A/N I've had writer's block for a while... so I figured I'd do what I always do in these situations. I'll write a oneshot. Heh. Hopefully this will kick my muse's ass into high gear on at least one of my other fics... but who knows. Til then, Ja Ne - Xyshuryn.

Naruto awoke with a low groan, his eyes slowly focusing to recognise those of Jiraiya starring down at him. "How... How long was I out for this time?" came the 17 year old Blonde's voice. Jiraiya sat down beside him and gently lifted his torso from the ground, turning him slowly so as not to irritate the soreness of his body. Then again, the look on people's faces of Naruto with his head against the Gama Sennin's belly would've been embarassing enough that death would seem preferable. But no, the Gama Sennin gently poured some cool water into his dry mouth, letting him drink slowly. "Three Weeks, Naruto... But we've also gotten closer to home."

Three weeks, huh? So he'd been out for three weeks after helping a large combined Iwa, Kumo, and Kiri task force take on the local cause for everybody's concern. Akatsuki. Konoha and Suna had been represented there, and Naruto saw many faces that he'd missed in 5 years, even if in the last year he'd been allowed to write to them. To his surprise, Sakura was dating Shino of all people, but... in his heart he did see her now like his little sister, especially when she started signing every letter "Your Imouto, Sakura-chan".

Hell, it was obvious that Hinata and Kiba were together too... and when Team 8 plus Sakura was on the field, it was vicious how ruthlessly they tore apart the bitch with the Origami fetish, especially when Hinata never once stopped dousing her with suiton jutsus. He himself had helped Team Hebi at first, in destroying Itachi... which hurt Naruto a little, emotionally, since he now knew the truth behind the massacre. Itachi had told them all with his last breaths. It was then that he and Sasuke, along with the rest of Team Hebi, Jiraiya, a pair of ANBU Captains from Iwa, and the Neo Seven Swordsmen of the Mist took on Pein and Madara.

The results were obvious... He knew he had survived, which meant that they had one, but with Jiraiya being the only one around him, he didn't know who, if anybody else, survived. That's what happens when you go nuts with just six tails of demonic chakra, but demand eight. It would also explain why he felt like Tsunade and Sakura had teamed up to stomp the shit out of him. Looking up to Jiraiya, he sighed softly. "So... who died that you're keeping me here, seperate from what I assume is the main camp?" The question would've shocked the Jiraiya of three years ago, when Akatsuki became an international pain in the nutsack, but not this one.

Sighing softly, he brushed fingers through the blonde's hair. "Well, there were no deaths from Konoha... except for the death of the nukenin, Uchiha Sasuke. That's why you're here... When he fell, you called on the ninth tail and... well, "Jiraiya's voice cracked a bit, "the only way I can put it is you literally bit Madara's head off. So people were a little freaked the fuck out. Plus they didn't want any damage done to the wounded when you woke up in case you freaked out. So are you going to freak out?" There almost seemed to be a sweatdrop hanging over the Sennin's head.

"No, baka ero-sennin... I'm fine. I just want to go home, see my friends, and rest." Naruto chuckled softly. "Oh, good... " came the reply of Jiraiya as he took a paper tag with a weird seal off of Naruto's chest. Surprisingly, his body felt better within seconds. "Jiraiya-sensei..." Naruto asked in a sweet voice. A voice that made Tsunade's sweet voice sound devilish. "Erm, yes, Naruto?" "Was that seal why I felt so fucked up?" The old man could only nod a few times as his sense of impending doom grew stronger.

A few hours later, many shinobi, including the Hokage herself, Tsunade, her apprentices, Shizune and Sakura, and some back up, including the infamous Hatake Kakashi, felt a strong killing intent from a distance and were soon accosted by the sounds of somebody cursing up a storm so profane that both Anko and Inuzuka Hana were actually sitting down in chairs taking careful notes. The occaisional girly scream of an old man in pain could be heard, and soon on the horizon, Naruto could be seen kicking Jiraiya to the gates of Konoha... groin first everytime. And with the airtime he was getting from the old toad, Tsunade was very impressed. Especially when Jiraiya's face impacted the main wall from the last kick which appeared to have been made from at least 250, maybe 300 yards away... downhill.

The reaction of everyone present? Some cringed... some laughed.. and almost all of the females there quickly rushed to glomp the tall shirtless blonde, dragging him back to the rest of his friends and adoptive family. Tsunade of course claimed the first hug, with the cry of "Naru-nii-san!" coming next as Sakura hugged him to the point where both Shizune and Tsunade had to pry her off for him to breathe. Shaking hands with Lee, Kiba, Shino, and several others was a nice reprieve before his other sister, Ayame from Ichiraku's gave him a hug that caused the cracking of ribs, which Tsuande and Tsunade promptly healed.

