AN: Um, so complete deviation from the "SOLDIER" series (part of the reason for the title). But I couldn't pass up the opportunity. Wasn't sure about the rating, so I made it M just to be safe. Caveat lector and all that.

Dedication: All for you, Amarissia!

Disclaimer: Ain't mine, but they're sure fun to play with.

Deviant SOLDIER

"Come ooooon, Handsome," Phi pleaded in her most cajoling of tones. "I've been burning with curiosity ever since I saw him."

"You know what they say about curiosity," Zack retorted sharply but wearing a grin which Phi returned with her own very cat-like version.

"I also know what they say about satisfaction." Stumped there, the dark-haired SOLDIER put his hands on his hips and resorted to his usual argument.

"I just don't see why I have to do it if you're the one who's wondering."

Phi rolled her eyes at the teen. "Because. Number one, you're his friend—"

"Which means I shouldn't be assaulting him!"

"—which means he won't be expecting it," she continued smoothly, "and two, it's bound to result in mayhem of the sword-wielding variety which little old me" – she put a hand to her chest and batted her eyelashes – "is entirely unequipped to handle. Unlike your fine SOLDIER self."

"Yeah, exactly." Zack crossed his arms. "Why should I put myself in the line of that to settle your weird hang-up?"

Here Phi smiled again but it was something different than anything Zack had seen to date and that was saying something. The woman seemed to have an infinite number of facial expressions and often strange noises to go with them. This one had a distinctly diabolical slant to it and for not the first (and what he was willing to bet wouldn't be the last) time Zack wondered if she had an Ifrit or something equally devilish and crazy in her bloodline somewhere.

"Surely you're not trying to tell me that you've never wondered about him, at all? That you've never thought about him while he's not around, your mind absently drifting to him when you're alone?" She wiggled some fingers through the air, no doubt meant to symbolize wayward thoughts. "How absolutely stunning he is in every way? Grace personified, strength incarnate, beauty absolute." As she spoke, Zack uncrossed his arms, returning one hand to his hip while the other absently ran through his hair and he stared blindly out into the near-empty stable. The devil-woman was almost as bad as the man himself for reading the young SOLDIER. And fuck him, but she was dead on.

He didn't know when exactly it had started, or how or why. The man was just so damned insidious even in Zack's thoughts. Like most people, Zack had moments during the day that required no active participation of his brain and his thoughts meandered, generally landing on the people in his life: his SOLDIER comrades, Angeal, Cloud, even the chocobos. And Aerith. The dark-haired teen's idle daydreams had quickly become filled with visions of the beautiful young woman after their chance meeting and after a time Zack realized that he loved her.

But then – through the chocobos of all things – Zack had become close enough to Sephiroth that he now called the general a friend and thought he was considered in kind. Gradually, as he learned more about the subtleties of the man (and Zack could think of no better description than the word "subtle"), he was drawn more and more to him and the silver-haired demi-god slipped quietly and surreptitiously into the previously occupied daydreams, gently forcing the other residents out.

Then came the rather jarring moment a couple of weeks ago when Zack realized that he wasn't completely comfortable in Sephiroth's presence. And for an entirely different reason than when they'd first met and Zack felt a mix of intimidation and awe. Seeking out the cause of his discomfort led to an epiphany. He wasn't satisfied with his relationship with Sephiroth, even as familiar as they had gotten. He wanted more. He wanted to be close physically, to touch skin or the hallowed silken mane. He wanted the right to do such things.

This had spurned a bout of confusion and general soul-searching. After all, he loved Aerith, he knew he did. So what the hell was this all about? The answer that he arrived at – slowly– was that, yes, he did love Aerith but it was something akin to what he felt for the chocobos: soft, protective. Not heated or fervoured. Not like what Sephiroth inspired in him.

The truth had brought with it frustration and a touch of despair. Zack barely saw the man engage in such basic human functions as eating and drinking, let alone being intimate with another person, and had never heard of any relationships between Sephiroth and anybody, even anything as fleeting as a one-night stand. Nor did the man seem to show any inclination toward anyone. For all Zack knew, he was just plain asexual. Which left the dark-haired SOLDIER screwed. Or rather, not screwed.

