Disclaimer: Freedom is the right of all sentient beings

Disclaimer: Freedom is the right of all sentient beings! I own nothing, other than my own OC's and story plots.

A/N this takes place before Chase, Formen or Cameron left and before JD became a resident doctor at Sacred Heart .

" speaking"

' thoughts'

Is there a Doctor in the House?

By MiniMedic

Ch. 2

Previously

"Dr. Ratchet.. I'd like you to meet Dr. House... You'll be under his tutelage " Cuddy introduced them trying to keep her poise… then checking her wrist watch. " The other member of our party should be here any time now."

"Ratchet?.." Dr. House scoffed limping up to the desk. " Your name is RATCHET?."

"House!" Cuddy scolded with a half sharp half frightened look.

"You're named after a tool?" House continued ignoring the woman and giving the medic a mocking look. The CMO regarded the human, his faceplates twitching slightly. So.. This was the infamous Dr. House.

"You're named after a building.. at least I'm useful." Ratchet commented in a cool mocking tone of his own. House stared at the medic a moment in slight shock before recovering himself, a light smirk playing on his lips... by the guys ridged stance and body language House hadn't expected a return fire. Oh .. This could be fun…

A knock sounded like a thunderclap making Cuddy jump. "Come in." she called swallowing hard to maintain her composure. God she needed a drink… a rather strong one. The door opened reveling a scowling blond haired man looking to be in his 40's. Wearing jeans and a white t-shirt he glared them viciously before walking into the room.. Giving off the notion that he would rather be anywhere but here.

"Gentlemen.. May I introduce Dr. Perry Cox." Cuddy said almost tiredly. There was a slight moment of tension as the three regarded one another.

"Hahaha!.. You're name is Cox.." House outright laughed now leaning against the desk as Ratchet quirked an optic at them.

"House!" Cuddy scolded as the new male shot him a look that Ratchet was sure, had it been possible, could have killed the human.

Gregory House grinned blue eyes shining in delight. Oooo Hohooo .. This could be fun indeed!

"Oh ho ho... Don't start something you can't finish there princess." the new comer laughed sarcastically "...Listen up Gimpy..." The blond glared suddenly serious, anger just barely contained under the surface. " I don't give a damn who you are or if you're the best in your field, cause personally, after reading your file...I think you're compensating for something... I mean lets face it there Curly Top... spending -that- much time at work, which you obviously do with your track record, can't be good for your social life... Oh wait.. Apparently you don't have one!" The man mocked in fringed surprise as Dr. House stood with a blank yet stunned look on his face. What was this some kind of twisted competition on who could be the bigger jackass? "The only reason I'm even here is because, the Devil himself, Bob Kelso unleashed his unholy minions on the board. So it's ether I improve the diagnostics crew at Sacred Heart or we do a joint program with your team, which quite frankly would be HELL on Earth for both of us. I'm NOT letting a stuck up narcissistic gimp like you in MY hospital let alone anywhere near my patients... We can only have one quarterback on the team, which so happens to be yours truly." he pointed to himself for impact then House "Not you.. Me! And by GOD I have enough trouble with newbie and the idiots to deal with you. My fuse at this moment is non-existent. I'm only gon'a tell you once ...so listen up.." the man let out an ear splitting whistle making Cuddy jump at the volume and pitch. Ratchet cocked an eyebrow at the man's audacity, but the trick did make sure he had their attention.. The CMO made a mental note to remember that one. "Here's the drill I learn what I got'a to keep you and your ER sitcom rejects OUT of my turf and then I leave…on my marry little way as quickly as possible... there will be no socializing, no cuddles, and especially no friend making …NO sir.." Dr. Cox shook his finger in a slow 'no' motion an inch from Dr. House's nose then patted him on the head as though he was a very young child." Now you just be a good little Gimpy and do as your boss lady tells you and maybe just MAYBE you'll get a nice home too one day…just like a real boy." Dr. Cox finished with a sarcastic smile then turned on his heel and walked out of the room leaving a stunned audience in his wake.

Ratchet smirked at the expression on House's face, the man turned to Dean Cuddy mouth agape in pure outrage and shock. "I'm the only one allowed to do the witty smart ass speeches!" House exclaimed as the woman sat down rather heavily at her desk, placing a hand at her temple in effort to fight off an on coming headache. The Medic eyed the woman carefully deciding it would be better to speak with her privately about Mr. House as well as make sure the kind nurse was noticed for her behavior.

"Obviously not anymore.." Ratchet smirked as House shot him a glare, and then nodded to the Dean politely. " With your permission to proceed madam?"

"What..?" Cuddly looked up from her desk at the alien rather shaken, though trying hard not to show it. " Yes ...yes of course…. Please get started right away." The two headed out of the office one slightly smiling and the other scowling as his brilliant mind turned… this was going to be an interesting game.

Only a few steps down the hallway they found Dr. Cox frozen staring horrified at the elevator, a pale wiry looking man emerging. The messy haired male stood looking lost, wearing jean shorts and a blue T-shirt, which read FREE HUGS! in bright red letters.

"You hate me don't you?" the blond doctor sighed exasperated up at the heavens earning a curious look from his now coworkers.

"Dr. Cox!" The boy brightened, warm eyes lighting up at the sight of his mentor and rushing to him. " Dr. Kelso thought you might need some back up and since we're partners and have that whole Jedi master apprentice relationship…." The boy stopped seeing the man wince and mutter a "Damn you to hell Kelso.. You evil bastard." Then hesitating and fidgeting; he turned to the other two doctors. Smiling brightly and reminding the Autobot a great deal of a certain young gunner. "Hi I'm JD!" the male introduced himself excitedly. "I'm surprised that you made friends so quickly.. Big Dog normally scares people so no one really talks to him but he really is a soft fluffy puppy underneath." House smirked at Dr. Cox's obvious dislike of the boy, opening his mouth to unleash his own attack at the irritated blond just as an intercom announcement interrupted him.

