PRANK'd

Seriously, folks, there's not very many reasons why I do things. And the reason behind this one is . . . well, there isn't one. I was SO bored during Math I wrote this down randomly.  I'm a little strange, aren't I? Please, please, please review.The only person who's actually reviewed my stuff besides Onion1122 and Minty is Seldavia, and I'm betting she's getting tired of reading and reviewing all my stuff.

Link happily polished off the third muffin of the day. So far, life was pretty good. Uli's little girl, Sami, was growing well. Colin was a slow but sure swordsman. Malo's business prospered. Ilia had been killed 95 times, but, well, no one cares.

Thunk! Someone was knocking at his door. With a groan he stored his muffins away in the cabinet and opened the door. Beth stood there, an expectant look on her face.

"Morning, Link," she said enthusiastically. "Whatcha doing, huh?"

Link sighed as he looked at Beth. She wore a reddish-purple shirt, tan pants that puffed out slightly and stopped at her ankles, and a bright purple cloth belt. Her hair was pulled up in an elegant knot and sprinkled with tiny sparkles. Yeah, business was good when your mom and dad owned the only store in a thriving town.

"Eating muffins," said Link cautiously. "Why?"

"Shouldn't you be getting ready for Poker Night with your buddies?" she asked. "You said you were inviting your friends over for poker."

And suddenly, Link remembered. "Oh yeah," he said sheepishly. "True . . . ."

"Didn't you lose your cards to Ganondorf?" she inquired. Link winced.

"Oops . . . yeah. I forgot that. I never knew that guy was such a good player," he groaned. "What am I supposed to do?! Dark's coming over!"

Beth shrugged. An idea slowly came into Link's mind. "Wait . . . Beth, your parents own a store, right?" he asked.

The girl nodded. "Yes . . . ."

"Well, can you lend me a deck of cards?" he asked sweetly. Beth pondered.

"Sure," she said slowly, "but it'll cost you."

"Anything!"

"How about . . . a muffin?" Link groaned and stalked over to the cabinet, selecting one of his precious muffins. He handed it to the girl. She stared at it. "Can I have a chocolate chip one?" she asked.

Link scowled. "You drive a hard bargain. Those are my favorite!"

"Then no cards." Beth said nastily. Link groaned and did as he was told, selecting his biggest, tastiest choco-muffin and handed it to her.

And so, the great Hylian Hero make a brave sacrifice of his best muffins to the evil, tyrannical, 12+ year-old Beth. She grinned and sat down in his comfiest chair. "Now, how about you make me a cake?"

Dark whistled happily to himself, causally throwing a stone at a passing squirrel. It squeaked angrily and shot off into the trees. Dark was heading to Link's house to play poker, just the two of them. They'd become good friends, almost as close as brothers, especially when Dark won loads of cash off Link.

Dark was a tall, good-looking shadow, with black hair that gleamed with natural silver highlights, very pale skin, and bright, demonic red eyes. They were such a shade that sometimes, when visibility was poor, Dark was mistaken for Vaati, or vice-versa. His tunic was longer than Link's, and under it he wore silvery mail, a gray shirt, and black pants. The Shadow Sword hung at his waist. The hilt was black, decorated with blood red gems that matched his eyes. The strangely-colored blade looked like normal metal covered by a smoky, gray-black sheen. Dark was extremely proud of his Shadow Sword, and marveled hadn't lost it in a poker game yet.

He ascended the ladder to Link's modest house (Why didn't Zelda pay him a cash prize for saving the world? he often wondered. Or does he use it all to pay debts?) and banged on the door. "Link! Link! Get your butt out here!" he heard a shout from inside, so he barged in.

A little girl he recognized as Beth reclined in a new armchair Link just bought with his poker winnings, snatching muffins from the tray and eating them one by one. Link himself gave her a foot-rub.

"DARK! Thank Farore!" he leaped up, squeezing the shadow with all his strength. Dark looked openly shocked. Has the Great Hero of Light and Twilight finally cracked?

Beth yawned and stood up. "Sorry, Linky, no attention, no cards," she said loftily, and left the house.

