Mourning Your Love

Author: Mrs Ronald Weasley

Rating: NC-17

Pairing/s: Bella/Carlisle

Category: Angst/Hurt/Comfort

Spoilers: New Moon

Warnings: Sexual content

Summary: What if Carlisle had never left in New Moon? Bella goes to the Cullen's home the night they left and find's that there's at least one Cullen that loves her enough to stay.

A/N: You can look at this as the extended version of Angels Fall First that you all asked for, with a slight plot change because someone wanted to know what would happen if Carlisle found her before she starts seeing Jacob. It also fit's my Twilight20 prompt #013. Despair so I'm using it for that as well. Hope you enjoy!

Bella sobbed uncontrollably, leaning her forehead against the cool glass of her truck's window. She didn't want to come here at first; she knew what she'd find. The house was dark, empty, it had only been hours and they were already completely gone. There was nothing left here but emptiness.

She wondered to herself what it would've been like for them to still be together. It was torture to think about, but she didn't care. She longed to taste his sweet kisses from cool and smooth lips. She imagined no longer having the cares she did now, allowing herself to become like him and live with him for eternity. Seeing his beautiful face every minute of every day and night, and the lopsided smile he would give her, melting her heart.

But not anymore. After today it was only a silly little fantasy leftover from a lover that would never return.

A crash of thunder shook the truck, pulling her from her reverie. She would do this, she needed to do this. It was why she had come here in the first place; she had to know if he was really gone. She fumbled with the door as she climbed out, not caring that she was going to be soaked by she made it to the front porch.

Dripping wet, the cool rain mixing with her warm, salty tears, she instinctively raised her hand to knock on the door. As soon as she'd done it, she realized through her haze of pain that it had been a ridiculous action and reached for the door handle.

She gasped when it twisted under her hand, her heart accelerating in her chest; first in fear and then in agony when I saw his pain-filled beautiful face. "Carlisle," his name fell from her lips in a whisper.

"I couldn't let things end in this way," he said, a bright flash of lightning lit his face for a brief second. "I couldn't support Edward's decision. I'm sorry Bella." A sob escaped her as her pain flared, causing her to begin to gasp for breath. With tortured eyes, Carlisle reached for her, 

pulling her inside. "You shouldn't be standing outside getting soaked, Bella," he said, his voice remarkably calm. "You'll catch pneumonia."

The feel of his hands on her was amazing; it nearly pulled her from her pain. She hadn't expected him to do this to her, yet somehow, she was still numb.

"I'll get you a towel," he said, letting go of her and heading for the bathroom. He could feel her pained gaze on him, and it tore through him. He wanted nothing more than to take her pain away, because nothing hurt him more than to see Bella in pain.

He fought this feeling as he began towelling her off; he knew that if he just handed it to her, she wouldn't have bothered using it.

Suddenly she grabbed his hands as he raised them up to her hair; the rain had flattened it to her head. She looked at him with a desperate, almost hungry look in her eyes. Carlisle tried to ignore it, knowing that he shouldn't do anything with her and thought to pull away, but instead found himself stopping to stare back into those brown pools full of longing and despair.

All she wanted was to feel again, to feel something other than anguish, and being this close to him brought that despair to the point where she could almost bear it.

Bella raised her hand to caress his smooth face. He trembled slightly at her touch, but didn't stop her as she leaned into him. Her lips only brushed up against his, teasing him with the warmth and softness of them. It took everything he had in him to refrain from kissing her back, and he put his hands up for her to stop. He pulled away, only slightly, looking into her eyes again as he held her face in his hands. "Bella, I don't think you really want to do this," he whispered, running his thumb over her wet skin.

She looked back at him, biting her lip as she held back the tears in her eyes once again. "Why did you stay, Carlisle? Why would you care?" she replied.

"Edward," he saw the pain flash in her eyes; "is a foolish boy. He should've never considered this; he didn't know what it would do to you. But I did, I know how much you love him Bella, and I knew that it would tear you apart. I stayed to watch over you, to make sure that you'd be alright."

"I want to feel Carlisle," she begged in a broken whisper. "I want to know what it feels like to be loved again."

She came at him slowly again, now kissing him tenderly on the lips. Perhaps it was the passion of the moment, or rather realizing that he was the only one who could take away her pain, but Carlisle was overcome by his desire for her, and he wrapped his arms around her neck, deepening their kiss.

Carlisle pulled her closer to him, she embraced him back tightly as his tender kisses swept past her lips and trailed toward her neck and shoulder. "Please don't stop Carlisle," she whispered in his ear.

