CHAPTER FOURTEEN

"That's what she said!" Embry and Quil cackled in unison, bumping fists as they threw their heads back and howled with laughter. They were sprawled over my ratty, stained, looted-from-a-garage-sale couch, scarfing down the chips and soda they'd brought.

"Grow up," I told them and threw my pillow at them, hiding my own grin. It was so hard to be mad at the wolves when they came to visit, no matter how many dirty jokes or vampire smell comments they made. Jake was usually my only visitor, so having any company to socialize with made me euphoric.

"Sorry, can't do that," Embry sighed, tossing the projectile back at me. "Red screwed that up last September."

I stiffened, as did Jacob next to me. "Red," was what the wolf pack called Victoria, along with "leech," "bloodsucker," and "vampire bitch." It was no secret that Victoria's return- and now, me, consequently- was the reason that the Quileutes were on edge again. Not only was it my fault that the entire pack had been forced to shift, screwing up all of their attempts at returning to a normal life, but Jacob had also let it slip that some of the younger boys on the reservation were starting to change, a result of the presence of a nearby vampire. Me.

"God, way to kill a mood, Em." Quil kicked him off the couch and stretched his legs over the newly acquired space.

Embry scrambled- somehow gracefully- to reclaim his spot while Jacob shifted towards the door again. He seemed more uncomfortable than his brothers, even, glancing at the door or out the large windows every so often. The arm around my waist seemed more of a formality than an actual expression of affection.

It almost reminded me of the few days before...

No, I would not think of that now. I forced a smile on my face and nudged Jacob's shoulder with mine. "Billy waiting up for you, or something?" I teased, wanting him to drop the half-interested countenance he'd been wearing for the past couple of hours.

His dark eyes turned to me, tender and cautious at the same time. "It's nothing," he replied smoothly, reaching over to ruffle my hair. Warmth bloomed in my chest at this small gesture, and I leaned against him.

"How's Emily?" I asked hesitantly. Emily had become a very good friend over the last couple of years, and it was hard not being able to see her. Jacob thought it would be okay if Sam brought her over for a visit, but both Sam and I disagreed. Jake seemed to have more faith in my self-control than I did.

"She's good," he smiled. "There's this cake contest that she's thinking about entering."

My eyebrows raised. "Good for her!" I remembered Emily's cooking with fond memories. "She should definitely do it. Tell her I said so, and good luck."

"Sure," Jacob nodded, moving his arm from my waist to my shoulders. The mattress under me was more affectionate than he was being.

"Hey, Han- Bella," Quil began, changing subjects. He held a potato chip in front of his face, inspecting it carefully. "Normal food doesn't taste good to you, right?"

"And you accused me of making her feel awkward?" Embry snorted, muttering under his breath as he shoved Quil's feet off of his spot on the couch.

"It doesn't taste bad. Just bland." I shrugged. "It provides no satisfaction." Maybe it was just me, but I felt uncomfortable discussing my dietary habits in front of the wolves. It seemed inappropriate.

"Well, what about the smell? I mean, does a potato chip still smell like a potato chip? Is a burrito still a burrito?" Quil's voice was light, curious. It made me truly wonder what other thoughts the pack was submitted to while in wolf form.

"That which we call a burrito by any other name would smell as sweet," I quipped, disappointed when the guys either didn't get my joke or didn't find it amusing. Edward would have gotten that, I thought before I could stop myself, and wanted to smack myself. Such ponderings had to be buried deep within me, where they couldn't hurt me.

I sighed. "A potato chip smells like a potato chip. A burrito smells like a burrito." Quil and Embry watched me intensely as I spoke, as if I was divulging some confidential vampire secret. "The only thing that's been taken out of the equation is the appeal. Flowers smell nice, but you don't really want to eat one, right? You're never tempted to take a bite out of those cardboard pine trees you hang in your car, are you?"

