In Retrospect

By bleached.dragon

Chapter Summary: Lenalee rejects our heroes and Komui is just weird.

A/N: I noticed that a lot of people haven't written a lot of crack involving Lenalee. She might be a catalyst, but in the end, it's always the guys fooling around and I'm guilty of this too. I also noticed that there has been a lot of Lena hate floating around. Therefore I seek to address the issue by centering this chapter around our kickass exorcist (and her brother). I'm such a problem solver… seeking to end Lena hate by writing crack.

Anyway, before I begin, I should note that this chapter is dedicated to my beautiful and kickass cousin Wang Yi Ting, who inspired this chapter. (Despite the fact that you got that stupid song stuck in my head.)

Without further ado…!

Chapter 9: And the crowd goes wild!

Lenalee didn't quite know what to think upon viewing the mass of tangled, flailing limbs that suddenly came into existence at the intersection in front of her door. The high-pitched screaming was seriously going to damage her property value though.

The Chinese exorcist viewed the human katamari closely and ruled out mass orgy. She also checked massive brawl off her list, just because it would be too much of a pain to wade into the tangle of writing limbs to break off yet another fight.

The rather confused girl turned just in time to see her brother have a seizure on the floor as he watched a perfectly hatched plan crumble, "Komui ni-san?"

Before she could turn, Lavi flung himself at her, screaming, "LENALEE! DO YOU LOVE ME? YOU LOVE ME, RIGHT?"

"He's not dead, you know," Lenalee replied dryly from beneath Lavi's passionate embrace, "Komui ni-san is still breathing as of now," she attempted to disentangle herself from Lavi's sticky embrace, "Now stop trying to give me AIDS."

Lavi pouted, "You have such a dirty mind, Lenalee."

"You're bleeding profusely!" she snapped back.

"Hm, that's not quite the reaction I expected, considering that you have a shrine to me and all," the redhead pouted again.

"What!?" Lenalee wondered where Lavi had gotten that particular delusion, "Shrine? To you?"

"Wait, you don't?" Lavi looked rather put out.

"Hell no!"

"That's because it's for me, isn't it, Lenalee?" Allen stepped forward hopefully, prying Tap's death grip from his exorcist jacket.

Lenalee twitched in a motion very reminiscent of a particular dark haired exorcist who was currently trying to pry Miranda from himself as she hysterically insisted that Reever was a serial killer, "Even you, Allen-kun?"

Allen looked crestfallen, "B-b-but," he sniffed.

"IT'S A GOOD THING!" Tap reattached himself to Allen, "NOW KOMUI WON'T TRY TO KILL YOU!"

"Komui? Kill?" Lenalee flicked a glance toward her spazzing brother, "I hardly think that he could hurt a fly. Maybe a couple of concrete walls, but, beyond that, he's quite harmless."

"It's the concrete wall part we're afraid of," Reever replied dryly, "Especially since those concrete walls tend to fall on people."

"Wait," Lavi sat up, "If it's not me or Allen… then, it's… KANDA?"

"I lost to Bakanda?" Allen couldn't believe his ears.

Kanda doubled his efforts to detach the hysterical Miranda from himself.

"You love Kanda?" Lavi shook the Chinese exorcist, "Are you serious? Are you suicidal? Did you smoke any suspicious substances?"

"The answers are: no, no, no, and check your own weed pipe!"

"Poor Lenalee!" Allen sighed to himself, "She'll be abandoned and then live out her miserable existence all alone destitute with five children."

Lenalee sighed rather mournfully as she viewed the white haired British exorcist, "Why do I have a feeling that you've begun to equate Kanda with Cross?"

"You actually love Kanda? I can't believe it!" Allen looked mortified.

"I knew there was more to their meditation sessions," Lavi sighed.

"I don't love any of you!" Lenalee snarled, irritated, "When did you even get the idea?"

The entire group, which surprisingly included Kanda, pointed accusingly at Komui.

Lenalee twitched, "Komui."

"…"

"Komui!"

