Spoilers: Spoiler for "Runaway Bride" and minor spoiler for "Sontaran Stratagem" for Doctor Who. Spoiler for "Something Borrowed" and a general spoiler for the conclusion of Torchwood's Season Two.
Disclaimer: Not mine, just borrowing.
Timeline: Set sometime after Season Two of Torchwood and ohh...let's say end of Season Four of Doctor Who. It'll all be AU anyway. Just assume everyone knows everyone.

It was the 14th of August and on this day, just less than thirty minutes ago, Miss Martha Jones became officially Mrs. Milligan. Though technically and legally she remained Martha Jones for practical purposes of her job. The ceremony itself was a lovely, elegant affair with friends and family all around, watching the happy couple become a happy married couple. And while Donna Noble generally disliked weddings on past experiences, she felt a warm, contact happiness at seeing Martha in her beautiful white dress looking…well, beautiful.

Now, sitting at the outdoor garden reception, the redhead wondered if she was going to have to somehow convince one of the Torchwood employees at her table to help her cart the Doctor home.

"I love weddings!" announced the Doctor with a grin that stretched his face to its limits. "Utter rubbish at them, but that doesn't stop me from enjoying them!" He punctuated his point by raising the glass on his right and bringing it to his lips. Before an enthusiastic gulp could be taken, the drink was taken away with an exasperated huff.

"Oi, get your own," Donna ordered, knocking back the rest of the gin and tonic as the Doctor watched with some envy. "And anyway, I think you've had enough already," she commented, noticing the Doctor seemed a bit more manic than usual. Or rather, the crazed energy lacked it usual focused precision.

"Donna, I'm a Time Lord," the Time Lord lectured in that knowing tone that made Donna wish she had saved some of her drink so that she could toss it in his face. "And I'm not about to get pissed on…" he stared at the mostly empty, rather large glass he'd just picked up from his left. "What exactly was this?"

"A banana daiquiri," Jack supplied from his seat with a half-amused, half-gleeful smile of his own at the sight of the near inebriated Doctor.

"I didn't know the bar was serving fruit drinks," Gwen said. "I could do with a frozen one on a day like this. Want one?" she asked Rhys.

Twisting in his seat, Jack looked over toward the serving area, spotting Ianto collecting three pints. "I don't think they do," he guessed.

"So where'd that one come from?" asked Rhys.

"I love bananas!" announced the Doctor, rewinding the conversation back a few seconds.

Jack unhelpfully laughed while Donna pulled the Time Lord back down to his seat when it looked like he was about to clink his glass to announce his love of the yellow fruit to the entire reception. "If you think I'm going to carry your skinny arse back to the TARDIS, you've got another thing coming, mate," she warned.

"High drama, potential for disaster, but an all around happy ending," Jack listed with a beatific smile, looking over to where Martha and Tom were dancing on the stone paved floor at the center of the lawn. "Is it any wonder a wedding party is the place to be?"

"Would you choose one over an office party, then?" Ianto asked. He slipped back into his seat, pushing two pints over to Gwen and Rhys.

"Who says I have to choose? My next wedding, I'm having it at an office. I'll exchange vows by the fax machine."

"And no doubt honeymoon by the copier," Ianto predicted with an indulgent smile.

Gwen laughed so violently into her drink it nearly sloshed over.

Donna wondered if her time with the Doctor had heightened her tolerance for the bizarre a lot more than she'd originally estimated. The on going conversation didn't seem that strange.

"Doesn't she look lovely?" Gwen sighed, watching as Martha now moved across the floor with her father. "And the weather was perfect," she added. "Here I thought I heard it was going to rain."

"Oh, it was," the Doctor stated. He'd managed to tip over Donna's former gin and tonic and was now shifting the spilt ice cubes on the table with a straw. "But can't have rain at an outdoor wedding reception. Would ruin all the cake." Gwen didn't know what to exactly make of the somewhat hazy smug expression on his face.

