I'm sure you've heard all about the horrors of foster care. The families that only foster so they can have a maid to do what they are too lazy to do. I'm sure you've grimaced when you heard about the abuse, sexually, emotionally and physically. I know you've pitied the children that are put through that. Not all foster families are like that. There are some really nice families that make you want to stay there forever. But it's all ruined when you leave. They are just fosters. Not future adopters. It's hard but you get through it, I have.

I had my share of good and bad fosters. My birth mother left me at the hospital just hours after I was born. I don't know much about her but that's my choice. I was put into the system at the mere age of one day old. And I was adopted at two days old by Charlie and Charlotte Ravin. They were amazing, my mother and father. They were just married and had one child but wanted another. My mother had complications with her first born and had to have a hysterectomy. They waited until my brother, Richie, was three to adopt. My mother always told me the moment they saw me they knew I could have been theirs. I looked so much like my mom it was eery. We were a family and they loved me like I was their blood. But when I was nine that family was torn apart.

We lived in Salem. We moved here when I was two. It was nice. It had a lot of history so it wasn't has boring. It was Wednesday night and me and my brother were in a play together. We stayed after school so we could rehearse and our parents were going to come a little early to wish us luck. I should have known something was wrong when they didn't see us before the show. Richie said they were probably already seated and not to worry. We were playing Hey Diddle, Diddle. I was the cat and Richie was the cow. It was the end of the show and my big part came up when I was supposed to recite the poem. I stepped up and the light was shown on me. I looked around to see if I could see my mom and dad. I wanted to see their faces. But I didn't. All I saw was two police officers walking down the walkway to my teacher. She covered her mouth and looked at me. That night wasn't the last time I would cry, feel my heart break or even freeze in the spotlight. There were many more to come.

My parents had died. They were driving to the school and ran into a patch of ice on the road. My dad couldn't control the car and they slid into the railing on the bridge. The impact broke the railing and the car went over into the river. They said the impact killed them and it was quick. I wasn't sure how to take that. I lost another mother and father. The only other family we had was our aunt. She wasn't the motherly type of woman. Mainly to me she wasn't. She didn't like our mother or me. Se told my mom on many occasions she wasn't a woman because she couldn't have children and that they should have left me alone. She said I had bad blood. So it was no surprise when she took Richie and left me in the system, again. Richie screamed and hit her and she drug him away. I wanted to cry but the truth was, I couldn't. I was scared and lonely. My parents had bee taken away and now my brother. I was to frozen to cry, to frozen to fear, to frozen to feel anything. I watched the car drive away and looked down at Mr. Chimpy. Richie had given him to me for my birthday. He helped mom out around the house to get the money and he picked it out. It wasn't anything some would call special but it was to me. It was a simple black teddy bear with a red ribbon around his neck. It was the last thing I would have of my family.

I was quickly put into a foster home and then another and another. It wasn't them that was bad, it was me. I didn't talk, I barley ate. I went to school and came home. Some understood but just couldn't take it and let me go. By the time I was fourteen I had been to twelve different foster homes. People in school didn't believe that I was a foster or in the system. Apparently, I didn't look like that 'type'. I wasn't sure what that meant but teachers didn't see 'How such a beautiful girl could go through much.' Luckily, I wouldn't have to hear that much longer. I was in the group home in between homes and was about to leave to go to another when she came in. Her name was Abigail. She was a social worker and worked in group homes for years. She was getting ready to retire and wanted to adopt before she did. She lived in Cambridge, which was about an hour away. She had heard from an old friend that I was starting high school and was being bounced around a lot. She smiled when she walked through the door and I swear I saw a light around her, like an angel. And that she was. She was my angel and my second chance. Abigail saved me.

I awoke to a very strong smell of coffee and bacon. I smiled and opened my eyes. There stood Abigail with breakfast on a tiny wooden tray. I sat up and leaned on my pillows. I had been with her for nearly three years and a half years. She had taken me to her house and soon it became home. She never pushed me to call her mom nor did she push to act like my mom. She was my mother figure but soon she became more. I trusted her and she trusted me. We talked about her life and what she had done. I told her about my family and what happened. She welcomed me and my demons with open arms.

"Breakfast in bed?" I asked as she sat down on my bed. One thing I loved was that she let me do my own thing. I was a girly girl but I had my little rocker side. My room and wardrobe was the perfect example of that. My walls were a light maroon color with hand painted hearts and stars in certain places. I had white curtains with pinned on flowers. It was very chic and very much me. My clothes well, I had everything. I mixed and matched and sometimes came out looking quite hilarious.

