AN: final chapter of this story, but be prepared for Zod Returns, probably coming up sometime later this week. This one's a bit AU, and OOC, and I gave Brainiac powers that he doesn't actually have because I thought they would be cool and are needed for the story. Also I didn't kill off the Alexander part of Lex's personality.
"If you want to be
free;
then I want you to be.
You're not mine anymore.
You're public property.
You're a slave to these people,
who
don't even know you.
You think they adore you, they do.
Then they throw you away" Ben Folds
1.
"I love Lex, but I can't work with the man," I explained as Fine and I lay together on a twisted up pile of wires, sparks shooting off all around us. "He's gone really, really bad... I don't know if it had to do with him killing his father, or just everything, but almost ever last bit of innocence and sweetness is gone. There's still that other personality, Alexander—the good part of him, but Lex has taken control. That part of him is pure evil. I can't let him control me for the same reason I can't join him; in the end he's going t force me to murder everybody I've ever cared about, and millions of other innocent strangers." I knew Milt would say something like; no one on this planet is innocent. "He isn't going to be happy until he has absolute power and the respect, or ear of the entire world. He'll probably blow us all up—except for the best and brightest, and try to start all over gain. And, yet, I still can't bring myself to kill him, either," I told him.
Fine sat up, patted me between the shoulders, and nodded, as though he were listening sympathetic. "He's still a person; with feelings and right now all he can think about is how many times I've hurt him, betrayed his trust, lied to him, and if I know Lex, he thinks he's saving the world from invading forces. He thinks I'm out to take over the world. Because he sees it that way, he assumes everyone else does too, but we don't. I don't. I just wish I could show him that I love him like nobody ever did, take care of him, make up for the pain Lionel caused him, make Lex a good man, the kind of man I'd be proud to be associated with. I wish there were some way he could forget all about all of this traveler nonsense and go back to the way things were right after he broke up with Lana and she and Lois moved in together." Milt rubbed my back and held me for what seemed like an eternity before either one of us said anything. I had started to cry, tears fell from my face, down onto the front of his shirt, and snot went everywhere. I guess that's real love; when the other person doesn't care if you get snot all over them, and all they care about is comforting you. Fine kissed my cheeks, wiping the tears away, and made soft shushing sounds.
"Kal-el, there's only so much that you can do for Luthor. He has to want your help, otherwise, it won't work. Lex is going to end up resenting you for picking on him, and you are going to hate him for not trying hard enough."
"What are you, Dr. Phil or something?" I asked, suppressing a giggle. Milt smiled, tickling me a little, and then he enveloped me in a big, tight hug. "Dr. Phil is a, uh—a doctor, a psychologist—"
"Kal-el, you know with whom you are speaking, do you not?" I nodded. "I was programmed to take in information, process and retain it. Simply stated, I know everything there is to know, and anything I do not know, I learn immediately."
"If I threw a football straight up in the air, with all my strength, as hard as I possibly could, how far would it go?"
"Don't be a brat, Kal-el. It's obnoxious, he said, still smiling. "Alright. It's a fairly difficult equation to calculate, because there are several factors weighing in. Would you be satisfied to know that it would break through the Earth's atmosphere and head to outer space?"
"Yeah, that's all I really wanted to know any way." At least three minutes went by before II said anything else. "Is there anything we can do about Lex, I mean, is there anything we can do for him?"
"There is one possible solution, but it won't be easy, and I can only do this one time. To put it in layman's terms, as you would say, I'd go into Luthor's mind, and remove any and all memories relating to the traveler. He won't even know that—I know what Lex's father did to him at that institution, and how much it would hurt you to inflict that same torture on your friend as Lionel did That's why I didn't bring it up before." He kissed my face again, soft and gentle.
"Tell me," I said, trying to sound stronger than I actually felt. He was right, naturally. The last thing Lex needed was to have his brain zapped again. Just thinking about it brought up in my mind the images of Lex in Belle Reeve helpless, scared, lost, sad, confused, betrayed, and hurt. I could see him looking at me like I was his savior, and then the crushing blow, like I'd hit him when I said I wouldn't help him escape. I saw Lionel, that evil bastard, standing over the shell of a man that he had turned his son into, his pants stretched tight over the crotch. I had run away upon seeing the horror-struck childlike look on Lex's face, even though I knew what was about to happen to him. I was too afraid, too young to stop it, and I didn't know what to do.
