A full spoof of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, written by a friend of mine, who has asked me to publish it on here. He is not JK Rowling, and takes no credit for her work, so without further ado, enjoy...

Harry Potter and the Smelly Marrows

Chapter 1: The Dark Lord Descending

"You know what the mark of a truly great wizard is," said Lord Voldemort softly, as he strode around the table at Malfoy Manor. "A truly great wizard, never makes mistakes, never trusts anyone, never forgets what he knows and a great wizard is raised with noble stock."

From around the table came nods of agreement even gasps of awe as he swept around, Bellatrix blew him a kiss. Voldemort was satisfied that he had once again mystified his death eaters again, when Draco Malfoy began to chuckle...

"What is it Draco?" he hissed softly...

"Well if that's description of a great wizard, " said Draco

"Yes" hissed Voldemort...

"Well I hate to tell you Voldy, but then your pretty dam shite," said Draco, "don't get my wrong, you could murder me in a heartbeat." Murdering Draco was actually what Voldemort was trying to do, but his wand had been misbehaving lately and had only succeeded in turning into a rubber chicken.

"You see Voldy, you've been royally owned by Harry Potter nearly every Summer and he's been back home in time for tea and biscuits, so I'd say you make mistakes."

"Y don't trust anyone that's true, but who wants to be that much of a miserable barstard."

"You forgot that crap about ancient magic and you got raped by a toddler."

By this point the entire Malfoy family was clinging to Voldemort as he tried to club Draco round the head with the stuffed head of an old house elf.

"And" said Draco, dodging the bolt of lightning Voldemort had just sent at him, "you were raised in a muggle orphanage, the most noble stock you had contact with was an OXO cube. Face it Voldy, you suck."

"Avada Kedavra!"shouted Voldemort, as he threw the other members of the Malfoy family into the surrounding walls, all that happened was that Voldemort's wand began to recite the Alphabet, as Draco laughed Voldemort broke down in tears...

Please R&R peoples next chapter: harrys introduction, on its way