I looked at the man staring at me in the mirror. It was 2am and he was in the bathroom, again. Hands on each side of the sink. Dark circles under his eyes. Nearly skin and bones. Not to mention the incriminating white power on the edge of his nose. He wiped it off. This wasn't him. I didn't know this man. Hell, he didn't know himself. He as alone in a room of 100. Secluded in a world of a billion. Left to die in the middle of a street. I remember the pain coursing through my body as I screamed to my brother. My oldest brother. The same brother that vowed to protect me when I first came to Evelyn. What a great job, huh? Protecting me got me get shot four times. Protecting me left me in the hospital for three months, in a coma for two and in therapy for six after that. Him protecting me nearly killed me. He was always the fuck up. He never cared. I should have known he wouldn't try. I should have known.

"Jack! It's 2am. You've been in there for 20 minutes. I gotta pee." Angel yelled through the door. He's another one. Too busy caught up in side of Sofi to see what's going on right in front of his eyes. They're all bastards. All useless. I opened the door and walked right passed him into my room. I sat down on the bed. I couldn't sleep my head was racing and it was kicking in. I put a shirt on and walked outside. It was cold but I couldn't feel it. I walked down to the old playground and walked around. I saw something on the swings. I tried to focus and it looked like a person.

"Hey! What are you doing? It's 2am!" I yelled walking closer to the swings. It was dark so I couldn't see what they looked like.

"I could ask you the same thing." a girl spat at me.

"Why?" I asked. Yes, it was dumb but I couldn't barely see straight let alone talk.

"Because unless I'm delusional, I'm not the only one sitting here at 2am. Newsflash: you're here too." I was kinda shocked. She was bitch.

"You're a bitch!" I told her. She stood up from the swing.

"And you're a junkie. Wipe your nose, sweetheart. It's bleeding a little." I wiped at my nose and felt the warm blood on my fingers.

"You can't judge me!" I yelled at her.

"No. But you make people judge you. Look at you! You're filthy. You've got blood and coke running outta your nose. You look like death in a human form. You want people to see what you are. A lowlife junkie with no where to go." she yelled back. I pushed her and yelled in her face.

"You listen to me! You don't know shit about me. You have no right to judge me. No one has hat right! I didn't choose this." She pushed me back and started to walk off.

"You're an ass!"

"Then why are you talking to me?" I yelled.

"Because you started it. Usually when someone says something to you, you respond and poof a conversation is born. You said hello, I responded and ergo our little yelling match."

"You never answered me!" she stopped and turned around.

"I needed some fresh air."

"You live around here?" I asked slowly walking to her. I was almost afraid she would hit me.

"No. Well, I used to a long, long time ago. I just got back and the hotel messed up my reservations. So I came down here to walk around." she said calmly. "Listen, I'm sorry for judging you. I know how it feels. I just...I've had a really bad day and you're the first person to talk to me since the hotel so I took it out on you. I was wrong and I apologize." She said quickly.

"Thanks. Sorry, for pushing you and calling you a bitch."

"Don't. I'm okay with being called a bitch. I know I am. Now call me a whore. Then, I'll kick your ass." We laughed lightly. My high was starting to go away but I wasn't getting agitated like I normally would. "So you live around here?" she asked as we were walking slowly.

"Yes. With my three brothers a few blocks down." She stopped suddenly. "What?" I heard her mumble as she drug me under the street light. When I saw her face I about jumped out of my skin. We yelled at the same time.

"Jack Mercer!"

"Carli James!"

Smiles spread across our faces ad we hugged. I picked up and swung her around.

"Carli, you're back. Wait, for good?" I asked putting her down

"Yes. How have you been?" she asked. I looked at her sadly.

"You already seem to know. Why ask?"

"Jack, what happened?" Carli asked softly.

"I changed. Grew up."

"And into drugs?" she asked coldly.

"Oh Carli, you're no saint!" I spat.

"You're right I'm not. But what happened? You didn't just wake up one day and said 'Hey! I'm gonna be a druggie!' That's not how it works. And I know you."

"No you don't. You left when we were 16, Carli. We're 23 now!" I yelled at her.

"Still! You don't just become a junkie over night, Jack. We used to be so close. No secrets, no lies. Yes, I left but I ha no choice. Don't punish me for that."