He was also given a half hug, half noogie by Hana and Anko at the same time, thanking him for the lessons in colorful language, which made him blush sheepishly. This continued on for quite a while, including an actual man-hug from Kakashi, whom he now saw as his aniki. But the one person he expected to see he didn't. Shizune. He could smell her scent, but it seemed off. Looking around, he voiced his concern. "Shizune-chan, I can smell you. Where are you?" Hearing a few giggles, Naruto walked over to Tsunade and Sakura whom were looking away from him for the first time. What he saw, threw him for a loop.

There was Shizune, in her usual kimono that he got used to seeing her in as she worked in and around Tsunade's office when he was younger. However, the little bit of drool coming from her mouth, the bit of blood from her nose, and the repeated mumbling of "Naruto-kun... hot... six pack... yum" threw him for a loop. He gave himself a once over, realizing he was wearing shredded pants that were just this side of revealing too much, scuffed up sandals, his hitae-ate... and nothing else. Jiraiya, having now recovered, was taking notes, giggling perversely. Naruto leaned in, trying to shake Shizune out of it.

Of course, when he leaned in to help the older woman, his obaa-chan and imouto, took the opportunity to "accidentally" bump them together so that their lips met, very similar to how he accidentally kissed sasuke years ago. They stared into each others eyes and Naruto slowly began to pull away to apologize, but was quickly tackled to the ground by the medic-nin and soon found the joys of using tongue in a kiss. After a few minutes, and what seemed to be escalation, Tsunade and Sakura blushed, quickly shunshining themselves and the couple to the Hokage Tower for the night, with the eldest and youngest medic-nins running the hell out of the room, not believing what was happening.

Sakura just looked up at Tsunade and chuckled, "That was one gamble we lost, but thankfully Shizune and aniki seem to have won." Tsunade blushed and nodded. She had been tempted to say something, but... well, when you hear Naruto crying out "Shizune-chan! Those are my pants you're taking off!" followed by "I know!" coming from somebody like Shizune who could then be heard giggling in a way to make Jiraiya proud, she could only grab Sakura's arm and make a run for it before things got loud.

And things did get loud. So loud in fact, that when Naruto and Shizune got up the next day and got dressed, which to the surprise and embarassment of them both, they found a pair of matching black his and hers kimonos with orange detailing, and Naruto's favorite spiral symbol on the back. Coming out from Shizune's room, she lead him slowly to the dining hall where she, Tsunade, and most of the mansion's staff ate breakfast every morning. When they got there, the could only blush at the sight of all of their friends, who were making catcalls and cheering for them both. To make matters worse, the "Welcome Home, Naruto" banner now had the words "Congrats On Becoming A Man" written below it.

"Tsunade-sama!" Shizune shrieked. "How could you go and tell everybody!?" The young brunette blushed when her sensei snickered and said plainly, "Neither I nor Sakura told. But remind me to give you a refresher on privacy jutsus after I give you both a check up later on. Your moans and cries of passion could be heard all around Konoha. Even the gate guards heard you. " Shizune buried her face in Naruto's chest, while he just scratched the back of his head nervously.

"What's this about a check up, baa-chan?" Naruto asked softly, not sure he wanted the answer. "Well, Naru-kun... The last time I checked you out medically was right after the fight, when I tended to your more serious wounds and had to return to take care of the others in the main camp. As for Shizune, if she forgot something as simple as a privacy jutsu, which has become her specialty from her talks with me late at night, I highly doubt she remembered the birth control jutsu."

A loud "eep" followed by Shizune burying her face deeper into Naruto's chest confirmed it. Tsunade grinned and looked at Sakura. "Don't worry, aniki, I'll help her with Shizune. Besides, I'm kinda curious just what kind of pounding you gave her to have her screaming your name like that. I bet she's bruised." At this, the new couple both invented new shades of red, causing all those present to laugh, and Naruto and Shizune to faint from embarassment. Later that night however, when everybody got together for a formal dinner, it was announced that there would indeed be an heir to the Namikaze clan in nine-months, and that in only two, there would be a grand wedding.

Of course that didn't stop his friends from ribbing at him. Kiba of course made a comment about him must being a beast in bed. Ino was more subtle, but said essentially the same thing. The greatest surprise though was when Shino and Hinata started teasing them, as neither thought Hinata had such... language... in her vocabulary. Later it was confirmed she learned it from Hana's notes since she was busy at Kiba's house after Shizune's cries kept her from sleeping. It was also confirmed that Konohamaru would be marrying Hanabi... since Hiashi walked in on them for the same reasons Hinata ran to Kiba's.

All in all, it was one hell of a return for Naruto. He finally felt safe, respected, and most of all... loved. He'd always had a crush on Shizune, just as he had Sakura, but when Shizune acted on her instincts, it became obvious to them both that they had a lot more than just crushes on each other, despite the greater than a decade age gap. Still, they did afford some amusement for everybody there when Shizune's cries of passion were heard from a nearby closet, while the Shizune and Naruto they'd been talking too poofed away, proving to be shadow clones, which left all laughing, and in very high spirits.