Hello, everyone! I'm back! Muhahaha! Now that those pesky SATs are finally over, I can concentrate on funner things, such as my new story! Hope you all like it!

Oh, and I don't own anything at all! Well, nothing that has to do with the Zelda games anyway...

The Legend of Zelda Ocarina of Time: The Reality TV Show

Chapter 1

Getting Started

"Ok, everyone, settle down!" a large owl shouted over the loud arguing of the other people that were in the large, modern-day, conference type room. "Hey! Shut up already!" the owl shouted. The other people quickly became silent and they all turned to stare at the bird with pouts. "Now, as we all know, our last show was a dud. So we-"

"Well of course it was a dud! Nobody wants to watch a show about how amazing turtles are!" someone interrupted.

"Yeah! All we did was record a stupid turtle that just sat there and ate anything that happened to be growing next to it!" another person shouted in agreement.

"Alright, alright! Be quiet! We've talked about this already!" the owl said crossly. "Now, as I was saying, we need a new idea! Something that doesn't have to do with slow moving animals!"

There was a few minutes of silence as everyone tried to come up with an idea. Finally, someone slowly started to raise his hand.

"No, guy, we aren't doing your idea!" the owl shouted grumpily.

"You never do my ideas!" the large man protested.

"That's because your ideas stink!" a young girl shouted back.

The tall, dark man gasped before defending his idea on making a show about the color pink. "It's a great color!"

"What would we do? Just show a pink screen for a whole hour!?" the girl shouted.

The owl sighed when he saw that they weren't going to get anywhere if he didn't put an end to this soon. "No pink!" the owl shouted finally. "And no green either!" he said wearily when he saw another young girl, who was always clothed in green (even her hair was green), raise her hand. "And no blue, red, purple, yellow, orange, or any other color that's out there!" the large bird shouted when more people started to raise their hands. "We need a good show, people!"

"Oh!" everyone shouted. "Why didn't you say so?!"

The owl sighed.

"I've got an idea! Me, me, me!" the tall, dark man shouted, jumping up and down.

"We're not doing pink!" the owl shouted.

"Darn!"

"Anyone have an actual idea?" the owl asked tiredly. He sighed when everyone just stared at him with large eyes.

"Ohhhh, I have an idea!" the young girl who had been arguing with the man before shouted. Everyone turned to face the blond haired, blue eyed, girl. "We do a reality show! Those are getting real popular!"

Everyone looked at each other and mumbled to themselves. The girl sighed when she realized that no one else knew what she was talking about. "Here's what we do, we make up an exciting story, and then we pull in some random, innocent person and force him to follow the story! He'll think it's real, and it'll be up to a few of us to keep him on track!" She beamed happily at the owl as he considered this, everyone else watched the two with bated breath.

"Hey, that's not bad!" the owl said after a few minutes.

"Hooray!" everyone else shouted.

"What's not bad?" the girl asked suddenly.

"Your idea!" the owl shouted.

"What idea?"

The owl stared at the girl before he remembered that she had short term memory loss. "Not your idea, my idea!" the owl shouted after a short pause.

"Ohhhhhh!"

"That wasn't your idea!" the tall, dark man shouted.

"Yes it was! And you better believe me or you're fired! Again!"

"Darn!"

"Now, let's start making up that story! You!" the owl pointed a large wing at the only man that had talked so far. "You'll be the main antagonist!"

"What's that?" the man asked.

The owl sighed disgustedly at him, "It's the main bad guy you fool!"

"Oh! …But I don't want to be the bad guy!"

"Too bad! And your name will be…uh…Ganondorf!"

"I don't like it!"

"Then you're fired!"

"Darn!"

"Now, you can be one of the main protagonists!" the owl said to the girl that had come up with this idea.

"Oh, yay! Can I be a beautiful princess?"

"Uh…sure, why not."

"Yes! I want lots of ponies, and cats, and dogs, and horses, and birds, and-"

"You aren't a real princess!" the owl shouted.

The girl gasped, "How dare you!? I quit!"

"You can't quit!"

"I can, and I did!"

