It was deathly silent at the daybreak, none of us dared to breathe. I watched Emmett and Jasper lower her coffin slowly into the ground. I couldn't help but feel that it was a part of me, almost my entire self, being buried with her. Suddenly a heavy rumble of thunder shook the ground. Alice burst into dry sobs and leant on Rose, who was looking at the hole in the ground with devastated eyes. The coffin hit the bottom of the hole almost silently. Jasper stood up straight and drew a hand over his face, brushing away imaginary tears. He took his place loyally beside Alice and enveloped her in his arms. Emmett chewed his lip as he stared at the coffin. His little sister. Dead. Esme knelt beside the hole and threw her flower petals gently over the wooden box. Carlisle placed a hand on her shoulder for support.
'Oh, Bella, my baby. I'm going to miss you terribly. I love you so, so much,' Esme whispered before bringing her hands to her face and dry sobbing. Alice turned to face me. I nodded.
'Bella, you're my sister. How can you be gone? I have no one to know my secrets and share everything with. I can't even dress you up anymore. I miss you, Bella…I really miss you,' she cried. Jasper tried to send out calming emotions but it made me feel worse. Rose stepped up to the edge of the grave and Emmett put his arm around her waist, she swayed slightly and leant into him.
'I should have been better to you; I regret it more than anything right now. I'm so sorry about the way I treated you and would give my existence to have you back right now. I'm sorry I didn't come to my senses before and persuade us all to stay. I hope you can forgive me. I really do love you like a sister and I hope your safe and ok right now,' she whispered. Emmett squeezed her in comfort. She turned and buried her face in his shoulder.
'Bells, I can't express to you how much I'm gonna miss your clumsiness and human tricks. I'd give the world to see them all over again. I'm sorry I teased you because of them and I guess im sorry for almost killing you with my hugs. I don't know how the family's going to hold up now you're gone for sure. I sure don't think the place is ever going to seem as bright without you. I'm gonna miss you, little sis, I really am,' Emmett choked out. I nodded at him and he nodded back. Neither of us wanting to say anything else.
'It's my fault. I didn't mean to pounce that day at your party. I regret it so deeply right now. I cannot get over the fact that you should be standing with us rather than below us. I'm so sorry. You were part of all of us and now those parts are being buried with you. I'm sorry I kept my distance but you know how hard it was for me. I'm sorry for everything. I'm going to miss you like everyone else and I'll live with the guilt for eternity. I'm sorry for killing you,' Jasper whispered. I looked at him and shook my head.
'You didn't kill her,' I said simply. Jasper smiled sadly at me and shook his head too.
'Yes, I did and you know it,' he uttered and closed his eyes as he tried to deal with the raging motions and overwhelming pain.
'My dear daughter, I'm sorry it ended like this. I should have saved you and I would have but I did not think it would end like this. You were truly the heart of this family and I am going to miss you terribly. I really did love you like a daughter and truly enjoyed patching you up like I would have done if I'd have had children of my own. I can't express to you in words how much we are all going to miss you, especially myself as you gave me pride and joy,' Carlisle said, a deep hint of ancient grief in his voice. I swallowed hard and breathed in. Carlisle looked at me and sighed. I walked forward to the edge of the grave containing my angel's coffin and…body. I knelt by the edge and looked at it. I swallowed harder still trying to contain my heart-wrenching sorrow and desolation.
'It's ok, Edward. Just let it all out,' Alice's soft sad words made the woe bubble deep inside.
'Honestly Edward, we don't mind,' Emmett whispered, his voice strained. Then I broke and sobs racked strongly through my whole body.
'Oh, my Bella. My angel. I love you so, so much. Words cannot express how much I want you to be with me right now. I need you to breathe and I need you to live. My body is empty without your touch and my mind is blank without your life. I want to hold you tightly in my arms and never let you go. I would give my everything and steal anything if I could get you back. I love you more than the entire world. I'm the most sorry I could ever be that I left, it was an excruciatingly senseless thing to do. I never thought it would come to this. I want to you to know that I never stopped loving you and I'm sorry I didn't and couldn't save you. I love you so much…I love you Bella. I really do. I couldn't think why you would believe my foolish lies, I now realise how idiotic I was. Where ever you are, my love, please find it within you to forgive me. I miss everything about you, your touch, your heart, your blush, the feel of your skin against mine, your heat, your hair, your face…everything about you. You will be forever what fills my thoughts. You will forever be in my actions and the reason for my life and I will try to live for your memory. I just want you to know that I will never…I stubbornly refuse to forget you. Nothing will ever make me feel this way as long as I live. I had been empty for too long, you filled that space and now it has been torn from me. I cannot accept that you are gone and will remain true to you until the end of eternity. I will never ever forget you and I will love you forever and always,' I had started off quietly but by the end I was shouting to the heavens. It was deathly silent at the end. A deep rumble of thunder sounded from nearby. Rain began to fall slowly at first. We remained silent as the rain fell heavily now around us.
'Goodbye, my one and only love,' I whispered. I picked up a handle of drier earth and sprinkled it over the coffin that held her beautiful body. My family followed suit and then we all helped shovel the rest of the earth over her. I laid a bunch of freesias on top of the mound of earth that was her grave.
'I'm going to miss you so much,' I whispered again. Alice and Esme laid lilies on top and Rose laid a small bouquet of roses. Emmett and Jasper had engraved a tombstone.
Here lies Bella Swan
13. 9. 1987 – 30. 3. 2006
Truly Cherished Until the End of Time
Beloved Sister, Friend, Daughter, Partner
We Will Always Love You
They both placed in at the head of the grave, securely in the ground. I nodded and smiled weakly at them. I couldn't bear to tune into their thoughts, it would be too horrible and I needed time to myself at the moment.
The rain carried on pouring down heavily as we stood watching the grave of my love, Bella. I missed her terribly but it was all over. I would have to live on without her by my side. I would have to stop myself for curling myself into a ball and letting life have me. I needed to stay strong for her memory, she wouldn't be happy with me if I did that to my family. I couldn't let them down again. They'd all lost someone close to them but I guess I'd lost the most. I'd lost my heart and soul.
Something, that as long as I lived… I would never get back.
Yesterday I lost my
closest friend
Yesterday I wanted time to end
I wonder if my
heart will ever mend
I just let you slip away