A/N and Disclaimer: I OWN NOTHING TO DO WITH NCIS. Also, it might be in your best interests to stop reading RIGHT NOW if you haven't seen Season 5's Judgement Day.
Oh, my Flying Spaghetti Monster! For those of you who've seen Judgement Day - WHAT ARE THE PRODUCERS DOING?! I know rumour has it that they plan to bring back Tony, Ziva and McGee; but still... I couldn't believe it when I found out what had happened. And being a Zabby shipper, I couldn't help but wonder what would happen if something really was going on between our favourite "Pistol Pack'n Mama" and "Mistress of the Dark", since Ziva was being sent back to Israel. And thus, this plotline - if you can call it that- was born.
Plenty of warnings for this one! MASSIVE SPOILERS FOR JUDGEMENT DAY, Zabby and implied Diva (Director & Ziva) and Kabby (Kate & Abby) FEMMESLASH and implied McNozzo (McGee & DiNozzo) SLASH...for anyone who isn't clued up on the slash/ femmeslash ships. If you don't like it, don't read it! And it's dedicated to Rowan, Jenny, Ellie, Kate, and my lovely cats, Rocky and Alice; for letting me scream at them hysterically (or text them hysterically in Rowan's case) when I found out what happens in the Season 5 finale. Oh - and I should probably also warn you that it's an open-ended fic with two alternative endings that I'm leaving it up to anyone who reviews to help me decide on. But you don't need to worry about that yet.
Essay over, let's get on with the fanfic now...

Ziva stepped into the lab, looking around as if trying to fix every detail of the place in her memory. What Vance had just told them all hadn't quite sunk in, and her head was spinning with the shock of that and the events of the last few days. Everything seemed so surreal, so terrible, that she wished she was dreaming. Given what had happened, it would have been a nightmare. But even if it was, at least she could wake up beside Abby, and the Director - Jenny, not the heartless man sitting up in her old office calling himself Director - would still be alive, and the team would be together, and she could go into work and forget the nightmare and everything would be normal.

She knew that she was awake, that it was all real. And she hated herself for it.

The doors to the ballistics lab opened, and Abby stepped out. She was still wearing her clothes from Jenny's funeral, and even through her shock and grief Ziva couldn't help but think how beautiful she looked. Even though her makeup was smudged from fresh tears. Even though the usually cheerful Goth looked so totally disconsolate that it was as if the whole team's pain was reflected in Abby's pale face.

Her green eyes, red-rimmed from crying, flickered up; taking a moment to register Ziva's presence. She straightened up, looking right at her. Both women stared at each other for a long, silent moment; before Abby's breath hitched on a sob that seemed to have been permanently there since the news of Jenny's death reached her; and she ran straight into Ziva's arms.

'Abby...' Ziva tried. But everything she could have said in an attempt to comfort the other woman seemed empty, meaningless; as if she had taken them from a book. And a badly written one at that. 'Don't cry'; when it was all she could do not to completely break down herself? 'It's okay', when she knew in her heart that nothing was, and didn't see how anything ever could be again? She wanted to say something, anything, to make Abby feel better; but she drew a blank; so instead, she held Abby just as tightly as the Goth was clinging to her, and breathed in the peppermint-and-gunpowder smell of her. It helped - a little bit. A very little bit.

After a long embrace, the silence punctuated only by Abby's sobs and soothing sounds from Ziva, they loosened their tight hold of each other and simply stood looking at each other, their hands clasped. Ziva stroked the backs of Abby's shaking hands with her thumbs. It was only then that she remembered that Abby was the only team member - if you could call the broken mess of grief that they were now a team - who didn't know about Vance's orders. She sure as hell didn't want to have to tell her - as much to avoid facing the reality of the situation as to spare Abby further pain - but she knew that she had to.
Abby, perceptive as ever, spoke first.

'What did Vance say?' she asked, sniffing. Ziva took a deep breath, and forced herself to look her girlfriend in the eyes.

'Nothing good' she admitted. Abby bit her lip.

'Tell me, Ziva. It's not going to make this much worse. Nothing could' she said.

'It could. It can' Ziva replied. Trying not to burst into tears herself, she broke their gaze. She didn't think she could face telling Abby what had happened, and what was to happen, with Abby's emerald eyes shimmering with tears in front of her.

'My contract as liaison has been terminated now that... now that Jenny is dead' she said, her voice shaking; but speaking quickly, as if the bad taste the words left in her mouth would disappear if she said them faster.
'I am being sent back to Israel immediately. McGee is being sent to the NCIS Computer Crimes Unit - out of Gibbs' command. Tony is being transferred to the USS Ronald Regan - his flight leaves tomorrow' She closed her eyes momentarily, but a tear still spilled from beneath her lashes and slipped down her cheek. She didn't even bother to brush it away.
'The team's broken up, Abby. We're all leaving.'

The silence that enveloped them now was more complete and terrible than ever before. Neither of them looked at each other.

