A/N: I absolutely love angst of all sorts, but especially the whole depressed, self-deteriorating angst that I have hopefully managed to capture here

A/N: I absolutely love angst of all sorts, but especially the whole depressed, self-deteriorating angst that I have hopefully managed to capture here. I heart Alex, and I think that his character gets too little attention, especially regarding his past/family life. Basically, this fic outlines Alex's spiraling down into depression because of the toll that everything in his past has on him…dun dun dun!!

And keep in mind, for this chapter, the saying "Everytime you masturbate, God kills a kitten." :D – don't worry, though, there isn't actually any sexual activity in this story!!

Please R&R, but don't flame!!

Disclaimer: Do not own Grey's Anatomy or any characters affiliated with the show. If I did, this would have happened on the show a long, long time ago!! :P

Alex sat hunched over in the shower, running the cool, sharp blade slowly across his wrist. He watched as the warm blood oozed and trickled from the newly made cut, but instead of looking at the cut in despair, or even horror, the eyes that stared at the wound were empty, totally void of all emotion. Not yet satisfied, he repositioned the razor and carved another line, just above the previous one, exhaling deeply as he did so.

'How the hell did it come to this?' he thought as he observed the second cut dribble blood down over the first.

He was Alex, Dr Alex Karev. He was evil-spawn, Devil Doctor, the man with 666 on his skull…

And yet, here he was, huddled in the shower in his friend's…no, workmate's house, cutting himself as though he was someone with feelings, someone with a heart, someone with normal emotions gone haywire…someone human…

"Alex? You've been in there for 25 minutes! Are you nearly done? I really, really, really, really, REALLY need to pee!"

Alex jumped as Meredith's voice broke through his reverie, cursing loudly as he accidentally cut himself a third time, this one much deeper than the last two.

"Alex? You okay?"

"Uh, yeah. Yeah, I'm fine." Alex replied as he grabbed a wad of tissues to clean his arms and the shower tiles. After searching through the drawers, he roughly wrapped a bandage around his cuts and, throwing the bloody tissues in the bin, he quickly repositioned his long sleeves.

"Sorry, Mer." He apologized as he opened the door.

"What have you been doing in there?" Meredith asked with a suspicious look on her face. Alex bit his lip; he couldn't possibly tell her what he had really been doing! He was Alex Karev, not some sissy…

"Uh, nothing…I…er…" he stammered.

"You were doing nothing for 25 minutes?" Meredith asked slowly, mulling over Alex's words in her mind. She suddenly gasped and looked at him wide-eyed.

"Oh my God, you just killed a kitten!" she exclaimed, "and in MY house!"

Alex stared. "What? No! No I didn't!"

Meredith smirked, "Oh yes you did!"

"No, I didn't!" Alex raised his voice.

There was the sound of footsteps and seconds later both George and Izzie had made their way upstairs, Izzie licking a chocolate cake-mix covered wooden spoon.

"What's going on?" She asked between licks of the spoon, much to Alex's disgust.

"Alex just killed a kitten in the bathroom." Meredith said quite matter-of-factly.

Izzie continued to lick the spoon, yet her face had turned quite a dark shade of red. "Oh."

George, on the other hand, went wide-eyed and gasped, "What? He killed a kitten? No way! How? Was there lots of blood?"

Alex glared, "Yes, George, there was a lot of blood." He replied honestly.

"But, seriously, what kind of cat was it? How old was it? And what the hell did it do to you?" George continued, trying to peek into the bathroom.

Meredith rolled her eyes and stepped in front of George, blocking the bathroom door, and grabbed him by the shoulders.

"George! Number one, I have been waiting for over 20 minutes to get into this bathroom, so there's no way in hell you're getting in there before me!" she exclaimed, "And number two, there was no kitten! I was just saying that because I accused Alex of…well, you know. You're a sex driven male."

George stared at Meredith for quite some time, until his mouth dropped open and his eyes bulged. "Oh…dear…"

Alex had had enough.

"Look, I wasn't doing that!" He said angrily, "I wasn't! I was just sitting in there, for a bit of peace and bloody quiet and I lost track of the fucking time, okay! I didn't kill a kitten, but I'm telling you if I had a baby cat right now I would probably rip its head off!" He turned angrily and made his way to his bedroom, and slammed the door.

The three of them looked at the door in shock, until Meredith suddenly ran into the bathroom, exclaiming "Pee, pee, pee, pee, pee, pee!"

Izzie went on licking her spoon and went back to the kitchen.

George, after fetching a television guide from his bedside table, made his way to the couch and TV.

Meredith stood over the garbage can in the bathroom, looking at the bloody tissues in shock.

Alex collapsed onto his bed, his oh so comfortable bed, and pulled the heavy covers over himself. He was shaking, still worried after Meredith's near walking in on his dark secret. He closed his eyes, feeling sleepy and light-headed, before he felt something warm on his arm.

'Oh shit!' he cursed mentally.

He had totally forgotten about the third cut; the gash had managed to bleed out through the bandage and had made its way to his sleeve.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck!" he breathed angrily. Throwing the bloody bandaged on the floor, he glanced at the cut; it was deep, too deep, and would probably need stitches. He hastily grabbed his first aid kit from underneath his bed, and picking up his half-curved needle, proceeded to give himself several stitches.

Ten minutes later, he once again shut his eyes, and tried oh so hard to get to sleep, tried oh so hard not to think about how screwed up he was becoming, and tried oh so hard not to cry.