I do not own it.

Chapter 9

Harry slowly made his way downstairs, except that this time, the stairs didn't give him problems any more. He greeted his professor as he stepped into the dining room, and sat down.

Lunch was a tense affair. They didn't speak much, except for occasional request of "Could you pass me the salt, please," or something along these lines. Harry was nervous. He kept stealing glances at Severus, and then quickly looked back at his plate. Several times he even opened his mouth as if he wanted to say something, but he never did.

Severus of course noticed that, but he didn't say anything. He was still mad at himself for the 'bed' incident, as he called it in his head.

Finally, after they finished pudding, Harry gathered his Gryffindor courage and started talking.

"Professor?" he asked timidly.

"Yes Potter?"

"You know, when you said I can talk to you…?" Harry continued.

"Of course I know. I only said that this morning. What do you think? That I have such weak memory?" Severus answered, a little annoyed and a little relieved, because it seemed like Potter would like to talk.

"I am sorry, sir. Forget I said anything," Harry lost his courage and tried to stand up to leave the room.

"Sit back down. I do not make empty promises. If you wish to talk to me, you only have to say so and I will listen."

"Thank you, sir," tried Harry, but Severus interrupted him. "For Merlin's sake, would you speak already or do you plan to drag this absurd conversation for the whole day?"

"And do not apologize again!" he said, when he saw that Potter intended to do just that.

Harry looked slightly ashamed, so he quickly continued, before the professor would change his mind. "I think I would like to talk to you about my childhood, and my nightmares."

Severus stood up and turned around. "I think that discussion requires a more comfortable setting. Let us go to the living room."

Slowly, because of the crutches, Harry followed his professor. He had never been in the living room before, so he took advantage of the time that Severus used for lighting the fire, to look around the room. An elegant combination of beige and dark furniture surrounded him, and he wondered who decorated the house. It couldn't be Snape. Surely the house would be all in black, green or silver if he would be in charge of decoration the house.

Harry took a seat on the sofa close to the fire, which was charmed not to give away any heat. Opposite of him sat his professor in a big, comfortable looking armchair. He gladly took a cup of tea, which the house elf provided, from the nearby table. It gave his hands something to do.

When he couldn't find anything to postpone the inevitable with, he started. "I… I think I would like to tell you about my nightmares first."

With an encouraging nod from Severus, he continued with a soft, almost too quiet voice. "I have nightmares on most nights, often even several times a night. Sometimes, they are about Voldemort… him torturing muggles I saw in one of the visions, or torturing my friend…

"Visions?" asked Severus puzzled. It couldn't mean what it implied, could it?

"Yeah, visions. According to the headmaster, the failed killing curse created some kind of a connection between me and Voldemort. My scar is supposed to prove that. When He is especially happy or angry about something, my scar hurts, and if I am sleeping, I see through his eyes. Unfortunately for me, he is reeealy happy when he is torturing someone. I can even feel that to some degree."

Severus paled. He can feel all that torture and is still sane? The potions master's respect for the young man just increased to the roof. Something flashed across his mind, "All those anti-cruciatus potions… they weren't for the order, were they?"

"No, they were for me. I usually had at least two strong visions per week during the school year. Normally even more. It started to damage my nerves, so professor Dumbledore asked you to brew the potion. However, he knew that you wouldn't want to brew potions for me. So he invented that story about the Order needing more supplies or something. I wasn't too interested in that, so I do not know the details. Thank you for the potions by the way. They really helped."

'Of course they helped, it was he who brewed them,' Severus thought to himself almost scowled but stopped just in time. When he collected himself, he indicated to Harry he should continue.

When there is nothing happening with Voldemort, I have nightmares about my uncle… They are almost as horrible as the visions."

Severus waited patiently for Harry to continue, but when he saw that Harry lost himself in memories, he gently prodded. "What was the last night's nightmare about?"

He almost thought that Harry didn't hear him, when the young man said, "About my uncle. He… I have never seen him so mad before. I do not know what I had done wrong this time, but he pulled me from my bed to the floor with such force he almost broke my arm. Then he just started kicking me, hitting me… I tried to protect my head from the blows, but it hurt so much…" several tears dropped from his eyes.

