AN: Warning, this will follow Cannon DBZ rather closely until at least the end of the Frieza arc, where it will then deviate a bit from normal DBZ.

Things that go wrong with Foxes and Monkeys

By: drag-eart and Ld 1449

Chapter 1: I'm where?

"Hey, you're holding up the line!"

"Move your ass!"

"Come on buddy we don't have all day."

"Kick the damn kid awake already!"

"With what you idiot we don't have legs?"

The prone form in question was laid sprawled on the floor on his stomach, his arms and legs spread in different directions haphazardly. His unruly blond hair was parted and hung in disarray the metal hitai-ate that was once tied around his head forgotten.

He turned over allowing part of his face to appear from his blond locks. Scarred cheeks met the eyes of the overcrowded viewers. The black and orange clad person didn't stir from sleep however, but only gave a sign of his well being by the butt scratching he initiated and the pass of wind that came with it.

"What the hell is that smell?"

"Aw man the dude farted!"

"But I didn't hear anything."

"They're the silent but deadly ones."

"Seriously, we lose our body…but we still have our sense of smell"

Blue orbs assembled and gathered around the young man's form, like a moth to a flame they buzzed on one side of him unable to cross him. The blond haired figure turned completely around facing up allowing more to be uncovered. He scratched his chest, while the other was hanging idly by his side. Drool was hanging from his lips.

But oblivious to what was going on around him he continued sleeping in his slumber. Unperturbed from the commotion he was causing.

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"Come on move it along," a blue skinned man commanded. "Let's go, all spirits form a line how it's supposed to be. You hav…Hey," the one-horned blue man cut in during his speech. "I'm talking you don't go out of order. Get back in line right now!"

"Now then…."As the man continued on, blue orbs hovered in a straight line over a narrow bridge like snake way. Staying in formation one by one they entered the fortress like building.

Four bishop looking skyscrapers awaited them with white porcelain walls, and green tiled colored roofs, they were posted on each corner reminiscent to a square. Yet in the middle of this geographic setting a larger structure stood in the middle between the four corners.

Red walls surrounded the buildings inside, in the front entrance a small tower was the only opening through the mansion, atop of this structure read in large blue printed letters, Welcome. Golden wisps of clouds shadowed the ground level almost covering the whole land below it, but pieces of it showed through the fog. Giving assurance that you wouldn't fall once you reached the entrance.

Posted at the both corners of the entrance were blue skinned men with business suit for outfits. Complete with a tie and white shirt the only difference being the color of their pants being striped with gold and black. Other blue men were also positioned along the narrow snake way shouting commands and orders to keep the line moving and running on schedule.

"Keep it together now don't get left behind," one of the blue skin men said guiding the orbs through the entrance, but when he turned to meet more of these spirits his eyes widened. The narrow snake way bridge was completely empty and deserted.

"Wh-what's going on," he questioned. He saw a figure appear out the golden clouds further way and he was waving his arms frantically. He put the speaker in front of his mouth and yelled. "What the hell is going?"

The form meters away replied, "I don't know they just stopped coming through this division. Call up a runner to go check out the scene."

The blue skinned demon saluted and radioed in, "We have a situation. The number of spirits has been delayed and isn't coming in. Send a runner. It's possible a wanderer in our midst."

"Roger that," a figure answered from atop of welcome tower. He put his headset down and turned to a form that was supposedly his partner who slept soundly undisturbed. Exasperated and irritated he threw the headset towards his head, hitting dead center. "Bob, get your ass up."

"Ow, what the hell is your problem," the young demon replied. He rubbed his forehead tiredly trying to sit up. "Don't you see…"

"Don't start with me boy," the blue demon replied. He was fuming, eyes smoldering.

"Ah, right sir," the young demon retorted quickly realizing who he was speaking to.

"Now that you're finally awake I have an assignment for you," the blue demon started. The young demon straightened up and listened intently. "There's been trouble with the flow of spirits coming through here. Something is either disturbing their passage or worse taking these spirits. Divisions can't break regulations and find the cause of it. You're a runner so you're one of the few able to run through the passage undisturbed. So I want you to head down the snake way and check it out."

"Can't I take someon.." the young demon began but was interrupted.

"You are trained for this."

"What happens if it's a…."

"Just shut your yap and get down there. Check why the flow has stopped!" the blue demon shook his head from side to side. "I swear you call yourself an oni. Just get out here Bob."

"Y-yes, sir," the blue skinned assistant next to him answered. He put down the headset and speaker he was holding in his hand and ran out the door. He adjusted his black cap atop of his head with one hand, making sure it didn't irritate the horns that protruded from each side of his forehead and pushed passed the door with other.