"We're lucky," Donna interjected, jerking her head at the Time Lord. "If he knew the weather controls on that box of his like he does the directional controls, we'd all be sitting in six feet of snow."

"Oi!" the Doctor exclaimed, wounded.

"I went to a wedding in the snow once," Jack recalled. "It was traditional for Takian ceremonies."

Across the table, the Doctor gave an eager "Oh!" pointing his half bitten straw at the Captain. "Takian weddings are brilliant!"

"Completely," agreed Jack, enthusiastically. "The last one I went to…yeah…" The bright blue eyes glazed over with blissful recollection.

"Did you have to do the Stick and Tong dance?" the Doctor asked, features alight.

"All sixteen parts!" Jack answered, proudly. "That was a wedding to remember. Not that I do much, actually. I was the best man….and I might have become the groom a little later into the night. And possibly the bride at some point. Can't be too sure. It was an open bar and I could have gotten my sticks and tongs mixed up."

"I can't ever tell if he's having us on with these stories or not," Rhys half whispered to Gwen.

"You get used to it," Gwen assured, giving his arm an affectionate pat. Sitting there with her husband, if she could ignore for the moment that one of her tablemates was an alien and Torchwood's former most wanted, Gwen could almost believe that her life was just normal. She was simply a happily married woman, attending the wedding of a friend. And yes, she might have packed Weevil spray and a gun into her deceptively small looking purse, but that was just protocol. Seeing Clive Jones hand his eldest daughter back to the arms of her husband, Gwen shifted closer to her own husband. She basked contentedly in the fact that even through the layers of clothing, she could recognize the familiar contours of Rhys' arm and shoulder as she pressed against him.

She felt a kiss being pressed against her hair. "Alright?" Rhys asked.

"Mmmm," she murmured back. "This was nice," she added. "Much more normal than ours."

Donna caught the end of that. "What happened at yours?" she inquired. Disaster weddings she could relate to.

"Torchwood happened," Jack answered for her.

The Doctor looked up from his concentrated efforts in sculpting the Fendra Cluster from both his and Donna's drink straws and cake. "You ruined her wedding?"

"She got bitten by a nostrovite and nearly gave birth to its baby," Jack protested.

"So technically a nostrovite ruined the wedding," Ianto informed. He took a thoughtful sip of his drink. "Or tried to at any rate."

"Oooh, nasty things," the Doctor winced.

"They saved the event, actually," Gwen stated, exchanging a smile with Jack as she squeezed Rhys' hand. "Even if our entire families had to forget it all."

"But there's a lovely incident report in our files to commemorate it," said Ianto, wryly.

Rhys laughed, wrapping an arm around Gwen's shoulders. "Much more interesting than a wedding album, eh?" he grinned, sweetly.

"Well, than things worked out beautifully!" the Doctor concluded. "I mean, you can't beat her for ruined weddings," he said, jerking a thumb toward Donna. He got an ice cube in the ear for his troubles.

Wiping her hand on a napkin, Donna glanced up to see four pairs of curious eyes looking at her. "My fiance tried to feed me to a giant spider."

There was a momentary pause before Jack gave a nod. "Yeah, that about wins."

Surprisingly, Donna felt a chuckle build up in her chest at the comment. The song Martha and Tom had picked out for their dance concluded and the fresh notes of a new tune filtered on in.

Whipping off the specs he'd been wearing to reconstruct the Battle of Ipidis Nine out of torn napkins, the Doctor extended a hand toward the redhead. "Miss Noble, a dance?" he invited.

"Maybe when you gain a few pounds," Donna returned, refusing to let him completely off the hook at the moment for bringing up Arachnos incident. "I'm not getting a black eye from your flailing elbow, I've seen how you dance." Rising to her own feet, she grabbed Jack's arm in a grip that didn't leave room for argument. "Come on then, smiley. Let's have a turn."