And now here was Phi tempting him like the Serpent in the Garden, giving him a reason – albeit a dumb one – to get close, to touch, and a ready excuse for such actions. So really Zack couldn't be blamed for his demons gleefully overwhelming the better angels in his head.

With a sigh (just a bit exaggerated), Zack shook his head and dropped his hand back to his hip, saying, "Tell me that you at least have a plan."

"Absolutely, Handsome," Phi replied with a wide grin. She reached into the small black canvas bag that she kept strapped to her right hip and pulled out a deep green materia. Without hesitation she handed it over to Zack who examined it curiously.

"Shit!" he exclaimed in surprise when he realized what it was. "This is a fully-mastered Stop! Are you allowed be carrying that around?"

Phi's face took on the look that Zack associated with her most professional moments. "An injured chocobo is often a panicked chocobo and in the event that I don't have help, which is almost always" – she pushed up her glasses in an irritated gesture – "I need to restrain the bird as soon as possible to avoid further injury to itself or injury to me. I don't keep them like that," she added with an exasperated frown at the look on Zack's face. "It's just until I can get them sedated."

"Well that makes sense," he admitted, peering at the materia.

"Lucky me that one actually works on them," the short woman mused absently. "Not many of them do, you know. Anyway, no reason it shouldn't work on Gorgeous. I'll call him down here, you wait in the SurgiStall, you zap him and do your thing." Zack noticed that she left his part in the plan deliberately open-ended. Seeing his dubious look she offered, "If things go really south, you can blame it on me, okay? Just promise you'll bring daffodils to the funereal." He rolled his eyes but couldn't hold back a grin.

"Alright. We're probably both going to get our asses handed to us, but let's just do it." Phi squealed in pure delight, clapping her hands, and whipped out her PHS before Zack could change his mind.

"This is Dr. Philomena," she spoke in her most officious of doctor voices when the call connected. "I need you to come down to the stable immediately; it's in regards to one of your charges." Pause. "The SurgiStall, please." Another pause. "Thank you." The second the call ended she squealed again, grinning so widely that Zack thought her face had to be aching. She was also bouncing on her toes slightly.

"Okay, he's coming! Get in there, Handsome! I'm going to take River and go around back. Come and find me when you're all finished, yeah?" When Zack nodded she giggled and clapped her hands again then took the lone chocobo – the others being on duty or exercised – out the large stable door and around the back of the building.

Zack entered the SurgiStall and looked around. It seemed like the best plan of attack, so to speak, was to stand just behind the open door (which thankfully, for safety reasons, opened inwardly rather than out like most of the regular stall doors) and wait for the man to arrive, then try to subdue him as quickly as possible. After that … well, after that he was probably going straight to hell. But life was definitely more interesting when you followed your impulses, he thought with a sudden grin.

Fortunately, he didn't have to wait long and so had no chance to lose his nerve. As it was he had very little warning and probably the only reason he wasn't caught completely off-guard was that Sephiroth quietly called, "Doctor?" before stepping into the room. With the alert of that single word Zack was in action, raising the materia in his hand, activating the spell ….

It was always a bit of a mystery to him what exactly happened after that. All he could be sure of was a black and silver blur, something grabbing his hand, being thrown and then a flash. When his senses caught up to reality he found himself lying on his back on the table, his legs dangling over the edge, his body totally not responding to his commands. No, that wasn't quite true. He could still move his head and did so to watch wide-eyed while Sephiroth quickly and efficiently stripped him of his weapons, materia and defensive gear, leaving him wearing only the ribbed, black SOLDIER's shirt, baggy black pants and heavy combat boots. Then the tall man put his hands on either side of Zack's head and loomed over his prone form in an incredibly menacing fashion.

"Assaulting a superior officer is quite an offense, Fair," Sephiroth spoke in a deceptively soft voice, his jade eyes flaring dangerously. Zack felt his insides quaking for two entirely different reasons.

