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Ch.7-The Secret Ingredients

"Nine!" Emmett's eyes bugged in fear.

"Come on Emmett…Be a man" Jasper teased, laughing while slapping him hard on the back. Emmett let out a low growl.

While they sat at the table guessing what he would have to drink Edward and I went over to the counter and grabbed random bottles that he had already laid out. In seconds Edward disappeared inside the bottom cabinet. Pots and pans banged as he went in farther.

"Edward...what are you doing?" I asked curiously as I watched him crawl inside.

"You'll see" he replied over the banging pots… "Yes! Found it" he grinned as he pulled out a large box. What is that?

The rest of us watched curiously as Edward slowly began to open the box…well, all of us except Alice, who was grinning evilly as she bounced up and down in her chair. Stupid psychic!

"Behold!" Edward exclaimed in a mischievous voice as he slowly pulled out a large blender.

"A blender?" I asked with a look of disbelief. He did know we we're in the middle of a blackout right?

"Yea, we are going to make healthy, delicious smoothies and drinks for Emmett over here" He laughed as Emmett's face contorted with pure disgust.

"Um, Edward. I hate to burst you oh so evil plans…but if you haven't noticed, there isn't any power." I informed in a cocky tone. Hmph he thinks he's so smart all the time, I'm never letting this down!

"Yes!" Emmett yelled as his face filled with relief.

Edward smiled my favorite crooked smile, but it was also somewhat cocky.

"Bella, love…it's a cordless…its battery operated" he grinned, obviously pleased with himself.

"Oh" I replied stupidly…well that was embarrassing!

"So Bella, what concoction should we make first?" he grinned evilly motioning to the various bottles and containers laid out.

I read over the bottles…Hot sauce…dirt…..cod oil….toilet water,…dog pee….soy sauce. Wow…Edward really went all out. Bug spray…kerosene, motor oil…and other disgusting liquids. At the end of the row there was a white grocery bag.

"Edward…what's in this?" I pointed to the mystery bag. He smiled to himself.

"That's for later." He grinned devilishly.

The first concoction was a disgusting mixture of motor oil, dirt, and hair spray. Edward pressed the pulse button and it roared to life. I watched Emmett's face go slightly paler than normal as the blender whirred loudly. This is just too much fun!

Edward looked like a little kid. His eyes shone with excitement, and his smile…he had a wide grin plastered on his god-like face. Alice and Jasper were both laughing as they watched Emmett. Rose just glared at everyone as she rubbed soothing circles into Emmett's freakishly large muscles.

After a few more seconds, Edward turned it off and slowly tilted the blender over one of the shot glasses. The smell alone was revolting. Our concoction ended up a murky, brown color. It slowly dripped into the glass, lumps of dirt dropped with disgusting plopping sounds.

"Here you go Emmett" Edward grinned wickedly

"You better enjoy yourselves tonight…cause when im through with you..." he threatened as he stared at the lumpy drink

"Drink up!" I smiled to Emmett. He shot me an evil look.

He hesitantly grabbed the small glass, and brought it to his nose to smell it. He reeled back almost instantly, showing how repulsive it was. He continued to inspect the small glass at every angle, delaying the inevitable.

"I tink dat wittle Emmett is scawed!" Laughter erupted from Alice, Edward, and I as Jasper teased in a baby voice. That is something that Emmett would do. Edward and Jasper were both clutching there sides as they fell to the floor laughing. Boys...

"Shut up!" Emmett growled loudly at Jasper. He slowly brought the small glass to his mouth and poured. We watched the brown lumpy mixture drip into Emmett's mouth. He looked like he was about to puke when he was done.

"Good job Em" Edward laughed patting him on the back "yea, only eight more!' Jasper finished causing the two of them to laugh.

"Be careful around the candles!"... "You wouldn't want to set yourself on fire with all the kerosene inside you!" Alice giggled

I couldn't help but laugh at Emmett's face. "This is going to…be so funny…to watch on tape later!" I laughed uncontrollably, setting another round of laughter.

7 shots of cod oil, lard, owl poop; nail polish remover…toilet water…clusters of nails, dog pee, bleach…anchovies…hot sauce, vinegar…snake skin…and lumpy, expired milk later, Emmett had one shot left to go. He really looked like he were about to puke. His face had turned a nasty shade of green. Not pretty.

"Congratulations Emmett…just one more and you're done!" Jasper laughed. Emmett swayed uneasily in his chair. Side to side.

Edward and I threw in just about a little of everything into the blender. I could already tell that this was going to be the worst drink of them all. Just before I pressed the pulse button Edward came next to me with the mysterious white bag in his hands.

"Don't forget the secret ingredients" he said playfully as he began to untie the bag. He pulled out a pair of tongs off the counter and dug deep into the bag. Seconds later he pulled out a small zip lock bag. Whatever was inside had a somewhat yellow color. I couldn't tell what was inside, and neither could anyone else, except Alice...of course. We all stared in suspense at the mystery substance that lay inside the bag.

