Thirty days to sanctuary

Summary: thirty days to change everything. Thirty days to seek happiness. Thirty days to sanctuary. Thirty days were limited time Athrun Zala had to reevaluate everything on this world before eternal time embraced him. AC. Set after Destiny

A/N: thirty days. Oh well, I hope I could update day by day like how this fic supposedly to do. Thirty days, thirty chapters. I will try to match the progression. Comment, critic, suggestion, as always welcomed!

Futility

He never been this tired before. Muscles were worn out wholly, like it never occurred before. No, it ever became like this. His temple was aching terribly, so awful that he felt the world maneuvering endlessly around him. No use to massage it, however smooth his hand could touch. It was not depending on the treatment he should apply to, because the pain was like embedded there forever.

Oh God, this was killing him slowly. . .

Other than that, still, his hand managed to grope along the office table. Sitting there like beast was poisoned to death, the work he was concentrating on before, forgotten completely. After traced and found nothing, he fishing out the transparent plastic off his breast pocket. Scattered the content on the table, he couldn't help but stare. The evident of the weakness was resting there. It's not its fault to get the unwanted denial-self he mourning over. Its existence which he thought was decent to be blamed.

Gazing that with emptiness hollowing his mind, easily the train of previous events got a hold. Scene by scene replayed over and over, unconsciously shaking his hands. Trembled, he knew by himself, he was afraid. Yes, frightened. Even a brave soldier who bet his life away in two wars also could quiver vigorously.

He leaned back on his big leather chair, trying to ease the sting away, while his hand fisted to a ball. The tremble could not stop… even after the force he applied on his balled palm. Athrun Zala was being so puny right now. That was not even hilarious to start with…

"I don't need this…" with that he swept the round tablets swiftly, cleaning his table away. Some piles of documents were trashed away with the white-blue tablets, as if he didn't look to where he should snap his hands at. Or perhaps that could be true… he didn't care to anything right now.

Because this pain was never end…

He buried his head down, deeply, hands clutching the rich strays of blue tresses. He began to feel his head throbbing even worse, as if his head would rip into two. Table scraping against his head, he knew he was leaning to get a little support for himself. His breath raged a bit, as blowing lungs some air forcefully, hope to make himself calmer. But no; he couldn't become any bit calmer than this. His world was spinning and whatever, everything, anything; almost resembled silhouettes. He even unable to enhance his sight more than this!

"Mr. Zala, I'm sorry…"

Gritted his perfect-placed teeth until he felt like it would leap out place, he bore any pain that nested within his chest. Could it possible to not weep as his chest was so crowded and asked to be sliced?

"The secret about why your body becomes so weak lately has been discovered…"

He attempted to chuckle lightly, pulling the corners of his lips to smile, even when it aching dreadfully to do so. Put the arm to rest before his eyes, he still sleeping his head on table. And the pain did not disappear…

"It seems, the last war gave the worst impact to your body…"

His head was heavy. He could not raise it up. He desired to sleep forever, to die down the twist sensation. The twinge reminded him the condition after his rebellion over ZAFT. And another remembrance struck him. He froze to move momentarily.

"Luckily you're a Coordinator. If not…"

He should get himself a cake then. Tomorrow was a special day, he finally remembered. Why he didn't celebrate it? Oh, he should call Kira, Lacus, Dearka, Miriallia, Meyrin, or even Shinn as well. And there were Lunamaria, Captain Murrue Ramus, Andrew Waltfielt, Mu La Fllaga, or Cagalli eve-

Cagalli?

He stopped briefly of thinking, as another smarting swelling over his head but for once, he seemed forget about it.

Yes, Cagalli…. Was she even friend to come over? This moment he realized there was a lost piece of puzzle which made him thought over again. What was her position in his life this moment? Girlfriend, no. Fiancée, more impossible. The least way, friend? No, it's not even friend. Enemy, no. Rival, no. They were in fight? No again

He breathed softly, now carrying his head up and placed it on the head of his leather chair. Cagalli… How much time had rolled over ever since that moment? Without the clear explanation, they parted ways in the end. This war had led them somehow, to a way they never went through before. And became a good representative of ORB she was, she of course chose ORB against himself, again, without any word spoken.

Closed his eyes, letting the never-ending pain to leave him alone which it didn't, he began to feel another pain came over…

Not from his head or any region, but his heart…

There was an irony he started to feel… When he was amidst many people, he sensed a hollow place on his fragile but strong heart. He was born with rationalism brain, lived with a strict upbringing, matured to obey all commands and demands.

But after his commander was not even there, with what he would live? Years after the first war he wondered in silence. He was born to become a good soldier, wasn't he? Fortunately Cagalli still needed his service as bodyguard there. He could live to obey commands again. In Minerva, still there people to demand him bunch of appointments he should finish.

But now? It hollowed him more than anything… He was a General after all… What more tasks he should finish? He always became a subordinate, even though his father was a chairman. Now, it was his tasks to demand people, not to complete it.

How boring it was… As a man who became a soldier which had burden on his shoulder, of course this was not right…

He still struggled with those thoughts. The more grief facts were perhaps Cagalli was not there. She didn't need his service anymore… His duty right now was for protecting ORB, not a Cagalli Yula Attha anymore. Was that even what he wanted, for now?

"Cagalli… Do we can laugh together, now?"

He chuckled, attempting to escape a cage that trapped him on fetter of anguish. His arm came to wrap his eyes, prevented moonlight gleam to pour over him. Without he could realize, the laughter turned over against what he was expecting…

A lone tear trickling his cheeks line. And he couldn't stop… He couldn't stop to chuckle, how much it pained him to do so.

"I'm mourning over myself, how pathetic…" he mumbled gently between his own chuckles that gradually softened and softened until he heard his own wails clattered throughout the dark room.

Days like this, were the days where he wished he could spend in comfortable stillness. Doing his own works, as a General also didn't mattered much for him. He could not go against fate after all. Then, sat in the sofa and smiled complacently, then wandering around to seek some relaxation, then thinking about what future would be…

Yes, what future would be?

Laid his head there, he knew that there were no days like this anymore… No days for him. Instead, solely thirty days. Thirty days because some failures that connected indirectly towards his present right now…

Was he ever regretted his existence as a soldier after all?

"Thank you for the gift, it… it really impressed me… a lot." he mumbled again, as the very words rang vividly through his eardrums. Tomorrow was probably the best birthday he ever got, or probably the worst.. He unable conclude more than this..

This night, he would let himself to mourn and wail over his life. Tomorrow, he would forget it like it even not there from the beginning. He could not cry something over and over. He still had thirty days to be treasured. Thirty days to pretend like he didn't have problems in the world. And probably, to get a clearer information about how his relationship with Cagalli. Thirty days… Still a long time, right? But a day had lost… The sand glass had count downed, yet he still didn't do anything yet…

"…surely you have died…"

A/N: Uhh, I have tried to make it more suspense, more angst, more drama, more ugh, more everything!! But my mind just doesn't even there, when I demand myself to do all of this. I must rewrite anything over from first again if I have time. Oh, slowly the doctor sentences will be revealed and you will know the more reason why Athrun 'can' only 'lived' thirty days. Even though I have known this is the worst from what I probably have written, please review! The next will be about Cagalli and perhaps they will meet. Thank you for reading! Jaa!