Once, he passed the threshold he didn't anticipate a small ledge waiting. The blue demon stumbled slightly the glasses that sat on the ridge of his nose falling onto the floor, his clumsy step coming forth and stepping on them.

"Oh, crap," the blue ogre cursed. He picked it up by the rims and frowned seeing the pieces of glass hitting the shined wood of the vicinity. "Mother is gonna kill me."

Tucking the pieces in his shirt pocket he hurried down the corridor. Not fully anticipating what he would find.

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"So are we just going to wait here?"

"We can't really do much laddie. We can't kick his arse or very much punch his face in. The only way is to scream yer heads off…aye…forget I mentioned it."

"Shouldn't someone be coming already?"

"I hope so, it's starting to get crowded pretty soon we'll be falling off."

"If we fall do we like die…?"

"Was that really a serious question…we're already dead you stupid dumbass."

"I think he meant if we you know…go to…hell."

"Don't know and don't care. I'm not planning on finding out."

"Shut up all of you I think he is waking up!"

The prone form shifted slightly and began rouse from his slumber. He opened his eyes wearily, but was quick to close them, when a shining blue light was awaiting him. He heard voices around him, but was unable to make out the jumbled words. They began to quiet, when he began to awaken, but started again soon after when he stopped moving.

This notion kept him alert though, knowing he may be held captive. His instincts began to take over trying to formulate a plan to escape. Thinking about such things allowed him to rouse from his waking mind quicker, expecting an attack anytime to happen.

Yet, no such thing had occurred, the voices around him just kept on their ongoing chatter, keeping him awake of all things. Finally, having enough of this senseless banter, he rose himself into a seating position slowly. His muscles in his body still stiff. He moved in the speed of a decrepit old man. The young blond haired man rubbed his hands on his eyes trying to help dim the glow of the light beginning to crowd around his body. He opened them warily and squinted against the new set of lights awaiting him.

His gaze widened seeing the endless amount of golden clouds and open expanse of the sky that stood before him. He rose himself fully this time, not paying any attention to the blue orbs that were hovering over his body moments ago. He stood a gaped watching the golden-red swirl of the sky, changing, never remaining the same for long.

He took a step forward and felt his shoes scrape roughly on the cobblestone beneath his feet. The blond haired shinobi looked over the pavement and trailed his eyes along the narrow snake way, the shock in his eyes becoming more pronounced and evident with every passing second. He felt his body still for a moment when he heard a voice call behind him.

"Yep, just up and ignore us…asshole."

"So who here thinks this guy is off his rocker?"

Naruto turned quickly in the direction of the voice and his eyes widened at impossible odds, his jaw went slightly slack watching endless of pile of blue orbs clustered through the narrow passage. The blond haired man made no necessary movements to provoke. He remained there in that position for quite some time. He was barely able to make a tangible reply, "H-when…whe-are…is…I.."

"I float corrected…he is an idiot."

Naruto looked at these blue globes thoroughly and couldn't help a gasp escape him when he was able to see through them. He became aware when they resumed their banter they were the annoying light that blinded him, and also the ones to blame for being awakened through their chatter. He couldn't help but scowl at them; yet, he was surprised just the same when he fully grasped the reality of floating orbs talking to him of all things...he really began to doubt his sanity.

Naruto shook his head from side to side and cleared his throat, "W-where am I," he said, barely above a whisper. He took a hesitant step towards the cluster of blue orbs. "How did I get here?"

The orbs in the narrow snake way quieted, until one floated forward, "You're dead, sonny…"

The simple reply was so unexpected it caught Naruto off guard. He couldn't move his body and remained stock still letting it sink in. He felt oppressing power of the sentence and felt the cold chill run up his spine realizing the truth on the matter. He looked around him for further confirmation.

"I don't remember dyin…"

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'Why am I always the one who has to deal with these things,' the blue skinned oni thought. He walked along the snake way with his brows furrowed and his fists clenched. "Lazy my ass, let me see them get their ass moving from their, oh so mighty seats and get burned, stabbed, and bitten all at the same time." He said through gritted teeth. He stomped the cobblestone beneath his feet making sure it impacted to resonate around him.

He had passed through a number of vicinities coming across seated co-workers sipping and chatting without a care in the world. Infuriating him even more, they waved at him and asked how his day was going of all things. He made sure to flip them the bird for good measure and to suck a nut for asking.

