Disclaimer: I own nothing of Harry Potter's magnificence. It all, unfortunately for me, belongs to JKR. I do, however, like to borrow Harry every once in a while for some goodhearted fun… (hehehe)

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"Mad Things Girls Do" Translated by Hermione J. Granger.

Introduction

First off, let me thank you for picking up this book, even if it was just to flip through the first few pages or so. It's a step in the right direction. Maybe you don't think you need to read this guide because you already know all there is to know about women, but chances are you do need to read this, since you picked it up in the first place instead of leaving it on the shelf. Whether you are a curious male hoping that maybe the reason she didn't go on a second date really was for personal reasons and had nothing to do with the unsightly way you slurped your soup at dinner that night, or a doubtful female who wonders what right I have divulging our secrets, I firmly believe my advice can help and make believers of you all.

Now that all that's settled, let me make my first point absolutely clear (I will put this in a bold font and even go so far as to italicize it for the particularly thickheaded males who might be reading):

While there are many lessons to be learned regarding the seemingly nonsensical actions of the female sex, there is, however, only one rule: Everything that can go wrong, will go wrong. And she will blame you for it.

Understood? Splendid.

Now, for those of you still reading, we have a lot of work to do. Let's begin with Lesson One, shall we?