Missionaries

DISCLAIMER: I do NOT own Harry Potter, or any of the characters mentioned in this story, unless stated otherwise. Rated for some sexual content, violence and language. Any similarities to real life are purely coincidence and I will not be held responsible! Thanks!

WARNING: WILL CONTAIN SLASH (male on male) and atrocious humour!! Ye be warned

Author's Note: aha, another smutty idea form the mind of Decimare, cooked up (yes, I can cook SOME things, LMAO) by me. The title says it all people; the title says it all. Hope you like it! Cheers!

XXX

Sirius Black was, as many are aware, the King of All Things Random. Everyone knew this, so when, at the age of seventeen, he went to his shag-a-licious boyfriend Remus Lupin and declared that they must have a sex off, Remus merely rolled his eyes and shook his head.

"Mooney, don't you shake your head and roll your eyes at me!" Sirius announced. "Don't you even want to know what it will entail?"

"I can imagine, thanks, and I'm not giving you another excuse to molest me. I already agreed to be your boyfriend, what more do you want?"

"One, you're mean. Two, I never hear you complaining when I 'molest' you; in fact more than once I've had you begging for it. Thirdly, you agreed to be my boyfriend to appease your conscience about having so much hot sweaty sex with me outside a relationship. And lastly, I want you to have a sex-off with me."

Remus resisted the urge to smack the hardcover Potions book he was currently holding into his forehead. "Fine, tell me what I'm being forced into then."

"A sex-off. It's like…a sex marathon if you will. We have twenty-four hours in which we must have sex as many times as possible. Position changes are optional."

"Why does this sound like some sort of atrocious bet that you and James concocted?" Remus asked wearily.

"Because it is," Sirius replied after stopping giggling when Remus said 'concocted'. "Look, we have the weekend tomorrow, we can start after classes today and before we know it, we'll be done. Please Mooney? You aren't going to let James and Lily beat us are you?"

Remus weighed the pros and cons. Pros: he got to have a load of sex; he could sleep late afterward; and somehow force Sirius to buy him loads of chocolate to make up for this debacle. Not bad. Cons: he wouldn't have time to do any of his homework until Sunday; he would have to be stuck with Padfoot for twenty-four hours; and might just sprain something in the process. Hmm… "Fine," he sighed. "I'll do it, under one condition."

Sirius pressed himself lovingly to his boyfriend, his cock already half hard in anticipation. "And what's that?"

"You have to buy me chocolate to make up for this."

Sirius kissed him gently, slowly, his tongue gently coaxing Remus mouth open, only to pull away as Remus settled into the kiss and leaving him wanting more. "Even better, love, we can both have chocolate during this. I've always wanted to coat your cock in chocolate and lick it off. Or vice versa."

Remus blushed at the thought, knowing he might just regret this (not the eating chocolate off Padfoot's cock, of course, that was a spiffing idea) idea. Then again, if history was anything to go by, he seemed to make choices on regretting ideas, so maybe it would be alright after all…

XXX

James locked them in the dorm together, after he and Peter had taken anything they didn't want 'sullied by Sirius' sick perverted mind' and promised to bring them food sometime the next day.

Remus, however, didn't trust James as far as he could kick him, and had topped off his chocolate stash with not only the chocolate Sirius had bribed him with, but some more as well. He felt confident he could survive an entire day of pure debauchery now.

"So what's the record we're trying to beat?" Remus asked as Sirius flopped onto the bed beside him. The Animagus crawled up his lover's body, pausing to push clothing aside and kiss snatches of skin, licking his way up Remus' neck before replying.

"Twelve."

"Twelve?"

"Twelve. Or so Prongs claims…"

Remus shrugged. "Doesn't seem that bad. I mean that's what, one every two hours?" Sirius covered his lips with his own, and his hands slid up under Remus' shirt.

"Mmmhmm."

"Easy enough," Remus murmured under Sirius' lips (though it came out rather muffled).

Sirius pulled back, straddling him, and hurriedly pulled his shirt off. "C'mon darling. I plan to have you naked the entire twenty-four hours if possible."

Remus smirked, feeling his mounting arousal, and decided to fuck it, and give in, because he was going to be stuck here and he might as well make use of the horny teenager sitting atop him.

