Rating: K+
Summary: Ikki's thoughts on his best friend and himself. (Probably set around 203 and after)

Warning: mild spoilers for later chapters of the Manga specifically 157 onwards really.

Disclaimer: Kazu and Ikki belong to Oh!Great.

Changing

It was obvious he was changing. We all were but perhaps him the most or maybe it was me.

No one expected much of him, at first anyway. If he hadn't followed me, (I know it sounds big headed but let's be honest here,) if he hadn't followed me than nobody would have expected anything of him.

I always stood in his light. He always stood in my shadow so you couldn't see his. He never stood out from the crowd though I knew he was there. I didn't look for him but he'd always be behind me, I guess, looking back I didn't know what I had, took it for granted even.

I would always look up to the sky, wanting to feel the wind around me, and I guess I didn't think about those around me but he didn't seem to mind, in fact he always seemed to be the first to catch me and push me back up again. He was always the first to believe in me and I guess I took that for granted too.

People could accuse me of wanting things I can't have or reaching out for the next best thing. Like starting AT, like wanting Simcra. I suppose I scared him sometimes, leaving him in the dark, letting him believe I was becoming too distant, that I didn't care what he thought or that I was just too good to have to consult him.

But things were changing between us; it started long before either of us noticed.

Looking back I can't believe I was so blind, or selfish, for that matter.

Even Agito, despite how he'd always put him down had to admit he was not the same 'wuss' he'd been when we started. Sure he wasn't as fearless as the rest of us but there was something in him that was perhaps greater than that. I guess that's why I trusted him the most. I trusted him enough to leave my team in his hands and he didn't let me down.

Eventually I stopped constantly looking at the sky and starting looking around me, and he was always there, amongst all the new faces we'd acquainted over the months. I needed my team but more and more I started looking for him. He was a constant in my changing world, I didn't realise we were changing to.

At one point I lost sight of everything. At that time my world had turned upside down. I learnt too much at once but at least I learnt it with people I trusted beside me, in relative safety. He went through the same thing, more or less, only he was right there, where it was happening, experiencing the worst, seeing the worst and with no one to comfort him when he cried.

But it was me that lost hope; I was blinded by self pity. While he, the one everyone had looked down on, had trained harder, had not given up. It was him who had caught me when I fell, had brought me the key to repair my broken wings. Still, even then, I didn't pay enough attention.

Now I was asking myself stupid questions like, when did his hair grow this long, when did he stop wearing his jacket, when did he change his ATs, when did his eyes become so intense, when did he become someone I couldn't overlook, when did he stop following me and start riding beside me?

When did I start chasing him?

When did I start feeling so desperate?

I used to think I was the only one who knew what he was capable off but why was it that someone else was able to start the flame that now I could only fan. Why was did it annoy me so much?

Ever since I was small I would beat him down, I beat anyone down that tried to reach the sky before me. Maybe it was me that had started that insufferable low self esteem of his, made him think the sky belonged to someone else. That'd he'd have to settle for running around a stupid cage.

I didn't really think about that until recently, didn't really think about a lot of things until recently. But now that I have thought about it there is so much I want to change, go back and rewrite, but time is out of my hands and I can only strive forward.

Still, if there was one thing I wouldn't change, it would be him. But he has changed, we both have ... and I wouldn't change that either.

I am meant to be revising for my History AS but this popped into my head so I had to take a break to get it down so apologises for my bad grammar and spelling and all my other wrong doings, it was done quickly.