Edward:

-Runs to Emmett- EMMETT!! Emmett, you have to help me!

Emmett:

What's wrong now Edward??

Edward:

Bella said she's getting tired of my "scent." But what am I supposed to do? This is my natural scent.

Emmett:

I have a brilliant idea, bro.

Edward:

Tell me! I'll do anything!

Emmett:

You can borrow some of my Axe.

Edward:

Your Axe Emmett??

Emmett:

Yeah. It says on the bottle, 'Designed to seduce the ladies, if you spray it they will come.'

Edward:

I guess I'll give it a try.

The next day

Edward:

Emmett I'm gonna kill you.

Emmett:

-Confused- Why??

Edward:

Well Bella liked the Axe, but so did every other girl I saw!

Emmett:

-Winks- So??

Edward:

Emmett, I only wanted to impress Bella. Plus, I didn't even know most of the girls. One came up to me and was speaking Portuguese!!

Emmett:

Edward, how do you know it was Portuguese??

Edward:

I used the Handy Dandy Language Handbook!

Emmett:

-Shocked- Did you steal that from Alice??

Edward:

Yeah, so??

Emmett:

HOLY FRIGGIN' TOASTER WAFFLES, EDWARD!! That book is Alice's life!

Edward:

Chillax big E, I'm gonna go return it.

Screaming Voice From Down The Hall:

WHERE IS MY HANDY DANDY LANGUAGE HANDBOOK?!

Edward:

Holy toenail clippers, she noticed! What do I do Emmett?

Emmett:

Uh, go hide in that cabinet over there.

-Edward manages to squeeze into the cabinet right before Alice storms in-

Alice:

Emmett, do you know where my book is??

Emmett:

EDWARD TOOK IT!! HE'S HIDING IN THE CABINET!!

-Alice rushes over to the cabinet and pulls Edward out. She drags him by his thumbs out of the room-

Edward:

-As he passes Emmett- I hate Axe.