"While he was beating me, he was screaming about how I should have died together with my parents. What a freak I am, an abnormality. That no one will ever care for me… that it would be better if I could just die, and leave his family alone…" Harry wrapped his arms around his torso and tried to comfort himself.

But he continued anyway, "Do you know what the worst part is? That I believe him. I believe everything he says. It would be better if Voldemort would just kill me. I will never be anything. All of them just want a saviour, their Golden Boy. But does anybody want just Harry?" By this time, Harry was openly crying.

Severus could not stand to look at the almost broken figure before him. The 'nightmare' seemed too detailed, too real. He was almost sure that it was Harry's memory replaying itself at night. He moved to the sofa, and pulled the crying boy into his arms. "Ssshhhh… it will be all right."

Harry clung to him with all his strength. Severus tried to give him the sought comfort and after a while the tears slowed down, and Harry lessened his grip. Severus leaned back to look at Harry's face. "Better now?"

"Yeah. Thanks," came a whispered reply.

"That was not just a nightmare, was it? It really had happened?" asked Severus.

Harry tensed and tried to move away from Severus. That told the potions master more than the words could.

"Harry, I just want to help you. It would be better if you would talk about it." the older man tried to convince his student to talk.

Because Harry was tired, he didn't have the strength to fight with him, so he gave up, and leaned back into embrace. "What do you want to know?"

"When did the abuse started?"

"It depends on what you call abuse."

"You tell me."

"Well… I guess… they never treated me normally. I was to young to understand it, but I know now, that having a cupboard under the stairs as your room is not considered normal. They never spent time playing with me, or talking to me, or anything. Their whole attention was fixed on their precious Dudley. A little to much, if you ask me."

"It was okay back then. I didn't really mind so much being ignored. I took Dudley's books and looked at the pictures and later, taught myself how to read. He never picked them up anyway. Then after some years, they started giving me chores to do. You know, the normal stuff… sweep the floors, weed the garden, cook our supper."

Severus snorted, normal, indeed. Harry continued as if he didn't hear him.

"After that, the first valance began. I think I was around nine or something like that. Nothing major. Just a push to the cupboard, or a slap on the back of the head. Dudley was worse during that time. Do you know that Ron was my first friend?" Harry smiled at the memory of meeting Ron for the first time.

Severus shook his head, "No, I did not know that."

"It was my cousin's fault. He used to beat up everyone who was nice to me. They all learned very fast… keep away from the Potter boy."

Unconsciously, Severus tightened the grip around Harry. "It was not your fault," he said, as if he was reading Harry's mind.

"It was better for a while after I started Hogwarts. I was moved to Dudley's second bedroom and they mostly left me alone. Probably scared of magic. I still had to do all of the housework by myself, but by that time, I was used to it."

"Then this summer… I don't know what happened. He was mad as he picked me up at King's Cross. He locked my trunk with my wand in the cupboard as soon as we got home and then he locked me in my room. I wasn't allowed to go out, except for the bathroom, once a day. Occasionally Uncle Vernon would bring up some water and if I was lucky, some leftovers from supper or stale bread. After two weeks, he threw me out of the house, said I was a freak and didn't deserve a room. It was the first time he really beat me. I was too weak to properly defend myself. I stayed in the backyard after that. He came around several times a day, trashed me around for a bit. Sometimes Dudley would come too. I couldn't stop them, I couldn't run, I…"

"It's all right, you are safe now. You don't have to go back there, ever again."

After a while, Harry calmed down. Severus wiped away the tears from his cheeks. "Are you all right now? You are probably tired. You should go to your room and tried to get some rest."

"No, please, can I stay here? I do not want to be alone right now. Please?" Harry asked with a small voice, and Severus could not find it in his heart to turn the boy away. So he just summoned a book for him, and tried to get comfortable on the sofa, while still holding the younger man close to him with the other arm.

A/N: Thank you luveCBLuvJP, crofty74 and Mimaindi for your reviews. It means a lot :)