"Hold on a bit, Lenalee dearest, your brother is having a seizure."

"KOMUI!"

"All right! All right!"

"Explain," Lenalee snarled and Lavi suddenly had a vision of the short hair morphing into a straight ponytail.

"I have photographic evidence!" Komui replied, terrified, "You blowing a kiss to something or someone."

"Oh that," Lenalee blushed a bit.

"So you do have a love!" Komui cast off all appearances of having a seizure, "MUST KILL!"

Lenalee sighed, "If you don't break anything, I'll show you."

"I promise."

"Don't cross your fingers!"

"All right! All right!"

"Jeez, I feel like your mother," Lenalee opened her door slowly and the assembled Order residents crowded around to see the rumored object of Lenalee's love.

"Ah!" Lavi, who managed to worm his way beside the Chinese girl, fell back, rubbing his dazzled eyes.

"Let me see!" Allen looked over Lavi's shoulder, "Oh lord!" he too, fell back.

"Why are you idiots making such a big deal over this—" Kanda barged into the scene and immediately feel silent.

"Kanda too?" Johnny surged forward, incredulous, closely followed by Tap, "Whoa!" Johnny fell down like a ninepin and Tap followed suit, mute.

"Stop being so melodramatic," Reever stepped over the defeated exorcists and scientist before coming to an abrupt halt, "Oh… my…"

Lenalee is watching the entire proceedings with an amused expressing.

"Pleasedon'tbeTykkiMik, pleasedon'tbeTykkiMik!" Komui clasped his hands in prayer as he stumbled forward, "Oh… God…"

Lenalee waited for the impending seizure.

"I…"

"Yes?" the Chinese exorcist was holding back a fit of giggles.

"I… think… I'M IN LOVE!" Komui began salivating and rushed into his sister's room.

"WHAT?" his sister immediately stopped giggling, then burst out laughing, "Oh… god…" she chortled, "I always thought your berets were gay… but…" she subsided into another fit of helpless laughter.

"You're a bit less mortified than I thought you would be," Lavi commented, having somewhat recovered. He still avoided looking directly into Lenalee's room, "Who is that anyway?"

"That?" Lenalee smiled.

"Yes that!" Allen seemed to have bounced back somewhat.

"Oh, that," Lenalee shrugged offhandedly.

"Just. Tell. Us." Kanda snarled as he slowly heaved himself up, leaning heavily against the wall.

The Chinese exorcist's smile widened.

"Tell us!" Tap and Johnny cried in unison.

"I dunno," Lenalee smiled again.

"Stop being dramatic," Reever tried to pry Komui away from Lenalee's room.

"B-b-but…" Miranda peered confusedly into the room, "That's just a guy…"

"Which is why I think that they are all gay," Lenalee sniffed and then gestured into the room, "That," she announced, "Is a man named Tezuka Kunimitsu," she smirked at her brother, "He has the distinction of being a fictional character."

"What the hell! You're a fangirl?" Lavi sat bolt upright.

Lenalee laughed.

"I can't wait to break that news to the Supervisor," Reever tried in vain to release Komui's stranglehold from the poster on the wall, "Supervisor! Supervisor!"

"Be quiet! I'm with my one and only love!" Komui replied tearfully.

"Your 'one and only love'," Reever snarled back, "Is a fictional character!"

"I DON'T BELIVE YOU!"

"He's from—" Reever looked questioningly at Lenalee.

"Prince of Tennis," she supplied.

"Prince of Tennis!" Reever shook the Chinese man.

"I DON'T HEAR YOU! I DON'T HEAR YOU!" Komui covered his ears.

"How old are you?" Lenalee asked, "Six?"

"You're just jealous!" her brother snarled back.

"You know…" Lenalee tapped her chin, "I kind of am," a strange look came over her face, "That sounded so wrong in so many ways."

"My precious," Komui rubbed his face affectionately against the poster, "We'll be together forever."

"Did he fall for the poster or the guy?" the Chinese girl walked over to a drawer.