So, I ran, and Lex suffered because of it. I hated myself for leaving my best friend all alone with that monster, but what could I have done? The only way to stop him would have been to expose myself, and my abilities to Lionel, and in front of a security camera. My mom told me later, that even if I could have saved him that time, I probably would have ended up in a lab somewhere, being tortured, vivisected, and Lex still wouldn't be safe. I saw him later, unconscious on that torture table. "Lex, Son," his father said in an eerily comforting voice. "It's over. It's over." I saw me and him standing in his office, Lex smiling and hugging me, like nothing had happened. There is one thing I'll never forget, Clark. How much our friendship means to me.
I'm pretty sure that was the last time either one of us completely trusted the other. A month later I found that room, and swore I'd never speak to him again, but almost as soon as Jor-el allowed me to of the cave wall, Lex had been so desperate for my forgiveness, that he promised to stop investigating me. He handed over his files, which didn't actually have anything in them, and begged for a second chance. Over the next two years, Lex messed up more times that I could count. He always asked for another chance, and I always gave it to him.
Then, one day, he stopped apologizing. At first I let it slide. After all, I was hiding so many things from him. Who could blame the guy for trying to figure out what was happening all around him. Some time after that, I stopped forgiving him. And that was when things went from bad to worse. Eventually he grew to hate me, and I hated—well I didn't hate him, but I did hate what he had become.
"Can you just erase the part where he found out that I'm the Traveler, and then, set up a way—destroy the device or lose it or something so that he can't use it, if he ever did remember?"
"Kal-el, listen to me. Lex Luthor is beyond repair. There's nothing you can do for him now. I understand it is difficult to hear, but the Lex you know and love is gone. He can't be saved, or fixed, or whatever it is you think you can do. Get rid of him now, before it's too late. It's your only choice."
"You don't know that!" I cried, standing up to run away. Milt grabbed me by the arm, spinning my body around, hugging me tight, and refused to let go.
"Unfortunately, Kal-el, I do know that."
"No," I sobbed. "I can't do what you're asking. You want me to kill a man, in cold blood? I still love Lex, and deep down inside, he still loves me." Fine looked like he was about to say, no he doesn't, but at the last minute changed his mind.
"Even if that were true, you would need to spend years, showing him your love, supporting him, helping him learn to be good, and at the same time, you would be lying to him, about everything. He will find out, eventually, and when he does, one of you will end up dead, and to be honest, I don't like your odds in that particular situation."
"But I can do it! I love Lex. I'll take care of him. I can treat him better than Lionel did, better than anyone did. I can make up for what his dad did. I saw what it was like in his mind. I can't let the bad guy take over forever." Milt said nothing, but I knew what he was thinking, because it was in the back of my mind to. You won't be enough. It's too late. I was crying again, sobbing hysterically, and he just held me, loving, non-judgmentally, calmly. "I have to try. Please, just let me try. If I can't help him, if I can't do it, you have t promise not to hurt him. You have to promise he won't be scared when you—and it won't hurt, not even for a half of a half of a second. If you hurt him, I swear to God…"
"He won't feel a thing. He won't even know what happened to him. I promise." Sometimes I wondered just how evil he really was, or if my influence had softened him up around the edges. "I will also erase only the pieces regarding the device sent here to control you. It will be just enough to keep you from harm. Everything else is no responsibility of mine. I will keep a close watch on Luthor and you at all times. This world is headed for a fate worse than Krypton's, Kal-el, but you can save them, as long as he doesn't kill you, our last remaining citizen."
"What about Kara?"
"I don't think I can get her back, nor right away, and even if I do, she's not like you. She's not as strong, or bright, and she is not as kind-hearted. You will be their savior, Kal-el, all of them. Not just Luthor. That's what I worry about most."
"Stop it. I get it. You worry about me waiting all of my energy on a lost cause. You think Lex is too far gone for me to be able to do anything for, and that I'm going to burn out. Well, it's not going to happen!"
"I'll take you to him now, alright?" Milt asked, carefully lifting me up, and wrapping his arms around my midsection. "I won't hurt him. It's going to be fine. Everything will work out eventually." I couldn't ask what I was thinking at that moment. What if I only make him worse? "You can not let yourself think those things. When I'm finished, Lex is going to pass out, and when he wakes up, he's going to confused, and at home, in bed, with no memory of how he got there. Lex is going to be frightened. You must be strong, for him. He can not see you like this. It will only make him more afraid. Be strong, and have a good cover story to comfort him; take good care of him Kal-el. He's your responsibility." I nodded, holding on tight, my face pressed into his shoulder, eyes squeezed shut, and prayed for a miracle.