"Ma's dead." I looked at her to see tears falling on her shocked face. "She was killed a year ago. Of course, we being th Mercer's, we went after who did it. I got shot four times. Spent two months in a coma. Another month in the hospital and six months of therapy. I had two to the chest. One to my thigh and one in the leg. It shattered my bone. I got used to the pills and when they took me off I needed something else. I'm not addicted, Car. I do it every once in while." I told her lying my ass off. Every once in a while was at least six lines a day. And I still got the pills. But I couldn't muster up the nerve to tell her that right now.

"I'm so sorry, Jack. I didn't even know. If I had you know I would have come no matter what." she told me crying. I pulled her close and hugged her. I missed this. Her in my arms. Her holding me. She was always too good for me. Everyone told me that. Then she left and I believed them.

"I know. It's ok now. We're fine." I lied again. "Listen you should stay at the house. It's just Bobby and Angel, beside me. They won't mind. Bobby will like having another girl around besides Sofi."

"You sure?"

"Yes. It's late and I'm not leaving you alone at this time of night. Come on." She agreed and we walked silently to my house. We quietly walked up to my room like we'd done thousand's of time before when we were younger. I gave her a shirt and pair of old boxers and turned so she could change. A moment later she was on my bed against the wall where she always slept. I smiled and took my shirt off and crawled up next to her. Her back was to me so I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her to me. I knew she was smiling. The shirt was slipping off her shoulder and instinctively I kissed it. I felt her shiver and held her tighter. Sleep found both of us relatively fast.

I sat on the edge of the hospital bed. I was going home today. But I wasn't happy. I was angry. Bobby was pissing me off. Angel was with Sofi and well, Jerry had another family. So that left Bobby to help me.

"Jack, move your ass." he whined.

"Shut the fuck up, Bobby." I said coldly. I thought I could see hurt in his eyes. But this was Bobby Mercer. He had no feelings to be hurt. He helped me off the bed and slid me into the wheelchair. I was still shaky on my legs but my other wounds had healed. I was on crutched but Bobby left them in the car.

"Just come on. Let's get you home and out of this hell hole." he said. Home. Yeah, whatever. It's no more of a home than this fucking hospital. Bobby pushed me down the hallway. We waved at the nurses as we left. After all they had put up with my shit for three months now. We drove silent on the way home, well silent.

"So you gonna be in a better mood now that you're out?" Bobby asked. I shrugged. "I'll take that as a no."

"Good." I said. He looked over at me and I thought I saw that hurt again.

"What is with you?" He asked. I shrugged again and opened my door when we got to the house. He grabbed my crutches and handed them to me. I walked straight to the door and walked in. Angel, Sofi, Jerry and Camille were there.

"Surprise!" They all yelled and smiled. I looked at them then turned away and carefully walked upstairs to my room. And that's where I stayed unless I went with Patrick or to therapy.

I sat up quickly. Luckily, Carli was a hard sleeper. I looked at her and smiled. She was so beautiful. More so than I remember but then again that was nearly seven years ago. My thoughts were ripped by the feeling of blood coming down my nose. I put my hand under my mouth and went to the bathroom. I wiped my face and put my hands on each side of the sink. I tilted my head up and looked at my reflection. I'm not the same. I'm not the Jack she left behind. It won't be too much longer and she'll realize that. Then she will realize they were right. She was too good for me. I bent down and opened the cabinet under the sink. I reached up to the top and pulled out my bag and blade. I took Sofi's mirror from the wall and did my business. I held my nose for a moment, then let it go. That was number 8 today. If Ma were here she'd kill me. That's if I didn't beat her to it. I put my stuff back and walked downstairs. Bobby was up.

"What are you doing up at 4am?" I asked. He looked up and shrugged.

"Couldn't sleep. You?"

"Same. I went for a walk around two and guess who I bumped into?" I asked him. He looked at me and shrugged again. "Well, first let me tell you what happened." He nodded. "I went to the old park. Saw someone on a swing. Yelled out to them and asked them what they were doing. We got into a fight. I called her a bitch, she called me a junkie. We calmed down after a few minutes. I didn't see her face until we got to the street light and low and behold I'd been yelling at...you ready for this one?" He nodded with a little smile. "Carli James!" I laughed as Bobby dropped his cup and looked at me surprised.

"You're kidding me!" I shook my head.

"She's up in my room. Her hotel screwed her over and I told her she could stay here."