"Will the owner of the Black 911 Porsche please report to the front desk."

Ratchets first reaction was to contact Jazz … but stopped himself having no report of the silver Porsche anywhere near the area and knowing that saboteur would not be so foolish as to draw public attention on a stealth mission.

"Yeah.. um.. about that.." JD stammered catching the medic's attention. Looking up he fought the urge to come between the boy and Dr. Cox, as the older man looked ready to scrap the youngling.

"Julia … my car.." the blond growled his face coloring with a crimson shade and advancing on the boy as the youngling backed up rather nervously.

"Well .. um.. You see.. It wasn't my fault and…" JD cringed. " Ok ... it was my fault but.. We're bumper buddies and accidents happen...right?… now.. Perry… Buddy... you know I.. I didn't mean to …its its just a tiny dent …" the boy swallowed using his hands to emphasize the amount of damage as being minimal. Cox glanced out the window to see his precious beauty which he so painstakingly parked a good distance from everyone else, rear-ended by JD's God awful lime colored spam box the boy had been dubbed the 'Mystery machine 2.0'.

"Ouch.. Looks like Big Dog got neutered." House commented leaning heavily on the ebony cane, when he and Ratchet came to investigate. The blond turned calmly taking a deep breath.

"Its Ok..." Perry breathed tightly and JD about died on the spot.

"What... you… you aren't going to scream at me and burst into a firey ball of pent up repressed rage death and fury?" the boy squeaked looking ready to bolt. "Wow... those anger management classes really do work.."

"No Cindy.. I'm just going to beat you to death... slowly.." Dr. Cox stated pinning him with a murderous glare then turning to House. " Hey there Gimpy... I'm gona borrow this real quick" snatching the man's cane out from under him, then taking off down the hall way after the now screaming intern. House fell forward at the sudden loss of support and grabbed out, latching on to Ratchet's shoulder to keep himself upright. The Medic grunted twitching in agitation at the current conduct of his 'coworkers'.

" NO RUNNING!" The medic snapped irritated at the obvious disturbance of the hospital patients. "This is a MEDICAL FACILITY FOR PRIMUS SAKE!"

" Ratchet!" House scolded in a low tone. " I'm ashamed of you.. Screaming in a hospital. There are sick people here ... and you call yourself a doctor!" the man tisked, mirth evident in his sharp eyes as the CMO twitched. "...Showing such lack of regard for their well being..." House shook his head in mock disappointment "...Ah well!" He added brightly then scowled at the man running down the hallway. " While we're at it... HEY! DR. PECKER! GIMME BACK MY CANE!"

A/N:

Ok guys, I know... I said I was leaving but after some thought...I'm going to try and stay...

MiniMedic: Please forgive the shortness and lateness of this chapter... OK... so I finally found a case that's worthy and hard enough to throw both House and Ratchet for a loop, (that I don't -think- has been done on the show yet ...I've missed -a lot- of House MD and haven't even seen last season)... I just have to do a bit more research to see if I can get all the medical stuff down... blah, I have some knowledge but I'm not a doctor, so it's gona be a bit of work …that and I'm gona have to talk to some of the human medics when they aren't busy and see if they know anything bout it ( I doubt it from what I've read it's a very rarely diagnosed condition) ...forgive me if I make screw ups and let me know bout it if you catch something. I'll see what I can do to correct them...I'm not sure how well their personalities turned out in this chapter ether... something's bugging me but I'm not sure exactly what …Crossovers are always difficult to do realistically, often piecing together universes that don't normally go together.. and cause its not just one fandom, but multiples that you're trying to do justice and please, at the same time, while being wide open to the die-hards who nitpick everything ..Which can be both a good and bad thing (grins) it's a bit of a challenge… Hmmm… so good, bad or do I need to be banished from ever writing Crossovers again? (Grins) Oh oh! (Bounces) guess what I did on my unexpected free day?

Sides: (grins) besides getting cheered up by Jazz?

MiniMedic: Finished this chapter as well as started two more for my other stuff...(glares) You just HAD to tell him I was secretly depressed didn't you… you lying ass...I didn't need cheering up! ... Not that I don't appreciated it but I can't get that damn song out of my head now... I like the 80's but God how can he love that song so much... 'Material girl' is freak'n ancient... not that I don't like the song or Madonna... It's just 5 damn times in a row!

Sides: Aww (pouts) but I was on patrol and couldn't check on you...

MiniMedic: I'm a big girl, Sides. I don't need a babysitter...

Ratchet: (snorts) And WheelJack doesn't blow himself up at least once every 3 months... take care of yourself and maybe one day we'll believe you…

MiniMedic: I have been! ... Lately… (Scowls) .. I've seen you work yourself into a lock!

Ratchet: (glares) Yes after you literally about collapsed... I swear there are times I think, YOU think, your one of us instead of human... don't try to change the subject, I'm not the topic of this conversation, not to mention I am far more durable than you.

Sides: (snickers) is that why our home brewed high grade knocked you on your aft just last...

Ratchet: Sideswipe (optics narrow) WHY are you even in here?

Sides: um... (Fidgets) I was just leaving... (Bolts out)

MiniMedic: hehe... So... You going to report them for it?

Ratchet: (cocks an optic ridge) would it do any good?

MiniMedic: ... point...

Ratchet: besides.. They make fragg'n good high-grade.. Now go recharge..

MiniMedic: (grins) I will.. I just need to finish editing this...

Ratchet: (Glares)

MiniMedic: (sighs) Yes MOTHER... see ya next chapter.