We were all quiet for a moment, and I seriously wondered if it was because they were saying they had. The ring of Jacob's cell phone echoed through the large, mostly empty house, and I was surprised. He didn't usually keep it on him unless he had to.

His arm disappeared from around me, and without another word, he put the phone to his ear and jogged outside. It was a private call- he ran until I couldn't make out the voice on the other side.

"So," Embry spoke up again, almost too quickly. "If you eat actual food, you have to cough it back up?"

The way he said "actual food" almost offended me, but I didn't allow myself to think of that for long. "Yeah, pretty much," I replied, and they recoiled as if I just sprouted a third arm.

"Ughhh!" they said at the same time, like twins. Disgusted grins painted their faces, though, so I didn't worry about it. "That's so gross!"

"You asked," I chuckled, leaning back on my arms.

"Yeah, I am," I heard Jacob saying outside. Quil and Embry exchanged a glance when they noticed me listening. "Mmm-hmm. Sure, sure." His laughter was genuine and warm, unlike anything I'd heard from him in a while. Jealousy for the person who was speaking to him made my nostrils flare, and I shook my head, trying to ignore the feeling.

Pursing my lips and blocking out the sound of his voice, I glared at the floor until Jacob came back inside and lowered himself back onto the mattress next to me. My hands tightened when he didn't make a move to return his arm to the spot it'd been in before he disappeared. "Do you have something you're supposed to do?" I asked him, attempting to keep emotion out of my voice and make it sound light-hearted.

Jake swapped looks with his brothers, and then his eyes cut back to me. "Uh, yeah, actually." He slowly started to stand. "Sam wants us back on the rez."

I nodded, trying very hard to believe him. "Okay. Go, then, I don't want you three in trouble."

His face broke into a grin. "Thanks, Bella. See you later."

Without a goodbye kiss, hug, or anything, he jogged out the door again, Embry and Quil following behind him.

I sighed and watched the door for a while after they left, but then my eyes drifted back toward my pitiful excuse for my bed. Jacob's phone, alone and forgotten, lay just inches from my fingertips. It didn't take me long to decide to pick it up and file through his received calls, pressing the green button when I reached his last one.

The ring didn't even last once before a chipper voice picked up. "Hey, babe! That was fast- are you already leaving?"

The truth pierced between my ribs, but somehow, I wasn't surprised. I replied civilly to the very female voice, "This is Bella. May I ask who this is?"

There was a barely audible gasp on the other side, and I knew that she knew about me. When she spoke again, her voice was very wary, controlled. "This is Hanna. Is Jacob there?"

"I was calling to ask the same thing," I explained, resisting the urge to squeeze the tiny device in my hand until it crumbled into pieces. "When he gets there, could you tell him he left his phone here?"

"Yeah. Yes." She sounded nervous, a bit scared even. It comforted me and hurt me at the same time. Jacob's behavior lately was all beginning to make so much sense. The distance, the lack of physical attention, his way of constantly seeming like he'd rather be somewhere else... Everything was falling into place in front of my eyes.

"Goodnight, Hanna," I said, and hung up before the jealous words behind my lips could spring forward. I threw the phone across the room- more gently than I wanted. It landed several yards away; the battery cover fell off, but it was otherwise unscathed. Half of me wanted to see it crushed into pieces and burned in a bonfire.

When Jacob returned half an hour later, his game face on, I was leaning against the couch, his phone sitting on the stack of newspapers and books in the center of the room. At first, he just locked gazes with mine, wondering if I was going to yell or scream. After he realized I wasn't, he crossed the room in three long strides and swiped his phone, hiding it in his pocket.

"Thanks," he murmured, his voice low and wary. He was still holding my gaze, like I was a bomb ready to explode.

"Is there something you want to tell me?" I whispered, managing to keep my tone even.

"Well, there's no point in hiding it anymore, is there?" he replied, a little bitter.

My lips pursed in response.