"Uh, it's 'Surprise Ambush by an Ally Test Day' … and you passed!" As soon as the words left his mouth he knew it was one of the stupidest things he could have said but there was really nothing more reasonable that he could offer.

The silver-haired man smirked. Urgh. It was the bad smirk. Zack tensed – or he would have if he could've moved – as Sephiroth leaned farther down, part of the younger SOLDIER very afraid and the other part nearly breathless at the other man's proximity. In the next moment he really did go breathless as Sephiroth whispered silkily, his lips hovering just next to Zack's ear,

"And now lying to a superior officer? Very serious." The lips ever-so-lightly brushed Zack's skin as they moved and he let out an involuntary gasp. Holy fuck. When the hell had his ears become so damned sensitive? Please do it again, he pleaded mentally, making an intense effort to hold his head in that exact position.

"Whatever could have brought this on?" Shuddering – which was an odd sensation when only his head could move – Zack reveled in the spikes of pleasures those butterfly contacts sent through him, barely paying attention to the words themselves.

"Surely there must be some reason behind this." The lips were moving along his jawline now, Sephiroth lifting his head to look into his prone SOLDIER's eyes. Zack felt like he was drowning – all he could see was Sephiroth and all he could feel was heat and those lips were so damned close, if he could just move a few inches ….

"Tell me, Zack."

"Please." The soft moan left the dark-haired teen almost unconsciously. Sephiroth's smirk grew.

"Please what?"

"Please … touch something … anything …." He knew he was begging but he didn't give a flying behemoth's ass at the moment.

"Well … I suppose I can do that." Instead of leaning down like Zack hoped he would, Sephiroth pulled back a little. Then he took a gloved hand from beside Zack's head and brought it to Zack's mouth, slipping the tip of a finger past his lips and between his teeth.

"Bite down," Sephiroth ordered softly and, despite his confusion, Zack obeyed, sinking his teeth gently but firmly into pliant leather. Sephiroth used the hold to draw his hand free of the material, continuing to slide his hand down until he reached the hem of Zack's shirt. Then he slowly brought the hand back up, pulling the shirt with it, his fingertips ghosting over Zack's skin. While his hand played, Sephiroth lowered his head once more, this time to Zack's neck where his increasingly sensitive skin could feel feather-light brushes of lips, tongue and even teeth. Shamelessly, he moaned and tilted his head back to allow better access to his throat, the forgotten glove dropping to the floor. The infernal angel teased for another moment then pulled away, smiling as Zack made a noise of protest.

The spell was beginning to wear off, Zack could feel it and was relieved because if he had to endure any more of this torture he was pretty sure he was going to go mad. Although, sure as hell not the worst way for it to happen. His entire abdomen and the better part of his chest were now exposed and Sephiroth had continued his light caresses in ever-lengthening strokes. Some of his hair had fallen over his shoulder and that too was tickling Zack's skin, nearly as erotic for all its incidental participation, and Zack's head pressed back against the table, his eyes slipping closed.

"Please," Zack whispered again when he couldn't take any more, opening his eyes to meet those pale green orbs hovering above him. "Can I …?" He trailed off, unwilling or unable to give voice to his need, but as usual Sephiroth heard the unasked question and responded. He leaned over again, paused for a teasing moment just above Zack's lips, and then finally brought his mouth down to claim Zack's. Seeking to immediately deepen the kiss, Zack opened his mouth under Sephiroth's in encouragement. He felt the man smirk – another weird sensation – and then his tongue was in Zack's mouth and the young SOLDIER let out a groan. This was everything he wanted and yet he needed more.

Freedom! The spell finally broke and Zack instantly reached up, digging his fingers into Sephiroth's beautiful mane. Then he realized he was still wearing gloves and couldn't feel it properly. With irritation he ripped them off and threw them aside then reached up again, one hand gripping the back of Sephiroth's head, the other running through the fine silver strands. With a chuckle Sephiroth broke the kiss and pulled back, just a little.

