Chiaroscuro

Chapter Five

There was a strange, sweet taste in my mouth; that was the first thing I was aware of. The second thing I remembered was that there was something hard and unusually warm under my lips. Fog swirled in and out of my consciousness until there was a suspension of reality, and peace seeped in and around me. I hung in that moment like a star in the sky. Everything seemed nearly perfect.

Nearly.

The haze cleared instantly, like sun dissipating fog, and I was jarred back to earth with a heavy crash.

Edward.

"Get away from me!" Using all the force I had I barely made him budge, but I managed to rip my teeth away from his chest, scarring his skin slightly. A trickle of blood spilled down his chest and abdomen. I felt a demon in me suddenly clawing to get out; to taste him again. That blood should not go wasted. I watched him, and there was a moment when he swayed, as if he was still drifting down from the heavens. He looked at me, confused. His head cocked to the side, obviously unable to speak.

"I'm serious, Edward. Get away from me."

He blinked carefully, still dazed.

"Get away." I felt the creature in me crawling to the surface, ready to lap every ounce of stray crimson from his chest. The sane part of me suddenly feared for his safety, and every alarm went off, telling me to get him away from me before I caused damage. "I'm serious, Edward. I don't know if I can control myself, and you need to leave."

His eyes darkened, but he still didn't speak.

"Get away." I kept repeating myself, but there was no indication that it was helping him understand the severity of the situation. He just stood there, looking like the Adonis he was, with a delightful trail of blood spilling lazily over his chest. Every muscle in my body ached to touch him again, but I couldn't. I knew he was forbidden until I controlled this thing inside me. "Edward, please listen to me."

"Oh," he started slowly and conversationally, dark eyes flashing from beneath his lowered brow. Time and space suddenly contracted, and everything seemed far more serious than it had ten minutes ago. "I'm listening, but I refuse to act."

I felt my heart pulse heavier, and I wasn't sure if it was out of fear or anger. I wanted to hit him, to yell at him, anything to make him realize that he was placed precariously on the edge of a knife, and one wrong move could send both of us into oblivion. We glared at each other for a brief moment before the tension was wrung tight enough to snap. "Well, act then. I'm not very happy right now, and you're bleeding in front of me." I turned away, trying to ignore the scent. "It's making this whole thing that much worse."

He reached out casually and grabbed an alcohol pad from a supply closet, then gently wiped the blood from his chest. The skin underneath had returned to its flawless grandeur, and the pungent scent of disinfectant made the blood tainted. The demon in my soul growled angrily, as if in defeat, but receded into shadows. I felt my heart return to normal and my stomach stopped aching.

"Better?"

"Mm." I turned away, wanting to crawl under the covers and disappear from existence. There was a long, heavy silence. Neither of us seemed to know what to say; how could we? I just fought off a demon that had been hiding in the darkest part of my soul, and he just delighted in being eaten. My head fell into my hands. What a twisted couple we were.

"You need sleep."

I jumped slightly, surprised that he had spoken. I turned and saw him buttoning his shirt up, refusing to look at me. He glanced at the rain outside the window, realizing the sun would come up soon. He looked back at me. His eyes were dark, as if the gold had spilled out into nothingness. "I need to hunt again. And take care of a few things."

"Is that my fault?"

"Alice's." His voice was strangely cool and unconcerned, and I barely noticed he didn't really answer my question. He needed to hunt again because I had taken all his energy. I wanted to bury my face in my hands and hide my shame. How could this have happened? He reached for his jacket and pulled it on, pretending not to notice my discomfort. "I need to dispose of your mattress before Charlie realizes that it's soaked in blood." There was another, stranger pause and he looked deeply hurt. "And, I need to find Carlisle and speak with him."

"Is he angry?"

"Mm." Edward looked at the rain again, refusing to say anything more on the subject. He turned back to me, and brushed a few stray hairs from my face. He forced a weak smile, but a dazzling one nonetheless. I felt my heart flutter against my ribs, and I knew he could hear it. He smiled and kissed my forehead. "Charlie is asleep in the waiting room; he's going to take you home when he wakes. I'll come by and see you later this afternoon."

"Promise?"

