Disclaimer: I don't own Petshop of Horrors or MIBs. I'm making no money in posting this work.

CHAPTER ONE: Letter of the Day

Frank headed for the park. Humans were almost used to hearing about unbelievable things happening in those particular places, especially the ones in big cities.

Rounding the end of a long wall of decorative hedging, he found himself faced with a deserted open area...nearly.

A few yards away was a bench, where the one hapless human just had to be.

Looking around, Frank headed straight for the human, and stopped his flight right at the young man's heals.

Damn. He looked like one of those humans that had a pretty good head on his shoulders. There was also the faint scent of multiple types of earth animals clinging to him. That could either be very good, or very bad.

The human hadn't noticed his presence yet; he was holding on to the arm of the bench and digging a finger into the side of the shoe on the foot held over the opposite knee.

"Fucking rock just has t'go right where't's gonna hurt the most t'fucking step on--n'where I can't fucking get it the fuck out of my shoe!"

After taking a deep breath, Frank cleared his throat, and tried to sound like a being that was capable of rational conversation. "Excuse me, young man, but have you, by any chance, seen a seven foot reptilian-humanoid around here?"

The human went completely still and seemed to take a moment to process the question, then turned around abruptly. Letting go of the bench, he let his head angle down to lock fierce blue eyes on the only other being in the area with him. The usual several seconds of the standard disbelieving stare were cut marginally short with an unexpected glare of accusation. "No." A rugged, yet asthetic (for a human) jaw set slightly to one side, as if readying for challenge in whatever manner required.

Frank was reminded a great deal of agent J, and he grinned as he informed the human pleasantly. "Well, if you don't start running in the direction you were just facing--you're going to."

The blond man's eyes glanced up immediately, long enough to do a quick scan of the area in front of him, then fixed on Frank less defiantly and more calculatively. "Reptillian, hunh?" The human's mind seemed to be calmly working at recalling something.

Of all the situations Frank had found himself in since he came to this planet, this one was becoming one of the more unusual ones. "Um, that's right...only, it stands at seven feet tall." He waited for the unusual size reference to have the desired affect.

The human, frustratingly enough, seemed to start weighing a selection of thoughts and-or options with an inapropriate sort of...K-like contemplation. On top of that, he seemed to come to a very K-like conclusion. "Is D with you?"

Frank's eyes widened, and the words came out of his mouth before he could stop them, "You know D?"

The human rolled his eyes, planted a fist on one hip, and let out a flattulant noise through his lips. "I shoulda known that guy'd show up just when I started feelin like I was havin a normal fucking day for a change!"

"Oh?" Frank blinked repeatedly, at a loss as to what else to say. This was definitely making it to the top-three of of unusual situations.

The human suddenly brightened enthusiastically. "No fucking problem, dude. I was just at the Seven-Eleven across the street. Got just the thing. Wasn't expectin t'use it for somethin like this, but, that doesn't fucking surprise me...ever since D showed up with his weirder-than-weird ass int'my life. Shit like this is startin t'get like runna-the-mill." He shrugged, turned to bend towards the bench behind him, and grab up a huge Slurpie that had been on the seat.

"I suppose that's understandable." Frank did his best to keep a professional demenor.

"Hhhuckin-ay!" The human confidently licked the Slurpie-dripping straw end after removing it from the cup with the lid. In an oddly upstanding citizen manner, he tossed the lid and straw into the trash basket at the end of the bench.

No sooner had the two heard the sound of a light plastic mass landing with a mild echo onto something else hard and light-wieght, an explosive hissing burst from the end of hedge where Frank had just come from. "Nice timing," the human said casually.

"Uh...are you sure you don't think it's a better idea to--maybe run?" The reptilian creature seemed a lot bigger now that it was...right in front of them.

The human seemed to be ready to challenge, unlike the others that had seen it's appearance, and the reptilian alien slowed cautiously once it was mere feet away.

The human swallowed one last mouthful of Slurpie, just as the reptilian stood and let out a pre-attack hiss directed at him. A human arm flashed out towards the over-sized lizard mouth while it was still open, and a sideways cascade of liquid tourquoise lept into the maw.

The reptilian flinched back reflexively, and then reared to lunge it's body full-force at the human, but stopped, with a choking gargle, in mid-step. The creature's head began swinging from side to side, as if it were trying to shake something off of it. Staggering unsteadily, it started sputtering and hacking. Seconds later, the being was on it's hands and knees, like a drunk emptying his stomach.

The human stood watching, as though completely expecting just such a reaction. Only the sudden sound of galloping hooves closing in from behind encouraged the man to turn away from the reptilian.

"Clarice! Back girl!" The human was now acting panicked, raising his arms warningly. "Get back, baby!"

The equine seemed to pay the man no heed, stopping to come protectively between the human and the reptilian.

The reptilian seemed to regain it's senses, and let out another ghastly hiss as it crouched, ready to pounce at the horse.

The horse reared back angrily, turned, and shot out it's back hooves in a well-aimed kick to the reptilian's head, sending the menace onto it's back in a limp mass.

For a moment, everything was quiet, then normal sounding hard-bottomed-shoed footfalls came around the hedge. "FRANK!" A worried yell proceeded the form of another young man...dressed in an impressive black suit.

"Relax, J! Everything's under control here." Frank relished the opportunity to be smug.

Agent J looked at the heap of unconscious reptilian lying on the grass, and then at the blond man. "You okay, man?"

