Crackfic!! I enjoyed writing this.

Warning: Slash

Disclaimer: I don't own anything by Robert Jordan.

Enjoy.

Matrim Cauthon was bored. Which, as many people know, is not a good thing. Mat had a tendency to chance blowing up – or blowing other people up; no one should underestimate the power of fireworks – when he was bored. Boredom is a dangerous state of mind.

The source of his boredom was within the Amyrlin's office. It should've been a meeting between old friends, new friends, and world leaders. It was turning into a tea party.

He sighed. This was supposed to be fun. He needed a drink.

His eyes alighted on Galad, and a large grin threatened to split his face in two. He walked up behind the man.

Mat grabbed Galad from the back of his snow white cloak and dragged him to his feet. "Come along, Galad. I'm off to get drunk, and you, my good friend, are going to get drunk with me, if I have to sit on your lap and pore the ale down your throat myself."

Galad, who had steadily gotten paler with each word Mat said, suddenly looked alarmed. He gave the people in the room a desperate look, conveying a silent beg for help. They watched silently as he was pulled out of the room.

"Damn. He's in for a good night." Rand's face was blank, the words completely serious. Next to him, Perrin's mouth twitched into a small smile, and he nodded his head.

The two suddenly found themselves under the stares of everyone in the room, most looking at them in confusion. Talmanes was hiding a small smile behind a hand. Logain's grin didn't quite fit behind his own. Thom snorted from the corner where he sat.

Egwene gave Rand and Perrin hesitant looks and looked as if she were trying to find the right words to form a sentence. "Ah…Rand…Perrin…Do-does Mat…" She closed her mouth, appeared to take a calming breath, and then started again. "Does Mat…does he like men?"

Rand blinked at the Amyrlin Seat, as if not completely understanding the question. Perrin shrugged and said simply, "Depends on the man." Faile's mouth dropped open as she stared at her husband in shock. Elayne, Min, and Aviendha alternately looked as if they had never seen the man all three were married to, wanted to punch him, or contemplating just what men could do together. From the tomato red blush on Birgitte's face, you could guess who was thinking the last. Egwene gave a quiet mutter that sounded suspiciously like, "That gives a whole new meaning to term 'best friends'." She didn't look happy with the thought.

"I thought he was married," Nynaeve managed to squeak out. Lan looked mildly uncomfortable from where he stood behind her. Bodewhin, who had had the unfortunate duty to serve on the Amyrlin during the meeting, looked ready to sick up.

Gawyn shrugged in an almost perfect imitation of Perrin. "That's never stopped anyone before." Several women, including Egwene, looked at the man in pure outrage. He backed up a step. "It's only Mat," he insisted. As if that helped.

Siuan's voice was choked with anger when she spoke. "And who – how many of you m-men have slept with Matrim Cauthon?" She said the name as if it were a bad taste in her mouth. Her glare was directed at Gareth.

Every man in the room shifted awkwardly, none looking at their various loved ones. Several women in the room fainted.

That's right. Mat's a manwhore. Bwahaha.

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