"No way. Can I go see her? I won't wake he up." I nodded and we walked up stairs. This was the longest I had talked to Bobby in a year. I opened the door and turned on lamp as he walked over to look at her.

"Well, I'll be damned. Carli James is back in Detroit. She's grown up." He said. "Well, I'm going to go back to sleep. I'll see you two in the morning. No pulling an Angel and Sofi, alright?" He smirked. I smiled back.

"Yes, father." He smiled but stared at me for a second. "Night, Bobby." He left and I crawled back beside Carli. I pulled her close again and kissed the back of her neck.

"Stop it. That tickles, Jack." she said softly. I kissed her neck again. She shifted and swatted at me. I took her hand and held it. I waited a minute and kissed her again, lightly running my tongue across her skin. She tasted so sweet. She turned over to face me. Her face was a light pink. She took her finger and traced my lips, all the while biting her. I grabbed her finger and kissed it. She smiled. I pulled her close and laid my head on hers. Sleep caught us once again.

I heard someone climb through my window. I looked up to see Carli's face. Only it wasn't like any other face I've seen on her. She had tears streaming down her soft pink cheeks. Her eyes were blood red and puffy.

"What's wrong, Car?" I asked as she climbed in bed with me snuggling into my side.

"I'm leaving, Jack." she whispered.

"What do you mean?"

"My mom's taking me to Florida. Tomorrow." she choked on a sob.

"What? Why? No, you can't." I asked sitting up. I couldn't loose her. She was...everything.

"I don't have a choice. She's made up her mind. She's packing as we speak. My room and hers." she said still laying down. I laid back down and wiped away the tears. It didn't help. The more I wiped, the faster new ones fell. She looked up in my eyes. I leaned over and kissed her. I could taste her sweetness and the salty tears. I ran my tongue over her lips and she opened them for me. I slipped my tongue inside and she was even sweeter. I rolled over on top of her and ran my hands along her sides. She shivered and ran her fingers through my hair. If this was out last night together, it was going to be one to remember. I slipped my hand up her shirt and caressed her belly and let out a soft sigh. I slipped it higher until I came to her beast. I looked up at her and silently asked for permission to take it off, she nodded. I slipped her night shirt over her head and kissed her neck. I made my way down kissing all the way. Her neck, her collarbone, she soft skin of her chest. She moaned louder when my lips captured her nipple. As if I wasn't turned on enough. I knew she was a virgin. And the fact that I was the first to touch her, to see her like this, it excited me more. I released her nipple ad made my down. Kissing her soft stomach and nipping at her belly ring. Rolling my tongue around her naval. I reached her bottoms and looked at her again. She bit her lip but nodded. I gently slid her shorts off. I kissed my way up her leg. Running my tongue across her thigh as I made my way back up. I hovered over again and captured her in along deep kiss. I felt her hands go to my night pants. I helped her pull them down and I positioned my body between her legs. I felt her gasp as I rubbed myself against her by accident. I leaned up to her ear.

"You sure? We don't.." she cut me off with a hot kiss. I smiled against her lips and reached down to remove her panties. I swear I could feel her heartbeat out of her chest. I kissed her neck as I slipped my fingers between her legs. When my fingers touched her she let out a gasp. I slipped one finger into her as another softly rubbed her. She moaned as my finger moved in and out. I added another and she arched a little. I bit on her neck but quickly stopped. I had to remember she wasn't like the other girls. I removed my fingers and slipped out of my boxers. I pulled out a condom and rolled it on. I smiled when I saw her look at me and then look away blushing. I positioned myself at her entry but before entering I held her face with my hands.

"Tell me to stop anytime. It's gonna hurt, I'm not going to lie. But it'll get better. But just say no, ok?" she nodded and I leaned down to kiss her. I slowly entered her. Her eyes squeezed shut and her grip on my arms tightened. I leaned down to kiss her neck. I moved slowly and as gently as I could until I felt her grip loosed. I looked back at her and her eyes were still closer but they were soft. She opened them and looked at me. I smiled and kissed her. She returned ad I wrapped my arms around her. My pace picked up and we made love for the first time and probably the last. All night we made slow languid movements until we reached our peaks.

I gently awoke at the end of the dream. I looked over at her.

"I'm afraid I'll never be that Jack again." I whispered into her neck.