When we got to the fortress, Milt told me to wait outside, as he shape-shifted into Kara's form, and went in to talk to Lex. Suddenly they were kissing, and then Lex fell into Fine's arms. The three of us were at the mansion within seconds, and then I was alone with an unconscious Lex. Milt said he destroyed the device.
"Luthor's memory only goes up to the night his father died. He told me things about what happened afterwards, and it seems as though the more dominant part of his personality took over after that day. You were correct, Kal-el. There is still some good in him, but the part you saw, the kind, gentle, sweet, loving Lex is weak, and frightened. I also altered his body slightly, so it would seem as though he's been sick for a while, with a high fever. That's why every event which transpired between then and now seems hazy and strange. Remember, I will always be near, and you need my help, just call out to me."
"I won't let you kill him, not even if it costs me my life," I said, as he flew off. I hated that we left things on slightly bad terms, but it needed to be said. No matter how many terrible things Lex did, no matter who he hurt, or killed, no matter how much we fought, or how hard the bad Lex tried to take over—and even if that part managed to take over completely, and some how "kill" the Alexander part of him, I knew I would always love and protect him. We were soul mates, he just needed to realize that I was on his side (that I was here to help people) so that he could trust me, and I could trust him enough to tell him everything. "I love you," I whispered, and as if we were in a movie, his eyes slowly opened, and the man I loved looked about the room, in confusion.
"How did I get here? What's happening? What—where—why—Clark? What the Hell are you doing here? How much—was I, sick? I feel like I've been sick, but I haven't—I never get sick. It-I'm. What's happening to me, Clark?" A familiar and sweet sounding voice asked, as though he were on the verge of tears. I knew you were still in there, I thought.
"I came to check up on you the night Lionel died. I thought you might feel like talking to someone who understands how it feels to lose a—any way, when I got here you were laying on the floor, sweating, and sort of greenish. It was really bad for a while. I called my mom, and she told me what to do. Since then, I've been taking care of you ever since."
"He's dead?" Alexander's trembling voice made it sound like he was almost afraid to say those words, but it took a long time for the news to fully set in. When it did, he began to make soft sobbing sounds. "I think we did something bad," he whispered later, looking up at me like he was going to get into trouble if I knew the truth.
"It wasn't your fault, and everyone thinks it was an accident. I don't blame you, and nobody else knows what he did." He hugged me, and I saw that smile on his face again, "I'd really like to stay here, so we can be friends again."
"He doesn't like you very much, but I think he misses you once in a while."
"I think I can help him be more like you—I mean. I want everything to be like it used to. I screwed up, expected him to be like me. I forgot you guys were raised by Lionel, and didn't understand the trust problem. I kept things from you guys, lied. It makes sense that you reacted the way you did. I blew everything out of proportion, and I'm sorry. It won't happen again." I had been practicing what to say ever since I found out I'd be seeing him again, but it still sounded stupid, and not at all like my words. It was almost exactly how I felt, and yet I couldn't think of a good way to make the words match the feelings. While I was talking to him, I noticed Lex's facial features changing, his eyes getting dark, angry, and I knew what was happening. "I, um, how much of that did you here?"
"All of it, not that any of what you said matters. You think you can just tell me how sorry you are, and make up for all the names you called me, or the lies, or the things you did to me! What is wrong with you?"
"Of course I don't think I can just magically fix everything," I tried to explain, but he wasn't having it. Lex pushed me down; and I let him. Kicked me, and I cushioned the blow so he wouldn't break all the bones in his fee, played at being injured, and tried to make him feel better. "I'm sorry. I wanna try again. Please give me another chance. How many times did you ask me the exact same thing? Come on, Lex."
"No more lies?" he asked, and for an instant, I almost thought he believed me. "Clark, this isn't going to be easy. We're both going to have to work our asses off. Are you really willing to do that for me? Do you really care? Or is this just another fling?'