They continued to kiss delicately as he removed her wet shirt and pants from her body, leaving her in nothing but a thin bra and panties. In turn, Bella peeled the shirt off his chest, exposing cold, hard and smooth skin underneath, kissing it as she did so. She felt his hand wander to the small of her back, causing her to shudder slightly from the tingle it gave to her pelvis. His other hand ventured further down, cupping the back of her thigh, and pulling her leg up, drawing her even closer to him.

Another roll of thunder rolled above them and a soft moan came from Bella as she tilted her head back, arching herself back enough to thrust her hips forward, feeling the growing tightness in his pants.

Taking advantage of the access to her neck and shoulders she now gave him, Carlisle sucked and kissed her skin as he pulled down the strap on her bra. Bella traced a line down his chest to his hips, sliding a finger between him and his pants and running it back and forth, causing him to let out a low growl.

He pulled away slightly to look at her, the same longing and desire now burning in the darkness of her eyes, as was in his own. He took hold of her standing leg, and lifted her effortlessly from the floor. She wrapped her legs around his waist, as he carried her to the couch. He kneeled down on the floor, setting her on the cushions.

The storm had knocked out the power and it was only the bright flashes of lightning every few seconds that guided Bella as she slowly unbuttoned his pants. Carlisle sighed softly at the release of pressure. He captured her mouth in another breathtaking kiss. As his hands traveled back up to her hips, he slowly probed her mouth gently with his cold tongue.

Thunder clapped behind lightning again as Carlisle's hands slowly rose from her hips, to her back and clasped her bra, letting it fall down her shoulders. She reciprocated his kisses as his hands slowly glided back down the gentle slopes of her arms, working inward to her breasts, which heaved with the shortness of her breaths.

Carlisle gently cupped and rubbed her breasts, and Bella ran her hands through his blond hair as he put a hand behind her back, slowly laying her down on the couch and continuing to suck at her hardened nipples. He was arousing her to such a state of ecstasy that she moaned loudly, encouraging his actions.

Carlisle continued the strokes of his hands down her stomach, teasing her. When she thought she couldn't take anymore, he slipped a cold finger into her panties, stroking her softly. She raised her hips to meet his hand, beginning to feel the pulsating warmth centering inside, flushing her body. As if to tease her further, he inserted a finger deep inside her. Bella arched hard at the sudden penetration, and she grabbed him firmly by the shoulders, pulling him down on top of her.

He returned to her mouth, kissing her more fiercely than before. But then he pulled back and off her, and slid off the cushions to the floor taking her with him. Carlisle rolled onto his back and looked her in the eye. "Bella," he said, his voice rich with desire. "Are you absolutely sure you want to do this?" He continued to look in her eyes, with an intensity that she had never seen before.

She leaned over him, positioning herself so that the tip of his erection pressed against her centre. "I'm sure," she whispered. "Please Carlisle."

He nodded slowly, knowing that this was the only thing that would remove her emotional pain. Bella grabbed a hold of his shoulders, bracing herself for what he was about to do.

Thunder crashed over them as he slowly pushed into her, and Bella whimpered with pleasure and pain at the pressure she felt deep inside her. "I'm sorry," he said.

She shook her head. "Move please." Carlisle thrust into her again, slowly, but forcefully. She joined him in his slow rhythm, gasping in shortened breaths to match his own, but never breaking the eye contact between them, afraid to lose the moment of passion, devotion and love that he was showing her.

As he began to move faster, Bella strained to keep her eyes locked with Carlisle's, feeling herself tighten around him, as the cascading waves of pleasure began to wash over her, flushing her body once again.

Carlisle's expression began to change into a desperate look. She lowered her hands from his back, down his arms to his hands, lacing her fingers between his own, continuing to hold the intense gaze between them, until she could hold it no longer. Her eyes rolled back as she tilted her head, and she cried out in ecstasy, as the white-hot sensations from her center exploded, flowing throughout her body. Carlisle joined her moments later, her name falling from his lips.

Bella wrapped her arms around Carlisle as they laid there, feeling him and revelling in the fact that he was truly there. She started to shift herself but stopped when she heard him whisper, "Don't move, Bella."

"Why?" she asked breathlessly.

"Just be careful," he said, "you're probably sore."

She relaxed her body and pushed herself straight up and off him. "Thank you Carlisle," she muttered.

"I love you Bella, you must know that."

"Yes," she said softly. "I know." And pulled him back to her, kissing him tenderly.

She would never forget again.