"He is kind of hot," Lavi looked the poster from another angle.

"That was way too much information!" Lenalee called out of the room.

"I thought you were planning on incinerating Lenalee's love," Reever shook his supervisor's shoulder, irritated.

"Yes, but now I kill two birds with one stone!" Komui replied childishly, "I'll seduce him so he'll stay away from Lenalee and be my love!"

"But he's fictional!" Allen has long accepted that Komui wasn't sane.

"ON WITH THE FANFICTION WRITING!" Komui raised his crayon.

"Dear god," Lavi drawled, "Lenalee x Tezuka is already mind numbing, not to mention Komui x Tezuka."

"It'd be more of a one sided love triangle," Kanda informed the group, who were already too stunned to access the out of character-ness.

Lenalee raised her eyebrows and threw something at her brother, "Here!"

Komui caught the key chain, "My love!"

"The poster's mine though," Lenalee patted the poster possessively, "Oh… my precious Tezuka. I wont let him take you away!"

"And thus, the Lee siblings are alike," Lavi commented dryly, "Any one else want to fall head over heels in love with a hot bishie?"

"I'm not interesting in guys with glasses," Allen sat down stubbornly, forcing himself to avoid the allure of the incredibly pretty boy.

Lavi sighed, "I was talking about the incredibly sexy me."

"I have learned in my fifteen long years to never trust mysterious men with red hair," Allen replied stubbornly to the self proclaimed hot bishie."

"Dude, are you talking about Cross again?"

"Uh…"

"Speak of the devil! There he is!"

"What? Where?" Allen looked around frantically.

"Psyche," Lavi smirked, "Oh, and this is where Kanda jumps my bones."

"You wish."

"Allen's then?"

"Idiot," Kanda stalked off.

"Bitchy princess," Lavi retorted, "He's probably in love with himself."

"I have learned not the put it over him," Allen watched Kanda break into a run as he turned the corner.

"Dude, are you having an orgasm on that poster?" Lavi rushed forward towards Lenalee.

Allen covered his eyes in horror.

"My love!" Komui clutched the key chain to his chest, "You are my one and only true love!"

"You know," Lavi smirked, "At least Lenalee has the decency to be a closet fangirl…"

"Shut up!" Lenalee seemed to have reverted to normal, having left the confines of her room.

Komui ignored him, "My precious!" he wrapped his fingers tightly around the Tezuka key chain.

"And here comes the Lord of the Rings parody," Lavi added dryly.

Lenalee looked around, "What happened to the rest of the peanut gallery?"

"They ran away from your weirdness."

"And you?"

"Considering that I'm in critical condition and you wheeled me here," the redhead replied from his wheelchair, "I don't have much of a choice, do I?"

"Oh, sorry."

"Anyway," the apprentice bookman continued cheerfully, "I am awaiting a Lee sibling catfight."

A wheelchair went crashing out of the tenth story window.

A/N: Yes, my cousin is a rabid Tezuka fan. I have another cousin who is a rabid Fuji fan. God, I'm surrounded by rabid fangirls, my own fangirl status notwithstanding. I'm sorry if anyone was weirded out by this chapter, I blame it on the six mosquito bites in the last two days. Anyway, I bet no one can tell me that LenaleexTezukaxKomui has been done before.

Dude, I have a cousin named Coca-Cola (in Chinese) and it's not a nickname. It's freaking on his birth certificate. How I learned this…? Something called a massive family reunion… thirty odd people and apparently half the people were missing… not to mention it was only on my grandfather's side.

My weird stories aside, the next chapter will feature Noahs! And shall be called 'Thriller'. Whoever figures out the meaning of the title will get bonus points. Speaking of this chapter, my review request of the chapter is for you to send me all of your best bad pickup lines, because someone will be saying them and I shall credit you.

Ki Ki Ke, I learned another weird phrase! (Anyone who figures out what it means will get a cookie.)

And apologies to my beta, UnboundWings, I've been to damn lazy to send these chapters to you.