Savin' Me

By: Hikage101

He sighed and took another long drag of the cigarette between long, thin, graceful fingers. The smoke burned his lungs deliciously, but he finally had to let it out in a thin stream from between perfect rose petal lips. He set the cigarette in the ashtray before him to replace it with a beer, which he drank heartily. His glasses lay discarded on the table next to where the can had previously been, his laptop was in the study. He hadn't worked on his latest novel for a month and a half now, ignored all the threatening calls from his editor. Tohma had tried repetitively to get ahold of him, tried to get into the apartment, but Yuki would have nothing to do with him or anyone else. He was out of everything except cigarettes, alcohol, and some leftover pocky. He hadn't been seen or heard from since the day he made the worst mistake of his life; the day he drove Shindou Shuichi away.

Flashback

It had started out as one of their typical fights - well, there wasn't much fighting on Shuichi's part, just plenty of whining - with him being severely annoyed by the singer and the singer not really understanding what exactly he'd done wrong. It escalated to a point it never had before, where Shuichi actually stopped whining and began arguing wholeheartedly, then he finally hit his breaking point. He had spun on the kid, abandoning his previous attempt to retreat to his study, and shouted, "Don't you get it?! You're just a toy to me! Something to play with! That's all you've ever been. Now, get out!" Shuichi's eyes had clouded over and he saw more pain than ever before in the boy's eyes before the little one turned and ran, leaving everything he owned there. Yuki knew better; he knew he had been wrong, he knew his brat would come back later, he knew he would apologize then, and he knew he would be forgiven.

Too bad what he knew was completely wrong!

The vocalist didn't come back that night, so the blond figured he'd stayed over his friend Hiro's house and cried it all out to him, and he couldn't blame him; he knew he'd been a jerk. When there was still silence in the afternoon of the next day, he became a little worried, but brushed it off when he remembered the kid still had to work. Night fell and still no sign of his pink-haired lover; now he was truly worried. Had something happened? No, he told himself firmly, he's still mad is all, probably staying tonight with Hiro, too. I guess I went too far that time. And that was the end of that.

When two days became three and three led to the end of the week, he was truly worried. He had gotten plenty of work done on his novel - no surprise there - but he missed the fluffball terribly. His days were paranoid, nights were boring, the bed was cold, showers were lonely, he hadn't had a decent meal - even missed helping Shuichi when he hurt himself in the process of cooking - he had no kisses or hugs to cheer him up, he didn't hear "I love you" anymore, and he missed - Buddha forbid! - cuddling. He had tried several times to find him: Hiro had told him he wasn't staying with him and didn't know any more than that, K said he hadn't shown up for work, the young man wouldn't pick up his cell phone, fans didn't know anything, there were no reports on TV, and Tohma wouldn't tell him anything - no doubt under instructions from the missing person. He had even gone out in public, under very heavy disguise, questioning everyone he could. He turned up empty.

The day after his little excursion, a note was posted on the door saying that movers were coming to retrieve Shuichi's stuff, although, of course, it didn't really have his name on it. The movers arrived exactly on time and when he opened the door, they each tipped their hats to him, then began gathering everything of Shuichi's as if they knew what was his; they probably did. Once everything was packed into boxes, they took it out to the moving truck.

"Where are you taking this stuff?" Yuki asked one of the movers as he came back for the last box.

"Why do you want to know?" he replied, suspicious.

"Because your company will be moving the rest of the stuff later and I want to make sure this gets to the right address," he lied easily. The man chuckled and winked at him.

"Sorry, man, under orders not to reveal that information. Especially not to a 'tall blond with irresistable, piercing eyes'. I'm guessing that's you." With that, he left.

"Damn!" the novelist growled, slamming the door shut behind the man. He was getting nowhere with this, and it didn't seem he would anytime soon. He'd just have to hope like hell that he might run into the younger man somewhere.

End flashback

So, here he was. Sitting on the couch with a beer in one hand, his lighter in the other, thumb stroking the somewhat faded picture of him and Shuichi at the theme park. Obviously, he hadn't found any trace of his lover, not even a rumor. Tohma was the only one that knew of his whereabouts, he hadn't shown up for work in all the time he was gone, and the author wished more than anything that at least someone else knew where he was, someone that he could threaten or pummel the answer out of. But there wasn't, and he knew it. Tohma was too good for that. One more reason to add to the Why I Hate My Brother-In-Law list.

He had cried countless times over the past month, had left sobbing messages on Shuichi's phone, but never got a reply. He gave up after the third week and totally cut off his communications with the outside world. He lived off the food he had until his resources ran out, then began living on all that was left. He was glad he had stocked up on plenty of beer and cigarettes when Shuichi moved in, knowing he'd be in for hell if he didn't have them. He didn't touch the TV or the radio for fear of hearing the always-hyper boy's voice, seeing his face.

The phone rang for the millionth time since he'd stopped answering and Tohma's voice was heard on the recorder.

"I'm not going to stop calling until you answer, Eiri, you can believe that. If I have to keep you up all night, I will. And when I sleep, my secretary will be calling." He hung up and did just as he promised, calling over and over again, no longer bothering to leave messages, until Yuki was positive he'd go out of his mind if the ringing didn't stop. He knew better than to unplug the phone, that would mean Tohma would call his cell phone. And if he turned that off as well... he didn't even want to think about what would happen next.

Finally, he couldn't stand it any longer and pulled on his diguise, taking off out the door. He decided to go for a long walk to clear his head and maybe find a way to get Tohma out of his hair, without having to talk to him. While he was out, he figured he might as well get a movie or something to keep his attention and some groceries. Shuichi would want strawberry pocky-

Shuichi wasn't there. He set his jaw against the tears that welled up in his eyes, forcing them back as best he could. What was the point? If his Shu-chan wasn't there, what did he have left? His books? His fans? His family? Nothing, all of that was worth nothing to him without his little one, and only a little bit even when he was there. What's the point in living, then? he asked himself silently, looking around the town. If my brat doesn't love me, if he doesn't come back to me, I have no point anymore. At least the press will have fun with me. He chuckled wryly. But what am I to do? Die, obviously... but I can't bring myself to do it. At least, not sober. I'm not stopping in any of the bars to get a drink, so I can't die... I can get put away. I could get put away for life!