"NO! Come back! Beth! BEEEETTTHH!!" it was too late. The girl was gone in a toss of her extra-sparkly hair. Link dropped to his knees, bitterly weeping. It was all very romantic, like a cheap, poorly written Beth X Link romance fan-fiction. Sad music began to play in the background. "I want those cards . . . ." he wailed. "Damn you Beth, why did you leave me?!"

"We have no cards?" demanded Dark. "Link, you idiot!" he glared at the Oocca sitting in the tree. It was the source of the tragic music. "Go away, you freaky chicken dude . . . girl . . . thingy!" he screamed. Miffed, the Oocca flew away, making sure to knock an acorn loose onto Dark's head.

"Let's find something else to do!" exclaimed Link suddenly, tears vanishing in an instant. He jumped up and ran into the village, boots padding on the soft ground.

Oh Gods, this dude is so bipolar . . . . with a silent groan Dark followed his Light counterpart into the village of Ordon.

Several Boring Minutes Later:

"Link?"

"Hmm?"

"I need to confess something."

"What is it, Dark?"

"I'M BORED!" he screamed. Link winced.

"Okay, okay, so there's nothing to do," he admitted. "Ordon is the most boring town I've ever been to. And I've lived here for what, sixteen years?!" he groaned again and tossed a rock into the water. They were sitting behind Jaggle and Pergie's house with nothing to do except glare at the river.

"I hear that." Dark threw a small stone with all his strength. It hit . . . that dude who's married to Sera, who stood on top of that weird rock thingy. He yelled in pain and fell over, hitting the water with a sploosh!

Both Link and Dark laughed uproariously. "That was so damn fun!" exclaimed Link between gulps of air. Hell, it wasn't that funny, but at least it broke the monotony.

"You know what, I think I want to do it again," said Dark mischievously. He hurled a second rock at Rusl, making him drop the bottles of milk he'd just bought from Sera. Sera's cat dashed out of nowhere and began to carefully lick it up. He was oblivious to Rusl's screams and curses. Sera galloped from her shop to see what the hubbub was all about. Rusl yelled at her about her cat.

Sera grew very red in the face. "Shut up about my cat!" she shouted, and pushed Rusl into the water, close to where her husband tried to dry himself off. They argued and fought, and in the confusion, no one saw Link and Dark slip away, barely able to hold in their laughter.

"Oh, Farore, I love this," said Dark evilly. "Let's find someone else to prank!"

Link, who had been laughing his butt off up to this point, suddenly stood up straight, eyes filled with a determination that sparkled deep in his eyes. "From this day forward," he said solemnly, "I, Link Ordona, will uphold my mission. I will no longer just be the Hero of Twilight and Light, but one of the Kings of Prankdom, bringing fun to myself and my comrade, and delivering humiliation to the common folk!"

Dark jumped up next to him, planting hands on his hips in a heroic pose. Dramatic music began to play in the background, and an almost holy light began to shine on them both. "And I, Dark . . . umm . . . Shadows? Yeah, let's go with Shadows . . . Anyway, I will uphold my mission! I will no longer be . . . um . . . the dude that kicks Link's butt at poker—"

"Hey!"

"But one of the Kings of Prankdom, bringing fun to myself and my comrade, and delivering humiliation to the common folk!"
"So help me Goddesses!"

"So help me Goddesses!" repeated Dark triumphantly. "Oy! Chicken dude! I told you to get lost!"

The Oocca, perched on the rock next to them, looked angry. "I thought you might want dramatic music and lights!" he/she/it waved a wing at his/her/its friends to cut the lights and music. The disappointed Oocca left with their special effects equipment.

P.S. I'm not really an Ilia hater, I just wanted to bring Midnight Crystal Sage's story into this briefly because I like it. :) It reminds me of "60 Ways to Kill Rothion" by AngelEyes87. Yup, I'm a SC fan too.

P.P.S: In your review, include at least one thing you liked, one you didn't. Those are the best reviews, so I can figure out what I'm doing right and wrong. Or, if you want, do a normal review. Either way, I'm happy with a review!