Lashing Out at Shadows

Animazement was GREAT! (hugs Axel plushy) I love you all who went! XD This chapter was a little slow in coming because I had a touch of writers block with it… I'm still not all that happy with it to be honest, but I'll get over it eventually…

Anyway, I hope to update again before next Monday because that's when I'm going to Florida for a whole five days with my best friend and her family! YAY DISENY WORLD!! So that means I'll be away from TheOraclePC (my lovely computer if you weren't aware) for almost a whole week, meaning no writing! (insert sad face here) I'll be flying home on Friday the 13th, so everyone wish me good karma (although I'm not scared my mother is…)

As always, I own nothing and I love all of my reviewers whole-heartedly! XD 30 reviews! Can you believe it?? THANK YOU ALL!!

Oh, and by the way, I mean no offence to anyone about what the boys are discussing in the beginning of this chapter, okay? It's just that I know a lot of teenaged boys and this is what the ones I know are like. ().()

Chapter the Seventh: Knowledge

"Axel, this is a bad idea!" Roxas hummed slightly into the other's mouth on one Wednesday afternoon.

The taller boy snickered, pressing his lips onto the blonde's again, his hands on the blonde's waist, pinning him to the wall of his bedroom.

Roxas broke off again, pushing the other away pointedly. "I mean it." He said, although he was still blushing slightly at Axel's soft touch. "We have a test tomorrow, we have to study."

Axel pouted childishly. "But English is boring! And I like to be the tutor for once!"

Roxas laughed. "Well, you'll just have to wait for the weekend, won't you? You psychotic hormone-driven horny teenager." He put his hands on his hips in mock-anger. "Right now, we need to talk about the literary elements used in theatre!"

"You love it, though," the redhead said, waving his hand disarmingly. "Besides, those aren't so hard. Conflict, dramatic questions, I heard Ms. Lockhart."

"Well, you're missing a few." Roxas countered. "Exposition, complications, and the five-part structure of a Shakespearean tragedy!"

Axel rolled his eyes. "Do you know how hard it is not to laugh when we're reading about Helen Keller being young and incapable of doing anything?"

The blond smirked. "It's modern theatre. Get over it."

"But I keep thinking of that thing I read once: 'Helen Keller went to town, riding on a pony. Stuck a feather in her hat and called it "Ghhhgnfdndkskssksnsssssseeedddnnnn".' You know?"

"Ahgh," the other sighed exasperatedly. "You know I'd never heard that before, but that's all I'm going to be able to think of now?" Roxas said seriously, trying hard not to laugh.

"It's a gift of mine." Axel grinned, pleased with his victory. "Along with being a very tall and sexy beast."

Roxas rolled his eyes again and was about to counter when the phone on his desk rang. He picked it up hurriedly. "Hello?"

"I didn't interrupt your studying too much did I Roxas?" Aeris asked on the other line.

"No," Roxas sighed. "We were just getting started." He ignored Axel's snickers across the small room.

"Well, I won't keep you too long, then." Aeris replied. "I know you have a test tomorrow. I wouldn't bother you at all if I didn't have to."

"It's fine, Aeris. What's up?"

"I have to go into the hospital on Monday. The date was changed again… You know."

"Yeah?" Roxas said, to show he was listening.

"Well I was wondering if we could hang out on Friday night. Sort of, have a movie night or something. I really don't get to see you much anymore and I miss you."

"Mmmhhmm?" Roxas replied neutrally.

"You could invite that Namine girl from New Years. She was nice. And anyone Axel wants to invite too. I have work off early you see for the surgery, and I want to make the best of it."

"Okay." Roxas replied. Aeris had been laid off her work over Christmas break by Roxas' father. He seemed to believe that Roxas was too old for a sitter anymore. Because of this, Aeris had been forced to seek work elsewhere, and managed to find a job at a local diner as a waitress. She worked so much now to afford living expenses that she was rarely able to come over to Roxas' house anymore. She called almost daily, however.

"That's great Rox!" Her voice sounded tired, but happy for the hope of a good Friday. "I'll let you get back to your studying. Bye!"

"Bye." Roxas hung the phone back on its receiver. Axel gave him a questioning look to which he said, "We're going to have a movie night here on Friday. Aeris is coming."

