Terror at Malfoy Manor

Rating: PG

Summary: Ron and Draco decide to go camping... with horrifying results.

Warning: Slash

Disclaimer: We do not own Harry Potter, it belongs to J.K. Rowling.

A/N: This is written by both of us (Freddie and Georgia). It's pure crack, so please don't take it seriously. For full effect, read it with a low, whispery sort of voice in your mind... somewhat like a soap opera.

"Shh! Did you hear that!?" Draco gasped, shifting closer to Ron.

"It's out there!" Ron whispered, pulling Draco close.

Draco stared at the side of the tent with wide eyes, looking for any silhouette of movement from outside the tent. "How did it find us?" He whimpered.

They huddled close together in the darkness; the only light in their tent was the light from one dimly burning lantern. They should have known camping was a horrible idea. Now there was something out there, hunting them. Only time would tell if they should fall prey to its lust for blood.

Something rustled right outside the tent. "We're going to die!" Ron moaned, burying his face in Draco's neck.

"No, I won't let that happen!" Draco said firmly, sliding out of Ron's embrace and pulling out his wand. "As soon as it gets close enough, I want you to open the tent. I'll run out and shoot some sparks to distract it... I just hope that will be enough."

"No, you can't!" Ron cried, crawling after Draco and wrapping his arms around him from behind. "You can't leave me here! I need you!"

Draco turned around in Ron's embrace, slipping his arms tightly around Ron's trembling form. "Then we'll die here together. A life without you isn't a life at all."

"Oh, Draco," Ron moaned, crushing his lips to Draco's. Draco's lips parted under Ron's and their tongues wound together feverishly, knowing this kiss could be one of their last.

They gasped and broke apart as a small twig snapped in the distance. Ron stared warily at the shadow crossing ominously across the side of the tent, and clutched Draco closer to him.

"It's here," Ron whispered.

Draco followed Ron's gaze, gasping loudly when he saw the silhouette of the horror that paced just outside their tent. "Well, this is it then," he said sombrely.

"Quick, kiss me before it's too late!" Ron cried.

Their lips slammed together once again, and they fell sideways onto the floor of the tent, kissing each other desperately. These were truly their final moments, and they had to make the best of them.

"Oh, Ron, I love you," Draco whispered passionately, "I just wanted to tell you before-"

"Don't talk like that," Ron interrupted, placing a silencing finger over Draco's lips. "I love you. And I'll tell you that again in the morning... and the morning after that."

Draco moaned plaintively and pressed his lips to Ron's again, smothering him with kisses that promised something more... if they survived.

They reluctantly parted, slowly sitting back up – but never releasing their hold on one another.

"Come, it's now or never," Draco said fiercely, tightening his hold on his wand. He pulled away, facing the front of the tent bravely.

Ron started to reach for his wand, his face set with grim determination, when a sudden, louder snap outside of the tent made him freeze with fear.

"What was that!?" Draco hissed, stumbling backwards toward Ron again. "No, I'm serious, what was that?"

"I- I don't know!" Ron sputtered, grabbing for Draco.

Loud, heavy footsteps pierced the silence, growing steadily closer. Ron and Draco clung to each other in fear, watching as a large silhouette loomed over the entrance to their tent. Their arms tightened around each other, becoming almost smothering.

They stared wide-eyed at the shadow. To their horror, the tent slowly began to unzip. All bravery forgotten, they began screaming – high pitched, unabashed screams.

They kept their eyes glued to the zipper – the one thing that protected them from the evils outside – and now it was slowly opening, exposing them to the unknown. Slowly, slowly, it opened; a terrifying eternity to the two scared boys huddled up in the tent. And then...

"MOTHER!" Draco shrieked.

"Oh, hi sweetie," she said gleefully, poking her head inside the tent. Ron and Draco instantly jumped away from each other. "Are you two okay? I heard screaming..."

"Yes, Mother, we're fine." Draco snapped, crossing his arms indignantly.

"Your Father wanted to know what you were doing out here in the backyard."

"It's the wilderness!" Ron cried at the same time Draco said, "It's the orchard, actually." They paused and stared at each other, then Draco continued, "We're camping."

"Oh," she said, nodding in motherly understanding. "Well, why were you screaming?"

"We're being hunted," Draco said tightly, shifting uncomfortably.

Ron blushed and stared down at the floor of the tent. "There were twigs snapping and everything," he mumbled.

Narcissa looked over her shoulder curiously. "Oh, honey, it's just a peacock," she said consolingly. As if on cue, a peacock strutted by behind her.

Ron and Draco groaned together, defeated. Not only was the mood now completely ruined, but they no longer had an excuse to chase the peacocks around and shoot sparks at them... which had been their intention before they returned to the tent to have epic victory sex.

"We know," Draco grumbled.

"Oh!" She gasped, "You were pretending!"

Draco rolled his eyes, and Ron's face somehow found a way to turn an even deeper shade of red.

"Well, I'll leave you to it," Narcissa said, starting to back away. The instant her head disappeared from within the tent, it popped back in again. "Would you like any biscuits?"

Draco smacked his forehead with his hand. "No! We would not like any biscuits!"

She stood there and stared at them knowingly, an amused smirk appearing on her face when Ron's stomach growled.

Draco stared at Ron for a moment, and Ron shrugged. "Fine," Draco said finally, "perhaps a few biscuits..."

"And some tea?" She suggested, smiling.

"Yes, yes, and some tea." Draco agreed, nodding curtly.

"Alright then, be right back!" She scurried away merrily, humming tunelessly to herself.

Draco quickly zipped up the tent after her. They sat for a moment, staring at each other in awkward silence.

"Well," Ron said tentatively, "we could always skip to the epic victory sex."

Draco considered that for a brief moment, a small smirk appearing on his face. He pounced on Ron eagerly, and they began rolling around on the floor, pulling at each other's clothes and smothering each other with passionate kisses.

"I'm back!" Narcissa's voice rang through the silence a few minutes later, "And I brought biscuits!"

End