"Hey, can I be her character then?" the tall, dark man asked.

"First of all, you can't play a princess! Secondly, I fired you, why haven't you left yet!?"

"Uh…"

"Never mind, it doesn't matter! I need a bad guy, so you're rehired, again!"

"Darn!"

"What? I hired you, that's a good thing!"

"But I just got a better job as a rich king at some land!"

"So, quit!"

"Ok," the man sobbed as he handed back the large crown that had been given to him by a strange looking man. "Maybe next time."

"You can't quit as king!" the strange man protested.

"He can, and he did!" the owl shouted. "Now get out, this is for actors and actresses only!"

"But you aren't an actor!" the girl who was going to play a beautiful princess protested.

"No, but I'm your boss, that makes me more important! So there!" the owl argued.

"Fine," the girl said with a pout as she tried to shove the tall, dark man, who was crying into her shoulder, off of her shoulder.

"Now, we need more characters! Uh…you! Green girl, you can play a forest freak!"

"I have a name you know!" the green girl said crossly.

"Well, what is it? All I have on your official papers here is, Forest Lover."

"Yeah!"

"That's not a name! From now on, your name is Saria! There! You have a name!"

"But I don't like it!" Saria protested.

"So? I don't care! We need to get our first episode up by tomorrow, so let's get this figured out already!"

"Fine!" the three people who now had roles, shouted.

"What's the main story anyway?" Ganondorf asked curiously.

"I'll tell you what it's about!" the beautiful princess said excitedly. "It's about a beautiful princess who goes around, saving the world from evil!"

"That can't be the story! You can't be the main character!" Saria shouted.

"The forest freak is right!" The owl shouted. "Here's what I was thinking! Listen up! Ganondorf over there is trying to take over our magical world, Hyrule, and the main character has to stop him!"

"Oh, that doesn't really work for me…" Ganondorf said hesitantly.

"What's wrong with it?" Saria asked.

"I'm a pacifist, I don't really take over anything."

"You're also an actor! You act!" the owl shouted.

"Well, I could've been a king!" Ganondorf argued.

"It's not my fault you quit that job!"

"You told me to!"

"Yeah, so?" the owl asked in a bored voice, examining some of his wing feathers.

"Um… why can't I be a good guy?" Ganondorf asked sadly.

"Because, you look evil! Have you looked in the mirror lately? You have red eyes for crying out loud!"

"It's a rare gene! It's not my fault!"

"Well, it looks good on camera, so you're the bad guy! Get over it! Now, what else do we have to do?"

"What's my role!?" the girl who was playing the beautiful princess asked excitedly.

"You're the princess! We've gone over this already!" the owl shouted impatiently.

"Oh boy! I'm a princess! I want lots of ponies, and cats, and-"

"What else!?" the owl interrupted.

"We'll need sets and music," Saria said in a bored voice.

"Thank you! Yes! We need those things! Wait, no we don't! We just need music! It's a reality show, people! We use the world as a set!"

"Oh, I can do music!" a random guy shouted suddenly (he's the windmill guy, I'm not quite sure how to describe him…).

"Great! What music can you play?" the owl asked.

The man pulled out a large, strange looking instrument and started to turn a handle. A short and repetitive tune started to play, and the only person that actually enjoyed it was the man who was playing it. "Go around, go around!" the man said happily as the tune kept going and going.

"Alright, that's good," the owl said, rolling his eyes. Everyone stared at the musical man as he kept turning the handle on his instrument thing. "Ok…we get it!" the owl said, a little louder this time.

"Go around, go around!"

"Alright, that's enough already!"

"Go around, go ar-"

"You're fired!"

"What!?" the man instantly stopped playing his song. "You can't fire me! I quit!"

"Fine! Either way though, you're out of here!" the owl said, and he flapped his wing at the man, which created a strong wind, which sent the man flying out of the room, along with his instrument, which had started to play again. "We'll figure out music later, right now, we need to get the special effects down!" the owl said cheerfully as the repetitive tune slowly faded away as the man got farther away from the group. "Muhahahaha, I can do explosions!" the girl who was going to play the beautiful princess shouted. She pulled out two vials of different colored liquids and threw them together. A few seconds later and everyone was screaming as large explosions started to spread throughout the room. "Muhahahaha!" the girl who was going to play the beautiful princess cackled happily, drowning out the loud screams.