What infuriated him was one of the staff thought it would be…hilarious…if they would shut the damn door when he was about to pass. It didn't go well, not for him anyways. When he did cross the threshold to pass into the portal to head in a new division, they shut it so unexpectedly; he'd lost his balance and stumbled over almost falling over the edge. He fell painfully on his side and at the same time watched horrified, as his broken glasses fell from his shirt pocket into the depths below. They laughed at him like it was the funniest thing in the world…Fascinating…

He walked the rest of the way irritated, tired, and above all peeved hearing the assholes laugh continue long before he was out of ear-shot. Plus, not forgetting that he hadn't come across a single soul crossing the snake way. Great day indeed…..

He was about to round the next corner when he stopped abruptly, hearing faint voices in the distance. His eyes widened hearing them converse and argue, but was unable to make out the words being said. He pulled the golden cloud open slightly to have a better view of the enemy he was about to confront, but was left surprised to find a corporeal figure chatting away with an overly cluster of orbs, threading on other side of him. The Blue skinned oni tried to see his face, but was only able see the back of his golden hair, and the black orange attire he was suited in.

He was startled out of his reverie when the orange clad lad yelled out unexpectedly. The blue skinned man back peddled away but was able to see the orbs flinch from the young man's response. He was able to glimpse the blond haired young man flail his arms from side to side and walk up and down the snake way with his hand on his chin his brow furrowed. He looked so lost in thought; the blue oni decided it was perfect time to spring in and surprise him.

What he didn't expect however was a broken shard in his coat to fall out when he was startled moments ago. They fell and shattered on the cobblestone below…the only thing that came mind at the time was...Ah, Shit….

The Blue oni didn't move he stood frozen hoping the blond haired man didn't hear the sound…today just wasn't his day…he looked up and watched the young man gaze at him behind the clouds. He was able to see his face now, the scarred cheeks, and intense blue eyes. He didn't want to make any unnecessary movements…but unfortunately the blond haired young man thought otherwise. "Are you gonna keep hiding there or am I gonna have to drag your ass out of there."

Not wanting to be provoked with young man's challenge he gathered his wit and dignity to step around the corner. He began his trek towards the unknown figure trying to stand with a rigid posture to intimidate this potential figure, but was only able to come up with a person who looked like they were between being constipated and a waddling duck..

"Drop your weapons and put your hands in the air," the blue skinned man said, stopping and making sure he had a good 10 feet radius away from the young man. He had an admonishing finger pointing in his direction. "And, no funny business."

Naruto looked at the figure in front of him and tried to discern if he was any threat to him, but seeing his quivering knees and darting eyes, he deemed him automatically a wimp and coward. He lifted his arms showing he had no weapons on his person and simply answered. "Fair enough," He continued. "I'm unarmed."

"We-well, what's your business here," he retorted making sure he was holding something behind his back to make Naruto believe it was something dangerous, but in reality it was just a pencil.

"Apparently, I'm dead," Naruto answered the blue oni's question using his thumb to point to the blue orbs offhandedly. "They say I am." He was still unbelievingly oblivious to the mounting number of orbs gathering behind him.

"Dead? But how," The blue skinned man questioned. He broke the distance between them and stood before the blond haired young man. Either from curiosity or stupidity, he began to prod Naruto's arms and face. "You're not supposed to have a body." Naruto's eyes widened hearing the blue oni make that assumption

"And why not," Naruto gritted becoming uncomfortable having a guy touching his body of all things.

"Uhh…I don't know…you're…just not supposed to…" Bob said, not really paying attention.

"Well aren't you helpful," Naruto simply said. Growing frustrated every passing moment with the lack of answers from the people or orbs around him. "So who do I have to talk to here, for I can get the hell out of this place?"

"umm…Lord Yama"

"Who?"

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One thing he knew from a young age, was that he never was one to keep his big mouth shut when it was needed, and because of it he stood before this behemoth of a man, the Lord of the domain. He really needed to learn think before he talked…..

Naruto stared at the massive red being that was currently yelling down at a normal sized green...wrinkly...old...thing...and a relatively normal looking guy. "Uhhhh," was his eloquent thought put into words.

Bob, the runner that had come to get him bowed lowly. "King Yama, sir." He called.

But the giant red person ignored him as he continued yelling at the green individual who seemed quite frightened at the red one. Naruto couldn't blame him.

"DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH PAPERWORK BRINGING SOMEONE TO LIFE GIVES ME KAMI! WELL DO YOU! HOW ABOUT I SEND ALL THOSE PAPERS DOWN FOR YOU TO FILL OUT HUH!"

Bob was about to call again but before he opened his mouth the red one rounded on them. "WHAT!" He yelled knocking Naruto on his ass and making Bob tilt back a bit because of the wind of his breath.