"Promise." He kissed my lips gently, but I could taste an uncomfortable tension mixed deep, unavoidable fear. We were standing on the edge of a cliff, waiting for the ground to crumble beneath us. Something terrible was going to happen, and neither one of us were sure we were going to be able to live through it. He kissed me again, softer this time. "Stay safe, Bella." He winked at me, obviously trying to lighten the mood. "No more jumping through windows."

"Ha ha." I rolled my eyes and pulled the covers over my body, feeling heavy. There was a long pause as he threaded his fingers into my hair. The moment curved into a point, and Edward forced himself away from me, knowing he couldn't stay any longer.

"I'll be at your house soon." Without another word, he left. I felt uncomfortable, empty, heavy, confused, restless. The demon in my soul began to pace back and forth, until it began feeling like a tiger trapped in a cage. It wanted Edward near me; needed him near me. Our bloods called tone another. Mine to him, and his to me. There was a strange void when he wasn't next to me, and my demon could feel it. It growled deep in the recesses of my soul, but curled up calmly, obviously still sated with its earlier feast.

An awkward peace swept into me, and I felt my body slowly falling into a dreamless slumber. I knew when I woke up, I would be going home, and Edward would be waiting for me. That seemed to be the only thing that kept me whole at the point. The only thing that kept me sane.

)O( )O( )O(

The ride home was silent and awkward. Most alone times with Charlie were awkward, but they were becoming increasingly worse. The news of my wedding made him angry and frustrated. He said I needed to slow down and think about what I was getting into, and whether I was really ready to leave everything I had ever known behind for married life.

That last comment always drove a hot nail into my heart. If he only knew what I would be leaving behind. I rubbed my cast carefully, trying not to say anything that would upset him. He seemed more concerned for my safety than for my impeding wedding. He asked me how I was feeling, whether I needed a pill for the pain, if there was anything he could do for me. I told him no, that I was fine and I just needed to rest. He seemed to understand that.

When we got home I trudged up the stairs, barely calling out to him. He nodded and picked up the phone, undoubtedly going to call my mother. She was going to have a fit when she found out. I opened my door and looked at my room. Nothing really seemed out of place, the mattress looked newer and a bit fluffier, but everything was back to normal. At least in the room. I ripped off my clothes and barely managed to pull on some pajamas before I fell into the bed, wishing I didn't have time to think.

I sank into the mattress, and felt it enclose around my like a warm, soft cocoon. Sleep whispered dark images at the corners of my vision, but my mind still raced. What was going to happen to me now? I felt as though the whole Cullen family, except for Edward, had deserted me in the moment I needed them the most. I understood their trepidation, and yet I didn't. I knew they feared the same demon inside me that I feared, but I didn't understand how they could simply toss aside all the time we spent together; the bonds that had been created. I felt abandoned and betrayed.

The way Alice looked at me. That uncontrollable darkness in her eyes. She had never before looked at me with such distain and anger. She had always been my friend, always ready to listen if I need to talk to her, always willing to lend a suggestion, always happy to make me her personal Barbie. But now… now, I didn't even know if I could look at her again. Or even if I would have the privilege of ever seeing her again.

I buried my head in my pillow and detected Edward's scent. I needed him here. I needed to have him hold me and tell me everything was going to be alright, and Alice still loved me. And Esme and Carlisle and Emmet and Jasper… Rosalie was too much to ask for. I needed to know that somewhere someone still cared for me. I felt as though everyone had betrayed me: my parents were angry because I was getting married, the Cullens hated me because I was suddenly an enemy of theirs, and my friends felt betrayed for whatever reason they could come up with. For the first time since Edward left me, I felt utterly alone. Empty. Vacant. Void.

Everything I had known and loved was pulled from my grasp, and I was forced to try and understand something I had no concept of. I didn't understand enemies, myths, creatures whispered in the dark. I only understood that every bond I had ever made was now cut into shreds. And nothing mattered any more.

"You should be resting…"

Almost nothing. Edward still laid beside me, and that was the only rock I had left to cling to in the sea of tears.

"I can't sleep." He wrapped his arm around me. They felt cool, but not as cold as they always had. I turned to look at him; his eyes glowed slightly in the late-afternoon light. He kissed my forehead softly, stroking my hair to calm me down. He could sense the chaos that ran through me. And I could sense he felt helpless that he couldn't comfort me more, thought I doubted there was much he could do. I took a deep breath and delighted in the scent that surrounded me. "I'm worried."

