Chapter 1: Abandoned

I wondered if she knew what she was doing to me when she chose that bloodsucker over me. She thought we could still be friends…Ha! I should have known I shouldn't have gotten involved, but it was too late. Ever since that night on the beach…

Edward was all wrong for her. When he abandoned her like that, he nearly killed her. I was the one who kept her smiling. I wish she had realized then, that she loved me. I couldn't help but wonder how different it would be if she had.

I really wished I wouldn't think about her so much. I wish I could just focus on my feet running below me. Sam had told the rest of the pack to stay human for a while, and let me be by myself. He should have known I was going to take advantage of it. I would instantly know when one of them changed back into a werewolf, and when they did, I would change into human. I didn't want them knowing my thoughts, knowing where I was, what I was planning to do.

I couldn't live without Bella. There was no way on God's green earth that I could go through the monotony of life without seeing her smiling face looking up at me. I didn't want to, couldn't, wouldn't. The pack could manage with one less team member. I wasn't much of the crew anyways. All I did was mope about, crying hopelessly about unintelligible things. It would make things easier for everyone if I were gone.

"That's not true, Jacob! This pack would be a mess without you! Please don't do this to you…or us!"

I quickly transformed into the sad human that I was to get rid of Quil's voice in my head. I had to be smart about this. They could find me if I wasn't quick.

I began sprinting at full speed, ignoring my hunger and thirst, ignoring the screaming in my legs. I wouldn't stop until I was hidden among people. It would be harder for them to track me there.

It seemed like hours before I even came to a hint of civilization. In reality, it had been maybe a half an hour. Weak I told myself. No wonder Bella chose that leech over me.

I had to stop this. It wasn't healthy. But could I help it if she was the reason I was depressed? That she was the reason I was about to take my life?

I slowed my pace as people began to stare at me. They saw me as a gigantically huge man. They might have known my depression by the expression on my face, but that was all. Nobody knew me for what I really was here. If I stayed too long, they would remember me and be able to identify me to the rest of the pack if they showed up. I felt like a criminal.

I had to get some food in my stomach though. I felt like I could eat a cow or two. I just needed something to eat, and then I could leave. No big deal.

I knew I had enough money for all the food that I needed. I had sold the Rabbit for some cash. I despised the car now; I had worked on it when she was around. When she was encouraging me. Nobody could have expected me to keep it after all this. I had made if for her.

I spied a hotdog stand on my left and a casual restaurant on my right. I contemplated on which one I could order at and be less conspicuous. I decided that hesitating in the middle of the street was worse, so I turned left and headed for the sign that plainly said, "Hot Dogs".

"Can I help you?" the man behind the stand asked without looking up. He was putting his money into the register from the previous customer.

"Um, yes. Can I have twenty hotdogs?" I didn't even bother to add a please in my outlandish request. I wasn't kidding when I thought I could eat a cow.

The merchant's eyes grew wide in astonishment and he dropped the change in his hands. When he saw what I looked like, his jaw dropped. He caught himself and quickly and closed it again. His voice was shaky now, but he made an attempt at being kind. "Uh, I only have seventeen hotdogs that are made right now. Last minute party plan?"

"Yeah, that's it. I guess three people will be left out." I wasn't doing a good job at staying inconspicuous.

"Okay that'll be thirty-four dollars." The cashier smiled. This must have been more than me made in a day. I handed him two twenties and waited for him to give me back the change. It didn't really matter anyways. It wasn't like I was going to need the money later. But I felt safe with the extra few dollars in my pocket. "Do you want any ketchup or mustard on any of them?"

"No," I replied. That was just going to take longer. He handed me back my change and then handed me a hotdog, one by one. I could fit seven in each hand, but that wasn't enough. I still had to fit three more.

"Ah, shoot," the man said. " I have a garbage bag if that would help." It wasn't a very appetizing idea but maybe it would make me less noticeable. Like I was carrying a souvenir I bought from a store, rather than carrying a million hotdogs.

"Okay, thanks," I replied. He opened the bag and I emptied each hot dog into it. He gave me kind of a strange look, but I ignored it and walked off. As soon as I was out of anyone's sight, I stuffed three hotdogs in my mouth at a time. I didn't even bother to savor it. I could enjoy the aftertaste later, but all I really wanted was to ease the pain in my stomach.

Now I had to take care of another dire need of mine before I could leave. I needed water.

I walked out of the corner I was hiding in, and searched all around me for a convenient store. I saw someone walk out of a clothing store, carrying a few shopping bags and a white box. It didn't strike a nerve or anything until recognition filled my whole being.

I swiftly turned around. There would be a convenient store somewhere else. I could find much needed water somewhere else.

"Jacob?" She caught me mid-stride. I gulped as I turned around to face her.

"Yes, Bella?"