'Do you have to?' Abby asked finally, her voice hollow.
'Yes' Ziva answered. Abby let go of Ziva's hand and brought her own up to Ziva's cheek; gently tilting her head to make her look at her.
'Do you want to?' she asked, her tone softer this time.
'Of course I don't!' Ziva cried. 'I don't want to leave NCIS...I don't want to leave the team...I don't want to leave the apartment I've made my own, or this city that I can finally drive through without getting hopelessly lost. And I - I don't want to leave you' she said. She was crying by now, as was Abby. 'I'd give anything not to have to leave you...'

Abby wrapped her arms around the smaller brunette and pulled her closer to her; allowing Ziva to rest her head on her shoulder. A few of her own tears fell onto Ziva's hair, and she brushed them away with one hand.

'What am I going to do back in Israel?' Ziva wept, her voice muffled by Abby's shoulder. Abby had rarely seen Ziva break down like this, and it both stunned and frightened her a little. 'How am I going to be able to work, without all of you? How am I going to be able to get through each day with Mossad without Gibbs' headslaps, Tony's immaturity, McGee's complete geekiness and you...everything about you'. She turned her tear-streaked face up to Abby. '...I'm going to miss you so much it will never stop hurting. I'll miss you as much as I already miss Jenny'.

Abby couldn't think of a single thing to say to Ziva through her confusion and grief, so she didn't try to find the words. Instead, she kissed her. And despite the fact that they were both still crying, and nothing seemed right or certain anymore; they clung to each other as if each other was the only secure thing left in the world, and poured their myriad of emotions into the contact.

'The last time we kissed like that down here, I didn't leave for almost an hour' Ziva said when she broke their kiss, almost laughing although tears were still coursing down her cheeks.

'And that was a bad thing?' Abby breathed, pressing her lips to Ziva's again. Ziva was almost lifted off her feet by the taller woman's embrace, but would have died there and then rather than let go of her; reminding herself that every kiss they shared now could be their last.

'You know, if Gibbs or McGee or Tony or anyone else walked in here now, I wouldn't let go of you' Abby told Ziva when they separated again.

'Even though we've put so much time and effort into hiding our relationship from them?' Ziva asked.

'Even so' Abby replied, kissing Ziva's forehead. Then her own words jolted something in her mind, and realization that they weren't the only couple being ripped apart by Vance's orders hit home.

'What about Tony and McGee?' she said suddenly. Ziva sighed.

'I assume that a situation similar to...this will be going on up in the squad room between them right now' she replied. 'They were heading that way when we left... McGee looked as if his whole world was about to fall apart'

'As bad as I feel, then?' Abby muttered, her agony manifesting itself into anger at Vance - who was, the way she saw it, the cause of all her misery. 'Does Vance have any idea what he's done?'

'No' Ziva said simply. 'He doesn't. He never will, unless we tell him now. Which we can't - unless we want Gibbs to know that the entire team had been breaking Rule 12 behind his back'

'Would it change Vance's decision?' Abby said, already guessing that the answer she got wouldn't be the one she so desperately wanted.

'...No' Ziva replied. 'But I wish it could'.

'I think we all do' Abby added. Then, another question that she had been dwelling on for the past few days surfaced, and she asked it without even thinking about it. She knew she might never get another chance to do so.

'You had history with Jenny Sheppard, didn't you?'
Ziva looked up at her, caught between shock and hesitation.
'Outside the workplace' Abby said meaningfully. Ziva's petite frame stiffened in her arms for a second, then she relaxed again.
'Yes. Once. A lifetime ago...' Her breath hitched again as she recalled the days long before 'Jenny' became 'Director Sheppard'; when it was her, not Abby, who Ziva woke up beside in the morning; her who she slipped out of headquarters with when the working day ended, giggling like teenagers as they got into Ziva's car; and her who had laughed at her erratic driving as she headed back to her place for the night - taking Jenny with her.
'I'm so sorry, Ziva' Abby murmured; rocking Ziva slightly in her arms.
'It's fine, Abby-'
'-No, it hurts' Abby corrected her. As Ziva looked up at her, she swallowed, then continued. 'I know exactly how you feel'
Ziva suddenly realized what Abby meant, and her brown eyes widened.
'...Kate?' she asked. Abby bowed her head.

'I never told her' she said. 'And it's the biggest regret I ever had, because she died before she even knew how I felt - even though I don't know how she would have taken it.' She took a few deep breaths to steady her breathing, then looked up and forced a smile.
'But I got you. So I guess one good thing came of it all...'
'And I got you' Ziva added. 'That's something to feel happy about'

Neither of them could bring themselves to add that soon, that small source of comfort would be taken away from them.

They lapsed back into silence, swaying slightly as they held onto each other in the middle of the lab. It was still silent as the grave - probably quieter - but Abby was certain that her thoughts were too loud to be confined to her head, buzzing like a swarm of hornets in her confusion and distress.