"Today's a big day, Em. You're getting your license. That's a step toward freedom." she smiled and hand my a cup of coffee. I smiled and took it.

"That's if you won't get all emotional and turn around like last time." I teased. She gasped and put a hand to her chest in mock surprise.

"Me? All emotional? Never." she joked. "No, we're getting it this time. You're seventeen and you know how to drive, so there is no reason that you shouldn't get it." she told me. I smiled and picked at my eggs.

"Promise you won't make up some excuse and turn around?" I asked pointing my fork at her. She laughed and stole a piece of my bacon. I slapped her hand and she laughed.

"I promise. And if I do I promise it will be better than last time." she smiled. I choked on my coffee and remembered her excuse for last time. We were nearly there and out of the blue she pulls a u-turn and heads for the market. She said she had to do grocery shopping because today was the day the truck unloaded and it's better to shop when it's first unloaded.

"Yes, please. That was a bust and you know it." I said wiping the coffee off my chin. She smiled softly and looked away. I knew she was getting ready to cry and I put my hand over hers.

"It's just that you're growing up so fast." she told me softly. I rubbed her hand and moved my tray to the side.

"I was already grown when you got me, mom." I told her. She laughed and looked at me.

"You thought you were grown. You were still very much in need of a mother figure." she smiled. I scooted over to her and hugged her.

"And I got one. And you did a damn good job." I whispered. She laughed into my shoulder and pulled back. I wiped a few tears away and smile.

"I tried. But I'm so proud of you. You've gone from a hurt little girl to a very smart young woman. I'm just happy you let me in." she said holding my hands.

"I thought you were an angel. You had this light around you. It wasn't hard for me to trust you. I love you, mom." I told her and smiled. She hugged me again and stood up.

"I love you too. Now eat and get ready. I want to get this over with, and quick." she said and left. I smiled at the door and looked over at my tray. I ate the rest of my eggs and bacon and set it on my bedside table. I finally got up and walked to my closet. I pulled out a pair of dark wash skinny jeans and a white pair of flats. I grabbed my favorite yellow and white stripped shirt and pulled it over my head. I pulled my dirty blonde hair out of the pony tail and put a little gel in. I fluffed it with my hands let it fall. I put on some lip gloss and nodded ay my reflection.

"I'm ready. Don't back out now!" I yelled walking down the stairs. I walked into the living room and saw Abigail waiting by the door. I smiled and walked over to her. "Ready?" I asked sweetly. She rolled her eyes and smiled.

"Not really. But let's go."

We left and drove the ten minutes to the DMV. We didn't have to wait long and I was ready to go. I gave Abigail a hug and took the keys. I walked with the instructor to the car and got in. I made sure my seatbelt and his were on. I checked my mirrors and made sure the car was in park before I started it. I pressed the brake and turned the key. I slowly backed out and made my way down the street and did as he told. We made small talk as I drove down the block and back. I pulled back into the parking lot and parked. He handed me a piece of paper and got out. I looked at the paper and squealed.

"I passed!" I smiled and jumped into Abigail's arms. I hugged her and kissed her cheek.

"I'm so proud of you. You did great." she beamed and kissed my head. We walked over to the desk to get my license and left about fifteen minutes later. We walked out and she handed me the keys. I smiled and jumped in the driver's seat.

As I was driving home I saw her steal glances at me. I smiled knowing she was still getting used to seeing me driving. It was a step toward freedom, as she said earlier. It was another step closer to being an adult and taking care of myself.

"You wanna go out to dinner later?" I asked as we pulled into the driveway. She un buckled her seat belt and smiled.

"I think that's a great idea. We'll go to Little Marie's Diner down on Main St." she told me. I smiled and got out. We walked in and the phone started to ring.

"I got it." I told her and ran to grab the cordless. "Hello?" I answered.

"Hello, is this Abigail's number?" a sweet female voice asked.

"Yes it is. Can I ask who's calling?" I asked.

"Ah yes. This is Evelyn Mercer, an old friend." she told me. I smiled and looked around the corner at my mom.

"Ok, one second, Miss. Mercer." I told her and held the phone to my chest. "Mom!" I called out. She walked around the corner and grabbed the phone. I smiled when her face lit up at the old friend. I walked upstairs and threw myself on my bed. I felt a lump under my head and pulled Mr. Chimpy out. I held him up and smiled.