Axel grinned widely. "Yes!" He punched the air in triumph. "How is she, by the way?"

Roxas sighed. "No one's told you, have they?" He plopped down onto his desk chair.

Axel perched on the end of the bed. "You refused to, remember?"

Roxas nodded. "Yeah…" A long moment of silence passed before the blond continued. "Aeris is having a surgery next week… She's…" Why is it so hard to just come out and say it?! "She has glioblastoma multiforme. It's a brain tumor."

Axel was silent. Then, "But she's going to be okay… Right?"

Roxas shrugged. "She went through chemotherapy, but it didn't work. Now they're going to try something else… From what I've been told, it's a three part process that will lengthen her life if it works. There's a surgery, then some radiotherapy, then chemo again."

Axel stared. "But… She's going to be alright?"

Roxas didn't know what to say. "I don't know." He managed hoarsely. "What they're going to do is remove as much of the tumor as they can. They'll use what they get out for diagnosis, and the more they manage to remove, the longer she's guaranteed to live. It's dangerous though. We don't know what will happen…"

Axel looked purely dumbstruck. His mouth hung open slightly and he seemed to be seconds from the breaking point. He persisted his earlier question one more time with a shaking voice. "But she's going to be okay. Right? She has to be okay."

Roxas took one more deep breath to relay the final bit of information he had been given, "She has about seventeen months… Maybe more if everything goes well."

Axel looked about as horrible as Roxas felt.

Friday came much too sluggishly and Axel had not once thought of anything but Roxas and Aeris. Aeris loved him. A lot. And the feeling was certainly mutual. Roxas had never once spoken of having a mother, and Axel never asked. He simply assumed that it didn't matter. Roxas had Aeris, and she would always fill that role for him, baking all that love into her wonderful treats and telling stories and helping out and healing his wounds. But now, everything was under question. Axel never once imagined Roxas without Aeris, and he had been angrier than anyone to see her fired by the blonde's father.

Beyond that injustice now, was her great sickness, her tumor that seemed to steal her away from the person that needed her most of all. Axel simply refused to accept it. She was not going to die. Not now. Not when Roxas was still so timid and needed her love so badly. No.

Aeris was in her usual good mood for the movie night, and she smiled so warmly when she saw Axel in the kitchen. Axel smiled too, covering his rage at fate for what it had done to her.

"Hey, Rox, will you run out to Cloud's car and get the fudge for me please?" She asked sweetly. Of course, the boy obliged without question. When Axel and Aeris were quite alone Aeris leaned across the counter slightly to stare into Axel's bright green eyes accusingly. "You like him, don't you?" she interrogated.

Axel tried to look unfazed, but he could see his surprised expression reflected in her dark green eyes. "I like him fine, he knows his English and he's my best friend." He stated awkwardly.

The brunette girl snorted in disbelief. "Look, I know about you two." When Axel said nothing, she added, "Together," to her sentence.

Axel blushed scarlet. "I-I uh, don't know what you're talking about!" He said too abruptly.

Aeris laughed. "Sorry, Axe, but it's a bit obvious." Her smile faded slightly. "You know about my surgery, right?" Axel nodded. Aeris sighed. "I want you to look after him… Should things… Not go so well."

Axel stared, shocked. "You'll be okay!" He insisted.

She smiled weakly. "He's affected more than anyone else by all this, you know? I just… Want him to know he isn't alone in all this. You're here, after all, even when I can't be."

Axel nodded solemnly. "I won't let you down." he promised. Aeris smiled. "But – How did you know?" He asked suddenly.

Aeris failed horribly to contain her laughter. She leaned heavily on the counter top, gasping for enough breath to speak through her chuckles. "Because, Axel," she heaved, flushing at the cheeks slightly trying to stifle her giggles, "That hickie is much too large to miss."

Axel gasped as his hand flew up to one side of his neck. He blushed horribly as Aeris fell victim to another fit of giggles.

"Does Rox know you know?" Axel asked when Aeris finally got herself back under control.

"No," she said seriously. "I didn't want to embarrass him."

"Pphht," Axel scowled playfully. "But embarrassing me is fine?"