Their mouths met, tasting languidly, and Remus let his hands slide up, weaving through the long dark locks of Sirius' hair, enjoying the feel of the other boy over him, caressing his abdomen and sides, toying with a nipple… Their teeth bumped together as the kiss grew in urgency, and exploratory hands pulled clothing from heated bodies ferociously.

"God Mooney," Sirius panted between kisses. "I need you right now…oh Merlin…I fucking need you…"

Remus smiled. "Then take me you silly ponce."

Sirius covered Remus' lips heatedly with his own as the last of their clothing was tossed unceremoniously across the room, and the Animagus grinned devilishly in the way that made Remus' knees go weak. His hungry mouth slid over the smooth flat plane of the lycanthropy-affected boy's chest and stomach teasingly.

"Mmm…but I don't know how I want you yet," Sirius cooed over the silken head of his lover's cock. His tongue bridged the gap between their respective bits of flesh and smoothed over the surface, making Remus hiss and clench the sheets delightedly.

"Well make up your fucking mind."

Sirius continued to tease him orally, swirling the rough surface of his skilful tongue over different parts of Remus' hard-on. "I love it when you talk dirty to me."

"If you don't get on it I'm just going to fucking jump you," Remus ground out, feeling sweat break out on his brow at the excruciating pleasure being inflicted upon him.

"Ooh, sounds kinky…"

Remus felt like he was going to jump out of his skin at the feather softness of Sirius' warm breath on his pre-come and saliva slicked member and he was pretty sure his balls were turning blue. "That's it," he muttered, and sat up, taking Sirius by surprise. In one fluid motion, he pulled Sirius up, crashed their mouths together, and rolled them so that he now straddled the other youth. "I'm going to teach you not to be a bloody tease."

Sirius gulped. They'd had their fair share of romps since they'd started dating, but this was something new entirely. The Animagus knew he loved Remus, but…still. He wasn't sure that meant he was also ready to have what he considered a very large blunt object shove up his arse to prove it.

"Remus-"

"Shush," the lycan interrupted. "Trust me Pads, I'll make it worth your while." He flashed the incredibly sexy grin that made Sirius rock hard and promptly cut off any chance of rebuttal by putting his fingers in Sirius' mouth.

Sirius did what anyone would do in such a situation. He shut up and sucked on the goddamn fingers. Remus felt the pull of arousal around his navel, akin to a Portkey tug, and moaned softly in the back of his throat. It was exceedingly arousing to have Sirius' perfect mouth wrapped lovingly around his digits, his tongue laving them, his teeth gentle. He pulled said digits away, fearing a premature completion (that would be bad, not to mention probably not count toward their total), and parted Sirius' legs.

Their eyes didn't move from each other's gaze as the salivated fingers pressed to Sirius' tight hole, Remus gently working one in, then the other, trying to ease the discomfort. "Relax Padfoot," he murmured, gently pressing upward, searching for that special spot.

Sirius opened his mouth to retort with a witty comeback (as he was always witty, despite popular belief), but then Remus' probing fingers grazed his prostate, and he melted, going completely limp, and moaned instead. Remus chuckled.

"Told you."

"Fuck Mooney…gods…oh Merlin, do it again."

Remus kissed the bead of pre-come that formed at the tip of the dark-haired boy's cock, licking his lips, and repeated the motion, and another guttural sound of approval issued forth. His fingers scissored in and out of the now very willing boy for several moments, occasionally caressing the sweet spot he had unearthed, and Sirius was an incoherent mass of pure feeling by the time Remus pulled his hand away and placed the head of his cock to the opening. "Ready babe?" Remus asked roughly, trying to bite back the urge to fuck the boy senseless.

Sirius nodded wordlessly, and Remus pushed forward, and in a single, fluid motion, filled the boy with his manhood. Sirius' legs wrapped automatically around his waist and he groaned as the thick pricked stretched him and prodded at his nerve endings. Fire raced up his body and he felt dizzy with heat and passion. "Fuck me Mooney," he whispered.

Remus grunted and rolled his hips, trying to hold back and pay the bastard back for his earlier tormenting.