'You don't have to go back to Israel' Abby suggested, desperation creeping into her tone. 'You could come with me...we could disappear...go anywhere...do anything...we could do a Gibbs and go to Mexico, I hear the weather there's lovely this time of year-'

'Abby' Ziva said, pressing her fingers to the other woman's mouth to quiet her down. 'You know as well as I do we can't. Mossad are expecting me back - and even if I did run away with you, they'd be able to track us...use GPS...We'd never be able to get far enough away to live the life we want'

'But if we could...?' Abby said. Ziva couldn't help but smile. The Goth reminded her irresistibly of another life - of Tali, her little sister; bouncing up and down on her bed and begging Ziva for a bedtime story. She fiddled with the ribbon tied around Abby's neck, and rubbed Abby's back in soothing circles as she spoke.

'Okay. We could run away - anywhere - Mexico, like Gibbs did-'

'But we wouldn't be building boats' Abby interrupted.

'No, we certainly wouldn't! Anyway, where was I? Right, we're in Mexico. We could get up whenever we wanted and not have to worry about being late for work. Then, we'd get up-'

'Would we have to?' Even though her voice was hoarse from crying, Abby couldn't resist slipping in an extra note of seduction. It helped numb the pain, hanging onto this moment with Ziva, imagining all the things they could do if Ziva didn't leave. Imagining the life they had dreamed of together. Ziva laughed, and kissed Abby's neck in return.

'No, that's my point exactly - we wouldn't have to if we didn't want to! But when we did, we could go somewhere, some little cantina - walk there, if we felt like it; we'd have all the time in the world - and have coffee; strong and black like sweetened tar, just the way you inexplicably like it; and...what else?'

'Grapefruit?' Abby suggested.

'Grapefruit? Okay, your obsession... Coffee and grapefruit in fantasy land it is. Then we could go and sit on the beach for hours and...and just relax and enjoy the day. I could sunbathe - you could hide behind your parasol and layers of Factor 50+ and read. Then, if we got bored we could start a water fight...who knows what that might lead to?...'

'Now who's being flirtatious?' Abby said accusingly; laughing, though her eyes were shimmering with tears again.

'Sorry, sorry... Then, we could watch the sun set. I've always loved doing that. And when it got dark, we could watch the stars come out. Just you, me, and kilometres of beach and sea and sky. Nobody to bother us. Nobody to breathe down our necks or make us paranoid. Nobody - nobody to take me away from you...' Ziva finished.

'Are you just humouring me?' Abby said.

'Yes. And humouring myself too' Ziva admitted.

'Let's do it' Abby said, her eyes wide. 'Let's really go to Mexico and eat grapefruit and spend entire days sitting together on the beach...'

'I'd do anything for it to be that simple' Ziva sighed.

The two women stood, still holding onto each other; in the middle of the lab, wearing their funeral clothes. Then, Ziva took a deep breath; and, stroking Abby's hair and squeezing her hand as she did; let go of her, and stepped backwards.

'If I don't let go of you now, Abby; I never will' she said quietly. 'I don't want to'

'I don't want you to' Abby replied. '...But I know you have to'

They stared at each other silently; both having a thousand things to say - but knowing that they had neither the time to say them; or the resolve to say them, and then part.

'I'll come and see you' Abby said. 'I'll visit you in Israel...I'll IM you every chance we get. I promise I'll see you again, Ziva'

'I'll do everything I can to come back to America - any mission, any opportunity, I'll take it. If I do, you'll be the first to know' Ziva replied. She knew that any number of snatched hours, conversations she had with Abby after this would never be the same.

'I'll never forget about you - about this; or about us' Ziva said, her chocolate-brown eyes meeting Abby's emerald green gaze.

'We don't have to end it...' Abby whispered.

'I do' Ziva said sadly. 'Or thinking about this, and missing you, will be the death of me'
She stepped swiftly forward and kissed Abby on the cheek.
'Forgive me' she said softly.

And then she turned and left the lab.

The door didn't quite close quickly enough to prevent Abby hearing the sound of Ziva bursting into tears as she ran up the stairs. Abby stared at the space where Ziva had left as her footsteps echoed down the stairwell. She kept staring long after the footsteps faded into silence.

It took a moment for her to realize that what she had just allowed to happen was a regret to rival not confessing her feelings to Kate before it was too late.
It took no time at all for her to make up her mind that she wasn't going to let herself make the biggest mistake of her life all over again.

Running through the doors and standing at the foot of the stairwell, she listened hard to see if she could hear Ziva's footsteps ascending the stairs above her. All she could hear was her own sobbing, and her own frenzied heartbeat which seemed to be echoing through her chest, the sound of her own panic bouncing off the walls and penetrating the silence around her. It might be too late...it couldn't be too late...could it?

'I love you, Ziva David!' she screamed up the stairwell...

Okay! Now it's your turn. As you can probably tell from the end of that last sentence, this ISN'T the end of the fic. I can't make up my mind how it should end, so I've written two possible endings and I'm going to rely on feedback from people who read this to tell me which to use.
The choices are...

1. Ziva doesn't hear Abby shout that she loves her.

2. Ziva does hear her.. What her reaction is, however, will be a well-kept secret - unless I use that ending, por supuesto.

So which one should I use? I need people to PM me or review this if they want their choice to be taken into account. Please help me out with this?.. Anyway, muchas gracias for reading.