This is the new and improved first chapter. I only changed a few things. I hope I didn't just end up making things worse...
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Just after Shin disappears into the sky:
"Ball? Do you think they'll be okay?" I asked quietly, scared of what Balls answer might be, but instead of answering me he turned away to-what I saw with surprise-wipe his tears away.
"What do you mean by that? Don't you trust them Mei? They'll be fine" he said sounding completely confident until he faltered on his last words. He was not only trying to reassure me, he was trying to make himself feel better as well. It was stupid of me to think I was the only one worried. I was not the only one who needed to be comforted.
"Your right Ball, there's no way anything bad has happened to them. Jio will take care of it and then he'll come back from that planet, he'll use the controls to get them out of there before the planet is destroyed. There's no way Jio would die so easily!"
"yeah especially with Ruby there, there's no way he would allow her to get hurt" he said smiling.
We carried on talking about how impossible it would be for Jio to die; each of us coming out with even more far fetched reasons as we went along. We were both most probably deluding ourselves as we tried to push away the harsh reality. Jio and Ruby were gone; we would never see them again.
Jio:
Weird, for some reason I'm not dead. Though my body is hurting me like hell. I opened my eyes and pulled myself up from the ground, wincing from the pain of my legs as they tried to support my body. It was dark outside, so there was barely any light, but I could still see the broken debris of the Shin all around me. I could still see the deformed bodies of the other Demons and Angels lying motionless and twisted on the ground…Ruby!
I searched the area carefully praying that she wasn't among the dead.
"RUBY!" I shouted, as I got more and more desperate, frantically searching "DAMIT RUBY! WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU!?"
Ruby:
I keep hearing a voice, a voice that keeps calling my name. The voice Sounds like Jio. My mind must be playing a cruel trick on me. There's no way Jio could have survived, I kept thinking as tears streamed from the corners of my eyes. Jio is dead and soon I will follow, my body is in so much pain I doubt I can last much longer.
I tried to smile as I always did, crying won't bring Jio back. Even though I knew that I couldn't stop the tears from flowing, how many years had it been since I'd cried like this? Never, not even when I thought father had died.
Jio's fake voice is getting louder now, I wish it would stop. The voice is keeping my body awake; it is stopping me from entering a never ending sleep. I want to call out to it. I want to tell it to stop imitating my friend
I must be going crazy, the voice isn't real its just the mind playing tricks on a person at the brink of death.
The voice, I hate it. I want it to stop! Why won't it stop? Why does it just keep getting louder and louder? I tried to put my hands on my ears, but I couldn't my arms where pinned down by something big and heavy. I just want to block out the noise. I just want it to stop!
The voice was hurting me, ever time it screamed my name I was reminded of Jio and his death. Every time it spoke it was like a direct wound to my heart. It hurt so much and as the voice got louder, it became excruciatingly pain. I tried to ignore the voice by thinking of other things. I banged my head against the ground until it bled, but the voice would not stop. By then I was past breaking point, I just wanted it gone.
"STOP IT!" I screamed over and over again "PLEASE JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!" I wanted to die, the pain was just too much. I wanted it to stop.
It's just your mind playing tricks on you, just calm down and think. I tried to slow down my thinking tried to think rationally. I was not being myself, if I could just calm down for a moment and think…
"RUBY WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU!?" the fake Jio shouted, louder than ever before. It was too close, it was far too close. I don't want the voice so near me. I want it to go away!
"LEAVE ME ALONE" I screamed and when I screamed I found I couldn't hear the voice any more. I carried on screaming.
I woke up later to find myself in much more comfortable position. I guessed that I had blacked out earlier on. I noticed with relief that the voice was gone and that for some reasons my arms were no longer pinned down by the heavy object. I was leaning against something warm and solid. I opened my eyes and Screamed.
It was Jio! the warm solid thing had been Jio!
Jio:
I woke up at the sound of Ruby's scream- She's been doing that a lot lately, which was really out of character for her- and saw that she was about a foot away from me sobbing. I panicked thinking that she may have hurt herself even further. Her arms were already in a terrible state though I had managed to bandage them up, by using some of my ripped up jacket.
"Ruby? Are you okay?" I asked.
"Are you the real Jio?" she asked looking strangely torn.
"Of course I am!"
"Then am I dead?" so she'd thought I had died?
"Don't be stupid, of course you're alive"
"Good" she said smiling as she hugged me "It would have been a shame if you'd died" she said as she let go of me.
"What do you mean by a shame; don't talk as though you've just found a lost toy!" I said raising my voice only to find that she had collapsed into my arms. I shook her lightly to see if she was asleep. Then put her onto my back so that I could carry her easily. Ruby wasn't in a good state. I was going to have to find her a doctor.
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At the top I said I'd only change a few things, but I the end I changed almost everything besides the beginning and the end(sort of). I think I might edit some of my other chapters as well as this one…
Please review!!