I still missed them. There wasn't a day that I didn't think about them. I wondered if my parents were proud of me and if they were watching over me. I thought about how life would have been like if the hadn't have died. I think about Richie mostly. Where he was and if he was ok. I wondered if he remembered me and if he missed me. After all, I was his little sister. He knew that I wasn't blood related but it never stopped him from treating me like his blood sister. He yelled at me, pulled my hair, called me names like all big brothers do. But he also loved me, protected me and taught me how to play games like older brothers did.

I felt my eyes burn and sighed. I set the bear on my night stand where he had always been and sat up. I looked around my room and let my stare fall on my picture wall. The picture wall was a wall, duh, with loads of pictures, duh again. I had ones that I had stolen from my aunt before I was taken away and ones that my parents had given me. There were ones of me from the day I came home to the day before they died. I had numerous baby pictures of Richie and plenty family photos at holidays and birthdays. I also had pictures from my time with Abigail. My sweet sixteen and my first high school dance. Our trip to New York and Orlando. It was a wall of memories.

"Em, you okay?" Abigail asked from my door. I smiled and pointed to my wall.

"Just looking at the pictures. Enjoy your talk?" I asked as she leaned in the doorway.

"Yes, that was an old friend in Boston. I worked with her for years until I retired." she smiled.

"Does she still work?" I asked. She shook her head.

"No, she quit after she adopted her last son. She wants to meet next week. She'd love to meet you." she told me. I nodded and got up.

"I'd like that. I'd love to hear those incriminating stories of the wild days." I laughed. Abigail shook her head and turned around.

"Get dressed, I'm about to starve." she said and walked down stairs. I smiled and got up to get dressed. I kept my jeans but changed into a grey off the shoulder sweater. She let me drive to the restaurant and she smiled the whole way.

"It's just my licence." I told her as we walked into the diner. She frowned at me.

"Wait, until you have children. What seems small now is bigger than life then. And you will give me grandchildren one day." she told me. I rolled my eyes and sat in the booth. We ordered and talked about the lady that had called earlier.

"We worked together in Boston forever. She was one of my closest friends. I trusted her with everything. I still do and we haven't talked in years. She adopted four boys of her own. They were bounced around like you and took them in." she told me.

"She sounds nice. I'd love to meet her." I smiled.

"She is. She's a saint. Took those boys in when no else would." she shook her head lightly. I knew her passion for children and her bigger passion for ones that were hurting. It was her life and that's all she cared about. She had dealt with so many children in her life and she finally got the chance to get the chance to have one with me.

"Thank you." I told her as we were leaving. She looked over at me and smiled.

"For what?" she asked. I stopped and grabbed her hand.

"For taking care of me. And for loving me when I didn't think it was possible." I smiled softly. Her eyes sparkled with tears as she hugged me.

"No, thank you for letting me in. You have no idea how much you mean to me, Emilie. I love you like you are my own." she whispered. I pulled back and smiled.

"I am yours." I told her and wiped a tear away. We walked back to the car and she got into the driver's side. She said she didn't want me driving this late and dark at night.

We were driving down the highway when I started to nod off. I laid my head on the seat and listened to Abigail hum to the music. I felt a bump and opened my eyes. We looked behind us and saw a box in the road.

I open my eyes
I try to see but I'm blinded by the white light
I can't remember how
I can't remember why
I'm lying here tonight

"It's just a box. I tried to miss it." she said looking over at me. "Go back to sleep, dear." she smiled. I smiled and looked forward to see a semi-truck crossing into out lane. I saw the bright lights in our faces as I screamed.

"Mom!" I screamed as she turned back to the road.

And I can't stand the pain
And I can't make it go away
No I can't stand the pain

She turned the wheel to the right but the wheel jammed. I screamed as we slid sideways and into the oncoming truck. I heard the brakes from the truck but you can't stop something that big that fast. It felt like the life was knocked out of me when the truck smashed into us. I heard the breaking of glass and the crushing metal all around me. I felt the car stop moving and closed my eyes. My sides were killing me and my head hurt. I felt hot drops of blood stream down my face and started to cry. I opened my eyes and tried to focus. Everything was foggy and flashing before me.

How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
I've got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

The only thing I heard was the faint sound of the trucks engine. I titled my head to the side and looked over at Abigail. The truck had hit on her side. I saw her head facing me and blood dripping off her chin. I sobbed and frantically tried to move. I jerked the seatbelt out of the buckle and unwrapped it from myself. I pushed myself out of the window and fell to the ground. I got on my feet and looked around. I could still see the smoke from the brakes of the truck. I let out a frustrated scream and limped over to my mom's side of the car. There was about two feet between her car door and the trucks front. I squeezed in between them and felt her neck.

