A/N: Yes, there are hundreds of millions of trillions of these types of fics out there. I know that. But I couldn't resisting my own into the mix – they're just such fun!

This one is going to be different from the other ones you've read though, hopefully; it's going to be over the span of one night, but I'm going to break it up into a currently-indefinite number of short, drabble-esque chapters of different, disjointed conversations going on in that cupboard, as they come to me. This is just the introduction.

Takes place in the middle of sixth year, start of January kind of thing. Enjoy, and please do review!!

Broom cupboards were evil.

Very evil.

They were even more evil when there were equally evil Gryffindors around them that were more than happy to push people into them when they were passing by, completely by surprise and completely against their will.

At least, that was how Lily Evans saw it.

Most other people didn't mind broom cupboards. Most other people didn't even think about them. After all, there wasn't much one could really think about when it came to broom cupboards.

Oh, how mistaken the magical community was.

So here Lily was, sitting in the tiny, cramped six-foot-tall box that was this damned broom cupboard on the fourth floor, seething and trying not to blow her top, all courtesy of Marlene McKinnon.

She assumed James Potter would be joining her soon, seeing as she'd been trapped at the end of the second-to-last period of the day, and James always passed by this same broom cupboard at the end of the last period of the day. Marlene was utterly obsessed with getting the two of them together, and this was probably her not-so-subtle way of doing so.

Marly had tried pretty much every method of getting-together known to man by this point, so Lily couldn't be very surprised by the primitive, clumsy idea of trapping them in a broom cupboard.

It had to happen eventually, didn't it?

So she sat there, lying in wait until some unsuspecting bystander could open the godforsaken door and set her free eventually, and entertained herself by thinking of the punishments she would unleash upon Marly once she got out of here. She definitely had a few good plans in mind.

However, she had to stop short when she heard footsteps leading up to the door, a little more distinctive than the other ones carrying students across to their various sections of the castle. She poised herself, ready to jump out the nanosecond she was able to; this had be Marly with an unsuspecting James.

And sure enough –

BAM!

The door flew open, and Lily sprang up as promptly as a jack-in-the-box. With a high-pitched shriek that Lily knew belonged to Marlene, a thoroughly-confused, well-built figure that she could instinctively tell was James fell to the floor with a thud and the door slammed shut – far too quickly for her to run outside and pull all her friend's hair out.

Damn.

With an aggravated grunt, Lily tried to get a good look at James, who was sitting on the floor next to her, clearly far too big for the confined space, his glasses askew on his befuddled face.

"Wait, what?" he asked bewilderedly. "Who just pushed me? Who's in here with me? What the fuck is going on??"

"Control your tongue, Potter," Lily said dryly. "To answer your questions, it was Marlene McKinnon that pushed you, it's Lily Evans here with you, and this is Marly's brilliant new scheme to get me together with you."

While her tone was quieter and more composed (although still furious), his was completely the opposite as he told her wildly, "Sorry, but I still don't understand what the fuck is going on here!"

She sighed irately, too agitated to put up with his astonishment (she'd already dealt with hers a long time ago), so she decided to give him a shorter, easier explanation:

She leaned forward, and pulled a small sheet of parchment that had been Spellotaped to the door. By the chink of light still visible from there, James was able to read,

Dear Lily and James when you get there,

Okay, I know you're going to murder me when this is over, but I had to give it a shot. You know I had to.

Obviously, I pushed you both into a broom cupboard. And locked you in there. But trust me, this is for your own good.

You really need to learn to get along – this being directed at Lily, of course. I think you two could be great friends, if you strip away all the distractions and shit that get in your way. So I, being Lily's guardian angel, have decided to help you by doing it for you. You're stuck in this closet until a few minutes before first period in the morning.

Lily has a watch. I put things to eat in there earlier, and you'll be able to find that. Use your wands for light, I couldn't sneak any candles or anything in there, although it would've been utterly romantic if I could've. Maybe you can make some.

Trust me, this is going to work out great!

Marly

When he looked back up at what he could still see of the incensed, red-haired girl whose face was just inches from his, his apprehensive, although somewhat amused and intrigued hazel eyes locked in with her carefully-controlled emerald one, and the notion found in them both was mutual:

Merlin, this was going to be one hell of a night.