"I never wanted to break up. I love you. It just—we didn't always agree on everything, and I let that get in the way of my other feelings." I paused, watching him, cautiously. I didn't want to promise to never lie again, because that would already be one, but I knew that if I didn't make the promise, he'd never give me a chance. "Okay, Lex. No more lies. We've both made mistakes, and I don't blame you for not trusting me when I wasn't being honest with you."
"You'd think with all the money I threw into those investigations, I'd have figured out what you were really hiding a long time ago." Lex laughed a little, but he wasn't happy. I sighed, hugging him.
"I have meteor abilities. I'm strong—really, really, really strong, and for a long time I didn't even know why or what was happening to me. It was terrifying. So I hid it, from you, from Lana, from my friends, even from my parents for a while." I hated that the lie came so quickly and easily, but it explained absolutely everything, and Lex believed me.
2.
We spent the next few months learning to 'trust' each other again, and almost a year went by before Lex allowed me to move into the mansion, but after that, things seemed to get a lot better. Soon, we were married, I was working at the Daily Planet—go figure—and our lives stabilized a lot.
Lex and I got up every morning, ate breakfast together, made love, and then went to work. We came home at night, talked about our days, at e dinner, and then we always did something in the evenings, like go for a drive in the country, stargaze with the huge, ridiculously expensive telescope he'd gotten me, ride horses, play pool, or just stay in bed and fuck until we passed out. A few years after that night with Brainiac, Lex forgot about trying to control the Traveler all together, and while the angry, I'll kill anything that gets in my ay, part of him had mellowed; he was still very much his father's son.
Lex wasn't satisfied to simply be rich and powerful. He had to be the best, the richest, the most powerful person on Earth. We sometimes joked that he would one day led an army from country to country and create a modern day Roman Empire, but every so often I wonder if it real was just a joke.
Ten years after we had gotten together, my biggest concern was no longer whether or not I could save him, make him a happy, healthy, normal person (I knew I would never be able to do that). Now my worries were more focused on preventing Lex from committing crimes and making sure he never figured out that Superman and I were one in the same. When I started to put on the cape and run around all day and all night our schedules changed once more, although not by much. My work hours were erratic, and so did our lives. A standard day went something like this.
3:00: A massive fire breaks out in Pittsburg.
7:00: breakfast with Lex
8:45: morning meeting at the office
11:00: bank robbery down town
1:57: my article is due in three minutes, so I practically set the keyboard on fire, trying to finish in time.
4:00: the evening edition of the paper is sent to bed
6:30: dinner with Lex
7:15: he excuses himself to do some "work stuff"
8:00: Superman shows up just in time to keep Luthor from nuking half of California into the ocean
9:00: Lex complains about Superman to me, and I listen, trying to convince him that he can beat the alien by being a bigger man, and turning over a new leaf. "He'd never see it coming, Lex, and—just think of what you could do if you put your mind towards saving mankind rather than destroying Superman." He laughed at me, his eyes studying my every expression.
"Why is it that filthy creature talks to you, Clark? I mean, Hell, you're a fantastic reporter, but you're not the best. What did he do, open up the Daily Planet, close his eyes, and point to a random journalist?"
"As hard as it is to believe, we have a lot in common. We're both orphans, do-gooders, loaners, and he and I both worry about you. He thinks you have an enormous amount of potential. You could be humanitarian of the century, the best president ever, anything you wanted, and he wouldn't be able to stop you because you were doing good things."
"Riding the world of that sick, alien invader is the best thing I can do for everybody. For all we know, Krypton still exists, and is full of more "supermen," just waiting to enslave us all, take over the planet Earth."
"Lex, you know the coordinate of where it used to be. You've researched it, seen it through our telescope. That place blew up. The pieces fell to Earth during the Smallville meteor shower when we were kids. The rocks that are left over from that can kill him, hurt him. How do you explain that?"
"For all intensive purposes, New Orleans sank, the whole city flooded. It was destroyed, and people couldn't live there for the longest time. And yet, there were hundreds of thousands of people who had lived there who relocated some place else."
"So they moved everyone away from their homes, blew the place up, and sent Kal-el, Superman, here to see how we react to Kryptonians, and then they're gonna take over Earth, because…why?" He laughed at me, waving a hand in front of his face, as if to say, enough. Things were never exactly the same, but that was usually the gist of it. I think part of me knew I didn't have a chance, but I wouldn't—couldn't—give up on him. "Promise me you won't kill him," I aid one night. "It doesn't matter to me, if he lives or dies, but…everyone would know it was Lex Luthor, and either they'd send you to jail or someone else would avenge him. Then, I'd be all alone."