His arms folded over his chest, not in an angry way, but in an insecure or defensive way. "Bella, remember when we had that conversation about imprinting?" When I didn't reply, he sighed and continued. "Her name's Hanna. She's a year younger me, a senior at my old school. I met up with Jared and his girlfriend at The Lodge, and they bumped into her there and introduced us."

"How long?" I asked, feeling rejected and defeated and betrayed. But, aside from feeling sad for myself, I hurt for Jacob. It was impossible to be angry with him when I knew he was trying to resist so strong a pull for me. I knew how he must have felt for Hanna. I'd seen the way Quil looked at Claire and the way Sam looked at Emily. That kind of devotion was hard to deny. It didn't make me hurt any less, though.

"Since January."

A few months, then. I nodded. "She knows about me, doesn't she?"

"Yes."

Of course. Humiliation burned through me.

We were both silent for what seemed like years. Jacob was watching me, but I couldn't make myself meet his eyes. Misery was threatening to wash over me. Twice, now, I'd been pushed away because I wasn't what someone wanted. I almost made a joke about me getting a complex, but decided I couldn't without breaking down.

"What..." he sighed, dropping his hands and shifting like he wanted to take a step forward. "What do you want me to do?"

It should have been an easy question to reply to. I should have been able to demand right then and there that he apologize for going behind my back and tell Hanna to go jump in a lake. But I couldn't. I couldn't make myself deprive Jacob of that happiness.

"I don't know," I whispered. "I just... I want things to be like they used to be. I want to go back to before I ever made the stupid decision to move here."

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw his face stricken with pain. His hand rose to run through his hair- a reflex he hadn't broken out of since he'd cut off his long ponytail last week- but he dropped it almost at once. "You can't, Bella. You can't go back to the way things were. That's what makes them what they were. All you can do is try and make the best of what's happening now."

I tightened my arms around my chest, where a hole was slowly growing, devouring me from the inside out. "How can I make the best of this?" I asked, my voice soft and broken.

"I've been trying, Bella, I have." He took an actual step forward this time. "I've been trying my damnedest, but... I can't rewind time. I can't make you human again, and I can't bring Edward back like I know you want."

I flinched.

"Are you gonna be okay?" His voice was sincere, and I felt more kindness from him now, as he was rejecting me, than in the past three months we'd been together.

It was such a stupid question, though. And to ask it as I had nothing but clothes on my back and a cardboard box of prized possessions? Despite the biting remark I wanted to make, I forced my lips to curl upwards. "Yeah, Jake. I'll be fine."

My words didn't seem very convincing, so I took a deep breath and grinned as brightly as I could. "Get out of here, mutt," I told him affectionately. "You don't want your girlfriend to think the big bad vampire is sucking your blood."

At that, he nodded and started to inch towards the door. "I'll see you later then, Bella?"

"Of course," I lied, seeing the decision I'd already made playing out in my head.

"See you later, Jake."

When I awoke, my eyes instantly locked on Edward's. His face was just a couple inches from mine, and the soft breeze of his sweet-smelling breath tickled the bridge of my nose. Two fingers were tracing up and down my bare back, soothing and erotic at the same time.

All in all, not a bad way to begin a morning.

A smile crinkled his eyes, and I felt his thumb rubbing circles against the vertebrae of my spine. "Hello," he murmured, his velvet voice like music to my ears after the harsh dream I'd had.

In my early morning delirium, I heard myself mumble, "I'm still naked, aren't I?" The moment I'd stepped out of the shower last night, I'd wrapped myself in a towel and stumbled into bed. Edward and I had spent the better part of the night moving my things into his room and repainting mine. It had been Jasper's office before Alice had seized it and kicked him out. We painted it the goldenrod color it had been before and pulled his desk, his shelves, and his books out of the basement. By the time we finished, it was almost three in the morning, and I was dead on my feet.

"Yes, but perfectly covered," his voice was light, but his eyes were cautious. "I can leave, if you want. If you're uncomfortable with that."