Aeris chuckled, taking the lid off of a box of her homemade cookies. "Yup, something like that."

The two shared a brief moment of soft laughter before Roxas bumped back inside, precariously balancing two trays of three river fudge in his arms and followed by a slightly displaced Namine.

"Really, Nam' It's fine, I've got it." The blond boy insisted as the girl protested his carrying both trays by himself.

"Hello, Nami." Axel waved friendlily.

Namine jumped and looked over in the kitchen. She smiled sheepishly. "Oh, Hi Axel, Aeris." Roxas placed the trays on the countertop for Aeris.

"Thanks," She said, winking at Axel only when she was certain Roxas' back had been turned.

The night was one of the last really cold ones before spring, and the mini-party with a long movie fest was well appreciated by all. The living room was occupied by Cloud, Aeris, Namine, Jen, Will, Roxas and Axel, all of whom had their fill on sweets earlier. The last movie in their session was '300'. Of course, the boys had laughed through most of it, accompanied by Jen, and sometimes Aeris, but Namine got a bit ill from the gory war scenes and had to excuse herself for a few minuets halfway through.

Everyone went home full and happy at some time near eleven o'clock and Roxas was left on his own, suddenly feeling very sleepy. Aeris had been kind enough to clean up the kitchen before she had left, so the chance of Roxas' father finding out about the movie night was little or none.

Knowing that, the blond boy relaxed into his bed, finding himself surprisingly ready for Monday morning when Aeris' fate would lay in the hands of the hospital.

Roxas hated hospitals. It wasn't a sort of everyday, simple, bearable dislike, or even a sort of fear. No, it was pure, furious, vivid loathing that the blond boy held specifically for hospitals. He had no trust for doctors of any kind, simply because he could see past their fake smiles to their uncaring eyes.

He hated liars with every sense of his being, although he would accept, however grudgingly, that some doctors were not so false. Dr. Zack Fair was one of such people that came few and far in between. He was a tall and strong man, a few years older than Cloud, who had dark spiky hair and caring blue/green hued eyes. He had known Aeris since childhood, as they had grown up in the same neighborhood, and still remained a good friend to the day.

This is why, however true Roxas' hatred for doctors and hospitals was, he was not distraught over Aeris having her surgery there. Zack would take care of her. Roxas knew. He was going to trust this man with his close friend's life, and Zack knew how important this trust was. He would die before breaking such a bond.

It was raining on that fateful Monday when school was finally released. Roxas and Axel pushed their way through the bustling hallways wordlessly. They were not going to Roxas' house today. They would not be studying, or hanging out, or doing anything that did not revolve around being in the hospital before Aeris went into surgery.

The boys raced against each other, themselves, and time through the rain-drenched streets, caring little for their own safety, and getting to the bus stop that led uptown just before it left. They burst from the bus the moment it stopped and sprinted to the hospital a block further. They hurried up the stone steps and into the cool lobby where they stood, hair dripping, in front of the desk, gasping for breath.

"How may I help you?" a bored sounding woman asked, raising an eyebrow at the boy's rain-soaked forms.

"We're here to see Aeris Gainsborough." Roxas huffed, pushing his sopping bangs out of his eyes.

The woman consulted her list for a moment. "She's going into surgery soon."

"Can we see her?" Axel pleaded, willing his bright green eyes to widen slightly, showing all the cute puppy-like genes he could muster into his being.

The woman sighed. "Hurry. She's on the fourth floor, room 409."

The boys didn't hear her say any more. They hurried to the room of the woman's description, and slid to a stop just outside of it.

Cloud stood there facing the door, looking quite ill already. When he heard the boys shoes squeak against the floor as they skidded to a halt, he turned giving them a weak smile.

"You're just in time," he croaked. "She's just getting ready now." He ushered the boys into the room before himself.

Aeris sat on the clean white bed in an equally clean blue gown. Her hair had been pulled away from her face in a tidy, but loose bun. She smiled when she saw her loved ones enter her room. "Boys," she said mockingly, "There's a thing called an umbrella. It helps to keep people dry in the rain."

She laughed good heartedly when Roxas blushed and Axel stuttered something that sounded like "But-but-but – We were in a hurry!"