"Jesus Christ Mooney, fuck me! Merlin!" Sirius said louder, and Remus could hold back no longer.

He pulled out almost entirely and Sirius whimpered, but in the next heartbeat, he slammed forcefully back in, and Sirius moaned lustily.

Remus set a furious pace, pounding in and out of the boy beneath him and pumping his cock in time, and Sirius merely arched and bucked his hips and tried not to pass out from the pleasure that wracked his body. He moaned as his boyfriend pistoned in and out of him and obscene encouragements spilled freely form his panting mouth.

"Yes…fuck Mooney, you're a fucking animal! Oh Christ on a fucking bicycle…yes baby…yeah…oh yeah, like that… Mmm yes! Fuck me! Oh Merlin, fuck me you ponce!"

Remus grunted as he lost what little control he had been holding onto, and his stomach sucked in almost painfully as he came, his seed filling Sirius' passage, pulling out and thrusting back in hard one last time.

Sirius felt Remus' hand clench around his cock, and lifted almost entirely off the mattress as his body was wracked by its own tsunami of bliss. He felt himself come hard, his eyes clenched shut, lungs burning for air and he thought he might just die with the fucking greatness of it all.

They collapsed together, panting hard and their hearts beating audibly as though trying to burst form their chests, in a sweaty heap of limbs. Remus opened his eyes blearily, still half-hard inside Sirius.

"Have you learned your lesson yet?" he murmured.

Sirius laughed softly and exhaustedly. "Mmm maybe. Jesus Mooney, is it always that good for you too?"

Remus' eyes twinkled. "Sometimes." Sirius mock glared. "Fine…yeah. It usually is anyway."

They lie there for several long minutes. "Ready for more?" Sirius finally murmured hotly into Remus' ear.

Remus smirked. "Absolutely. Prongs is going down."

XXX

Twenty-three hours and eleven minutes later, James and Peter re-entered the dorm (having timed it down to the second) and found Sirius lying, replete and naked under his sheet (which was draped across his pelvis lazily), absently eating some chocolate.

"Get dressed you lazy bastard" James said, the corners of his mouth twitching in mirth.

Peter sat hesitantly down on his bed. "You didn't-?" he asked timidly.

Sirius smirked. "Eff off James, and Peter, I think it's safe to assume neither Mooney nor I defaced your bed. I'm not really sure though, it was all kind of a blur." James chuckled and Peter looked a little horrified.

Remus stepped out of the bathroom, steam billowing after him. "Afternoon lads."

"Looks like you had a good one," said James pointedly, nodding his head at the various love-bites littering Remus' exposed chest. The lycanthrope merely grinned sheepishly back. "So, what's the total then?"

"Fifty," said Sirius proudly.

"Oh let me rephrase that, I meant total times with you and Mooney," said James. "Not just you wanking off Padfoot."

Sirius gave him the finger and the giggling messy-haired youth looked to Remus, who was blushing. "How many Remus?" Remus muttered something under his breath. "Speak up man!"

"Thirty-seven."

James and Peter gaped and Sirius sat up, cackling gleefully. "I win Prongs! Fork over the galleons."

"Thirty…?" said James, still a bit dazed as Peter stared at the floor, unable to meet his friends' gaze.

"Seven, yes," said Remus, trying not to laugh as James pulled the money wordlessly from his pocket and tossed it vaguely at Sirius. "Well, it was fifty, but I told Sirius I didn't think blow jobs counted, so…"

"Yeah. Merlin, Mooney, you know what I just realized?"

"What's that love?" Remus asked, perching on the edge of Sirius' bed as James sat stiffly on his own bed and Peter got to unpacking the things he had taken to keep safe from Sirius' perverted mind.

"We're missionaries."

Remus cocked and eyebrow and James said, "What the hell are you on about?" (He was rather peeved at being beaten so soundly).

"Well about twenty of those thirty-seven were missionary position. We're missionaries Moonykins!"

Remus laughed and hit him with a pillow.

XXX

Author's Note: this took longer than I expected it to, but…meh. That's how these things go sometimes, and it got done in the end. So, that's that, now REVIEW!! (Or make me cry…and don't think I won't). The choice is yours. XD Muchos love! Cheers!!