© 2007 Gold

Title: Self-Preservation
Series: The mirror fic to Honesty

Author: Gold, aka Alsepang, aka AlseGold
Pairings: Once, in the past, there was an Oshitari/Gakuto.
Notes: I took the first half of Honesty and gave it a bitter ending. This is the flip side of what might not have been. It's better to read Honesty first, because that makes this ending hit harder. That's how I felt when reading both.

Rating: PG-13, for gay pairings.
Disclaimer: Prince of Tennis is created by Konomi Takeshi. This work is a piece of fanfiction and no part of it is attributed to Konomi-sama or any other entity holding any legal right associated with and arising out of Prince of Tennis . It was written purely out of fanservice and it is not to be used for profit or any association with Konomi-sama or aforesaid entities.

Mukahi Gakuto has always prided himself on his honesty. In fact, throughout junior high and senior high school, he was such a blisteringly honest person that he had been called names, been cursed (elaborately, in some cases, if inaccurately, with people buying voodoo dolls in his image and then sticking pins in or writing curses and sticking them on the dolls) and been avoided like the plague, and some people unkindly said that it was more sheer tactlessness or incredibly low emotional quotient rather than honesty. Shishido Ryou was one of those people, and it was really rich coming from him, since Shishido prided himself on his brutal honesty and he'd been named Tactless Ass of the Year many, many times over in not-so-secret Hyoutei polls.

Atobe Keigo snorted when he heard what they had to say, and then told them with his usual candid arrogance that he, Atobe Keigo, was the most perfectly honest of them all, and they could either agree with him or run two hundred laps and do another two hundred and fifty push-ups. In their combined brutal and blistering honesty, Shishido and Gakuto chose to run the two hundred laps and do the two hundred and fifty push-ups. The fact that the only thing they got out of it was that they'd managed to insult Atobe into giving them the silent treatment for seven weeks straight (a real record, that was) didn't dampen them a single whit, and it took the combined efforts of Hiyoshi Wakashi, Ohtori Choutarou and Oshitari Yuushi to squash Shishido and Gakuto into some semblance of meekness, so that Atobe wouldn't feel obliged to take out a hit on them. Someone, after all, had to stop the two honest folks from continuing to be too brutally and blisteringly honest for their own good.

"It's a very good thing to be honest, Gakuto—but too much of a good thing can kill you sometimes," Oshitari Yuushi had told Gakuto then, half-amusedly, half-exasperatedly. "Don't either you or Shishido have any sense of self-preservation?"

Many years later, Gakuto remembers this, the night before Oshitari weds. He remembers this as he watches Oshitari chuckle at something Atobe says; he remembers this as he watches the way Oshitari's dark eyes light up when Oshitari speaks, in fond tones, of old school days; he remembers this as he watches Oshitari, Oshitari—only Oshitari. Oshitari's laughter hurts Gakuto's heart; the look in Oshitari's eyes makes Gakuto's throat catch; the light from Oshitari's ring flashes and stings Gakuto's eyes so badly he nearly weeps.

"Oi, Gakuto."

Gakuto hates the faint undertone of anxiety in Shishido Ryou's voice—hates the pity he knows is in Shishido's eyes—hates that Shishido knows. Shishido knows and Atobe knows, and they can't help him. Shishido's said before Go tell him and Atobe's said the same too Where's your honesty, Mukahi Gakuto?

But Shishido and Atobe don't know enough.

They've dated before, Oshitari Yuushi and Mukahi Gakuto. Three weeks five days sixteen hours twenty-three minutes thirty-two seconds – it was Oshitari who asked, and Gakuto who agreed. And in the end it was Oshitari who said gently, as if for fear of hurting Gakuto It's not you, it's me.

And it's been five years, eleven months, three days seven hours from the day Oshitari said that.

Five years.

Eleven months.

Three days.

Seven hours.

Two minutes…

Oshitari comes up to Gakuto and Shishido. He makes small talk with them, smiling, chatting.

You've still got time to think Shishido says, half-jokingly, but it is Gakuto he elbows.

But Gakuto says nothing, only looks at Oshitari and thinks back to the day five years eleven months three days seven hours eight minutes ago, when Gakuto almost said No, wait, we can try—I'll be better. I'll be the person you want me to be. I'm sorry. I'll try again. I promise. Please don't leave.

Gakuto didn't say that then because he was so afraid, so terrified that Oshitari would say something in response that might just break him.

Self-preservation.