Author's Note: this was born out of irritation at 'Why Zutara will happen', by "nee0san", which bears about as much resemblence to a story as mud bears to chocolate. I decided to take the short summary and write an actual crack-fic with it. Oneshot, crack, fluff, Zutara. You have been warned.

There aren't many grocery stores near the Western Air Temple. Hunting and berry-picking are alright for a few days, but the number of people camping there quickly stripped the nearby woods of anything edible, and Aang refused to live off of meat and porridge. Suggestions were made, lots drawn, arguments started and hashed out and re-started, but in the end Aang was the Avatar and he put his foot down. Hard. He launched himself into the air and the others could only watch and hope that he'd be okay by himself.

Toph had long since absented herself; she didn't care who ventured back to civilization for something that wasn't meat. Haru, Teo, and The Duke just shrugged and ran off to play in the all-day echo chamber. They were just ordinary people, they weren't going to argue with powerful benders, much less the Avatar. That, unfortunately, left the two Water Tribe teens and the once-more-ex-prince of the Fire Nation. The uneasy truce that had held them shattered without Aang there to enforce it, and the arguements flared back up. In the end, Zuko stormed off in a huff, Sokka stormed off to go hunting, and Katara stormed off cursing both of them for being morons.

The day passed in relative silence, unless you counted the muffled whooping the three boys were making in obscure corners of the temple. As the afternoon wore into evening, everyone else slowly crept back to the central camp, warily keeping their distances from the others, waiting for the Aang to return. An obvious wave of relief rippled through the three benders and Sokka as Aang glided in, weighed down by lumpy bags that he passed to Katara as he landed.

"Farmer's market," he announced with obvious pleasure as she opened each sack. "We should have enough fresh vegetables to last us two weeks!"

"Okay, you got your non...meat...things," Sokka said, waving one hand in dismissal of both the produce and his sister's exasperated comment of 'They're vegetables, Sokka'. "Did anyone spot you? Did you see anything...suspiscious?"

Aang closed his glider and sat down, wiping his head with one hand as he removed the hat he'd been wearing to his his arrow. "Suspicious like how?"

"Like..." the Water Tribe boy waved his hands in gestures that failed to convey everything and nothing. "Like any sign that the Fire Nation is looking for us? We are kinda wanted by them, you know...you being the Avatar and all?" He stopped and shot the ex-prince a sly look. "Well, we're wanted...I don't know if anyone wants the jerkbender over there."

Zuko crossed his arms. "My so-called father tried to kill me. My mother is either dead or probably thinks I am, my uncle broke himself out of prison and left without me, and my psycho sister only wanted me to come home with her so I could take the fall for her if it turned out she hadn't killed the Avatar after all. The Earth Kingdom hates me for being Fire Nation, I didn't exactly make friends with the Northern and Southern Water Tribes, and I'm sure the Fire Nation's not too fond of me after the stories my father and sister have probably been telling. So no, Sokka, no one wants me. Are you happy now?"

Katara shot her brother a very meaningful look as he opened his mouth. He closed it again and turned away slightly, letting the matter drop.

"Uh..." Aang cleared his throat nervously, and all eyes went to him. "Actually...there was something." He squirmed, unsure of how to describe it. "There was...a poster. Here..." Aang avoided meeting anyone's eyes as he rummaged in his sachel, finally pulling out a somewhat crumpled roll of paper. He offered it first to Katara, then changed his mind and glanced at Sokka, passed over Toph, and finally, reluctantly, handed it to Zuko.

Despite himself, Sokka scootched over to where he could peer over Zuko's shoulder, and Katara did the same. As he unfolded the flattened paper that had once been neatly rolled up, Zuko couldn't help but feel his heart sink into his stomach in foreboding.

The remarkably accurate picture of himself and Katara - clothed in vibrant Fire Nation and Water Tribe colors - holding hands and smiling at each other did nothing to make him feel any better. Behind him, Sokka made strangled sounds. Katara inhaled sharply, then was so silent that a corner of Zuko's mind wondered if she was turning blue from holding her breath. The rest of his mind was having a private war between the half filled with shock and horror, and the half stroking its nonexistant chin and calmly contemplating what it would be like to have the waterbending girl smile at him like that for real.

"Well?" Toph asked impatently. No one could ruin a moment quite like Toph. Thankfully, this one deserved to be ruined. "What's it say?"