"How are you doing?" Cloud asked quietly.

Aeris positively beamed. "Excellent, thank you. Except they insisted I wear a blue gown, even after I explained that my color is pink!" She did an excellent job of lightening the dreary and tense mood. It must be a gift of hers, Roxas thought vaguely. "How was school?" She asked.

"Excruciatingly and torturously long." Axel answered dryly. Aeris laughed.

At that very moment, Dr. Zack Fair walked into the room, clip board in hand. He nodded in acknowledgement of the visitors and addressed the patient directly. "Are you ready, Miss. Aeris Gainsborough?"

"Oh, come off the formalities, will you? It's not like we've never met." She answered curtly.

Zack chuckled a bit. "It's part of my job, I'm afraid, Aeris."

"Well, let me see my friends in private first, okay? Then we'll get this thing over with."

"Whatever floats your boat," Zack sighed. He set the clip board down and left the room.

"I'll leave you guys alone," Axel said quietly.

He turned to leave but was stopped by Aeris' call out of, "Don't forget what I told you last Friday!" She sounded so cheerful, but Axel understood the seriousness of the situation.

He turned to face her and nodded. "Don't worry so much." He gave her one of his trademark crooked smirks before he left.

"You go first, Roxas." Cloud said gruffly. "I'll be waiting outside to door." He closed the door behind him with an almost inaudible click, leaving Aeris and Roxas alone together.

Roxas walked up to the bed hesitantly. "You'll come through okay." He assured her quietly, as he noticed her smile fade a little.

"Thanks," She said, apparently deep in thought. "Hey, Roxie?" Roxas looked up at her, raising one eyebrow. "You remember when I used to call you that? When you were little?" She smiled almost to herself. "It was such a good nickname."

"And I called you… Issy sometimes." Roxas added.

"Yeah." Aeris seemed suddenly downtrodden. "Then you started to get older and you didn't want baby names anymore."

Roxas looked away, slightly embarrassed by himself.

Aeris put a soft hand on his shoulder, regaining his full attention. "You've grown so much since then." She smiled. "You were so cute, but so shy. I worried about you always because you always seemed to be all alone." She swallowed hard and Roxas found himself finding it very difficult not to let tears form in his eyes. "But now, you've got people that love you for who you are. Like I do. Axel, and Namine, and me." She smiled. Roxas returned the gesture, although he was scared about where this was heading. "You've grown into a wonderful person, have I ever told you that?"

Roxas shook his head slightly. Me? Wonderful? He thought distantly. What's so good about me? I'm just… Not alone anymore because of happenstance… If it had been any of those people's choices off the bat, they would have been friends with someone else. Wouldn't they?

"Well, anyway," Aeris continued softly. "My point is that you aren't alone, so no matter what happens, I want you to keep your friends close to you, okay? Don't block people out."

"Yeah," Roxas murmured. He found it increasingly difficult to breathe evenly, but he managed one more word before he left Aeris in the room, "Okay." He nodded to Cloud when he passed the older blond in the hall. The man shut the door to the room behind himself and Roxas was suddenly alone.

He wandered in the general direction of the way out, but spotted Axel in the small waiting room down the hall. The redhead waved him over and smiled reassuringly when the blond plopped himself down into a cushy, but not terribly comfortable chair.

A few minuets passed before Cloud joined them. After that, there was relative silence for the next couple of hours, only broken by random meaningless conversation. Axel had gone to get everyone coffee at one point, but Roxas couldn't drink it. He was too… scared.

The silence had long ago begun to drive him mad when Cloud told the boys to go home.

"You have school tomorrow." He had said simply. When Roxas had argued, the man insured that he would be staying all night and that he would call as soon as he was given any news. Roxas didn't like it to say the very least, but he agreed.

He didn't say anything when Axel bid him a fond, 'See ya' tomorrow.' Nor did he speak when his father demanded to know why he was home so late. He was punished for his silence, but he kept it solemnly, not even crying out into the night when his father's yells joined harsh fists in the living room.

Frankly, he didn't care. It didn't matter in the slightest that he would be seen at school the next day with a bust up lip. All that mattered was Aeris, and waiting for the call from her lover that held so much of what Roxas held dear on the edge of that feral knife.