"It's ok mom. I'm getting you out." I whispered when I felt a faint pulse. I got her seatbelt loose and started to pull her out the car. I saw lights from behind me and turned to see man running towards me.

Everybody's screaming
I try to make a sound but no one hears me
I'm slipping off the edge
I'm hanging by a thread
I wanna start this over again

"Please, my mom. She's hurt." I called out to him. He pushed me aside and pulled her the rest of the way out. He carried her to his car and set her down. I sat next to her and pulled her in my lap. I rubbed her face and cried.

"Mom, please." I whispered. "Please, stay." I heard sirens and bright lights filled the air. I held her as people filled the empty dark road. A man came over and took her from me and felt her neck again. He looked at me sadly.

So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered
And I can't explain what happened
And I can't erase the things that I've done
No I can't

"She's gone." he whispered. I looked at him for a second and scared myself when I let out a loud wail. He waved another man over and he picked me up and carried me to an ambulance. He set me on a bed and put a mask on my face. I looked behind him and saw the other man covering my mom's body with a white sheet. I felt more tears fall as the doors were closed.

"Are you okay?" the man asked me. I looked at him and shook my head. He nodded and gave me a sad smile. He knew my answer. I laid back and looked at the light on the ceiling. He hooked me up to an IV and started cleaning my wounds.

"Was she your mother?" he asked softly. I nodded and winced when he pulled a shard of glass out. "I'm going to need some information, ok?" he asked again.

How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
I've got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

"What happened?" he asked.

"We hit a box in the road and turned to see it. When we turned backed around the semi was weaving in our lane. She tried to swerve but the wheel jammed." I squeezed my eyes shut and breathed in. "I heard his brakes squeal but he was going to fast. All I saw was his lights as he hit us." I told him. He put his hand over mine and rubbed it.

"If it helps, I don't think she felt a thing." he told me. I nodded and turned away. "I'll get the rest of your information at the hospital. Just rest."

I felt my eyes get heavy and figured he had gave my pain medicine. I let my eyes fall shut and wished that when I woke up it would all be a dream. I prayed that I wasn't alone again and that Abigail would be okay when I woke up.

I made my mistakes
I've got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

I groaned and tried to open my eyes. I opened them and blinked a few times trying to adjust to the bright light. I fixed my sight and looked around the room. I felt tears fill my eyes and blinked them away. I was in the hospital room. I slowly sat up in the bed, careful not to snatch the wires and IV out. I winced as I leant down on my wrist. I picked it up and notice a brace. I sighed and pressed the call button next to my bed. I waited a few minutes until a nurse walked in with a water bottle.

"You're up, how are you feeling?" she asked. I glared at her and grabbed the water she held out to me.

"Like I got hit by a semi. Where's my doctor?" I seethed. She swallowed hard and walked out the room. I drank my water and looked around. It was nice, I guess. It had pretty plain walls but ti had a few chairs and a table. They had curtains hanging up and a tiny cot in the corner. I looked to my left and saw my purse and clothes in a pile in the chair.

"Hello, Emilie." I heard a man's voice say. I looked at the door and saw an old man with a white coat on. "I'm Dr. Tanner. How are you?" he asked sitting on a stool next to my bed. He took my arm and pulled the IV out.

"Fine, I guess." I told him. He nodded and wrote down a few numbers on his clipboard.

"Well, you seem fine. There was no internal bleeding. Just a few scratches and a sprained wrist. You'll need to keep pressure off of it and keep the brace on for three weeks." he told me. He took his glasses off and sighed. "I'm sorry about your mother, Emilie. If you wish to see her later, I'll show you down there. Do you have any family you can call? Anyone you can stay with?" he asked. I let a few tears fall and shook my head.

"I was adopted. She was all I had." I said softly. He nodded and put his glasses back on.

"I'll have to call social services, you know?" he asked. I nodded and wiped my tears away. I was going back again. I was going back to hell. "I had a few officers go get you some fresh clothes. You can get dressed and the social will be here in a few minutes."

I nodded and watched him leave. I pulled the rest of the wires off my body and sat up. I walked over to the door and locked it. I pulled the curtains closed and grabbed my clothes.