The blond man pulled a face and waved an arm. "Pfft! Lizards don't do brain-freeze! Buncha wusses!" As if this sort of situation were an every-day occurance, he up-ended the mostly-empty Big Gulp cup over his open mouth and tried to salvage the remains of his Slurpie. He stopped in mid-toss of the cup into the trash, becoming suddenly interested in the other man. "Hey! Didn't we meet at the Police Academy Sharp-Shooter Nationals a few years ago?"

"We probably would've...if I'd ever been in the Police Academy." Agent J shrugged apologetically.

"Oh. Fed, hunh?" The blond man guessed contemptuously.

"You say that as if it might be a bad thing!" J drawled. He understood, but he had to keep this officer believing his assumptions were correct.

"You guys fuckin always hog the best ones t'yerselves!" The ex-fellow cop shot back with a playful whine.

Agent J swiveled his head to take in the downed reptilian, and then looked back at the blond man over the top of his shades appraisingly. "W' i'look 'ere t'me like we done missed one," he stated with a friendly grin.

"Maybe we got ourselves a little serendipity going here, don't you think, J?" Frank tilted his head in contemplation.

Agent J shot Frank a disapproving glance, but twitched a shoulder and one corner of his mouth suggesting agreement.

The blond man snorted with a pleased smirk. "Well, y'all can go right on missing my ass, cuz I fucking HATE wearin suits!"u

"Aw, don't be to hasty before you find out what you're actually turning down," Frank's reluctance to let the man go was obvious in his voice.

"Frank!" Agent J lost his composure slightly.

Frank looked up at his co-worker innocently. "Sorry, J. I just kinda figured there was no point keeping my mouth shut with someone who isn't phased by a seven foot lizard-guy."

The horse, on the other hand, was uneasy with the chatty little pug. She walked into the blond human sideways, and whinnied urgently, shoving the man towards the saddle with the side of her head.

"O-KAY, o-KAY, girl! Ease up! I get the idea, Clare-baby!" The man spoke to the horse as a man might to a long-time girlfriend who was in a hurry to be somewhere else. "Sweet-Aunt-Louise! I do have a cellphone, for fucking crying out loud! Can't you guys ever do something normal?" He complained (in an affectionate tone) to the horse all the way into the saddle and just got his toes in the stIrrups when Clarice reared and landed facing the way she came.

"YIPPY-FUCKING-AYE-YO-KYE-YAYEAH!!" The blond man hollered out triumphantly as he was swept off on horseback.

The two MIB agents watched the blond enigma disappear into the park.

"Just whothehell was that guy, Frank?" J looked down at his co-worker a little put-off.

"Don'kow, J, but'e took out that scumbag with a Slurpie anda horse--and he said he knows D." Frank looked up at J, wondering how Agent D could have allowed MIB information to someone as brash as that. He licked his nose self-consciously. "Didn't really seem to think anything about talking with me, either. I kinda liked that, actu-ly."

J quirked his lips to one side. "Sounds like I need t'find out who was in the Police Acadamy Sharp-Shooter Nationals in the past few years--that looks like our friend, there."

"I'll talk to Agent D, see what he says about'im." Frank said, as he continued to look where the horse-riding city-boy was no longer in view.

Agent J extended his arm behind him. "You do that Frank." He continued looking into the same line of man-made forest scenery that Frank did...as he let off a blast from his weapon the moment a gargled hissing erupted behind them when the reptilian regained consciousness.

Neither MIB agent turned to look back at the sound of re-unconscious reptilian hitting grass covered ground.

"Meet you back at Headquarters," J grumbled, reaching a hand into his jacket as he turned to backtrack the path of his twice-subdued query. It was time to begin damage-control proceedures.

Frank remained gazing at the trees. "Will do, J." He started heading forward, suddenly aware that it'd been a while since the last time he...

A/N: Apologies for taking so long with postings to this and my other stories.

A year ago, I lost my job, then lost my apartment, then lost my sobriety of 4 years, and ruined relationships with my oldest daughter who I'd just reunited with 2 years ago after a 15 year separation.

I had to move 5 times, got a new job that is miles from where I live, and I don't drive, so if I can't get a ride, I have to take the bus.

I've been going to the doctor's almost every month to finally get stabilized on medication for bipolar disorder, and am still doing what I've come to call The Medication Cake Walk. For those of you who don't know what a Cake Walk is, ask someone in their 50s or more...or WIKIPEDIA/GOOGLE and get a good laugh.

My youngest daughter which is now 14 had been living with me , but she's been having such a hard time keeping up her grades because I'm almost never home when I have a job and being affected by my severe mood swings and recent battle with alcohol. Since she's in highschool now and has two adult sisters she can turn to, I dedided to go through the arduous process of getting the paperwork and court stuff done so that she could go live with her father. I'm working on getting things ready so that he can come get her after she gets out of school for Summer Break. Very time-consuming tasks when taking the bus everywhere.

I just got to meet my 16 year old son for the first time after 14 years when his French class took a field trip to Seattle.

My second oldest daughter just gave me the news that she's pregnant with my second grandchild. I was just reunited with her a year ago after being out of her life for 14 years.

I've also started a new romance with someone who likes being outdoors as much as possible, which I also like but hadn't been very inspired to be when I was just by myself.

I do intend to finish DISCLOSURE and my other stories. My life is just recently stabilizing enough for me to think about what to write next and have time to work on it.

Respectfully, and sincerely requesting readers to review to help me decide whether I should change this to a 'completed' One-shot or continue with the story as I started out intentionally. Also, if I get enough quests, I'll see about this evolving into a budding d/l romance (with J innuendos).

You can also talk to me at LiveJournal (my user ID is: stress100 )