Disclaimer: Not mine, don't sue

A/N: Crack! Crack!

just 'cause a radish can't scream

Don't think that they don't have feelings,

Just 'cause a radish can't scream

- Carrot Juice is Murder

The Arrogant Worms

"You know," says Dean, "This is something I would've seen happening to me."

Sam doesn't answer. Not that Dean really expects an answer from his brother-turned-radish.

Still, it is a bit unnerving.

"What?"

"Uh…radish."

Bobby doesn't say anything for a bit. Maybe that was a good thing. Finally he sighed, "Bring him over here." Pause. "Idjit."

"That," Dean tells his brother as he starts up the car, "Was totally uncalled for."

Bobby grabs Sam from Dean's hand, rolling him around between his hands…and, okay, that sounded wrong.

"You sure this is him?"

"You think I'd make something like this up?"

"No. I just always saw Sam as more of a grapefruit."

Dean doesn't bother to ask why the man would even contemplate something like that. Instead he snatches his brother back from Bobby, and, cradling it gently in his hand says, "But you can fix it. Right?"

"'Course. What, you think I'd call ya over to talk about the weather?"

"Maybe."

"Jackass."

It doesn't work.

"It didn't work."

"I can see that," Bobby says, taking off his baseball cap and wiping at his forehead. A sure sign of bad news. "Maybe we did something wrong."

"What do you mean, did something wrong. I thought you knew what you were doing."

"Sorry if I ain't perfect. It's not like I do this everyday."

Dean stares at the radish that was once his brother.

He doesn't know if Sam is staring back.

That night, Dean can't sleep. He's set Sam up on the bedside table in a little nest of Kleenexes and cardboard.

He says, "You gotta be difficult about everything, Sammy?"

He says, "I'm totally gonna make you into a salad if you don't get your act in gear."

He says, "You know what radish tastes good on? Roast beef. That's right, Sammy. Think you hate roast beef now."

And finally, as he's drifting off, no sound of familiar snoring to comfort him in the darkness, he says, "Christ, Sammy, I miss your ugly Sasquatch mug."

There's a loud crash sometime early the following morning. Dean comes to blearily while Bobby comes crashing into the room. On the floor, flat on his back and naked is a human Sam Winchester.

"Huh," says Bobby as Sam shrieks and yanks the covers off Dean to cover himself up, "Guess the thing worked after all."

Sam says, "I am never eating another vegetable again."

Dean makes him a salad anyway.