Author's note

Well this is it the final chapter of Akatsuki Events. Hope you enjoy.

Chapter 5: Rings, paper, third person, and snakes

"Pein."

No answer.

"Pein."

Still no answer.

"Pein get your lazy ass off of the couch!"

"First of all, rule number 7: Use your inside voice, second, gimme a minute I'm watching my Soap."

"Tch."

5 minutes later

"New rule, members are banned from watching Soap Operas." Konan said as Pein cried over what used to be their new television.

Pein and Konan were having a rather uneventful day, almost every other member of Akatsuki was out doing something and the two never really spent that much time alone together. Pein was starting to get on Konan's nerves.

"You still haven't fixed the closet door Pein, Itachi wont stop complaining about it ever since he got locked inside with Orochimaru."

"I'll get around to it……. Later."

"Do it now or I'll take away your Wii."

"……….Okay."

"Hi Leader-sama! Are you having a good day? Cause Tobi is that's for sure , even though Zetsu-san was mean to me Tobi just put that memory away in his dark space."

"Always with the third person, could you ever stop doing that?"

"Whats third person?"

"Yeah, I thought so. So anyways Tobi Konan says you need to fix the closet door today."

"Alright Tobi will do it because Tobi is a good boy…… does this mean I get to use your power tools Leader-sama?"

"No."

"Geez this is a lot harder than I expected, I really need those power tools. But Leader-sama will be angry if I use them, what do I do?"

5 minutes later

"Pein what the hell is that noise?"

Konan had recently heard a buzzing sound coming from down the hallway and upon going to inspect it stumbled across Pein.

Damnit Tobi. "Uhh it must be the ghosts using the power tools to make a sandwich of ecto-stuff." Man I'm stupid sometimes.

"You made Tobi do it didn't you."

"Rule number 1: Don't disobey Leader."

"Get your ass up."

'ring' 'ring'

"Oh the doorbell! I wonder who it could be?" Tobi said as he wandered away from the closet to greet the guest.

"Well it's a good thing Tobi left because he's not doing anymore of your work. Now hurry up and fix the closet door."

"Oh come on Konan we hardly ever spend any alone time with each other and when the only one here is Tobi you want me to fix a door. Instead why don't we put this closet to better use?" Pein said as he pulled Konan inside.

"We don't have time for this, there's still a lot of work that needs to be done and-"

Slam!

"The door just closed Konan."

"Yes Pein, I know."

"Kukuku well hello there Tobi-kun, It's a real pleasure to see you here." Said Orochimaru as he walked inside.

"Oh hello Orochimaru-sama it's a real surprise seeing you here after Leader kicked you out." Tobi said totally oblivious to the fact that Orochimaru shouldn't be there.

"Well I was in the neighborhood and just decided to visit and 'chat up' Itachi-kun."

"Well sorry but he's not here right now. In fact only me, Leader, and scary lady are here."

"Well would you like to 'talk' with me kukuku?"

"Uhh sure, I think I was supposed to do something but I forgot what it was."

Orochimaru and Tobi walked into the Akatsuki manor and Orochimaru saw Pein lead Konan into the defective closet out of the corner of his eye.

Kuku…… perfect

"Whats this door doing open I wonder?" Orochimaru said as he slammed it shut. "Now we can have our 'conversation'."

"Damn the doors still broken and my anti-jutsu seals are still working….. we're trapped Konan."

"Ugh trapped with you? Alone? This is unbearable."

"Come on I'm not that bad to be around."

5 minute later

"Konan have you ever punched a dolphin?"

'Sigh'. "No Pein."

"Well that's a very interesting story Tobi-kun." God I want to blow my brains out.

"The best part was when the Easter bunny arrived!"

"Uhh, while I'm sure that's a great story why don't we go somewhere a little more private?"

"Rule number 4: Never go somewhere private with Orochimaru."

"……..What?"

"Konan have you ever eaten a cactus?"

"No Pein."

"Oh I see Leader put those rules up, hahaha, you don't really need to follow them though, I'm sure he was just joking about me being a child molester."

"Leader-sama never jokes Tobi assures you."

"Well I assure you that I don't mean to rape you."

"Rule number 5: If you're a male Orochimaru wants to rape you."

"Itachi came up with that one didn't he?"

'ring' 'ring'

"Oh the doorbell, I'll get it."

Later

"Who was it Tobi-kun?"

"Just Dediara-sempai with some hair problem."

"Oh right the girly blonde guy."

"Konan have you ever been forced to do morally questionable acts?"

"No Pein."

"………………Konan have you ver done morally questionable acts for the hell of it?"

"……….Yes Pein."

"Well Tobi-kun it seems I have to leave, tell Itachi his brother's better than he is for me will you?" Orochimaru asked as he was preparing to leave.

"Uhh well I don't think you're going to get home as fast as you think."

"Hmm? Why not?"

"Well Leader-sama told me that if you ever come over here I'm supposed to call this number: 1-800-Pedopatrol."

"You didn't really call them did you Tobi?" Orochimaru asked pleadingly.

"There they are now!" Tobi said in his happy manner.

5 minutes later

"No wait this is a mistake! I'm not a pedophile! Damn anti-jutsu seals! Stop release me, I am Orochimaru!" Orochimaru was then put in a straightjacket and thrown in the back of a van.

"Well hopefully we wont be seeing him for awhile." Pein said.

"Hey Leader-sama! How did you get out of the closet?" Tobi asked.

"Plot-hole jutsu." Pein replied.

"But what about the anti-jutsu seals?"

"Paradox jutsu."

"Hey Tobi.." Konan said rage boiling over. "If you knew we were in the closet why didn't you help us?"

"Uhhhh………"

And that's the end of chapter 5 and the story as a whole. Now that this and This One Time are finished I will be working on my new comedy series: Akatsuki Baseball.

Stay tuned .