"Was there anything else? Another question or request perhaps?" he asked with faux concern just as his hand made its longest stroke, stopping below Zack's abdomen to settle on the hardness between his legs. Zack jerked involuntarily, his hands tightening to fists in Sephiroth's hair for a moment before he unclenched them, sliding one down the tresses, over leather and smooth, firm skin, ending at the clasp that held the man's long black coat shut. Receiving no indications that he should stop, Zack flicked the closure open, touching more of the warm skin that was exposed as the coat hung loose. Sephiroth had not moved his hand from between Zack's legs and was in fact now rubbing lightly, making concentration extremely difficult. Nevertheless, the dark-haired SOLDIER looked up with a wicked grin and answered,

"Yeah, there was one other thing. Are you naturally silver?"

"Hnn. Well, I guess I could answer that for you." Sephiroth began undoing the belts and buttons that held up Zack's pants. "But you have to return the favor."

imabreakteehee

Eventually Zack ambled out of the stable, wearing what could best be described as a shit-eating grin. Lazily, he started the trek back toward Midgar, before suddenly remembering he was supposed to talk to Phi and doing an about-face. He found her in the paddock behind the building, sitting on the wooden-rail fence and watching River. As he'd come to expect, she had her earphones on, although he noticed disinterestedly that these were different, wireless. Probably get in her way, he thought to himself.

Coming up beside her, he crossed his arms over the fence and grinned up. The grin changed to a look of concern when he noticed that her face seemed to be rather flushed.

"Hey, you okay?" he asked. She beamed down at him, eyes shining with delight.

"I am absolutely fabulous, Handsome. You?" Zack smiled again.

"Oh, yeah. I'm good."

"Verdict?" A bit of a flush rose on the dark-haired teen's cheeks now but he answered smoothly,

"Natural." For a moment Phi's shoulders shook with laughter.

"Good job, SOLIDER." Zack smiled anew and joined the woman in staring at the chocobo, though he was enjoying his recent memories more than the vision of the bird. They passed a few minutes in peaceable silence, then Zack stood upright and took his leave, thinking as he walked away that maybe he should get Phi those daffodils. Woman deserved something in thanks.

A short while later a second figure approached Phi, standing quietly beside her. Wordlessly, she held out her hand and wordlessly Sephiroth dropped the Stop materia into her palm.

"You walk a dangerous line," he spoke with a hint of smile. She hopped down off the fence, putting the materia away, and grinned widely up at him.

"Ain't no rush like it." The man quirked a brow then looked off, apparently lost in thought.

"He clearly needs more training." Here Sephiroth missed the strange look on Phi's face (one that would have been new to Zack), something like pain but with a strong undercurrent of amusement. Or outright hilarity. In fact, Phi was trying very hard not to burst out laughing or make a smart-ass quip.

"Going along with such an obviously idiotic plan. I may have to punish him."

"Yeah, you do that," the vet couldn't help muttering under her breath, desperately suppressing another round of laughs. "Point is," she quickly went on, "it worked. Ergo …." Allowing a sly grin to cross her lips, she reached out and gently twisted some silver strands of hair between her fingers.

Sephiroth looked down at her and gave a short sigh. Briefly he considered reneging on his promise but that just wasn't the kind of person he was. And she looked so genuinely hopeful. "Half an hour," he relented. "No curls, no gel or product of any kind. No cutting." At that last Phi looked positively scandalized. "Acceptable?"

"Totally," she agreed happily. "We can just sit down by the pond if that's acceptable to you." Sephiroth recognized her baiting tone and let it slide, but as she turned to lead him to the pond he reached out and plucked the devices off her ears.

"That's fine. However" – a knowing smile curved his lips – "I'm confiscating these. That is the last time you get to listen." Phi scrunched her nose then gave him a small but genuine smile.

"Fair enough," she replied as they walked side-by-side, one of her hands twined in his hair.

AN: Oh, I've turned Phi into a voyeur. And I watched/read Junjo Romantica mid-way through this so Sephy took on a bit of an Usagi-sensei teasing personality. Well, I hope you enjoyed. I'm gonna go hide now.

Originally written 26 Apr. '08