Chapter 16: Godric Swallowed
Harry and Hermione woke up, they'd fallen asleep with the tent still on fire. Although being conscious Hermione had slept outside the tent, leaving paralysed Harry inside. When Hermione woke up, Harry resembled Anakin from Star Wars after he'd been introduced to some lava and revenge. After dressing Harry in a black suit, Hermione then had to witness him shout "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" for the next hour or so, until she decided to stop the film references, so she took off the black suit, and bathed him in essence of dittany, in an entirely non-sexual way...
So they zap around the country, camping and shit, and missing Ron for various reasons, Harry because he burnt down Sirius's porn collection, and Hermione for various other reasons, and if you've read up to this point, you're mad enough to know what I'm talking about. They took out Phineas Nigellus's portrait because they were really bored, and he was a moaning bastard so they got along splendidly. Apparently some people had been annoying the crap out of Snape, which is all good.
Randomly one day they decided to go to Godric's Hollow, where they hoped to find the sword of Griffindor, which may be completely useless, but it's definitely worth risking their lives for. So they went to Godric's Hollow, maybe Bathilda Bagshot had the sword, because although she had been declared officially retarded, the never seemed to matter to Dumbledore anyway.
They duo went to Godric's Hollow and went to the graveyard where Harry's parents were buried. They searched for while, but eventually they found their tombstone;
We have dedicated this tombstone, with the last words of Lilly Potter;
"OF FUCK" THUD
May her and her husband forever rest in peace... unless Voldy makes zombies out of them..
Now that WOULD be hilarious...
Tearful at this emotional inscription, they wondered around some more, Hermione spotted a large vegetable, probably a marrow, engraved on one of the tombstones, and she remembered reading about it somewhere, but it was probably unimportant. They also found the gravestone of the Dumbledore's;
THE MOTHER AND SISTER OF GOD
DEAL WITH IT BITCHES
Harry and Hermione retreated out of the graveyard and went to try and find a strong drink, the sword and Bathilda Bagshot, in that order.