"I assumed as much." Warmth had returned to his voice. "What about?"

"Everything."

"That's a lot to be worried about. Let's start with one thing first. What's your greatest worry?" His fingers wrapped around mine, comforting me. There was something I could hold onto while my body crashed around in the waves. I felt my body begin a slow, easy descent into slumber, and the darkness in my vision didn't seem so harsh anymore.

"You don't love me anymore."

"That's a foolish thing to be worried about."

He always made me smile. "So you've told me."

"What's another worry?"

"That Alice doesn't love me anymore."

There was a heavy silence and I tried to twist around to see his face, but he kept my body still. What if my fears were confirmed when he finally decided to speak. What if the Cullens did hate me? I felt the tears sting at the corners of my eyes, but Edward kissed them away. "It's complicated, Bella. You need to understand that our kind have always feared your kind."

Your kind. My kind. What strange words to hear. I felt as thought I were suddenly being pulled down a whirlpool of misunderstanding and prejudices.

"Alice loves you. It's tearing her up to be afraid of you. She won't even let Jasper near her for comfort." He paused and his words seemed to hanng in the air like an ominous cloud. "She just doesn't know how to handle the situation any more than Carlisle or Esme. She wants to come here and say she's sorry. She wants to be your friend again, but she's so afraid of what you are… what you could be."

The words stung like hot nails. A creature I was, regardless of what Edward told me. Everyone else seemed to see me that way. Nothing more than a whisper of evil in the dark. I buried my body closer to Edward's, needing something more stable to cling too, in case the waves blew me away.

"She loves you, Bella." He pressed a kiss to my hair, sensing my discomfort. "Everyone loves you. That's why this is such a hard thing for us to deal with. We need to come to terms with what you are, and it may take a while before we can see you without fear." I felt my throat tense and twist and the word "we". Did he fear me as well? Were all those things he said about love just to calm the beast he feared?

"You too, Edward?" My voice popped, and I could feel him tense beneath my back.

"A little." He stroked my neck, letting a wave of silence roll in and out. "You're something that wasn't supposed to exist, Bella. And now every moment I'm around you, I'm concerned you're going to sink your teeth into me." He paused slightly, as if pondering a deep, meaningful question. "Although, I'm beginning to fear I might actually like it."

I tried to elbow his chest, but he caught it easily. "You're twisted."

"I love you, Bella. Regardless of what you are." He continued the conversation, ignoring my comment. "It's going to take some getting used to, and I'm going to have to adjust. I assume it's no different than when you found out about my secret." His words made me pause, and I felt my mind flashing back to when I discovered his own skeleton hidden in the closet. I hadn't really been afraid of him, but I had to adjust to what he was. It was important that I moved left when he moved left, because that's how it worked. I made the right move when he did, because that's what he needed and I loved him regardless of what he was.

"I understand."

I felt him smile. "Good." He paused and touched my neck again. "Do not think that this means I love you any less. Because, I know that's exactly what you're thinking now."

"It's not."

"Oh? Then what are you thinking about?"

"A lot of things." The darkness had taken over my vision and I felt my limbs become heavy. Sleep was waiting in the wings.

"Still worrying?"

I paused at his comment, and pondered it. "No. I know it will work out… I know that you and Alice and Jasper and Emmett and Carlisle and Esme will all come around. I know we will adjust to one another. It just may take some time." I pulled his arms tighter around me, as my mind seemed to be engulfed in darkness.

"I'm glad you understand."

"Me too… You aren't going to leave me now, are you?"

"No. I'll be right here until you wake again."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

)O( )O( )O(

AN: YAY! Chapter Five! I think this is going to be wrapping up soon. At least I hope so. It's been a long, drawn out process to fit everything together. Anyway, leave a review if you feel so inclined. If not, I understand. You're probably out enjoying the weather.

fishintank, if you're still reading my "ruined story" I have to let you know that you sounded more like a five year-old throwing a fit than, I'm assuming you're a disgruntled teenager, reviewing a story. Also, for the next time you write, I'll remind you of the cardinal rule of real authors, in case you forgot: We do not under any circumstances write for others. When authors write we write for ourselves and for the joy of writing. If no one ever read my story, I would be content because I enjoyed it. That's what a real author is. And in that regard, I didn't think it was possible to ruin something I was completely content with. Just something for you to chew on.