- 12 / Viviana's Choice -

Viviana dressed hurriedly, picking up the clothes scattered all around the room, and glanced briefly in the mirror to check her appearance. She winced, noticing that her hair was a complete mess, and pushed the locks that stuck out the most behind her ears. There was no time for more, even if she was somewhat ashamed to appear before the King and Queen of Britain in such a state. Opening the door slightly, she slipped out, in order not to embarrass both Ailse and Dagonet, who was retrieving his breeches under the bed, looking vaguely surprised to find them there.

Her maid was waiting in the corridor, wringing her hands nervously. When Viviana appeared, she curtsied hurriedly. 'My Lady please forgive me, I didn't mean to intrude on… Well… I didn't know… Sir Dagonet… Oh my God…' she stammered breathlessly, but Viviana raised a hand, cutting off her apologies. 'No excuses needed. Now, I understand this is an emergency ?' Casting one last fearful look on the door of the chamber, Ailse picked up her skirts and led her to the royal apartments, where they were met by a surly-looking Lancelot, who motioned them to enter, yawning widely. The handsome knight checked out Ailse's swaying backside when they walked past him, answering Viviana's disapproving stare with his most innocent smile.

Rolling her eyes, the young woman stepped into the room, taking in the scene before her : Guinevere was sitting in the large bed, arms crossed, looking every bit the rebellious Woad she used to be. Her husband was pacing in front of the window, his forehead creased in worry ; Viviana could see that like her, he had pulled on the first clothes he had found. 'She has been ill !' he said at once, pointing accusingly at his wife, who rolled her eyes, huffing in annoyance.

Studying the Queen, Viviana had to agree with him : Guinevere's face was paler and thinner than usually. 'I will examine her', she said cautiously, but Arthur did not seem to take the hint. 'You will have to leave', she continued ; he stopped in the middle of his pacing and shot her a stern look. 'I am not leaving her.' 'What ?!' The Queen seethed with rage. 'I am perfectly able to take care of myself, thank you ! Have you forgotten who I am ?!' He opened his mouth to protest, but she grabbed a pillow : 'Get out !' she screeched, aiming for his head. Arthur admitted his defeat, and retreated hurriedly to the door, casting Viviana one last look that meant 'This better never leave this room.'

When the door slammed behind him, Guinevere sniffed half-heartedly, and then burst into tears, throwing herself back on the bed. 'I don't know what is wrong with me…' she wailed, burying her face into the remaining pillow. Viviana perched herself cautiously on the edge of the bed, perplexed by this new, emotional side of Guinevere. 'I cry all the time… And I throw up, and I'm all weak, it's just… revolting !' the young Woad finished lamely, and everything slipped into place. When Viviana burst out laughing, she narrowed her eyes in indignation. 'What ?!' 'A great illness indeed', chuckled the healer. 'My Queen, you are pregnant !' Guinevere sat up, wiping the remaining tears from her eyes. She smiled tentatively, laying a protective hand on her flat stomach, trying to feel the small flicker of life that had awoken inside her.

'Congratulations, my Queen. You are with child', said Viviana after a brief examination. She watched as Guinevere's face lit up with joy, and envied her for an instant. She turned away, leaving the young Queen to her private moment of happiness, but Guinevere caught her hand. 'Will you help me ?' she asked anxiously, and Viviana nodded. 'I will be there. I promise.'

Exiting the room, she saw that Arthur had resumed his pacing in the antechamber. Dagonet was leaning against the wall, as impassive as ever. She shared a tender smile with the large knight, and Lancelot's eyes lit up at once when he finally noticed her and Dagonet's rumpled clothes. He smiled cheerfully, winking at his brother when he thought Viviana wasn't looking. 'Lancelot', grumbled Dagonet, 'Wink one more time and I swear I'll strangle you. Right here, right now.'

Viviana turned to Arthur, who was looking at her expectantly. 'My King, you need not worry. Your wife is faring well, and I have good news for you. You are to become a father !' she announced, grinning widely, and he smiled tentatively while the knights congratulated their leader, embracing him with all their heart.

'I believe congratulations are in order', said suddenly a deep voice. The three of them turned around, and she saw an old man, draped in a dark cloak, his face adorned with blue paintings standing in the doorway. 'Merlin', said Arthur, and Lancelot's face darkened. The knight had never forgotten that the sorcerer was once the leader of their worst enemies in Britain, and that many of his brothers had fallen during Woad raids that he had ordered. 'Merlin', said Dagonet's deep voice, but his silver eyes were on Viviana, full of worry and sadness.

