You Stole My Chocolate

You Stole My Chocolate?!

"So…so, let me get this straight," started 15 year old werewolf, Remus Lupin, desperately praying to all gods out there, known and unknown, old and new for just a smidge of patience, not heaps of it, just enough for him to not to grab his extremely heavy textbook which he had personally dubbed as; 10,000-Useless-Facts-You-Never-Needed-Or-Wanted-To-Know-About- Arithmancy-Yet-The-Proffessor-Still-Insists-You-Carry-It-Along-With-You-To-Every-Lesson-Because-He-Is-Sick-And-Takes-Pleasure-In-Seeing-Kids-Suffer (or T.T.U.F.Y.N.N.O.W.T.K.A.A.Y.T.P.S.I.Y.C.I.A.W.Y.T.E.L.B.H.I.S.A.T.P.I.S.K.S for short,) and clobbering the buffoon who stood in front of him to death with it.

"You…stole…my…CHOCOLATE?"

"Um..w..well…" Sirius Black, was, for once, stuck for words "Hmmuingmyaa" he mumbled incoherently, cowering before Remus's evil scowl.

"Answer the question, Padfoot" growled Remus, venomously.

"Y…y…yes"

Remus glared.

Sirius chuckled nervously.

Remus's eye twitched.

Sirius gulped.

Remus told him to run.

Sirius didn't need telling twice.

Stay calm, Remus, just count up to ten, he told himself, breathing heavily Just count up to ten, whatever you do, DON'T CHASE AFTER HIM, just count up to ten…

Remus had barely gotten to two before he found himself sprinting out of the common room at top speed, Arithmancy book clutched in his left hand, wand out in his right and a murderous gleam in his eye.

"I'm telling you, Professor Dumbledore, there is no need for me to put up a wet floor sign."

"Argus" Albus Dumbledore began wearily…

"No, professor, all it is, is another thing for me to carry all around the school when I'm having to clean up after all these messy hoodlums that you call students!"

"But Argus…"

"Besides, sir, its almost 8:30 pm, most of the younger students'll be in their respective common rooms' by now, and the only way one o' the older students is gonna slip is if they comes running down that 'allway and 100 miles an hour, sir!"

"Argus…"

"AAAAAAARRRGGGGHHHHH!"

Both men turned just in time to see two students come hurtling round the corner of the hallway, the second one, merely a few feet behind realised the floor was wet just in time and managed to stop, the first one didn't.

The three who had not slipped over, winced groaned and gasped as they watched the fourth slip, slide and skid across the floor until he came to a sudden halt by crashing head first into a suit of armour which fell, with a spectacular bang, right on top of him.

"Oooooooooh, that had to hurt!" sympathised Albus Dumbledore, cringing slightly, before handing the Wet Floor sign to Argus and walking off shaking his head.

The caretaker stared in shock for a minute or so, before recovering himself.

"The floors WET!" he shouted at the fallen boy, gesturing at the sign in his hand, "Can't you READ!" Filch rolled his eyes and marched off, muttering "And Albus told me this sign wasn't necessary, honestly what would this school do without me?"

Sirius groaned as he struggled to get to his feet. The room appeared to be spinning. There were three suits of armour, three wet floor signs, three Moony's laughing, three…wait a second, Moony was laughing at him, oh, he would pay for that. Yes indeedio. Hold the phone. Did I really just say 'Yes…indeedio'? Methinks I did. Sirius answered himself. Oh great, now I'm answering my self. Sirius was startled out of his incessant, idiotic, insane, internal ramblings by the sound of girlish chatter a little way down the corridor.

"OW" screamed Sirius, very loudly so that it carried around most of the castle.

Remus raised an eyebrow, what was Sirius doing?

"It hurts." Sirius yelled" I can't see, I've gone blind, Is that you, mummy?"

Now this is just ridiculous, thought Remus.

"It's terrible, a tragedy" Sirius carried on "Oh, what evil monster would so viciously attack me, Sirius Black…repeat…Me, SIRIUS BLACK!!"

At once, a stampede of girls came running in. Sirius grinned evilly.

"Oh, my poor baby" murmured one girl, whom Sirius had never seen before in his life "Who did this to you?" she asked, softly.

Sirius did one huge, completely over-the-top sob, and pointed at Remus. "HIM" he said dramatically

Remus took one look at the girls' faces, and ran for his life.

Meanwhile

"I'm telling you Peter, there is no way" stated James.

"Beg to differ" said Peter defiantly.

"Stop being stupid Peter"

"I'm not!"

"Look, there is no way that Barney is a better dinosaur than Dino!" argued James.

"Barney sings and dances!" reasoned Peter

"Pffft" James…er…replied.

"Oh, what a great argument you make, Potter" came a snide voice from

behind "Exhaling!"

"Lily!" James said happily, "how lovely it is to see you Lily-flower!"

"It's Evans Potter, And if you ever call me anything but, I'll hit you with my T.U.F.Y.N.N.O.W.T.K.A.A.Y.T.P.S.I.Y.C.I.A.W.Y.T.E.L.B.H.I.S.A.T.P.I.S.K.S"

The two boys stared at her.

"I sit next to Remus in Arithmancy" she shrugged.

"How come you're on first name basis with Remus but not me" James demanded angrily and a little more than just a bit jealously.

"I'm on first name basis with anybody who isn't a vile, disgusting, slimy, stupid excuse for a human being!" she replied, "Bye Peter" she added as she walked off.

"Bye Lily" said Peter, waving to her, before being hit round the back of the head by a highly jealous James.

"Bye Lily" he mimicked in a baby voice.

Peter opened his mouth to respond.

"HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!!"

Peter and James leapt to the side as a guy, about 15ish in Gryffindor colours came tearing down the corridor towards them both.

Peter and James looked at each other.

"Was that…?"

They stopped as a gang of girls, all carrying torches and pitchforks came chasing after the terrified teen.

"…Nah" finished James and Peter.