It was a horrible, horrible thing for e to say to him, and really selfish, but I was worried, more for his safety, and mental health, more than for my own life. I knew he would eventually figure out the truth about me, and it would shatter hi, but if Lex murdered Superman, not realizing that it was me, it would kill him. Lex made that face, when I asked him this, but he nodded anyway.
"Have you slept with him? Is that why you're so defensive of this thing?" Lex, I am Superman. I've been wanting to tell you for years but I knew you'd hate me, if you ever figured it out. Please forgive me, and don't pull out a hunk of meteor rock.
"No, Lex, I've never even hugged Superman. It's you that I'm thinking of. I'm married to man with vast, unlimited potential, and all he ever does is fight with a superhero, and try to take over the world. You could do anything you wanted it you just set your mind to it, and be a good guy." He shrugged, and then kissed me, possessively a few times, before we had rough, sweaty, angry sex.
3.
The next day was when I made my mistake. I overheard him on the phone with somebody and realized that he was planning to stage a hostage situation at Luthorcorp and talk the guy down (to distract everyone while he was secretly having a man associated—a man who just happened to be running against Lex in the presidential primaries, and winning. Naturally, superman notified the other candidate's security team, alerted the police, and got to Luthorcorp plaza just in time to stop the "bad guys" from taking Lex hostage. When the cops were gone, Lex invited Superman—me—into his office to talk.
"How is it you just happened to be passing by my office at the exact moment that some guy was going to try and kidnap me?' he asked, sitting down behind his desk. "I know all about you, alien. Think you can come into my city unnoticed and I'd just leave you be."
"This is my city too, Luthor. I fly over the streets, listen to people's conversations, listen for someone asking for help, or when illegal activities are mentioned. Then, I swoop down, take care of people's problems, put out fires, stop bad men from hurting innocent civilians, take cats out of trees, all kinds of stuff. Today I heard one man disgusting an attempt on Senator Goodman's life, informed the police and had him arrested. That man is being questioned by the cops as we speak. You know who Good man is right—I'm sorry, of course you know the man, he's running against you in the republican primaries. While I was taking care of him, I overheard another man plotting to try and do something with you. Wow, there's a bit of a coincidence there, huh? I wonder what the odds are that two different sets of people would try and harm both of you in the same afternoon, at almost the exact same time."
"Alright, you alien scumbag, I've been polite long enough. Get the Hell out of my office!" Lex shouted, and I guess I must have made an expression, or a face, one he recognized, and I watched helplessly as the man I loved reached up, running a hand over his bald head. "How exactly did you—what exactly...I, um. This is strange, but all of the sudden, I've gotten the feeling. You remind me of someone."
"Let me guess, a young Virgil Swann, you know, before the wheelchair. I get that a lot. For some reason people keep telling me I look like him. No? Well who then?' Lex shrugged. Hmm? "You said I remind you of someone, who?'
"Nevermind, I don't see it any more," he said, waving his hand dismissively. So, I left, and stood on the street, watching as he read, and re-read a daily planet article I'd written on Superman, concentrating. Then he drew slacks and a jacket over the uniform.
He'd figured it out, I was positive then. It was just like I always feared. I saw Lex in his laboratory, with tears streaming down my face, as he melted down a hunk of Kryptonite, and poured it into a molding for a bullet.
"He's going to kill me," I whispered, mostly to myself, knowing that Milt would hear those words, and fly down to the street to come and rescue me.
"I warned you this would happen, Kal-el. I'm impressed, though. I never though Lex Luthor would go this long without learning the truth, without figuring out your secret."
"Couldn't you just erase today from his...couldn't you just do what you did last time?" I asked, but already knew the answer. Milt told me the fist time, a human brain couldn't handle having the procedure done more than once. "So now what? I don't know what to do. Part of me still thinks I can talk to him, change his mind, and convince him I'm not — maybe he won't hurt me."
"He is going to murder you, Kal-el. There just isn't anything we can do to stop it, except—the only question now," he whispered, slipping my trembling body into his strong arms. I sobbed into Fine's chest, silently. "Is whether you want to go up there alone, or with me?"
