I've Always Known

Thanks to Idiot Allergy, Snowfeather5, Mudheart and SilverSparrow19 for reviewing!

Alrighty, I know that all of you are thinking that Razorstripe is a big jerk, but to be fair, he didn't know how much Lovelyclaw liked him.

I've always known that I would find a mate.

I've always known that he would be from my own Clan.

But I never knew that I would find him like this.

No. This can't be happening. I've got to be dreaming; I MUST be dreaming. But I know that I'm not. I feel like turning tail and fleeing back to camp, but I don't want to make a fool of myself any more than I already have.

"Yeah, sure," I barely choke out. "Why don't you finish gathering the herbs? I'm feeling sick all of a sudden, and I think I need to go see Lilacstream." I don't give him time to reply before I dart away.

I didn't go back to camp. Instead, I climbed the Sky Oak. Right now, I'm up as high as I can be without having to worry about the branches giving out. How could I be so mouse-brained? Of course he didn't care about me. Whenever I actually talked to him, Swallowwhisper was right next to me. He just used me to get to Swallowwhisper. I don't think that I'll ever truly be able to believe in love again.

I'm so done with toms. I think that I should just forget all about them, because obviously, all of that fairly-tale junk that you hear about as a kit is just something an elder made up. I'm going to create my perfect tom now, and he'll be my mate. Well, at least he will be in my head. He'd be strong, brave, kind, and ambitious. His name would be Brambleclaw. So that's it. I've got a mate, so now I'm officially finished with toms.

After much contemplating, I decided that I will tell Swallowwhisper what happened. I'll give her Razorstripe's message, and then tell her that she has my blessing. I hate his guts, but Razorstripe could be good for Swallowwhisper, and who am I to stand in her way of a happy ending?

I grab Swallowwhisper on her way to the fresh-kill pile.

"We need to talk," I mutter. "Privately," She grabs a squirrel and goes into the apprentices' den. Its sun high now and they are all occupied, leaving the den completely empty. I take a deep breath.

"Razorstripe wants to know if you like him."

She stops mid-bite.

"Wh-what?" She stutters.

"Razorstripe LIKES you." I enunciate, very clearly. I think she can hear the hurt in my voice, because now, she looks like she is extremely sorry.

"Oh Lovelyclaw…" She gets up, as if to comfort me, but I stop her.

"Go talk to him; you have nothing to be sorry for. This is your chance for happiness." I had that little speech prepared; getting down from a really tall tree gives you time to think.

"But I know how much you liked him, and I wouldn't feel right…"

"No, it's okay, I already have a mate."

Her expression changes from one of pity, to a look of puzzlement.

"What?"

"Yeah, his name is Brambleclaw," I tell her.

"But there isn't any cat that I know of named Brambleclaw."

"There is one in my head," I say. "And besides, I've given up on real toms, so just go talk to Razorstripe already!" I shove her out of the apprentices' den, not giving her time to reply. She'll never know how much that this hurt, but it's worth it if she gets to be happy. You see, Swallowwhisper has had a really tough life.

When she was a kit, her father was killed in a border fight. Then, when we were apprentices, her brother, Rippaw, got greencough and died. Her mother lost her life to a badger, and her first apprentice wouldn't accept her as a mentor. She really deserves to be taken care of, and I know that Razorstripe will keep her safe.