Matt has pretty much given up on having goals and aspirations. There are things that he wants, of course, but he doesn't see the point in overexerting himself in order to attempt to achieve something that may or not happen. That's simply wasted energy, in his eyes. So he let's things come to him... and if they don't, then he just forgets about it.

But he wants Mello

-- but how much, Matt, how much do you really care?--

a whole helluva lot.

Mello may or may not know that this is the case.

But here he is, sitting in front of Matt in the shittiest apartment both boys have ever seen before, and he's screaming about something, something that happened today. Something completely insignificant, something so stupid that Matt just zones out, and he watches Mello flail and curse-- and it's amazing.

"Does it hurt?" Matt asks, interuppting Mello in the middle of his rant.

"Does what hurt?" Mello shoots back.

"Being so angry all the time."

"I'm not angry all the time. You are just stupidly apathetic, and I hate it. I hate you."

"Yeah, well, I hate you, too."

But Matt's never been a very good liar-- Mello has, though, and his eyes burn through Matt's, straight through the goggles, straight into his head-- Mello knows everything, absolutely everything.

"Mello, I definately want to jump you right now," Matt says, only he doesn't say that. He'd never say that.

"Mello, I think you're an asshole," Matt says, and he actually does say that, and the smack he receives afterwards isn't even a shock. Maybe it's what Matt wanted; maybe Matt's some kinda masochist, and he should just keep saying things to instigate Mello until he gets the shit beat out of him.

"God, why are you acting like such a dick?"

"Whatever." Matt says. He decides to retreat to the bedroom, and his body lurches forward. Mello has pushed him. "I'm avoiding confrontation." Only he's not; he wants it.

Mello pushes him again. "I want you to tell me what your problem is, Matt."

"And you think you're going to coax an answer out of me by causing me physical harm?"

Mello pushes him again, and he hits the wall. He tries to move, but Mello's body is now pressed up against his, holding his arms, and Mello's breath is hitting the back of Matt's neck...

"Tell me what your problem is before I break your freaking arms."

Mello sounds pretty menacing at this point. He's twisting Matt's arms around, and yeah, it freaking hurts, but Matt doesn't give Mello that indication. "I'm just sick of your complaining." Matt grumbles, pressing his forehead against the wall and staring at his shoes. "You never talk to me anymore. You talk at me, you talk around me... Maybe-- I don't know, damn! Just let go!"

Mello lets go, but he doesn't move.

And soon enough Matt doesn't feel so uncomfortable pressed up against the wall. Soon enough, he's facing Mello, and they're just staring at each other.

And some stupid little voice in the back of Matt's head-- oddly enough, he realizes, it sounds like L; what the fuck-- is saying, "If you just try, he'll be yours. Just lean forward a little bit. He wants you to."

-- but Matt doesn't feel like trying--

But their lips are so close to touching.

-- but Matt's just lazy and Mello needs to make the first move--

And their hands are shaking.

-- and Matt just says, "Get the fuck off me. I'm going to bed."

Matt has definately given up on having goals and aspirations. It's never really something he wants-- pissing Mello off a dangerous extreme (but, God, Matt loves it so much when Mello gets all wound up) -- but when Mello punches a hole through the living room wall and into the bedroom, Matt feels the pride of a job well done.