"I got myself into this mess. I'll take care of it. I'm just gonna go up there and—I dunno. I'll do something. Maybe I deserve to die. I mean, look at—Lex is right. All I do is lie to people. He isn't doing it right either, but I don't have all the answers. I don't have any of them. I—I've gotta do something. I can still do something for him. I love Lex that should be enough."
"It should be enough, Kal-el, but sadly, Luthor doesn't…in this situation, it's not enough. Two people will go into that room, but only one of you will make it out. You have to kill him, or he is going to do the same. And the world needs superman. They need a hero, someone to do the things they can not."
"And to take over the world," I said in a little, snippy voice. "That's all you're really worried aobut, isn't it? Your stupid little plan to bring Krypton and General Zod to Earth? You can't do it on your own, I'm the key!"
"Kal-el," he tried to calm me down, even patting me on the back slowly rubbing and massaging my shoulders, running his long, slender fingers through my hair. "Stop staling. This is going to be one of the most—if not the most—difficult things you will ever do but it must be done. If you prefer, I could…"
"No," I practically whispered, cutting him off. "You're right. Lex is my responsibility." Dressed as Clark Kent, mild-mannered reporter, I entered the office, said hi to the security guard in the lobby, and road the elevator to Lex's floor. Lex had the phone in his hand when I got off, but he seemed to dialing a number to talking yet. My cell phone rang and buzzed in my pocket. "I'm right outside the door," I explained, as I answered. "I had a feeling we need to talk," I lied, badly. He watched the door suspiciously, then got up, opened it, and ushered me inside. He hugged me, wrapping his arms around my waist, tightly, and started to kiss everywhere on my face, ears, and neck. I kissed back, confused, looking round the room, trying to find the gun/figure out what he was planning, or trying to do. Slowly his hand traveled down to my belt, pulled on the buckle, popped it open.
"Lex, wait," I called out, but his hands were already inside my pants, and he was pulling at the fabric of my Superman uniform, and staring at me with that hateful look. "I can explain, please."
"I always knew you were hiding something from me, but I never would have suspected that you were him! Traitor, alien, scumbag, and all the while—we were—you—I mean, I had my suspicious after this afternoon, but I didn't want, I couldn't believe it." Lex got very quiet then, stepped away from me, walking over to his desk, and reached into a drawer, and pulled out a gun.
4.
"Lex, what are you doing?" I asked, hoping that I would be able to calm him down, sooth my love, and not have to kill him. The gun was really, really scaring me, mostly because I knew he was going t to put the Kryptonite bullet in it, and I couldn't stop that.
"You see this?" he asked, holding up the green cylinder, and opening the revolver's chamber. "We're gonna play a little game here. One round in the gun, just like Russian roulette. First person puts the gun to their temple, then they squeeze the trigger. If you die, the game is over. If you live, the next person takes their person. Last one alive win."
"Wouldn't it be easier to just shoot me and get this whole thing over with?" I asked, chuckling, and trying to pretend it was all a big joke. "Lex," can't we talk about," he cut me off by squeezing the trigger. "Please" I begged.
"Either you pull this back yourself, or I do it for you," he ordered, handing the gun over. I tried to x-ray it, but couldn't see anything. The whole thing was warm and the room smelled of burnt powder. I could feel tears on my cheeks. "It's made of lead, you disgusting monster. A million thoughts went racing through my mind. I have to make him stop. I can't do this. What if Lex dies? What if I die? How did we get to this point? Why didn't I fix our relationship sooner? How could I keep lying? I spent my whole life lying to someone I love, how is that even possible. Lex deserved so much better than me. I could have fixed him. Why didn't I love him, treat him better, tell him the truth?
I pressed the warm, metal muzzle to my temple and repeated the process in the exact same order that Lex had before me, except that I was crying. The gun clicked. "Two down, six to go."
"I love you," I told him, desperately, stepping closer to the man, trying to reach out and hold his hands. Lex slapped it away. "Please, Lex. I love you so much. Let me just make this better. Let me help you."
"You aren't capable of feeling human emotions, you filthy animal. You're a monster. Now shut up and hand back my gun. "Lex's voice and hands were steady but his legs were shaking under the desk. He pulled the trigger again. Still nothing happened, except our chances got worse.
"But I do love. You're all I ever think of. I wanted to tell you the truth a million times. I wanted—you always hated him so much, and he is me so I, sort of…it was hard. It was so hard."