Hastily, Zuko tore his eyes away from the painted figures and read the elegant and somehow familiar script at the top. "Zu...tara?" Confusion turned the word into a hesitant question.

"Zutara? What the heck is that?"

Sokka made more strangled noises.

"Fire and Water," Zuko read grimly on. "Enemies or allies? Opposites that compliment each other. Unchecked, the fire burns the village. Unchecked, the water floods it. Together, the land is fertile and the people prosper."

Katara muttered something that sounded vaguely like 'are they calling me fertile?'. Toph said nothing, both hands on the stone floor and an intent, listening look on her face.

"Fire is passion," the ex-prince ground out through clenched jaws. "And water is love. Love without passion can never be called romance, and passion without love is only lust."

This time, Aang made strangled sounds, but only Toph heard.

"Prince Zuko, great-grandson of Avatar Roku-"

"Wait," Aang interrupted suddenly. "You're descended from Avatar Roku?"

"Yes," snapped Zuko, "through my mother's side. So the next time you call me 'Sifu Hotman', I'm going to call you 'Great-Grandfather'. Can I finish reading now?"

"No," muttered Sokka, but no one paid any attention.

"As I was saying, 'Prince Zuko, great-grandson of Avatar Roku, banished for speaking out in defense of the sons of the Fire Nation'-"

"That's what you were banished for?"

Zuko ignored the Avatar. "-serving in the army, and scarred for it by his father's own hand."

"Your FATHER gave you that scar?"

Katara, too, was ignored. "Princess Katara-"

"Oh, so I can't be a prince, but you can be a princess?"

"Sokka, shut it." Katara wished she could read the Fire Nation script so she could see what else it said about her.

"-of the Southern Water Tribe, defying the customs of her people to become a Master Waterbender-"

"Okay, this is getting creepy. Who's been stalking us? Besides you, I mean," Katara added hastily.

"-'and protect them.' I notice it doesn't say who you're protecting them from," Zuko said, glancing at the waterbender behind him. "Too much fire, and the water is dried up. Too much water, and the fire dies. If they fight, neither wins-"

"That's not true! I totally won when we fought at the Spirit Oasis!"

"-but working together, they create steam. And steam powers the great machinery of the Fire Nation." Zuko paused and met Katara's eyes in a look of mutual horror. Toph smiled, but only Sokka saw it. There was a long moment of shared horror between the warrior and the Avatar while Toph smiled and the other two looked away from each other.

Zuko cleared his throat and continued bravely. "As the seasons must be in balance, so to must the elements. Fire and Water can balance each other, and restore balance to the world..." He trailed off, suddenly realizing why the script looked familiar. "Zutara," he said shakily. "The future of the Fire Nation. Fire and Water joined in harmonious union, with the power to make anything happen."

"...so that's what 'zutara' is," Toph piped up, sounding far too cheerful. "Does it say who made the poster?"

Sokka took the poster from Zuko's numb fingers. "Nah, just has a picture of some weird flower at the bottom. Looks kinda like that tile my master gave me."

"White Lotus," Zuko supplied, looking shell-shocked.

"Do you think your master is responsible for this?" Katara asked, looking equally shaken.

Sokka snorted. "How would he know all that stuff? He'd have to have followed us to the North Pole and been there when His Highness got burned, and he's just been living at home for years. It would have to be someone else. Besides, who the heck would know about Avatar Roku's great-grandson?"

"I asked about the poster," Aang said. "No one seemed to know anything about it. Do you think it's some sort of weird joke?" He forced a laugh. "I mean...just think about it, it's talking like Katara and Zuko have to get married to save the world. And what was all that junk about love without passion? That's a bunch of baloney, right Katara?"

"Right," Katara said without enthusiasm, not meeting Aang's eyes. In her mind's eye, she saw Aang kissing her before the invasion. Whoever her mysterious stalker was, he or she obviously caught onto the twelve-year-old's crush on her. Love without pasion certainly described how she felt about Aang. But then what was the reference to passion without love? Suddenly, she was filled with irrational anger at the thought that Zuko might have been...been...well, she refused to finish that sentance even in her own mind, but she resolved to ambush the ex-prince later and ask about his previous experiences with girls.

Zuko just covered his face with both hands and groaned softly. He wasn't sure he wanted to find his uncle again, now.