I shook my head. Being nude so near to Edward should have bothered me, but it didn't. It felt natural.

"What do you want to do?" I asked, changing the subject from my apparent lack of attire.

His lips stretched upwards, but it didn't quite reach his eyes. There was something on his mind, I could tell, and I wondered if I'd said anything while I was sleeping that worried him. "Well," he began. "I received a text from Alice, and my family should be back in a couple of hours."

My expression must have changed, because he chuckled. "They don't bite," he teased, and I gave him a withering glance.

"I'm not worried about biting," I sneered. "I'm just worried that they're upset with me. I know I would be."

Edward sighed, snaking his arm around me and pulling me closer. He'd taken his shirt off last night, and my skin burned where it pressed against his. "They love you, Bella. They've already forgiven you."

I moved my gaze- the unfailing certainty made me even more on-edge. My eyes fell on his forearm- there was a streak of golden-brown paint smeared across his skin. "You didn't get a shower?"

He smiled crookedly at me. "You were just too adorable to miss for even a moment."

I resisted the tugging at the edges of my lips.

"How about I get a shower while you get dressed?" He kissed my forehead and stood, grabbing clean clothes from his closet before disappearing downstairs.

I laid in bed for a while longer, listening to the noises he made- his clothes rustling as he pulled them off, the splatter of water against the glass shower doors, his low, happy humming. If I had the choice, I'd sit there and listen to him all day. My heart was warm, and despite my anxiety over his family's return, I was content. The only place my world was falling apart, ironically, was in my dreams.

When I heard the water shut off, I sighed and got ready, pulling on a pair of khakis. When I went to find a blouse, though, I realized that I didn't have one that matched, so I was left with jeans and a t-shirt. Even though it was comfortable, I wanted to look a little bit nicer for the Cullens' return. With a sigh, I avoided the mirror and walked to the west wall. Edward's room, I'd discovered, was the one with the balcony, so I pushed open the doors and leaned over the banister. The clouds had returned, blackening the sky and expelling tiny snowflakes. It was quiet.

I heard Edward before I saw him, and he wrapped his arm around my waist. The slight warmth left over from his shower felt nice, and I leaned back into his arms. He felt so solid behind me, and my skin prickled with heat. "Mmm" he murmured, burying his nose in my hair. "You belong here."

"I know," I told him, and it was true. I was born to fit right into his embrace. Neither of us would ever be able to function properly without the other.

"May I..." He paused, and his voice sounded almost embarrassed. "May I ask you a question that could possibly be a bit of a sore subject?"

I nodded, curious. We'd talked about everything and nothing these past few days. Serious topics were never breached.

"Why, after Victoria changed you," he began, practically spitting her name. "Why did you leave Jacob?"

I had been talking in my sleep, then.

"Lots of reasons," I sighed, pressing my back against his chest. His arms wound tighter around me, his fingers splaying across my stomach. "The first reason was mostly because Jacob fell in love with another girl."

"Jacob Black is an idiot for letting you go," he muttered.

I shook my head. Edward didn't understand, and I didn't feel like explaining. "I also left because my being there was bad for the wolf pack. It put their instincts on edge, and some of the kids on the reservation were shifting."

His lips brushed against my hair. "It must have been hard for you," he said softly, his mouth on my ear.

"Very."

Edward took my hands. "Come, love. I've written some new songs lately, and I want your opinions." And with that, I allowed myself to be led downstairs and seduced by melodies and harmonies.

.o0o.

My entire body tensed when Emmett's jeep crunched along the gravel driveway, the softer purr of Carlisle's car behind it. Ice froze in my belly, and my lungs threatened to jump out of my mouth.

Edward's hands didn't stop dancing across the keys, but he looked up at me and smiled. "Be brave," he whispered. "They're all in a very good mood."

"He's playing!" I heard Esme say to Carlisle outside. "Honey, he's playing!"