"Edward...what is that?" I asked cautiously pointing to the Ziploc that he held in between the tongs.

He grinned devilishly, "This...is some of Lauren Mallory's hair" he motioned to the bag

"What!!" Emmett's eyes practically popped out of its sockets.

I looked back at Edward in disbelief. How did he manage to get that! "Edward, when did you get this…?" I stared at the yellow substance, which was Lauren Mallory's hair.

"Let's just say she won't notice it missing" he grinned slyly

Just as he was about to pour the contents into the blender Alice jumped out of her chair.

"Wait!"… "Don't pour it in yet!" she screamed as she raced towards us…. "Can I see that for a minute?" she asked pointing to the bag.

"Um, sure" Edward handed the bag to her. She reached inside the bag and grabbed a few strands and began examining them.

"Alice what are you doing?" Edward asked inquiringly at his sister.

She just ignored him and kept examining. "I KNEW IT!!" she cried happily jumping up and down.

"What" everyone asked as we watched her continue jumping up and down.

"Lauren Mallory HAS SPLIT ENDS!!"… "AND…she's a FAKE BLONDE!!" she bounced happily at her new found discovery.

"Ha! I knew that slut wasn't a real blonde!" Rose stated as she played with her own hair.

After Alice was re-seated, Edward emptied the hair into the blender. I was about to press the pulse button when Edward stopped me.

"There's one more thing" he grinned darkly. This time he pulled out a pair of gloves and placed one on each hand. Wow this must be bad. After the gloves were securely placed on each hand he grabbed the tongs and reached inside the bag. Everyone stared curiously at the bag, guessing what it could be.

Edward pulled out a cluster of cartoon dinosaur print cloth.

"Your evil ingredient is cloth?" I asked as I stared at the cartoon printed fabric, "I mean it's just kinda a let down after the first mystery ingredient." From behind me I could hear Alice giggling in her chair.

"It's not just any cloth" Edward grinned slyly… "It's a pair of boxers" he finished with a breathtaking grin

"Oh!" I smiled at his genius-ness… "Wait…whose boxers?" I asked suspiciously as I stared at them again. Who do I know that would wear kiddy cartoon boxers that say I Heart Mommy on the elastic band….

"Mike Newton" Edward laughed darkly as he held them open for everyone to see.

Everyone stared at the boxers with disgust.

"MIKE!" Emmett squeaked as his eyes became alert.

"Now I understand the whole gloves thing" I laughed uncontrollably.

"MIKE NEWTON'S BOXER'S!!"… "BOXER'S OF MIKE NEWTON!!" he squeaked as his eyes focused on the cartoon dinosaurs.

Alice, Jasper, Edward and I erupted with laughter.

"Edward" I said between laughs… "Where and how did you get this?" I asked managing to calm down. Jasper, Alice and Rose stared at Edward curiously, waiting for his answer.

"It was lying around on his floor" he laughed… "I might have been there for a while" he couldn't resist, as Emmett looked as he were about to cry. I wouldn't blame him.

I watched the blender whir. Turning Mikes…boxers into complete shreds.

"Edward" I asked

"Yes love?"

"You know your going to have to burn the blender when your done right?" I laughed as a smile crept onto his face… "Oh, I know"

We poured the gray colored sludge into another shot glass. I thought the past 8 smelled bad, but this…this was just on a whole new level of disgusting. I watched the shreds of dinosaurs and strands of platinum blonde hair float around as it dripped into the shot glass.

"Here you go" I smiled as I watched Emmett stare at the glass with blank eyes.

"Come on baby, just one more!" Rose said softly

"I'm going to get you back" Emmett growled to the two of us before reaching for the glass.

He didn't hesitate before pouring the mixture into his mouth.

"Mmmm, tasty isn't it?" Edward teased

Emmett's face quivered as he finished the last drop. His face was slightly green, and he really looked like he was about to throw up. He set the glass down and ran straight for the bathroom. Rose raced after him.

"Dont cough up too many fur balls!"Alice giggled after them.

Jasper, Alice, Edward, and I fell to the floor laughing.

"Ewww MIKE NETWON TASTE!"… "TASTE OF MIKE NEWTON!!" we heard Emmett's girlish screams distantly. I looked around the room, Alice was holding on to Jasper to brace herself from falling over...Where is Edward?

"Edward!! Get that video tape out of here if you don't want to be missing any special manly parts tomorrow!" Rose screeched in a venomous tone

He must have run out of there fast because within seconds he was at my side laughing, pulling me down to the ground with him

For the next 10 minutes we heard retching noises…Emmett and Rose slowly came back, Emmett looked somewhat better.

"You two better enjoy yourselves…because after this it's my turn" Emmett said in an evil, yet playful tone.

"Sure, whatever you say Em...in the meantime…is it Rose or Alice's turn?" Edward grinned

A.N

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