A\N: Bleah, might go back and rewrite the Harmonious ending, a bit too much Will He Be Happy!Snape preaching. And now for the Non-Harmonious, Dissonant (do a search for 01 if you want to skip to the SS\Hr ending) and 02 for the BIG RED BUTTON™ (if you dare. Search for 02 to skip directly there) ending.

o.O

Snape paused for a moment, examining his new-found appreciation for the woman in front of him. He was reminded, forcefully, of an opportunity he'd squandered years ago. 'To hell with Harry,' he thought, 'I'm not going to meddle like Cissy.' He let out a fake sigh of defeat. "Alright, you've called my bluff. I've got nothing."

Hermione gave him a self-satisfied smirk. "See? That wasn't so hard now, was it."

"You have no idea," Snape sneered.

The pair finished their deserts and wine, filling the empty air with a friendly debate over the merits of one ingredient or another. For the first time in decades, Snape found himself genuinely enjoying the company of one of his former students. As they made their way towards the exit, he couldn't help but comment, "I must say this evening turned out to be far more enjoyable than I'd expected."

Hermione grinned. "I rather doubt that is saying much."

Snape sneered, "Indeed." He replaced the sneer with a small, genuine smile. "Even so, I think perhaps we should do this again."

Hermione nodded. "Yes, we should. Maybe next time you and Harry decide to have one of your famously alcohol laden outings, I'll tag along."

Snape pondered the idea. "I daresay there's more than a little appeal to your idea. Next time, then?"

Hermione nodded, "Yes. Next time." With a deft flick of her wand, she cast a sobering charm and apperrated away.

Snape blinked, struck by the fact that he actually regretted leaving her company. "Next time indeed." His face scrunched up in disgust once he realized that he owed Cissy an apology. 'Bah,' he thought venomously, 'even Goyle managed to brew a potion right on occasion.'

-Fin

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01

Severus gave Hermione a playfully contemptuous sneer. "Its obvious to even the most casual observer that Harry quite simply adores you. Perhaps if you'd take up the initiative and actually show the boy he had a chance, you'd find yourself pleasantly surprised."

Hermione snorted. "Evidently you've forgotten that the casual observer thought the world was flat for millennia." She gave Snape a meaningful look. "Do you really think that Harry and I haven't enjoyed the benefits of our friendship?"

Snape blinked. "Wait… you mean that you and he have actually…"

Hermione grinned wickedly. "Of course we have! Look, I adore Harry, really I do, but there just isn't a spark. I mean, the sex is fantastic, but he's so… gentle. That really isn't what I'm looking for, you know, long term." She chuckled at Snape's shocked expression. "Well, I suppose that answers the question about Harry kissing and telling. I know it's probably hard on Harry, but he's just not what I want in a lover."

Snape carefully schooled his face into his trademark sneer while internally flapping his jaw like a fish out of water. 'That was most… unexpected,' he thought, forcing himself to remain still despite the sudden uncomfortable tightness of his trousers.

"I hope you aren't too disappointed," Hermione said playfully, giving him a sultry smile and looking at him with heavy-lidded eyes. "I hear some men rather fancy the idea of claiming a woman's chastity."

Snape snorted. "Hardly. My distaste for ignorance is only slightly less than my distaste for instruction. I'll leave inept adolescent fumbling to the adolescents. So, you did indeed suffer the tragic lack of sense needed to part your legs for Mr. Weasley?"

"Hardly," Hermione replied. "As I said, Harry's… gentle. Just not what I'm looking for, long term." She grinned wickedly. "Not too bad for taking the edge off, though."

Snape shook his head. "That, Ms. Granger, was entirely too much information. I'm glad that Potter showed more discretion, and I rather wish you'd done the same." He noted that they'd both managed to finish their dessert and wine with a twinge of regret. "I find myself surprisingly regretful that this date is drawing to a close," he said as he stood, offering Hermione a hand up.

"You know, so do I," she said quietly. She looked adorably pensive for a moment, and then Snape could clearly her mental shift playing across her face. "Don't we have to pay for the meal?" She asked, accepting his hand. Snape dismissed her question with a wave of his hand.

"Getting a reservation," he said flatly, "costs enough as it is. The meal is included."

Hermione shrugged, and in her tipsy state leaned gently into Severus' side. He almost started at the pleasant feel of a warm, soft woman against him. It had been a while, and Hermione'd become startlingly desirable in the course of a single short meal. He noted that she hadn't bothered to move away as they walked towards the exit. Feeling pleasantly bold, and more than a little inebriated, he ventured following the verbal map she'd offered. "Then it is agreed, this conversation shouldn't end simply because the meal is over. You'll be joining me for tea?" He didn't exactly ask her.

She didn't exactly answer. Instead, she pressed up against him, firmly, then took a half-step back. "Your floo?" She asked daintily.

Snape wrapped his arm about her waist, and with the other grabbed a handful of powder and tossed it into the fire. "Restful Ventures," he hissed and together they stepped into the green flames.

-Fin

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02

BIG RED BUTTON BIG RED BUTTON BIG RED BUTTON BIG RED BUTTON

Hermione chuckled lightly at Snape's imperious expression. "Oh, don't bother; you'll get it all wrong. You see, you aren't the only one good at keeping secrets."

Snape blinked. That wasn't quite what he'd expected. "Pardon?" He asked.

"Well, it's just that you and I share something in common: We both harbor a rather deep affection for Harry. Don't bother denying it," she said, cutting off his objections, "but what you don't know is that Harry and I share a little secret as well." She gave him a wicked little smile.

Snape blinked, finding himself uncomfortably intrigued by the line of conversation. "You do?" He asked, surrendering the reigns to his dinner date.

She smile wickedly. "Oh yes, we do. Honestly, Severus, you didn't actually think that I could get brow-beaten into a dinner date by the mindless yapping of my co-workers, did you?"

"I had thought it somewhat out of character, yes," Snape answered.

"Exactly. You see, this whole affair has been a bit of a… sounding board if you will. You see, Harry and I share just about everything, and we do it quite discreetly. And over time, we've found that we share some very uncommon common interests." She gave Snape a seductive look, her voice sultry and suggestive.

"I suppose you'll get around to telling me at some point, instead of forcing me to Legilimens it out of you?" Snape drawled, trying to regain the upper hand.

Hermione smiled. "Kinky." Snape blinked. "You see, Harry and I find ourselves incredibly attracted," her voice became husky, "to older, authoritative men." She ran her fingertips down the length of Snape's hand. "We both know why your patronus is a doe, Professor," she made the word 'Professor' sound terribly naughty, "and now I know why Harry's so interested…" She trailed off, licking her lips daintily.

Maybe it was the food. Maybe it was the wine. Maybe it was the fact that he hadn't gotten laid in over twenty years…

o.O

The next morning, Snape woke up in an unfamiliar bed, with two warm bodies pressed against his side. He blinked, and looked to the right. Bushy brown hair. He looked to the left. Untamed raven locks.

"Oh bugger," he thought. "I don't even want to imagine how annoying Cissy's 'I told you so' is going to be if she finds out…"

-Fin