You really want to?"

Before Rod could protest anymore, Nicky closed the distance between them. He kissed him gently, full on the lips. Rod was obviously in denial, and unsure of how to respond. Was any of this real? Did Nicky really want to kiss him? Nicky pulled away, and frowned.

"Am I doing this wrong?" Nicky asked, apprehensively.

"You really want to?"

"Yes I want to! More than anything else in the world I want to! But apparently, you don't want me to, so I'm sorry to have wasted your time!" Nicky yelled, angry and hurt, letting go of Rod, who fell to the floor. He scrambled up, and glared at Nicky.

"You think I don't want to?!" Rod shouted back. "You can't even fathom how much I want to! I've been wanting to since the first time I met you! Your head would explode, if you even began to comprehend how much I want to!"

"I want to more!"

"That's not fair! You don't know how much I want to!" Rod retorted.

"Oh yeah?! Prove it!"

Rod aggressively tackled Nicky onto his bed. He could see the fire in Rod's amber orbs as he crouched, catlike over him, his back arched. Their eyes locked. Suddenly, the anger disappeared from Rod's face.

"Oh my God. Nicky. I.. I just... Oh my God." The actions he had just taken seemed to hit him at that moment, his face flushed. Nicky took advantage of Rod's temporary paralysis to switch positions with him. Rod's usually slick hair had been mussed by the activity, and was spread out across the pillow his head rested on. Nicky carefully removed Rod's glasses. He looked down at Rod, blushing and delicate below him.

"Rod, I meant to tell you..." He took a deep breath, "I love you. I love that annoying little laugh you do when you're nervous, and I love the way you cock your left eyebrow, I love when you make catty remarks about how I dress. I love your totally effeminate walk, and when you talk in your sleep, and when you start singing show tunes to yourself when you think I'm not in the room-"

"I talk in my sleep?" Rod asked timidly, thinking of his almost constant dreams of Nicky.

"Well, gee, Rod, it's not like I just confessed my undying love for you or anything," Nicky sarcastically responded.

"What do I say?" Rod ignored his roommate's obvious irritation.

"Say? Oh, you didn't say anything. You moaned."

"I what?!"

"My name. You really moaned it, like I was... Well, you know..." Nicky blushed, this time.

"Oh. My. God."

"Well, you don't have to be embarrassed, I mean I... liked it." Now he grinned. "Would you do it again?"

Rod smiled back now, cocking his eyebrow. "Make me." And Nicky kissed him. Rod kissed back this time, furiously. Nicky was surprised, but not unpleasantly so. He'd never seen Rod so passionate before. His tongue was doing a skillfully intricate dance with his own, but somehow Nicky found it easy to follow. Finally Rod pulled away, breathless.

"Wow." Was all Nicky could muster. He feveredly unbuttoned Rod's shirt, cast it aside, and began getting to work on Rod's pants. They were fairly easy; Rod was so thin his clothes were often a bit baggy on him. He was beautiful. Pale and smooth, his hip bones jutting out exquisitely. Nicky felt his jeans becoming uncomfortably tight, but fortunately, Rod seemed equally frustrated with Nicky's pants, and began fumbling with the buttons, finding the usually simple task nearly impossible.

"I love you, Nicky, but I really fucking hate your clothes! And not for the usual reasons, either."

"Sorry Rod." Nicky graciously removed the offensive fabric for him.

"Better?" Nicky asked self-consciously.

"Perfect." Rod fell back, exhausted from his efforts. Nicky kissed him on the neck, and began working his way down.

"Nicky," Rod moaned loudly. It was even better than he remembered. It was easily the best thing Nicky had ever heard, in fact. Nicky had never been particularly fond of his own name, but the way Rod said it... He could have listened to it forever.

"Nicky, you know what I -... Oh that's the spot... Yes.. YES!... love about... Oh SWEET SUFFERING JESUS, YES!.. I love your button nose, and-... Nicky! Oh, Nicky, Nicky, NICKY!... How you can make any unbearable situation completely... Uhn... Nicky... Completely enjoyable just by being there... and...mmmphh...yes...YES! NICKY! YOU'RE A GOD IN HUMAN FORM! I CAN'T REMEMBER WHAT I WAS SAYING, BUT I'LL TELL YOU LATER, JUST DON'T STOP!"

--

When Nicky had finished, Rod lay his head against Nicky with a dazed, insanely happy expression

"I love you, Nicky..." Rod dreamily mumbled. At this point, his hair was in complete disarray, a wild mess of jagged ginger peaks and curls.

"I think this is a good look for you..." observed Nicky, curling his finger around a stray fiery lock. "Maybe instead of slicking it back, we should just do this every morning." Nicky grinned.

"I love you, Nicky..." Was all Rod could muster as he nuzzled his head into Nicky's chest.

"I know." Nicky sighed contentedly, rubbing his hands up and down Rod's back.

"Well, now that we're both being totally honest... I always wondered... Was there a reason you were constantly dropping your pencil in front of me in high school and then stepping back and watching me?"

"If you noticed I was doing it, then why did you still bend over and pick it up?"

"I dunno, I always figured it was some sort of weird trust thing. Like you were trying to test me or something... Now I feel cheap."

"Nicky, you just gave me a blowjob, and you feel cheap because I used to come up with excuses to look at your ass?" Rod was clearly trying not to laugh.

"Alright, it's my turn, now." Rod looked him up and down. "You said you weren't gay."

"So did you. You also said you had a girlfriend who lives in Canada. Alberta, was it? And, just so you know, I will go over there and kick her non-existent ass."

"Why?"

"Well, you said she cooks like your mother and sucks like a Hoover... How can I compete?"

"You're jealous of a fictional character I came up with in a split second to hide my obvious homosexuality? Speaking of which, is my walk really effeminate?"

"Rod, you sway your hips."

"I thought you said you loved it."

"I do." Nicky sighed, seductively.

"That reminds me; I never got to finish my list of things I love about you. I hope you're not tired, because this could take awhile."

"No, I'm not. Will it be punctuated by loud groaning noises this time?"

"You say you're not tired?"

"Not a bit." Nicky winked.

"Alright, if you're sure," Rod flipped over and lay on his stomach, "Start reminding me, then."

--

Fin.