…one hour later…

Everyone was finally settled outside, away from the still burning building that they had just managed to escape. "No more special effects!" the owl shouted at the girl, who crossed her arms and pouted. "Now, I will do the special effects! I will also build some of the bad guys, and I will also build the Great Deku Tree!"

"What's that?" Saria asked, tearing apart a blade of grass in her boredom.

"It's a giant tree that I just thought up! It will be the first dungeon that our hero has to go in!"

"What if it's a heroine?" the girl who was going to play the beautiful princess argued.

"Fine! It will be the first dungeon that our hero/heroine will have to go in! Everyone happy?"

"What if-"

"That's enough! Stupid girl who is going to play the beautiful princess! …That name is too long! Your new name is now…Zelda! There!"

"Zelda? But that's the name of the real princess of Hyrule!" Zelda protested.

"So? We'll just kick the real royal family out of the castle for a few days. They won't mind!" the owl said cheerfully, already thinking about how to make his giant tree.

"What are we going to do for music?" Saria asked, bringing the owl's thoughts back to earth.

"Um…music?" the owl asked uncertainly.

"Ahha! La musique! Je suis très bon à jouer de la musique!" shouted the same weird musical man from before, except this time he was wearing a false mustache and beard.

The owl stared at him for awhile before sighing, "Ok, one: what!? And two: I know it's you, weird musical instrument guy!"

"How did you know it was me!?" the man asked, tearing off his fake facial hair.

"You're wearing the same clothes, you have the same stupid instrument on your back, and your fake hair isn't the same color as your regular hair!"

The man looked at the mustache and saw that it was a bright orange color. "Oh."

"Now get out!" the owl shouted.

"But I'm already outside!"

"Then get inside!" the large bird shouted impatiently.

The man turned to see the still burning building, "In there?"

"I don't really care where you go! Just get out!"

"But I'm already outside!" the man protested again.

"Then get inside!"

"Fine!" the man shouted, and he marched inside the building. Everyone else watched him with wide-eyed expressions.

"Now then, what next?" the owl asked, not even noticing where the man had gone.

"We still need music!" Saria shouted.

"Still?! Why haven't we figured that out yet?!"

"I can play the piano!" Ganondorf said suddenly.

"Well, that's a start I guess…"

"I can play the ocarina!" Saria said happily.

"Yes…we know…" the owl said nervously.

"I'll show you!"

"Nooooo!" everyone else shouted, but it was too late. Saria started playing the one song that she knew, which was just as short and repetitive as the one the strange man had played.

"Make her stop!" Ganondorf shouted.

"Can't…get it…out of my head!!" Zelda shouted, banging her head against the nearest wall, which happened to be the one belonging to the burning building.

"Zelda, your hair is on fire!" Saria shouted suddenly, pulling the ocarina from her mouth.

"My hair!!" Zelda shouted, running around the grassy field that they were in. After a few minutes, they managed to get the fire out, but the damage was done. Zelda's hair was completely gone. "What are we going to do now?! We can't have a bald princess!" the owl shouted, not even caring that one of his employees could've died. "It's ok… I can fix this…" the owl said, looking around desperately for an idea while Saria and Ganondorf did their best to comfort the distressed, bald girl. "A hat!" the owl shouted suddenly. He pulled out a large piece of cloth and wrapped it around the girl's head. "There!"

"It makes me looks silly!" Zelda protested.

"Not as silly as you look without it," Ganondorf said. He gave a high pitched scream when Zelda glared at him. "It makes you look great!"

"What makes me look great?" Zelda asked suddenly.

"Uh…the hat?" Ganondorf said uncertainly.

"What hat? Why am I wearing a hat on such a beautiful day?" Zelda asked.

"Nooooo!" Everyone shouted as the girl tore the hat off.

