The List

By Hermione Jane Granger and Ginevra Molly Weasley

We will never wear pink. Cause only girly girls where that...And we're not them!

We will never send a boy a singing Valentine. It was a dare, PEOPLE...Fred and George ring any bells...You're never gonna live that one down Ginny...Damn.

We will never get a crush on a teacher. Harry found out about the list and made us put this one down. Honestly, who does he'll think I'll get a crush on now...Snape?...I dunno, if his hair were clean he wouldn't be bad looking...not that I'm interested...I think Sinistra is though.

We will always do our homework ahead of time. It's necessary so you won't feel rushed...That...and it leaves more time for snogging guys...I hate you sometimes...It's a part of having siblings...get used to it.

We will never obsess over our looks. Why obsess?...Yeah, we already know we're fabulous...You are...I have this bushy hair thing going on...DON'T OBSESS!

We will never steal another girl's guy. That's just wrong!...Really, really wrong!

We will never eat tapioca pudding. It's lumpy...Bleagh!

We will never eat anything given to us by Fred or George. If we did, we'd be stupid...With a capital 'S'!

When in doubt we will consult the Library. It helped with the Tri-Wizard Tournament...It could save your life!

We will never betray a friend's trust. That's just WRONG!...cough,Pettigrew,cough.

We will never do anything to hurt Hagrid's feelings. He's just so sweet...In an adorable puppy kind of way.

We will not have sex before marriage. I want to be with THE ONE and only THE ONE!...We don't have to do it to keep a guy interested...If he doesn't want to be with us for who we are...Then we don't want him!

We will never cheat on a boyfriend, fiancée, or husband. Once again...COMPLETELY WRONG...Yeah, besides...why would any girl cheat on Harry!...When did you guys start dating?...Erm...Truth or Dare...the...uh...closet snog...yeah...um...DON'T TELL RON!...Why?...He'd murder Harry, so we told him that I'm dating Dean Thomas...Ooookaaay?

We will never doubt Harry. Hello...this is Harry we're talking about...You learned from the whole TWT didn't you?...Well, Ron was being stupid.

We will always be friends. This one speaks for itself...Damn Straight...Harry rented a John Wayne movie for your last date, didn't he?...Maybe...Why?...sigh...No reason.

We will always present a united front. United we stand...Divided we fall...Where did we get that from anyway?...Not sure...Hmm.

We will never obsess over school rules. I was really a pain in the...erm...rear end during my first year...Besides, F & G never obsessed and look at them now...They own a joke shop...SO...Let's partner with them...Your brains...my evil genius...their gold...You have a point...I always do.

We will never tell a friend's secret. Again, this is IMPORTANT...Hah...What...You can't tell Ron...about you and Harry?...Uhuh...It's a secret...I wasn't going to anyway...he's mad at me right now...Why...He was looking for a quill in my schoolbag and he found the letter from Viktor asking me to spend Christmas with him...it implied that he was going to propose...HE WAS WHAT...I told him he was just a friend! I can't help what he wrote...YOU COULD BE RICH...So...I don't want to be one of those shallow people who marry for money...That's a Parkinson thing...Good point...Besides, we have F & G to borrow money from...Exactly, and I don't have to marry them to get any...they owe me...Do tell...What for...erm...silence...Hermione?...I gave them a potion recipe to create their Pox Pills...What...For the skiving snackboxes...Can I cash in on your invention?...Duh...yes...You're the bestest friend ever...That's why you love me...and Harry and Ron tolerate me.

We will never forget to write. 'Cause the boys are terrible at it...And we'd be bored stiff without SOME intelligent conversation...Too right.

We will never try to make someone jealous. Who needs to?...Yeah...Guys want us without us even trying...You anyway...One word...Krum...Oh!

We will always try to help our friends. Obviously...can we say Norbert...Norbert...You are a strange person...Yes, but who is stranger...the strange person...or the one who hangs out with the strange person...Why are we in Gryffindor...I don't know...Sometimes I scare myself with how brilliant I am...Me too.

We will get revenge on anyone who messes with us. Duh...Parkinson...Chang, and her attitude towards you when Harry asked her out...So that's why you planned the Rita Skeeter interbiew for that day...Duh...Harry needed to look at her with the blinders off...THANK YOU!

We will never use a love potion. Bulstrode is the only one who needs to use one...And Romilda Vane...female dog...Ginny...you didn't cuss...I'm so proud of you!