Three dances and four drinks later, Jack was making good use out of the high flora that crept up along the glass walls of the greenhouse that lay several feet away from the main festivities.

"Exactly why are we hiding in the greenhouse?" Ianto asked. He followed Jack's line of sight out a window toward where Donna was currently chatting amiably with Gwen while periodically smacking the Doctor's arm every time he reached for her drink. "You're not afraid of Miss Noble, are you?"

"No!" Jack retorted a bit too loudly.

"I like her," Ianto said.

"Me too. She's good for the Doctor," Jack added. "She assaults him when he's being rude."

"A staple of any good partnership."

"And anyway," said Jack, that familiar grin cracking his face. "We're not hiding."

Ianto raised an eyebrow. "Oh?"

"Nope," Jack shook his head. "We're about to honor an old time tradition. And I know how much you love tradition."

"What tradition would that be?" inquired the archivist. Though judging by the way Jack was making quick work of relieving him of his tie, he could hazard an educated guess.

"Bridesmaids and guests hooking up during the reception," answered the captain, slipping the length of silk off his neck.

"I feel the need to point out that neither one of us is a bridesmaid."

"Details, details."

"Does this mean I'm going to have to fight Tish for the bouquet when it gets tossed?"

Buttons were being undone at an alarmingly fast rate. "Hey, if it involves wrestling with a chance of clothes getting ripped, I'm all for it. Whatever you have to do. Love this waistcoat, by the way. Let's see how it looks hanging not on you."

Ianto made a passable attempt to stop Jack's wandering hands. "Jack, we'll ruin Martha's big day if we get caught in here." He got most of that out before he got silenced by Jack's lips against his. The captain pushed forward while maintaining his grip, sending the younger man moving back until they collided with a selection of potted geraniums.

"Like I said," Jack assured with a leer. "Tradition. Fifty quid says twenty minutes from now Tish and her boyfriend are going to come in here for a quick getaway too. Weddings are aphrodisiacal events, Ianto. People need sex at weddings."

Ianto rolled his eyes. "Yes, Jack. People need to have sex amongst the plants at weddings," he stated, sarcastically. Though his own hands were tugging off the greatcoat Jack insisted on wearing no matter what the weather or occasion.

He felt Jack grin against his neck. "What can I say? Loving that greenhouse-y feel. And a wedding at that. Great combination. If there's an office supply store nearby, it'll be the perfect trifecta."

"I'm beginning to suspect you have a fetish for just about everything, sir."

Despite the expert coordination of hands, lips, teeth, and tongue from Jack, Ianto kept his senses long enough to angle them away so as not to destroy the geraniums completely.

Oddly, Rhys was the first to notice the two conspicuously empty seats.

"I think I saw them wandering around the greenhouse over there," Donna gestured. "I can go find them. Martha's dad's about to give a speech before she tosses the bouquet." She was halfway up before Gwen grabbed her arm.

"Uhh…best just wait," she recommended. "I'm sure they'll turn up in a few minutes."

"Few minutes? If I know Jack it'll be sometime tomorrow," the Doctor predicted, his eyes on Clive as he clanged his glass.

Donna looked over at the standing greenhouse. "Oh, you have got to be kidding me," she groaned.

"Shhhh!" the Doctor hushed. "Speeches, Donna. Best bit at these things!"

Clive was reaching the end when Gwen suddenly realized Jack had managed to get back in his seat on her other side without her noticing. Across from her, Ianto had also slid back in, looking politely innocent.

"Did I miss anything?" Jack asked her.

"Yes, your third button," the ex-policewoman chuckled, pointing to the un-buttoned strip of his shirt. Jack's own laughter was quickly drowned by everyone else's that erupted around them.

Sitting, looking vaguely stunned, the Doctor loosely held Martha's bouquet of flowers, which she'd all but pelted at him with an evil grin.

"I've never held one of these before," the Time Lord commented. He held the floral arrangement up to his face for a closer look. "Rather more attractive than a tong, yes?"

THE END