"My hair!!" Zelda shouted.

The owl gave a tired sigh as the girl started to run around in a panicked frenzy, shouting about her hair, while Ganondorf and Saria chased after her, trying to get her to calm down.

"We still need more characters people!" the owl shouted.

"Actually, we quit!" the rest of the group said. "This place is way too dangerous!"

"What!?" the owl shouted. "Come back! You guys signed a contract! You can't leave!" the owl said angrily as the people went running off to the nearest town. "Great! Just great! Now I don't have anyone to play Sheik, the mysterious man who helps the hero!"

"Heroine!" Zelda shouted at him as she ran past, still panicking about her hair.

"Fine!" the owl snapped. "Hero/heroine! Now what am I supposed to do!?" He sighed when he realized that no one was listening to him. "That's enough!" the bird shouted. He grabbed the three running people as they ran past him.

"My hair!!" Zelda wailed in the owl's ear.

"Stop shouting! I have very sensitive hearing you know!" the owl shouted back.

"Sorry," Zelda mumbled.

"Now, you three are the only actors/actresses left! So let's make the best of it! You three are in charge of music, special effects-"

"Special effects? I can do explosions!" Zelda shouted suddenly, quickly squirming out of the owl's grasp.

"Nooooo!" the other three shouted when they saw Zelda pull out more vials of different colored liquids.

"Muhahahahaha, I am actually a crazy, evil scientist! Under cover!" Zelda shouted as the explosions spread throughout Hyrule's beautiful fields.

…another hour later…

"I don't know about this…" the real Princess Zelda said uncertainly. The royal family had just been visited by a large owl, who had explained to them that he needed their castle and free reign of Hyrule as he made his movie. Zelda, however, was ignored, as her parents started to clap happily at the very thought of a movie being filmed in their castle. "That sounds like fun!" the king said.

"You know you won't be in it…right?" the owl said.

"I won't?" the king asked, his face falling.

"Oh, um…well…You can be in it! Of course, since you're the king!" the owl said quickly.

"Oh, how exciting!" the queen said, still clapping.

"Indeed! I'm going to be in a movie!" the king agreed.

"Yeah…" the owl said, smiling uncertainly. "Just realize, that we do have a time limit thing. So we'll film you and everything, we just might not keep you…"

"Oh! I understand perfectly!" the king said, smiling. "No one will ever cut me out of my movie! That's just silly!" was what was going through the king's head as he and the owl shook hands/wings. Zelda just glared at the owl suspiciously as he flew off, leaving her parents to start giggling amongst themselves as they discussed what they would wear.

"Do you even know what he did to the beautiful meadow?!" Zelda shouted at her parents. "He burnt the whole thing! Now it's just a great big desert!"

"Well, I like deserts!" the king said, waving his hand casually at Zelda.

"I thought it was always like that…" the queen said in a bored voice.

"No! It was not always like that! There can't just be a desert in the middle of a grassy field! Temperatures change gradually! Not instantly!"

"Well, apparently you're wrong! Why would the owl burn Gerudo Meadow?" the queen sniffed at her daughter smugly.

"Well…" the king started to snicker at the thought that was in his head. "It is now Gerudo Desert!" Both he and the queen burst into laughter at this. Zelda gave a disgusted sigh at her parents before stomping off to do some research on the owl and his crew.

Meanwhile, the giant owl was trying to get his crew of three to stand still long enough for him to give his speech. The three were all running around their new office in Kakariko Village, trying to get into their elaborate costumes. "Why do I have such ridiculously large boots?" Ganondorf whined.

"Because you have big feet!" Zelda said happily as she pulled on some white gloves.

"No I don't!"

"Well your character does, so quit complaining!" Saria shouted.

"Everybody, I have something to say!" the owl shouted, stomping his foot on the floor impatiently. Everybody stopped what they were doing and turned to look at their boss with annoyed sighs. "Thank you. Now! Let's go over your characters one last time, shall we?"

"Again?" Everyone whined.