We will face our fears. Boggart of McGonagall...I made her tell me that I failed so I could get over my fear of it...I faced my fear...What?...I kissed Harry first.

We will never take a drink of butterbeer when F or G is about to tell a joke (it hurts when you laugh so hard that it comes out your nose). Again...this speaks for itself...It hurt BAD!...Did you know that Madam Pomfrey has no spells or potions that can ease the burn...No...I'll remember that though.

We will never drink firewhiskey just to 'fit in'. Again...Who needs to...I'd like to keep my senses as they are, thank you very much...Yep.

We will never give in to Umbridge (that hag). Shudders violently...Bitch...Damn you cussed...So did you...Damn!

We will get rights for house elves. They don't deserve to be slaves...I know Hermione...I know.

We will get rights for werewolves. Moony...It's just not fair...No, its not.

We will be godmothers for each others children. Obviously...Yeah...I have plans to corrupt your children...I shall turn them into little Slytherins, Ravenclaws, Hufflepuffs, and I'll leave one alone to be a Gryffindor...and together...we shall take over the SCHOOL!...insert evil laugh here...Sometimes I think you need to join Lockhart...I know.

We will become animagi. MARAUDERS!...BUT THE GIRL VERSION...Did you brew the potion...We'll take it on Monday...Awesome.

We will get tattoos on our seventeenth birthdays. Dragon...Harry...Huh...I'm getting his name on ...I have no words.

We will cry during sad movies. It's not like we have eyeliner that'll run...Yeah...I have the right to be a complete sap during sad/romantic movies.

We will never obsess over our weight. What's the point...Yeah...besides, Harry and I are going to have a houseful of kids someday...have you SEEN my mother after seven kids...Yeah...not bad...Not bad at all...Thanks Mum!

We will always remember the other person's birthday. DUH!

When we turn eighteen we will go to a Muggle club. PARTAY!!...Dancing...hot guys...Lee Jordan is the DJ at 'The Star'...Really?...Yep...We're there!

We will always be sisters. DUH!

We will never get a crush on Draco Malfoy. Yuck!...The bouncing white ferret...NO WAY!

When we fall in love we will tell the guy regardless of circumstances (barring him already having a girlfriend, fiancée, or wife). HARRY!...!...REALLY?...Yep!...No Way!

We will not lie to each other. DUH!...Ah yes...the classic...Do these jeans make my butt look big...Yes...Okay...I'll go with the skirt then...See how well it works?

We will not fear death. The Deathly Hallows ring a bell...I would rather die than pull a Voldemort...I agree.

We will not trust the Daily Prophet. Rita Skeeter...Nuff said.

We will never treat Harry like the boy-who-lived, but like HARRY. MINE!...Hers!

We will never let a guy abuse us. Obviously...because whoever tried to...would become a eunuch...No...Umbridge's sex slave...Can we say Imperius...You're evil...It's all in a days work.

We will never let a guy treat us like garbage. See above...Only rather than Umbridge...Aunt Marge...evil grin.

We will get back at Pansy Parkinson. &(&(!!...She really & didn't she...She makes Umbridge look like a fluffy little kitten...shudders violently.

We will not trust Lavender Brown with any information. Can we say Rita Skeeter...She is her godmother...NO WAY!...yep...got it straight from Mr. Brown when he went into WWW to buy a love potion antidote...I have raised an eyebrow in curiosity about his purchase...You and me both.

We will never eat vegemite. I threw up!...It scares me!

We will celebrate the fall of Voldemort by dancing on his grave (or wherever he died). PARTAY!...I plan on marrying Harry on top of his grave...Ooh!...when and I get married...I'm spending the wedding night there...Evil...Making little half-blood babies...blushing.

We will trust each other no matter what. DUH!...What she said!

This was inspired by Rita Skeeter, Peter Pettigrew, Barty Crouch Jr., Lavendar Brown, the Patil twins, Millicent Bulstrode, F & G (butterbeer), Umbitch (cough), Aunt Marge, Aunt Petunia, Uncle Vernon, Dinky Duddydums, AND...MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL!...HUH...Oops...I meant hot guys...Oliver Wood...Yum...Aren't you in love with ...Clears throat noisily...EYE CANDY!...YUM INDEED...Harry just walked past didn't he...Maybe...I give up...Hey, there's Poofy...Where?...over there...I missed him while he was gone...He's her pet mongoose...GRINS!...OH NAGINI!...laughs hysterically...Has to give CPR to Ginny...Thanks Hermione...What are friends for?