'Everything has a reason, a beginning', spoke Merlin, 'But what is your purpose here, I do not know.' He buried himself deeper into the folds of his dark cloak, relaxing in his chair. He was obviously enjoying the gloomy atmosphere of the Table Room : a solitary fire was burning its centre ; long, unsettling shadows were clawing on the tapestries covering the stone walls. Viviana shuddered. She was cold, despite Dagonet's cloak wrapped around her shoulders, but it was not only her body that was suffering ; she was about to get the answers she had longed for since her arrival, but now she realized that she equally dreaded them. Merlin's absence had given her an excuse to settle into this new life, and she had discovered that she could find her place, here. However, soon she would have to face the truth, to choose what it was that she really wanted.

'There are places in this world that are sacred. Blood has been shed in sacrifice, there, and such an offering liberates a sufficient amount of energy to disturb the veil between times and places. Such are for instance the workings of foresight ; the sorcerers of my people have sought for centuries to achieve what you have done.' Viviana understood that this conversation would be a long one ; the old man was speaking in riddles, obviously enjoying the sound of his own voice. She could faintly hear the sounds of the feast, and the joyous cheers of the crowd ; she felt like she was drowning. 'Under particular circumstances, these places become easier to use, and one uninitiated can travel to another era inadvertently.' Merlin looked her up and down malevolently, probably considering it as a personal offence that she had achieved such a journey by mistake. 'Circumstances such as… ?' asked Viviana, who was growing tired of his little game. The old man waved his hand contemptuously. 'Eclipses, comets, or in this case, a star alignment… Anything that feeds popular beliefs and fears.' He continued : 'You can go back. But' he lifted a bony finger 'You must leave tonight, during the last moments of the alignment.'

She looked at him. He had just given her the answer she had longed to hear for weeks ; then why did she feel so empty ? Where did this sadness, this disappointment come from ? 'Will there be another moment like tonight ?' she asked with hope in her voice, but Merlin shook his head vehemently. 'Not during this century.' He shot her a stern look. 'Do not fool yourself. You must go back. However grateful for your help we might be, you do not belong here.' She looked down, studying her hands that looked so pale in the flickering light of the fire. 'I am needed here', she whispered, trying desperately to come up with a plausible excuse to stay. He laughed, but there was no joy in this sound, only years of harsh experience. 'As I said, do not fool yourself. People have died of disease for centuries ; they will continue to do so once you are gone. You will not change the future.'

He looked at her again, and something in her distress seemed to have softened his heart. Maybe he remembered his daughter, in her younger years, before she became a warrior hardened by battle and duty ? When she was only Guinevere, his little girl ? Maybe guilt tugged at his conscience, reminding him of how he had forged her life, moulded it to fit his plans ? 'You should leave', he murmured, touching her cold hand with his. 'You have no destiny here.'

Her eyes narrowed in anger. 'And who are you to decide for me ?' she hissed, withdrawing her hand. 'Know this : I am not Guinevere ; I am not Arthur. Do not toy with me. I make my own destiny.'

Viviana stood on the stone ramparts of Camboglanna, her hands resting on the railing, taking in the landscape that was stretching out before her eyes. The green plain, the forest, the eternal fog that people would complain about centuries after she died.

The beacons on the Wall flickered in the wind, welcoming home the knights who were returning from their mission. She counted them : seven were coming back, the rhythmic sound of their horses' hooves echoing on stone.

Closing her eyes, she inhaled deeply the smell of the sea, and thought about her life, and her future in this world. She was now a respected healer, and would soon begin her training to become a midwife. This new talent would soon be needed ; Guinevere was now five months into her pregnancy, her rounded belly clearly visible. Her child would be the symbol of the alliance between all the people of Britain, a ray of hope. And a new beginning, for all of them.

Viviana contemplated for an instant the pale scars that ran on both of her wrists, and the simple silver band on her left ring finger. She had paid for her new life with her blood, but it was worth every crimson droplet : for the first time in her short existence, she dreamed of nothing more than what she already had.

A hawk's cry echoed through the sky, and she smiled. All was well ; her husband and her friends were coming home, they were all alive, unhurt and safe – at least for a while.

"Happiness is not having what you want. It is wanting what you have."

I'd like to thank all those who reviewed : your words provided support and encouragment, alo,g with great help for my work.

For all those who read the story: please, it only takes a few minutes to review... And I need the feedback for my school project. Thanks again !