"There has been—there were plenty of opportunities to talk before now. You could have come to me, told me the truth, and maybe, if the time had been right, we could have worked things out. That opportunity passed us b ya long, long time ago. Take your turn." I did. "How long have we known each other, Clark?" Lex asked, spinning his char around, to face the window.
"I uh—we met when I was in high school, my freshman year. I was fourteen then. Now I'm thirty. So, sixteen years. Almost sixteen years." I heard the gun click again, and used my x-ray vision to check on him. Luthor's hand was shaking a little, and he was breathing sharply, trying not to cry.
"How did you lie to someone for sixteen years? Your best friend no less, your lover! I'm serious, here Kal-el. What kind of a villain sleeps with somebody, says 'I love you' everyday, while simultaneously hiding their true nature, their background, everything?"
"It was incredible difficult. I cried about it so often. I hurt, and I hate lying to you, but it was never a good time to talk. It's not that I wanted to keep hiding things, but I was so scared. I figured you might do something crazy like shoot me. Lex, I get it. What I did was terrible. I should have told you the truth the day we met, or as soon after as I could, and I'm sorry. I love you. Please, stop this. We can talk. Let's talk for a while, and if you still feel the same way, I won't try and stop it. Come on, Lex, how many chances have I given you? How many Mulligans have you asked for? Let me have another chance." I watched him wipe his face before turning around again, and considered trying to hug him one last time, but decided against it. He's really upset, I thought, who knows what might happen if I touch him.
"Your turn, Clark-e," he said in a flat, emotionless voice. I picked up the gun, but didn't actually use it. "Scared, are you? We must be getting close to that bullet now, aren't we? I've given you just as many chances as you've given me. This is it! We're finished." I felt physically stick, my stomach lurched. My eyes welled up, and there was this steady pain in my chest, my heart hurt, my head hurt. I ached all over, and it had nothing to do with the Kryptonite. I closed my eyes really tight, and pulled the trigger. There was nothing left to do but wait and pray I would be the one to die, not him. Click. We had gone through six turns, which meant there were two left; we each had a fifty-fifty shot. One 'winner,' one loser, and the whole thing would be decided based on what happened when Lex pulled the trigger. There were plenty of things I could have said, should have said, but nothing came to mind. So, as I watched the man I loved more than anything in the world shoot himself, I kept my mouth completely shut, and when nothing happened, I took the gun, placed it in my mouth, and squeezed.
At first I thought I had died and gone to Hell, where I would be forced to relive all of the worst moments of my life over and over again, starting with Lex and me, our final break up, but then he walked right up to my side, kissed me on the lips, once, slowly, like he was saying goodbye, heading off for work the way he did every morning. I opened the chamber of the gun and looked inside.
"You never put the bullet in, did you?" I stammered, completely shocked. Lex shook his head, walked away, sat down, and switched off the lamp on his desk. Sitting there in the darkness, illuminated from be hind by the city lights, I couldn't help but notice just how different Lex looked down in comparison to when we first met. He's not the same man anymore, I thought at first. No, he's the same. Luthor was always like this, he just hid it better. This thought was only slightly more comforting than the idea that I had completely failed him.
"No, I loaded the gun, was all set to kill you, but while you were pleading for your pathetic life, I realized something. A worthy adversary only comes around once in a lifetime and it wasn't right for me to shoot you here, like this." I wasn't really sure what he meant, but knew Lex would soon explain everything. "I took the bullet out after my back was turned. It would have been your shot by the way."
"So you saved my life, because you hate me and everything that I stand for, and you still want to destroy everything and everyone that I love, or care about?" I asked, looking down at him sadly, trying not cry, trying to understand.
"Something like that. Don't get any ideas, Clark. We're still done. You're my arch-nemesis, and I'm yours. We fuel each other, need each other, but not in the same way as before. Now get the fuck out of here before I change my mind!" I stepped out of the office and stood in the hall for nearly and hour. We both cried me more than him, and I watched as Lex picked up, threw away, and rescued a photograph of the two of us half a dozen times before deciding to leave it on its original spot on his desk.
As bad as I felt over the end of our marriage, I couldn't help smiling. I had been right all along. There was good in Lex Luthor, not much, but just enough for us to be able to keep going forever. And, when you think about it, the line between best friend and worst enemy is pretty thin. Maybe we weren't meant to be a couple, but we were meant to be together, and in the end, isn't that the only thing that matters?