"Must have been a female cop." I mumbled as I put on my black shorts and red tank top on. I grabbed my flats and slipped them on. I piled my clothes in a bag and walked back to the door. I opened the door slowly and peeked out. I was not going back to that hell. Abigail saved me and I wasn't going back. I snuck out the room and walked down the hallway to the elevators. I pressed the down button and looked around nervously. I saw the button start yo crawl back down to my level when I heard the doctor call me.

"Emilie, the worker...no! Emilie!" he yelled as I took of down the hall. I ran through the stairwell door and ran down the steps. I heard the door open and saw two men chasing me. I saw the sign that had main floor and pushed them open. The force hit me so hard I fell but quickly got up. I ran toward the exit and got about 100ft from until I was thrown to the ground. A security guard had tackled me from a hallway. I screamed and kicked trying to get him to let me go but he held on tighter.

"Emilie!" Dr. Tanner yelled breathlessly running over. "Don't hurt her. She's just scared." he told the guard. He loosened his grip but still held onto me. A lady walked up beside the doctor and smiled.

"Emilie, I'm Jessica Wade. I'll be your new social worker. I know you've been in the system before but it'll be okay." she told me calmly. I glared at her and shook my head.

"Bullshit! I won't go back." I cried. Dr. Tanner walked off and gave me one last smile.

"Emilie, you'll be fine. It's changed since you've been adopted." she tried to convince me. She sighed and looked at the guard.

"No, please. I can't go. I have five months until I turn 18. I can do it on my own, please." I begged her. She shook her head.

"I'm sorry. You have to come with us." she told me firmly. "Take her to my car." she ordered the guard. He started pulling me out the doors. I screamed and jerked in his grasp.

"Stop it! You can't do this! Please!" I yelled. Jessica shook her head and followed us out the door. "You can't do this!" I screamed.

"Yes, I can!" she yelled back. I saw the look in her eyes that was in all the other social's eyes. She tried to play nice and then turned when you didn't go along.

"Like hell you can!" Came a semi-familiar voice. The guard stopped and I turned to see an old lady with white hair walking to us. I tried to place her voice and my eyes widened when it clicked.

"And who are you?" Jessica asked. I looked between them and the lady smiled.

"Evelyn Mercer. Emilie's new guardian." she said with a smile. I felt the guard loosen his grip and I wiggled away. I rubbed my arms and looked over at Evelyn. She smiled and held her hand out to me. I felt tears fill my eyes and looked back at Jessica and smirked.

"I told you I wasn't going back." I spat at her. She glared at me and then at Evelyn.

"How do you figure that Miss. Mercer?" she asked snottily. Evelyn handed her a piece of paper.

"This is a copy of her will, says that I get her possessions and custody of Emilie if something were to happen before she was 18. It is already notarized by the state and my lawyer." Evelyn told her. Jessica huffed and shoved the paper back at her. She looked at me and smiled.

"Looks like you got a get outta jail free card. Have a nice life." she said and walked off. I glared at her retreating figure and turned to look at Evelyn. She smiled and stuck her hand out again.

"I'm Evelyn. I'm sure Abbi told you about me." she said. I looked at her hand. I moved it as I went in to hug her.

"Thank you. Thank you so much." I cried into her shoulder. She held me tight and rubbed my back.

"It's alright dear. Everything will be okay. I promise I won't let you or Abigail down." she whispered. I pulled back and smiled at her.

"I wanna see her. Before we go, I wanna say goodbye." I told her. She nodded and grabbed my hand.

"Mind if I come with you? I have a few words to say too." she asked. I nodded and started to walk inside.

"Of course. I don't think I can do it by myself." I told her with a small smile. She patted my hand and walked in with me. I saw why Abigail liked her. She was a soft spoken yet stern woman. She reminded me a lot of Abigail. I smiled and blinked away a few tears. I missed her already.

Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance
For a break that would make it okay
There's always one reason
To feel not good enough
And its hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
Oh beautiful release
Memory seeps from my veins
Let me be empty
And weightless and maybe
Ill find some peace tonight

In the arms of an angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort there

So tired of the straight line
And everywhere you turn
There's vultures and thieves at your back
And the storm keeps on twisting
You keep on building the lie
That you make up for all that you lack
It don't make no difference
Escaping one last time
Its easier to believe in this sweet madness oh
This glorious sadness that brings me to my knees

In the arms of an angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort there
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here

Songs: Untitled by Simple Plan & Angel by Sarah McLachlan