Naruto's eyes watered a bit on the floor, he would have made some smart ass remark about how this person needed a few million mints, but the thought of possibly pissing off the big red dude was not an appealing one.

"Sir," Bob said formally as he adjusted his glasses and tie. "I believe this may also have some strange circumstances to look into."

Yama looked at the blond sitting on the floor, "Yea, I've been waiting for this one…" He remarked, before he began hastily looking through his files. "AHA!" He yelled in triumph as he pulled out a massive cluster of papers with plenty of red markings and other assorted items in them.

Naruto watched with a faint feeling of detached confusion. As he saw the giant red being release the papers from his grasp, allowing them to slam on the floor directly in front of them, crashing with enough force to make them (the people in the room) levitate for a few seconds, as the ground shook beneath them.

"That my boy is a list of all the crimes you must atone for." Yama said dismissively as he turned back to the two he had been speaking to before.

But, as soon as he opened his mouth, a yell which could easily have carried over one of his own at his best days filled the room. "WHAAAAAAAAAT!"

Before Naruto leapt up over the pile of papers, "Mass Genocide, mass destruction, disrupting the balance of heaven and earth, challenging the gods, summoning spirits of the Makai...raping of female foxes. What the hell-I DIDNT DO ALL THIS SHIT! YOU GOT THE WRONG GUY!"

Yama's face wrinkled up with annoyance. "Stop trying to deny it. You're the Kyuubi no yo-" He paused as one of his assistants held up a paper in front of him. Yama quickly scanned over its contents. "Ooooooh, I see...so you're the container then. Hmmm, Uzumaki Naruto." He muttered to himself as he passed over a few more pages. "Well your file is relatively clean, almost impeccably so..."

Naruto sat down on the paper, arms crossed and glaring at the red man who was reading over his papers. "There ya see. Ya got the wrong guy. So just get this fox outta me so he can handle his own papers."

Yama glanced back uhh down at Naruto, getting a very strange look on his face, one that could be linked to that of a deer caught in the headlights. Before Naruto could say anything, Yama was in the corner with a dozen or so of his assistants discussing something in hushed whispers. It was a very strange sight seeing this giant red man bending over like a kid trying to hide in a corner.

Naruto looked around finding similar looks of confusion on the green guy, along with the other normal looking guy.

Then before they could blink, Yama was back at his desk clearing his throat and looking as dignified as possible. "Ahem well...Mr. Uzumaki...we have a small problem."

"What kind of problem." Naruto said warily, not liking the tone of voice.

"Well you see it's quite simple. We cannot separate you from the Kitsune without killing you again...in which case...you'll disappear...like forever kind of disappear."

Naruto nodded slowly, "Okaaaaay...and..."

"Well we need to punish the nine tails for his evil deeds...but you on the other hand, have been a kind soul your entire life...so we cannot punish you."

Naruto's mouth was open as if he was about to say something but the words were seized on his lips, caught in his throat as his eyes wandered up and down left and right, as if trying to find the words. Finally, he spoke. "So what are you saying?"

"Ahem." Yama cleared his throat, professionally as he adjusted his tie. "According to the law of-." He glanced at a big book at his side, peeking, it open quickly as he closed it just as fast. "322 of inter celestial Bureaucratic justice you must atone and remorse for the actions committed by your tenant."

One of the nearby assistants on the desk scratched his chin. "I don't remember-urk"

He was swiftly and brutally cut off as Yama flattened him against the palm of his hand as if he had been swatting a fly.

Naruto stood up angrily. "WHAT! THAT'S TOTAL BULLSHIT! I AINT GONNA ATONE FOR THAT STUPID FOX'S CRIMES. I'LL BE AT IT FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE!"

"You must obey the celestial Bureaucracy." Yama said as he sipped on his tea.

"YOU JUST MADE THAT SHIT UP!"

"Uhhh, King Yama!" Kami interrupted gently.

The giant suddenly smiled. "KAMI!" He said as if greeting the green man for the first time, catching the namekian off guard. He looked at Naruto. "Boy, I have the perfect assignment to help you with this monumental task of beginning this long road of atonement for the Kyuubi's past misdeeds."

Naruto slapped his hands against his head. "AM I GOING COMPLETELY MAD!"

"You can help Goku save the earth!" Yama continued ignoring the boy's outburst.

Naruto looked at the smiling Yama, and back to the confused looking guy who he now knew as Goku.

"Uhhh...Hi." The sayain greeted, not knowing what else to do.

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AN: Hope you all enjoyed the chapter. Review Please..