Random stupid humour thing. Review! Disclaimer: STEPHANIE MEYER.

Emmett stared in disbelief as his gorgeous, golden haired, forever-eighteen and usually rather cynical wife giggled as she played with a butterfly. The butterfly, seemingly enticed by Rosalie's sweet scent, kept fluttering towards her face, and Rosalie would wait until it got close and then blow it away with her breath. Each time it happened, Rosalie would clap her hands delightedly and the process would start again. Emmett was feeling a little strange himself – the deer that they had just eaten had obviously been chock full of fermenting berries for a while, because the alcohol in its blood had been strong enough to affect both of them.

Rosalie, the more slender of the two of them, had drunk more and was clearly feeling the effects a little more than Emmett. Bored of her game, Rosalie batted the butterfly away and rolled onto her back, looking at the clouds. She looked over at Emmett and narrowed her eyes at him.

"Are you scammin' on me, Emmett Cullen?" She said accusingly, her voice slightly slurred. "'Cos you're my husband, you know. Husbands shouldn't scam. It's a law." Emmett couldn't help but laugh as Rosalie rolled onto her back again. She was glittering in the evening light, and she looked even more gorgeous, if that was at all possible. Emmett moved to lie down next to her, and she rolled towards him, burying her face in his neck.

"Emmie, am I fun?" she mumbled into his neck. Emmett winced slightly at the use of the nickname, but then smiled and kissed the top of Rosalie's head. Before he could answer, she continued. "'Cos Alice says I'm no fun. And Edward agreed with her. And Bella didn't say anything, 'cos she knows I'd wring her neck if she agreed, but I could tell what she was thinking. It's not like she's any fun anyway; she's so whiney. Whiney. Whine." Emmett nodded his head slightly in agreement so that she wouldn't turn her attack on him, but silently disagreed in his head. Bella was fun – but he couldn't let Rosalie know how much he enjoyed her company, or she'd go berserk.

The light was dimming, and Emmett got to his feet, a little unsteady. "Come on, Rose. It's time to get you home." Rosalie shook her head vehemently, pouting like a small child. Emmett reached for her hand, but she crossed her arms and turned away from him.

"Nope, nope. You've got blood on your fingers. That's gross, Emmett. Rosalie doesn't do gross." Emmett sighed, and wiped his hands off on his jeans, holding his arm out to her again with one eyebrow raised. "That's better," Rosalie said, sounding a little more subdued. "Still don't want to go home. Rosalie doesn't want to go home. Rosalie talks about herself in the third person." This started her giggling again, and Emmett sighed, reaching down and scooping her from the ground, swinging her over his shoulders in a fireman's lift and starting to run home.

Rosalie pounded furiously on his back in protest, squealing into his broad shoulders. "Emmett! Emmett! Put me down! I don't like being upside down! I can't bear it!" She stopped protesting suddenly and Emmett wondered why for a moment, before she spoke again. "Bear it … I can't bear it … Emmett, you like bears. You can bear it." She started laughing again, and Emmett was relieved to hear her happy again. She was still laughing when he reached the Cullen household, where he set her gently down onto her feet and held onto her waist to keep her upright.

"Grin and bear it. Go bear yourself. Emmett, you're a bear who cares." Her eyes opened wide with shock, and a hand flew to her mouth as she gasped. "Emmett … you're a carebear." Emmett growled playfully and dragged her inside, sitting her down on the couch as Carlisle and Edward entered looking bemused.

"What on earth happened to her?" Carlisle asked, looking shocked as Rosalie giggled and then hiccupped. She seemed to find the hiccup hilarious, and it set her off again. Emmett sat down on the couch and shrugged at Carlisle, before turning to watch as his wife rolled around on the couch laughing. Bella walked into the room after Edward, and stood frozen with shock in the doorway as she took in the scene in front of her.

"Something's wrong with the deer around here. I'm tipsy and Rosalie's wasted, as you can see." Emmett said. Bella found the word 'tipsy' coming from someone like Emmett to sound weird, and she giggled a little too. Alice rushed down the stairs, stopping to smile at her family.

"Put those pillows on the floor next to the couch," she advised, before disappearing into the kitchen. Emmett frowned, but moved to get the cushions anyway. A moment later, Bella's phone rang, causing Rosalie to jump slightly and then unceremoniously fall off the couch. "I told you so!" Alice called from the kitchen, and Rosalie scowled.

"You're meant to use your powers for good, not evil," she said.

Alice laughed lightly from the kitchen. "I'm not Superman, Rose. I'm just Alice – and Alice can use her powers to do whatever the hell she wants."