"See?" He raised an eyebrow at me, and my anxiety bated a bit, but not by much.

There had been loud pop music coming from one of the cars, but when the engine cut off, so did the music. Alice's soprano voice had been weaving in a harmony, but switched to the melody when she went a Capella. Emmett and Jasper were arguing sports, and Rosalie was muttering something under her breath. It was possible that they weren't coming at me with pitchforks and torches.

Edward suddenly made a noise that was half a growl and half a chuckle. "Yes, Alice, of course," he said, just a little louder than speaking level. To me, he whispered, "She was wondering if we were decent.

I wanted to laugh, but had I been human, my face would be bright red. Leave it to Alice to think of that.

"Welcome home," Edward called when his family stepped inside. He finished the song he'd been playing with a flourish and went to meet them, giving me a sign that said, "Hold on."

"Is she still sleeping?" I heard Carlisle murmur.

"No, she's awake, but she has something she wants to say to everybody, first..."

My heart gave a painful squeeze, and I smoothed my palms over my jeans. I tried to take slow breaths, running over what I was going to say. There was no reason to be nervous, I told myself. These were my friends, Edward's family. They were understanding, and... and they loved me.

"Bella?" Edward leaned around the wall to look at me. "Are you ready?"

I nodded, leaving my place on the piano bench and rounding the corner. Edward's brothers and sisters were settled on the couch and in the chair. Esme and Carlisle stood behind the loveseat, watching me expectantly and encouragingly. I attempted to smile, but it was weak. "Hello," I began, clearing my throat.

"First, I just wanted to thank you all for opening your home to me. It means more to me than you know." Another Christmas morning spent curled up on the couch watching holiday specials by myself would have given me suicidal tendencies. "I also wanted to tell you how grateful I am for your patience with me. I know I haven't exactly been the easiest person to deal with lately."

Rosalie snorted, and Carlisle reached over and flicked the back of her head. Edward snickered.

"She's right," I sighed, hooking my thumbs in my back pockets. "I've been rude, insensitive, and paranoid. I was so caught up in my issues that I didn't stop to think that for maybe one minute, I could stop holding a grudge against you all long enough to see that you were trying to help me. If you want to be mad at me, that's okay, be mad." Shrugging one shoulder, I smiled at Rosalie. "I deserve it."

What I thought would be a feat was coming easier than I had thought it would. These people cared about me, and I cared about them. It wasn't hard to apologize. "So," I continued. "I just wanted to say I'm sorry. For saying hurtful things, for assuming the worst from you, and for taking your love and generosity for granted. Edward and I had a talk the other night, and it made me realize that I wasn't the only one in pain. I wish I could take back everything that's happened since you arrived here, and I'd like to continue being a part of this family, if that's alright with all of you."

I stole a glance at Edward, and he was beaming proudly at me. Everything about myself felt lighter, relaxed. A heavy burden seemed to have been lifted from my shoulders.

Now was the hard part: their response. Nobody seemed to be glaring at me, even Rosalie. They were all quiet, though, watching me. Esme's lips were pressed tight against a smile, her grip on Carlisle's arm tight.

Alice shifted so that she was on the edge of the couch, and she looked up at me. "Are you done?" she asked, her tone impatient.

I tried to hide the dejection I felt and nodded. If Alice wasn't ready to forgive me, I couldn't expect much from the rest of the family.

The minute I said yes, though, she shot from her seat and tackled me with a hug. Her embrace literally knocked the breath out of me, and Edward had to grab my forearm to keep me from falling over. She threw her arms around my neck and held me tight. Esme was hot on her heels, approaching in a much more ladylike fashion, but hugging me as tightly as she could.

"You have always been a part of this family, Bella, and you always will be." She kissed my temple, and I felt my heart expanding.

So happy I felt I could cry, I looked over my shoulder at Edward. He was leaning against the wall, watching his family embrace me. His face broke into a grin, and he winked at me. "I told you so."