"Yes, again! Now be quiet! Zelda, you are the princess, and you are the only one besides our hero/heroine that knows about Ganondorf's evilness…ness. Ganondorf, you are-"

"I know who I am! I'm the evil bad guy!"

"Yes…good! Saria, you're the forest freak!"

"Hmph!" Saria hmphed, crossing her arms and pouting.

"And you are the hero/heroine's best friend!"

"How am I supposed to be his best friend? We haven't even met!" Saria argued.

"That's your problem, not mine! Become his bff!"

"What's a bff?" Ganondorf asked, still struggling into his large boots.

"It think it's a type of sandwich!" Zelda said. "You know, like a bacon…um…"

"Fluffy fish?" Ganondorf asked.

"Yes! A bacon, fluffy, fish sandwich! It's one of my favorites!" Zelda said, nodding happily.

The owl and Saria just stared at the two as they started to discuss which part of the sandwich they liked better. "Ok, that's enough about food! A bff is a best friend forever, now stop it! There is no such thing as a bacon fluffy fish sandwich!" the owl shouted after a few minutes. Suddenly one of the random workers that liked to run around outside came running inside. "Hey hey hey! No lazy workers allowed!" the owl shouted at the panting man.

"I got your lunch!" the lazy worker said cheerfully. "Four bacon fluffy fish sandwiches!"

"There's no such thing! Now get out!" the owl shouted, and he threw the worker outside, along with the nonexistent sandwiches. "Now, where was I? Oh yes, I managed to get a few extras, too, so you won't have to worry about being the only people in the movie. But remember, you guys are the main characters, and it's up to you to keep-"

"Extra what?" Zelda asked while Saria just sighed tiredly at the girl.

"Extras! Extras! You know! People that just walk around on the streets to make the movie look more realistic!" the owl shouted. "Now, it's up to you to-"

"Why do we need extras?" Ganondorf asked.

"To make the movie look more realistic!!" the owl shouted. "Now, it's up to you guys to keep our hero on track and going the right way!"

"Or heroine!" Zelda shouted.

"Ahha! Got you! I already picked out our main character, and it happens to be a guy!"

"That's not good at all!" Zelda argued.

"Why not?" the owl asked in a whiny voice.

"Duh! Everybody likes heroines who are beautiful princesses!"

"You just want to be the main character!" Saria argued.

"Well, yeah!" Zelda said, rolling her eyes.

"You can't be the main hero! A boy named Link is! I've already written him into the script!"

"Wow, did you see this guy's last name? It's so long!" Ganondorf said, reading Link's birth certificate that the owl had 'borrowed' in order to write the script better. "It's Link-"

"Oh who cares what his last name is!? We're just using his first name anyway!" the owl said with a pout, wishing that he didn't have a beak so he could actually pout.

"You can't just ignore his last name! People are going to wonder what it is!" Saria protested.

"We could make something up!" Zelda suggested.

"We can't make up a new name for him! He knows what his real name is!" Saria argued.

"Well, we'll give him amnesia or something, then he'll believe whatever we tell him!" the owl said. "Hey, that solves the bff problem too! I'm a genius!" the owl started to prance around the small room, fluffing out his feathers smugly. "Alright, let's head off to our first positions!" the owl said after awhile. He sighed when Zelda and Ganondorf quickly started to dance a ballet. "First position in the world, for the movie, not a dance!" the owl snapped.

"Oh!" Ganondorf said happily.

"Alright people, let's do this!" Saria shouted, getting bored.

"Yay! Wait, what are we doing?" Zelda asked.

The owl gave a tired sigh, "Maybe letting her be a main character was a bad idea."

"Duh!" Saria said crossly while Ganondorf patiently explained what they were doing for the fifth time that day.

The End! For now! Next chapter will be up by tomorrow, unless something goes horribly wrong with my computer...but what are the chances of that happening? Hmm, maybe I shouldn't ask that, because now something will go horribly wrong! Oh well. Thank you all for reading, hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it! Oh, and in case anyone was wondering about it, here's the translation to what the windmill guy said earlier: Ahha! Music! I am very good at playing music!

Bye for now!